Is It Cheating If You Are Just Talking to Someone? (+Tips)

Relationships are one heck of a maze that very few of us are able to navigate through. There are no golden rules, yet there are some rules of thumb that contribute massively to getting us connected and devoted to our partners.

Back and forth we move and find to our utter astonishment that we get into an emotional quagmire. 

Unfortunately, happiness and fulfillment are not the only sweet fruits of a romantic engagement. The shadows of negativity, depression, and isolation come along in due course when things turn into infidelity, lack of commitment, and mutual respect. 

In a critical juncture of a relationship, people lose their footing and stumble on the not-so-right path, where comes in a third character and mars the canvas of an otherwise ‘perfect’ relationship.

Cheating is an umbrella term that puts a dozen actions under its eclectic shade. We cannot tag or dismiss anything as an act of deception by judging it from its cover. Contexts and motives do matter, and we need to take them into valid consideration.

When we talk to someone and enjoy doing that for hours on end, there is a backstory we often dread to confront. Or it could be as simple as a friendly conversation too that keeps us alive for a moment, and there is no harm in that.

But what if it's not the way you should treat a healthy relationship and stay fair to your partner? What if the talking is not simply restricted to verbal exchanges, and there is more to what you thought to be a casual connection? 

You can't give up on your precious relationship without searching for the true light that leads you somewhere beyond the dead end. 

So, here is the blog that might put your nerves at rest with answers you have been awaiting so far.

Let me drop some knowledge bombs

I know people differ in their varied opinions and perspectives about cheating. It doesn't take much to speak in favor of cheating as a justified action against an indifferent or less-expressive partner. 

But the story gets complicated when it happens to you, and you can't accept your partner repeating the same words through his actions. 

I do not deny that there is no one definite idea of right or wrong. A great deal of factors decide which should be the best or worst in a given situation. Still, the presence of love and trust remains in the spotlight and stays as the last word at the end of the day.

I have known individuals who talk to people without losing their dignity and sense of boundary. 

Equally true is the reversal of the scene when couples deviate from their chosen routes and fall to commit the mistake by involving in unrestrained activities with new people while in a relationship.

Well, if it bothers you to talk to someone despite being committed to a steady relationship with your current partner, let me tell you, you have come to the right place to receive a bag full of friendly advice without being judged.

This article will turn out to be a friend in disguise and discuss some sore spots like:

• Exploring the grey area
• What should be your next steps when you know it’s time to stop

Here we go in search of peace.

Exploring the grey area

You were sailing through the vastness of your partnership, and suddenly there is a swirl and enters someone else with whom you talk and learn to see things differently. It's a nameless emotion that surges into the forbidden nooks of your heart, and you want to hold on to this moment forever. 

Before you name it and sense a jab of guilt, don't forget to tone it down and reflect on the impacts it might bring to the well-being of you and your relationship.

#1 Think about the pattern of your conversations

Your conversations and their essence will be a great identification mark of the kind of relationship you might be heading to. It could unveil darker pictures than you knew you had in store. Or probably the contrary. 

• Is it a casual friendship or a close, intimate connection? People seek relief and a handful of fresh air at times when they feel suffocated in their present relationship. Therefore, they engage in sharing a whole lot of their life with someone else other than their partners, who intentionally or unintentionally refuse to be there to listen to their emotions.
  
  They feel like venting out to someone. It can be a harmless, amicable line of sharing that breeds no bitter consequences. Neither do they create a bunch of expectations. Both of the people can stay in their respective spaces without invading each other’s privacy. And it's safe and innocent until it makes you vulnerable and demanding.
  
  On the other hand, the very conversations can land you at a point where you can realize the other one has become an indispensable part of your life whom you can not afford to lose by any means. He or she becomes the one single door to view the rainbow amidst the cloud of chaos. And you are desperate not to let go of them.
  
  So, isn't it a breach of unwritten trust between you and your current partner? You need to worry a little because you know it is getting in the way of your companionship with your better half by dividing the priorities into two halves.

