When Does the Breakup Hit the Male Dumper (Month Timelines)
Table of Contents
It takes lots of effort and emotions to shape a relationship, while in the heat of a moment, one experiences it breaking into pieces with helpless eyes. A breakup hurts both partners, only the realization strikes at different points of time for each. It's like slamming the door behind in fury and the next moment looking back for a reopening. Incidentally, a dumper always happens to be the one who faces the blow later when they are met with the actual consequences of dumping their partner.
This article will give you a deeper insight into the different ifs and buts they deal with and how finally they do or do not come out of the whirlwind.
Gradual phases and possible timeline when the breakup hits the dumper
A breakup initiates a completely new phase of emotional transitions until the dumper gets to realize the real blow of it. During this period of transformation, they undergo extreme kinds of psychological changes and react likewise. The timeline, however, is not the same for everyone since the pattern and length of the relationships are varied.
Below have been discussed the different stages and possible timelines when the breakup starts to feel real to them.
After a week or a month of the breakup
This is the one fleeting week or month of euphoria immediately after the breakup. Following are the states of emotions the dumper might experience for the first few weeks.
#1 He is relieved to relive
This is what a dumper feels at the very first stage of their breakup. He feels a long-awaited relief to get the opportunity to relive, but this time with his own terms and conditions.
If he has suffered long chronic years of toxicity and mental abuse, he will be the one having the soundest sleep after what seems to be an infinity. Or he might have gone through times that have been suffocating and he was trying desperately to break free of the chains but was lacking the courage to voice out.
The breakup stories are diverse. People who dump are sometimes the ones who choose different priorities over their partners. The priorities can be their career, friends, their individual independence, and many other preferences that are apparently right to put into importance.
Once he comes out of the relationship, he gets elated about his newfound freedom and thinks he made the best choice for himself by breaking up with you. This initial phase gives him a joy that he feels he has been craving all these years. Hence, he enjoys it with utter excitement. It gives him a box full of air to finally breathe in outside the relationship where he felt unhappy so far.
#2 He feels over the moon to be single again
It's like life unlocking itself with a new form after he discards his committed self. Now is the time to make the most of his singlehood by rejoicing in it and he feels like the king of the world to be back into action.
He spends time with friends, and with random people he loves being around. He doesn't get tired of having fun. The dumper will be seized by a sense of certainty that whatever he has done is for the sake of happiness for both of you. So he looks strangely pleased with his act.
This is the time when he stays triumphant and feels himself to be in a position to celebrate the separation regardless of the pain you might be in. He considers it to be a second chance life has given him to reorder the broken pieces once again. He feels relaxed and overjoyed to be open to a fresh beginning as a single man with no stress and answerability to anyone.
It's not until the fourth or fifth week of the breakup that the situation takes a changing course and the dumper feels different towards the whole thing.
A couple of months later
The scenario changes after a couple of months and a pungent feeling of loss replaces the earlier mode of ecstasy. Here is the story afterward.
#1 He starts missing you
The void doesn't come out of the blue. As time goes by and weeks roll into months the dumper is done with his friends and family and all the freedom moments and reaches a juncture where he feels stung by an unknown pain, a hollowness that he has never been familiar with.
In the vacant hours, he feels miserable about staying without the person he was so used to. Every minute feels like an eternity to be away from you. All the time spent with you takes him back to those lanes of memory where he suddenly feels ripped off. And what aches him most is that he won't be able to claim those moments back, nor can he pride himself on having you as his mate.
He starts to feel incomplete. He misses the way he felt wanted and cared for by you. He knows now that life cannot go on like the way he expected, with fun and frolic. There will be times when he will need the person who will tend to his broken and tired soul, with whom he will share the silent communication of being there with each other.
#2 He feels nostalgic about the past
With time racing off, crowds of memories sweep him over, and the dumper recalls the days left behind. Soon he realizes that what he always wanted was not a breakup but a momentary break.
He was in no way willing or ready for the changed things of affairs, as he knows it's that truth of the past where he really wants to belong. The frequency of nostalgia will be higher and more persistent with time. Surprisingly he would begin to focus on your positive sides during this period and feel deeply attached to the older strings of the past.
Long before, the inner forces of the dumper will be led by the recollection of the days gone out and he would find himself impatient to do something to calm himself down.
