Dumper Wants to Meet (Reasons + What to Do)

We all feel degrees of helplessness in a relationship. The vulnerability gets disastrous when we are unexpectedly dumped. It takes a good amount of effort and conviction to overcome the loss of a relationship as you are aware that you won’t be able to text or call the dumper the way you used to do. 

After all that you have gone through, if the dumper contacts you after ditching you, it will put you in a perplexing situation where on the one hand, you would want to meet them to know the reason why they ditched you and what has renewed their interest in you; on the other hand, you just want to erase and close this chapter for good. 

If you are in two minds about whether to meet your dumper or not, this article is for you. I shall help you understand the reasons why they might want to meet you and figure out ways to deal with the situation. 

Continue reading below to know more. 

Reasons why your dumper wants to meet you 

While there can be innumerable possible reasons here, the strongest might be to give you closure. They don’t want to lose your favor, or perhaps something similar happened to them which made them realize their mistake. They want to use this opportunity to explain themselves to you perhaps by baring their heart and wounds before you. 

In any case, it might all be a facade meant to rap you into revealing some information or doing some task, or sleeping with them. Hence, a spontaneous reaction is unwanted. Take your time to analyze the situation before coming to a reaction. I shall help you with that. 

In this blog post, I will discuss why a dumper wants to meet you and what should you do about it. 

#1 They want to explain themselves 

The most obvious reason why your dumper might want to meet you is that they are guilty, feeling apologetic about dumping you without any closure, toying with your feelings, or maybe the way they treated you, their crush similarly treated them. This will leave them with a guilty conscience that will nibble at them in their free time. 

To feel better about life and worthy of love again, there might have arisen a sudden need for redemption. For this, they feel that you will function as a great milestone, and if you forgive them, their hope will be renewed. While you might think of this as a Christian morality play, sometimes life turns out to be that way. 

While you might not want to play a part in their life anymore or meet them again, it is alright to give them a hearing. Rather than going to meet them all at once, ask them to connect on a virtual platform at first. Either connect over a call or do a video call. Moreover, all the time while you dated them, they pretended to love you. 

It won’t come as a surprise if the whole act of redemption might be a facade to merely gain your attention. Hence, act with caution. Even if you go to meet them, share the pieces of information with your best friend beforehand. I am not suggesting that they might plot a conspiracy against you, but there is no harm in being careful.

#2 They want you back 

The dumper might not just be planning to meet you but take you out for a romantic evening. It is wise to get it clear whether they mean to meet and talk, or are they asking you out. Such people are always in two minds and they might not be people of their word. With your experience, you can tell whether they are fickle-minded or not. 

Hence, even if they arrange a lavish date for you, make you feel on top of the world, and try their best to convince you that you mean the world to them and that their world flipped after you both went separate ways, don’t trust them at once. It is not advisable to always keep your heart up your sleeves. You need to act in a determined manner and with precaution. 

They must know your weaknesses, hence, they have planned this move. If you get flattered easily, they are ready with all the flattery moves. They will feel you on top of the world, but it is for you to figure out what would you desire more. A stable relationship where every day you try to make it better than the last, and you set goals that you desire to achieve as a couple or a fancy relationship which has got more to do with showing the world who you are dating or what you are into rather than something which has a depth to it.

#3 They are in town 

If the person dumped you because they were moving abroad, but you took it by heart because you would have been okay with a long-term relationship, perhaps the dumper wants to meet you again because they are back in town. It could be a mere catch-up, or if they are moving back then they might come up with a proposal. 

They might try to shed some light on their perspective as to why a long-term relationship wasn’t their cup of tea. Perhaps for them, physical intimacy and sexual compatibility have a stronghold. These are the things without which they don’t see or understand the need for a relationship.

Perhaps what you were suggesting then might have looked well in their books as friendship. They wanted to maintain the equation but you took everything by heart and in the process made things bitter or tasteless. 

Meeting or not meeting the dumper has to do with how you feel about them right now, and what is your relationship status. It is advisable to take your partner in confidence. Don’t go to meet them with some hopes attached. Even if you go and a proposal is made, it is advisable to take your time rather than answering them at once. 

#4 They miss you 

The strongest possible reason why a dumper would put effort into meeting you or asking you out is that they meet you. They may be lonely. Perhaps they had selected their career over you but now they are doing bad in both. 

A different kind of epiphany might have occurred to them where they feel that had they made up their mind more strongly about not giving up on you, they would have found a way to balance the two. Moreover, if you were always a supportive partner, they might not have stumbled upon such someone after you. 

You set the relationship goals high by raising the bar. You became the perfect woman. Now, adjusting to someone mediocre might prove difficult. This happens when you give space in the relationship, you are not overwhelmed, you understand and support, and you treat the other person the way you want to be treated yourself. 

#5 They need a help 

A probable reason for your dumper to contact you is when they need to pull loose ends. Perhaps they need help regarding something. It could be your specialization or using you as a reference to establish a connection with someone else. 

It is your right to ask them the purpose of the meeting. If you see them mincing with words, don’t pay heed. The time when you used to humor them is long gone. If they are still expecting that high-scale level of tolerance from you, they are deluded and wrong. It is for the best to burst their clouds of delusion and carry on things forward in a more sustainable way.