• Are you flirting or emotionally invested? Yes, there are people who deliberately start talking to others in order to enjoy flirting. They feel amused, entertained, and more desirable by those casual flings. And they defend their actions by portraying them as a dose of refreshment to the dullness of their present relationship.
  
  But flirting, without a shade of an argument, is a form of cheating where you decide to play with minds. On the flip side, it is also not rare to feel emotionally invested after you spend a lot of time talking and connecting with each other. You find yourself happy being dependent on the person you interact with. And that doesn't stay confined to a friendship and brings you on the verge of a dilemma about whom to choose and whom to leave.
  
  You start feeling good about yourself and cherish the time you both get to talk to each other. On top of that, you enjoy their company and get along with them in a way that boosts your confidence, which is why you don't want to see your life without their presence. This is where you move into something that can't be called a passing affair but a deep-rooted bond of faith and reliance.

• You share your secrets and vulnerabilities. And with whom do we do that? With the ones, we feel a sense of security and comfort. The ones who teach us how to fall in love again with ourselves and listen to us sobbing and sighing when we feel neglected by our loved ones. Here is when we become weak-kneed and try to fill the void left by those whom we trusted with life.
  
  We invest long hours of hearing and being heard. We discuss our scars, our journeys, our failures, our shattered dreams, and about a life we regret not having. Gradually, we experience a change of feeling toward them that creates a longing to glow in their company that shines a new hope for us. If that happens to you and you know you don't feel sad to foresee a replacement, you are actually keeping your partner in the dark about what you feel for them.
  
  You share those things with your new friend that you fail to share with your beloved. Secrecy and lies creep in, and sadly, you cheat on your partner.

• Frequency and duration of your conversation are one of the essential signs of whether it is a form of cheating or a simple mode of communication. We do not wait for anyone and everyone to strike up lengthy conversations with us. It has to be someone very special with whom we can communicate regularly, losing track of time.
  
  It might sound strange, but we barely possess someone who does not make us bored or with whom we can indulge on a deeper level. The wavelength and the emotional chemistry play a big part when we get used to the other person without knowledge and try to prioritize them over everybody, even our significant others.
  
  But do we really need to grow a clock of habit with someone else when we have our faithful partners for us? The question looms large as we know that when we are ready to go to any length to talk with the ‘someone’ in an alarming regularity, even at the cost of our present relationship and our partners, it can't be less than a romantic affinity.

#2 Reflect on the intention and perception

Every act of goodness and meanness is driven toward a purpose because people have separate intentions behind them. Along with that, a lot depends on the outcome and how your close ones react to those actions. 

Let's shed light on them for an unbiased deduction.

• What are the motives behind the conversation? At the initial stage, many of us start talking to someone out of curiosity and funnily, to experiment like a brief adventure. They do not necessarily have the slightest clue about the aftermath and the emotional whirlwind they could be plunged into. As time passes, it becomes such an irresistible temptation that they feel trapped and torn apart by contrasting mental forces. In short, the result isn't nice, although the motives were naive.
  
  Again, it could stem from prolonged loneliness and a sense of abandonment that individuals crave attention and validation from others. And when they receive appreciation and feel valued, wanted, and needed by somebody else, the person becomes a reason to live once again with a renewed vision of life. They get back the lost confidence and start to believe in their true worth. At this point, nothing seems to matter, yet there is a pang of shame because both of their partners are left with nothingness as a reward.
  
  It can also be a means to punish your other half for neglecting your needs and pleas to devote time. You feel deprived of something you deserved from your relationship and grow vindictive against your partner. Normally, in these cases, people get into a momentary phase of endearment just for the sake of making their partner suffer, repent, and realize their misconduct.

• How does your partner perceive the interaction? If this is all about doing nice things, where lies the need to hide it all the way from your companion? Because you may know this is not the right way to resolve a bad patch. Probably, that's why you may try to suppress the truth to avoid hurting the feelings of your partner. You know you would have reacted the same way if your partner did the same thing to you, no matter what the reason.
  