It's often this phase of remembering the old times that dominates the emotional process of the dumper and he understands that the breakup can never break the bridge between his past and present.
It's almost three months when
These three months provide the dumper with space and time to review the faded colors. This is how he responds to his erratic emotions.
#1 He starts questioning himself
Studies on the human psyche have shown that it is by the end of the third or fourth month of the breakup that the dumper may get dubious about his own choice. He experiences a shift in the direction of his thoughts from all other things and people to the person he has broken up with.
His mind is possessed by contrasting and conflicting questions about his actions. This stage contributes to his self-assessments where he gets to know the relationship more transparently and admits to himself that it was probably taken for granted.
He compares situations and reflects on them with deeper logical comprehension. Somehow he feels there could be better ways to resolve the resentment or communicate his own anxiety and difficulties to you without compromising with the relationship itself.
This is likely to be the light bulb moment for himself when the actual truth strikes him and he conceives the fact that he too is to be held accountable for the emotional sourness that prompted the end so fast.
#2 He wants you back again
His instinctive motives are now replaced by remorse and his mind and heart refuse to act with patience. On hitting the realization he goes haywire to get you back into his life. The old identity of a vulnerable lover comes into being who desperately needs you.
Our emotions are so very unpredictable and he now finds no difficulty in seeing that. He completely agrees with the truth that he cannot stay with this one massive mistake that could cost him everything.
You meant no less than the entire world to him and if the breakup has done anything good whatsoever, it's only the way he learned the value of the relationship and you. He cannot forgive his own misjudgment and mindless fury and now is ready to do everything and anything to fix it.
What he urges back is the moments that he wants to relive laugh by laugh with you. It's the companionship that he thinks is hard to give up. Make a note that during this period of time, the intensity of his regret becomes so heightened that he can hardly deny or push them aside and ultimately succumbs to them.
#3 He tries to cope with reality and acts fine
Here the dumper encounters a mixed set of feelings toward the dumpee. So he can wear a mask of happiness and confidence as a false display of contentment. The distance has generated confusion about how he should react right now.
He puts on a facade of bravado before his friends who had strongly opposed the breakup, since he would not accept the blunder he made. Sometimes he would engage in loud and vigorous activities and engagements to keep himself too busy to confront his own Achilles heels.
He would try to act super fine with everything and hide his true failure to deal with the alienation from you. He would fake a smile that conceals the marks of guilty consciousness haunting underneath. For a few days, he might try to convince himself about the reality and embrace it with the hope of living it down slowly and strenuously.
#4 He tries to reconnect
With all his failed attempts to restrain the maddening forces from inside, the dumper may try to make direct or indirect shots of reconnection.
In some cases, he may be bold and straight to reach out and contact you and won't hesitate about conveying his desire to reconcile. But there are also examples when he feels timid and ashamed to approach you. He might look for other ways to tell you that he acknowledges his misdeeds and wants to apologize. You can receive texts from him saying,
"I just bumped into the same restaurant today where we had your birthday dinner last year. It felt exactly the same even today. I really miss those times."
Or he may try some different words to soften the blow by messaging,
"How are you doing these days, dear? You should have seen how much I wish I could reverse the time and all the worst things I did to you. I have nothing to offer you except the regret I feel about dumping you. A sorry won't be enough I know, still I must tell you I am terribly sorry for everything."
After four to six months
The last phase is the deciding one for the dumper. Here he reaches a conclusion and takes either of the two roads. Let's lay it on the line.
#1 Either he accepts the truth and moves on
It is often treated as the closure period when the dumper wants a final resolution as to whether they would bear the consequences of the breakup or would be fortunate enough to get back with their ex-partners.
It's six months and the dumper has seen the ebb and tide of his emotional growth and perspectives toward the breakup. The verbal and non-verbal interactions so far have put him in the real picture where he can see his actual status in your life and the possibilities of a reunion.
If he had received a series of silence and rejections from the other end, by now he would have learned the hard way that he must reap what he sowed. The breakup and its eventual consequences might remain as a lesson for him and he has to swallow the bitter fruits of reality by moving on empty-handed.
#2 Or you both get back together
When you both stay interested in giving a second thought and rebooting the journey once again, the so-called breakup goes null and void, and you happily embrace the opportunity for a comeback. The temporary distance would draw you nearer and you would know each other with a reshaped standpoint.
The dumper apologizes with sincere regrets which you may accept readily if you too couldn't get over him all this time. The results will be a stronger connection and a sensitive approach towards each other's follies and differences.
These six months will be the turning point to a newer retrospection and a happy ending every couple aspires for.
Reasons why the breakup starts hitting the dumper
Habit is the second nature of human beings. Changing a habit is quite a task for all of us. The dumper feels the same as soon as they ditch their partner and have to see things differently as being taken to a new habit zone. There are genuine reasons why the breakup starts hurting him and he can't help feeling perplexed.
They are as follows
#1 Reality hits him finally
The breakup might be a whimsical act of a moment with no foresight of the future consequences. The dumper had no idea of the pain or loss that might follow the separation. Once reality hits him hard after a couple of weeks or a month, he starts to become perceptive of the realness of the incident. And only then he knows it will be no easy to digest the present and the inevitable aftermath of what he never had the slightest clue about.
As the whole impact comes over, he fights to come to terms with the truth that you are nowhere in his life. His momentary wrath has brought about a least-expected finality he barely has the strength to accept. In fact, he might never mean to part with you. But the die has been cast and now he wants to undo the split frantically. He is all caught up with an unavoidability which he now curses himself for.
Life was never meant to be without you for him. But less aware of the far-fetched upshot of it, he initiated the breakup. For that particular hour, it might have seemed right for him. But life in your absence has taught him the true meaning of the breakup. His anger has subsided and he wants the older you and your chemistry back with all his heart. All of his suppressed emotions that were seething underneath, want to come to the surface when he realizes he has almost lost you and finds it killing to cope with the shock.
#2 He feels lonely
With the breakup came the loneliness the dumper didn't anticipate before. A romantic engagement put him in a routine with you, that he was accustomed to. He was comfortable with the type of daily life shared with you before the breakup. You are the one who used to be a part of his quotidian life with which he has settled and identified himself. The committed self has been reduced to singlehood and thrown him for a loop. He is in a complete mess with this new identity and a devouring emptiness trips him up all the way.
Love gives way to dependence. It's a truth he feels very well, now that you are gone. He misses the support and motivation from you he was in perfect sync with. He craves your company and the way you always had his back. Having no one around who would prioritize him over everything, he feels forlorn, hollowed, and useless. It's his heart that he knows is to be taken care of. But without you by his side, he has to confront the self-made heartache all alone.
As a result of dumping you, he may be trying to shy away from all the social connections with mutual people. The isolation made him feel like an outcast who disconnected himself from his known circle. That is how his loneliness intensifies and he could sense your absence more acutely.
Probably he has broken up and ditched you in a circumstance that has changed a lot. He might feel lonelier as he has moved to a new place or taken a new job and reassessed the breakup only to realize that it was a wrong decision. Day and night he might be grappling with the void you left which worsens his sense of alienation.
#3 He misses the future he dreamt of with you
There is a preconceived notion about a breakup that it is the dumped partner who always feels hurt. Further studies have revealed that the one who has dumped the other also carries traces of the past with them. The relationship has engaged both of you and so you both have residual marks which neither of you can ignore.
The end of a relationship brings an end to a lot of other things related to the persons. Together you might have envisioned a future that would never come true since you have taken different courses. He who once had a vision of getting married and having children with you must have come to this realization that those dreams will be left unattained. He had shared ambitions and aspirations to reach together which now drew a complete blank. To have a new lavish apartment or to travel the whole world together or run into wild escapades may be your shared secret desires which he starts missing piteously.
Lamenting all these he may question his action and wonder if he could fix the emotional cracks that led to the breakup. Every time he misses the promising future he had viewed with you, he hates himself even more.
The longing deepens, again, when he gets to see the posts on social media showing you accomplishing those milestones without him. The unexpected turn of events leads him to feel guilty about spoiling what could otherwise be your happiest days ahead.
#4 He struggles with memories
Memories contribute immensely to the post-breakup phase. Be it the dumpee or the dumper, there are always some good times in store to remember and feel nostalgic about. As he runs out on you, the recollection of the long-gone days haunts him like a shadow.
It is also possible that he reminisces about the happy hours or special trips you had together, or the romantic dates that abound in priceless private stories. All the laughter and all the tears keep on coming back, especially when he knows they can't be regained by any means. The personal jokes, and the experience of overcoming a crisis with hands held tight remain as the bittersweet memories he cannot run away from.