  If you have discussed your recent friendship with your partner, it's important whether he or she chooses to take things in a good light. And if he(or she) doesn't, it is imperative that you stay honest about your gestures to both of the people you are connected to. And when there is a possibility that your primary relationship is questioned because of your intimacy to your new growth of emotion toward a ‘someone special’, it's better to be loyal to either of the two.

#3 Settle on boundaries and agreements

Chatting with someone doesn't make a big deal unless, one fine morning, you wake up and discover yourself stepping up on the boundaries of your already committed relationship and ruining the foundation of trust you have worked hard to build all these years.

I suggest you take a pause to understand the 

• Importance of establishing boundaries according to your comfort level. In an exclusive relationship where loyalty and single-mindedness are decided on a consensual level, anything outside it would be treated as an act of breaking faith. If you are in a random dating experience, it’s advisable to sit with your dating partner and share everything in order to honor the middle path where both of you would be comfortable with each other’s actions. 
  
  Sometimes, what seems like a simple talking habit may twist its course into wild fantasies and untamed desires with your secondary relationship. You must hold yourself back since it would be crossing the line of decency while in a relationship with your current partner. Now, set boundaries for yourself and draw a line of demarcation to respect both relationships.

• Open communication and setting expectations within the relationship are crucial as the nature of your commitment toward your partner and the memories and silent vows of respecting sentiments of each other can determine whether your conduct is a misdemeanor or something unacceptable. Coming to an agreement about mutual expectations and acceptability, in that case, can be a solution to get you out of the riddle.

What should be your next steps when you know you need to stop

You need to stop and pull away the moment you see yourself falling off your desired code of behavior. 

But what will be the most appropriate steps to make it convenient and viable for everyone involved?

Let's find out.

#1 Talk to your partner and establish clear boundaries

I know it’s not easy to unburden yourself in front of your partner, who can feel betrayed and hurt to hear you out. But, trust me, this is the only way to put down the load of guilt and straighten things up. 

This will perhaps give you a chance to re-evaluate your relationship and revive the old spark with shared efforts.

If you think you can't leave any of them, make it clear to them. Talk your heart out to clear the misunderstanding or miscommunication that might have led to your urge for another relationship. 

Work things out together. Listen to his share of the story and meet eyes with the truth. It will open the closed doors and reorder your thoughts to come back to your true self.

#2 Listen to your gut

When your mind gets troubled by ‘yes’ and ‘no’s, you need to shut your ears and pay heed to the words your heart wants you to follow.

Our conscience always knows what can be best for us. Therefore, listen to your gut, and it won't cheat you anyway.

Emotional cheating is still cheating whoever the victim is. And your gut will know the core values of actions that fit into the act of confession and regaining self-respect.

Keeping everything aside and summoning up the courage to do what your instincts ask you to will eventually initiate the process of healing and repairing the damage.

#3 Seek therapeutic assistance

Under any circumstances, seeking professional help can go a long way if there is a missing part of the puzzle and you can't recalibrate your inner voice after all your attempts.

See, the past cannot be undone. But the best is still to come if you learn to let it go and embrace the present. 

That is what a therapist would help you to do by creating a friendly space, understanding your conflicts, and providing practical solutions on how to rearrange your point of view and look at the brighter sides.

With their assistance, you are likely to define your relationship, face your inner demons, put yourself in your partner’s shoes, and give it a try to grow together without depending on a third wheel.

Tips

Have a quick view of the tips:

• Direct communication is the key to sharing your feelings with your partner.

• Consider the frequency of the conversation and whether it has been repeated or was a one-time mistake.

• Don't forget to reflect on the context, situations, and your own motives in talking with the new person.

• Discuss boundaries with your partner and what both of you are comfortable with and consider to be acceptable. 

• You can go for a couple counseling or individual therapy to work on rebuilding trust.

• Sit for a moment and listen to what your own emotions want you to decide.