We all have important dates that we celebrate for and with our loved ones. Special dates like birthdays, and anniversaries that he might have spent with you each year may remind him of all the crazy stuff you enjoyed as a couple and how he used to lose track of time on those special occasions in your company.
He would picture you whenever someone mentions your favorite dish, a movie both of you watched, or a dress he used to shower compliments on you for. This is a candid reaction that he cannot avoid for long. He can also remember you at all those points in time when he sees the gift items, mementos, and tokens of love exchanged at a delicate minute. He struggles with them and fails and feels miserable at the mistaken act.
#5 None of his friends and family supports him
Friends and family are our support systems. They are the pillars of strength we need at every step of life. We often seek validation for our actions and reactions from them to feel confident and justified. It's also our friends and family who help us bounce back to life when we encounter challenges and need a push. If this dumper guy has a circle of friends and family who do not feel nice about the breakup and are as much pained with it as you, there is a chance he would feel deflated at their responses.
They might urge him to draw attention to the smallest yet brightest aspects of the relationship he had failed to notice. There could be examples when you have gone out of your way to help him with his goals or career which they have witnessed and they would possibly remind him of all these to let him rethink the breakup. It often makes him re-evaluate his perspective which may change his mind after looking at the real picture.
If you have fond memories and experiences to cherish with his friends and near ones, he would find them pointing out that fun and how compatible he was with you, or how happy he used to be in his former life. They would be equally sad and try persuading him to reconsider his choice to end the commitment with you, especially if it is a hasty one. They would advise and caution him about the regrets he would likely have because of his wrong judgment. The backlash coming from his close ones evokes remorse in him and a willingness to repair the damage he has made.
#6 He reflects and realizes his mistake
After getting over the initial stage of the breakup the dumper may start realizing the value of the relationship. He thinks it is over and moves on with elation in the beginning with a certain calming effect. But as he falls on hard times finding it difficult to balance things up in life, he is down with self-doubts and sits back to reflect on his previous disagreements with you.
A few weeks having passed, he wants to put himself in your shoes with a logical eye and might see his mistakes. He gets caught up with conflicting emotions and a feeling of self-blame.
An unclouded mind may turn on his sensibilities when he goes through introspection and replays the series of misunderstandings prior to the breakup. Doing so he might take a different look and find faults with the way he berated you and broke
up. Now that he regrets his own words, he feverishly wants to rewind the time and ask for a sincere apology.
In a few cases, the realization sets in when the dumper compares his life with you to that of his current one and feels sorry for the pain he has caused or the wrong he had done to you and himself. He understands that the differences of opinion or the miscommunication could have been straightened out in a much more sensitive way instead of giving up on the relationship in a rather resentful way. He tries to make amends and work things out once again, but this time with a genuinely apologetic heart that awaits your forgiveness.
How to know the breakup has hit the dumper?
There are visible signs that could make it bang-on clear that the dumper is hardly able to deal with the breakup. He would throw a number of signals that would speak volumes of his desperation for reconciliation.
Continue reading for a comprehensive understanding.
#1 He tries to make contact
On realizing what he has lost, he wouldn't keep calm and wait for a miracle. Instead, he would search for the best opportunity to reconnect.
The first and the most obvious thing he would do is to get in touch with you through direct contact. After a moment's hesitation, as his ego may come in the way, he would give in and dial your number with his heart beating faster than usual. He would expect a brooding tone from the other side of the receiver. In spite of himself, he would express he is suffering and wants a second chance.
Since this might not be the only way, he could be trying to reach out to you with frequent texts or visiting your stories as an indirect mode of communication. Sometimes, he may attempt to start with a casual conversation through online forums to hint that he is missing you.
Also Read: Dumper Wants to Meet (Reasons + What to Do)
If he is truly interested in an apology, he will keep trying different platforms to reach you. He may send greetings or ask about your health and well-being as a safe subject to start with. Social media forums are a great place where he might share contents that interest you or like your random posts to let you assume he still feels the same for you.
Don't ignore the unique ways he might try to win you out. Sending a long thoughtful letter by email or writing an emotional message on WhatsApp at midnight could be one of them to weaken your soft feelings. You can be surprised to receive gifts or cards that he might use to serve his intent. Being responsible for all the mess, he might propose a meet-up to communicate his guilty conscience and say sorry.
#2 He is interested in your love life
The dumper is sure to get extremely interested in your dating life as soon as the breakup starts affecting him. He would definitely keep a curious eye on your social media profiles to catch up on your relationship status after he dumped you. As a regular visitor of your online posts and updates, he will continue stalking you to know about your recent hook-up stories. He will look for information that might mirror your romantic motive.
The most convenient source of updates could be the mutual friends you have. He would pretend to mention you unknowingly to them to tease out the progress in your romantic life, or whether you are seeing someone after he jilted you. With the same interest, he can strike up a sudden conversation with you to go to the bottom of the barrel. In order to dig out the details of your romantic interest in anyone else, he might send you indirect messages to take the cue.
You might often hear from friends about the way he keeps tabs on your love life and inquires about your movements. It's a potential indication that he still can't let go of the relationship and stays emotionally attached to you. And in every way seeing you remaining single would make him feel reassured and soothed.
#3 He unblocks you
Haven't you seen the dumper blocking you from every social media platform? Of course he did, because he wanted to make it a sign of finality. The breakup meant it was the end and he had nothing to do with your life anymore. But what happens next in a few months is he reappears out of the blue, unblocks you and watches your online activities. This is because he is curious to know about you in the same way he wanted you to know about him. All he wants is to validate their confidence that you are still emotionally available to them.
Also Read: My Ex Watches My Stories Every Day (Here’s Exactly Why)
Blocking is usually meant to imply restricting online access and virtual communication. So, if he unblocks you, one of the credible
interpretations could be that he wants to initiate the communication once again and now feels fine to be virtually accessible to you. It may be his regret that prompted him to keep the door open for you.
Unblocking might be his way of expressing a sense of guilt about the unpleasant manner of ending everything. Brushing aside his ego to stay visible to you is a constructive way to rediscover and reignite the relationship. He is possibly wanting you to know that he acknowledges what went wrong and is ready to atone for the blunder.
#4 He keeps your stuff with him
Keeping personal belongings often means partners are emotionally engaged in a way to feel each other's physical presence through them. When you are dumped, the dumper is supposed to part with the stuff you have exchanged during the courtship. But to your utter amazement, if he still tries to keep them with him, it strongly suggests that he cannot break all ties with you.
Human behavior is strange. Dumping you should have meant a complete closure in terms of physical, psychological, and virtual contact. Yet, being resistant to giving back the things belonging to you might seem out of character. It is not unreasonable if he has a lingering sense of affection and weakness for you. He would certainly try to hold them in possession to cling to your memories.
It may be something deeply personal like clothes that bear the marks of intimacy which he refuses to return, or books that were thoughtful gifts illustrating your common interest or love for reading. The dumper is precisely seeking to retain the part of you that he feels possessive of and is opposed to losing the sentimental value attached to them. If the relationship had been over, your personal stuff might have been nothing more than emotional garbage to him.
#5 He asks your mutual friends about you
This is a clear sign that in spite of initiating the breakup in the first place, the dumper is struggling to forget everything about the relationship. Staying away from any piece of news associated with your private life is not his cup of tea. He barely manages to resist expressing curiosity about what is going on in your life or your post-breakup reactions. He cannot avoid the temptation to peep through your latest updates. He would devise stories to draw out the facts from the group of friends he comes across.
The same mutual friends would tell you how the dumper tries to act smart and bring up all the subjects related to you whenever he meets them. But, he cannot outsmart his friends who know well that he wants to be filled in with whatever is happening around you or to take a hint of how you miss him. In simple words, he makes continuous efforts to know your emotional state and make a re-entry on receiving a green signal.
You would probably learn from his friends how he goes into a flashback, bitterly regrets his role in the breakup, and misses the companionship you shared together.
Friends who stay as a common chord of connection are people who he tries to reach before reaching you. He thinks they might be aware of your mind or how far you have been able to process the breakup, or whether he holds the same place in your life as before. If he is an egoist, he would act his way to make them play the matchmakers once again and convey that he wants you to come back.
#6 He starts overcompensating
A very common behavior of the dumper after a breakup may include his overcompensating streak. He could be involved in excessive social media activities as a public display of his perfect life. This is a deliberate action to project an image of himself as a successful and happy guy. He would engage in an extravagant life and squander his resources insanely to prove that he is feeling no less than great. In reality, this is nothing but a facade to hide his inner frustration and remorse.
You can frequently notice him overdoing things in high spirits or taking tasks that use up all his energy. He could be seen partying hard with friends or binge-drinking or participating in numerous gigs to show that he is top of his game. There would be no time for him to face reality and go back to his lonely self.
He could get into random and casual flings to keep away the feeling of abandonment. This is one part of his identity that never lets him accept his vulnerability. Along with this, there may be a sudden increase in his focus on the fitness regime. He would work harder on transforming his body to stay confident and showcase his physical glamor and positivity with life. He does this when he feels it impossible to carry on with the emotional baggage the breakup has driven him into.
#7 He makes an excuse to see you
As long as he thinks he is done with you, he will lift no finger to come into contact with you. But with the pain of isolation building up, he would make excuses to see you as often as there are chances. Based on your common interest and liking, he would make up plans to run into you at an event that you might love to attend. It can be a concert he knows you would never miss or a crash course you were supposed to enroll in, where he would arrive as a visitor of a 'chance meeting'.
There are special occasions that he might see apt for a seemingly accidental encounter. He would bump into you at these social gatherings and wear a mask of innocence as if he didn't know whatsoever that you could be there as a guest.
He may show up at your favorite place like a coffee shop or a book club or a yoga class where you pay an occasional visit, as a coincidence and look for the right time to start a conversation and interact. To fend off the risk of being rejected by you, he might ask his friends to invite you to a group party which you cannot turn down. These places serve as the meeting places where he could see you in person and open up.
#8 He feels jealous to see you with someone else
It is heart-wrenching to be replaced by one's partner even if the relationship does not exist anymore. Jealousy is the immediate and obvious after-effect when it happens. When the dumper undergoes the same period and gets to know that you are moving on with someone else, it breeds insecurity and envy. It amplifies the amount of loss and reinforces the perception that you can be happy without him.
Witnessing someone else taking the place he discarded, somehow hurts his ego. He remembers everything down memory lane and stumbles on his own failure to treat you the way your new partner does. Here he can't stop himself from stalking your online profiles to follow your recent images throbbing with the couple-photos, that make him believe that he was not good enough for you.
Jealousy finds its way to be revealed with noticeable behavioral changes in him. He does a lot of strange things like
- He tries to convince you to have a secret meeting and talk about your golden times to reignite the flame of love.
- He clutches at straws not being able to get around you and expresses his readiness to change himself when given a chance.
- He goes on defaming your current partner by spreading vile stories about him and maligning his name so that you decide to split out.
- He keeps on interacting on your social media to urge for a fresh start.
#9 He goes into withdrawal
This is a stage when the dumper feels withdrawn and restrained from talking about the rupture. He turns into a distant soul who is numb and less communicative from within. He often finds himself in an emotional tussle to break free from the repercussions and avoids conversations about the breakup.
He avoids company and social gatherings as he takes time for his inner turmoil to sink in. For a certain period, he may deliberately keep away from things or places that might be potential reminders of romantic memories with you. Isolation will be his own choice to evade circumstances that may broach any discussion leading to you.
There may be an air of indifference and apathy towards the emotional stagnance and heaviness of reality. He will act aloof and be unwilling to be involved with anyone else. You may also come to know that he has turned away from any possible engagement for fear of a similar distressing experience.
Pro tips
Get a quick read of the tips to know how to react when the dumper is hit by the breakup and apologizes
- Forgive him if he is sincere and genuine. It doesn't always mean a renewal of the relationship. Do it for yourself, to let out the negativity and unhealthy feelings.
- Before you make a commitment, give it a hundred thoughts as to whether it's indeed worth your trust or not.
- Back away from everything that could be lacking the conviction of a peaceful life. Emphasize your happiness that took lots of effort to restore.
- Go for direct and one-to-one communication and make an intelligent choice after reflecting on the reasons for the breakup.
- Reassess the dumper's intention and try to fathom the real cause of his apology. Don't encourage a momentary action that may cause you to repent in the future.
- Take time to read your own thoughts and emotions to avoid making an impulsive move that might get you into trouble and cost your inner peace.