#6 They just want to fool around 

Perhaps getting a request from your dumper to meet you is no big deal. They just want to fool around because they are bored, or they have lots of free time to spare. While they might mean no harm and just want to see if you are interested, you don’t need to stoop down to their level or make them feel that they are still desired and wanted. 

If you are not into flings, this dumper is not for you. When you are a hopeless romantic, you need to tread with caution. You might be sensitive and you don’t want your heart to be broken with every small step of the world. 

Remember, you need to be your savior. Wrap and shield your heart from the dangers of the outside world. Don’t expose your vulnerabilities to people around you. It is wise to stay strong, and not trust people easily. Why hand over an easy button to annihilate yourself? Instead, invest yourself in a larger scheme of things that will matter and will enable you to make a difference.

#7 They want to see your reaction 

Wanting to meet you or showing off as one, could be a petty trap for you. The intention isn’t to meet you as much it is to see if you would be willing to meet them. Perhaps they will not even meet you or show up that day. They might prove to be cowards again. 

However, to satiate their ego if you still remember them or recognize their voice at once, and if you would still want them, all this will boost their confidence and enable them to start from the starting point again. To trample over your heart, and leave again by giving a light-hearted note of apology. These are the characteristics of meek and ignoble. It is advisable to set a thumb rule to not give a second chance readily to others. Instead, move with caution.

#8 They want to be friends 

Perhaps the dumper is hell-bent on wanting to be friends with you and breaking the myth that exes cannot be friends. They might have accepted this as some kind of challenge to prove to the world that they are an amazing person and loved equally by one and all. 

They are obsessed with proving this notion so strongly that they don’t see right and left. They will nag you, take measures to please you, and do things willingly in such a way that you might be convinced to start valuing them again. 

It is a very difficult situation as you won’t be able to tell right from wrong to the extent that you might even turn the trigger towards yourself thinking that it was you to have set up high and unrealistic goals in the first place. Such people are toxic. It is best to ghost them rather than even allow them to have a sneak peek into your life. 

#9 They want to apologize

Perhaps your dumper wants to apologize for ghosting you or giving you false hopes and toying with your feelings. This happens when they realize that they were wrong to have treated you the way they did either because they are having a sudden moral evolution or because you were just too nice to them.

Either way, an apology when sought, must be granted not because you are a great person but because it will help you to move on in life. It has a redeeming quality that makes you feel great about everything. You won’t have bitter feelings about your past because you hold everything precious to you. 

#10 They want to hurt you 

If you had taken revenge on your dumper because of betraying or dumping you in a very mean manner, they might have come back into your life to take revenge. Cross lovers are a dangerous combination. Their warmth gets changed into hatred which has the power to consume everything raw and live. 

You will only come to know this aspect when you meet them in person. The way they talk and the moves that they make will make things crystal clear for you. It is for the best to be prepared for the worst and keep a backup plan ready when your expectations fail you miserably. To know more, click on the link below.

Related Read: Why Does My Ex Want to Hurt Me So Much? (10 Possible Reasons)

What to do when your dumper wants to meet?

The first step will be to assess your feelings. What do you feel for the dumper, is the residual feeling full of hatred, or have you been longing all the while for your dumper to realize their mistake and come back to claim you? Based on your understanding of your feeling, you will conclude. To know more, continue reading below.

If you have feelings for them 

If you possess soft corners for your dumper because you feel that their reasons were valid, or because you consider yourself to be too unworthy, perhaps take another chance by giving a positive affirmation to the said situation. 

Read below to know more.

#1 Give it a go 

If your heart truly desires to go back to your dumper and give it another chance, perhaps listen to it. Either way, you shall know the result only by affirmation. The choice of negation is played when you want to keep yourself as the priority in such a way that no one can harm or hurt you. But when the heart longs for it, there is no other way to do things.

You will get the vibe based on how they treat you when you meet them. If they make you feel comfortable, are eager to talk, listen to you talk about your experience, doesn't overwhelm you with their presence, it means that their intentions can be trusted. 

If the first thought that comes to your mind on seeing them is that it was a mistake, well then, that might just be it. A way to tell whether it was a mistake or not is by paying close attention to the topics they bring up in the process of making the conversation. 

If they are referring to particular people or shortlisting a particular event in the past or an upcoming event in the future, it means that they have more in mind than merely the meeting. Find a way to sneak out in such a case, and don't care to see their face again.

#2 Understand what they want 

If you have a liking for them, that is a piece of good news for them, not for you. You should first understand what is it that they want before you give your optimum reaction to the same. Involving yourself and giving your best bid when undergoing an adrenaline rush owing to excitement is always easy. However, in the process, don’t forget to keep a check on how excited they are and how involved you are getting. 

For example, if you are putting effort to pick up their favorite dessert before going to see them to show that you remembered their liking because you cared as you still do, also see what are their preparations from their end in the given case. If they weren’t prepared with an extended greeting but after they see your offering, there is a change in attitude in such a way that they try to please you all the same, accept it.

#3 Ask yourself if it is worth it 

Do you trust the dumper enough that you will hold your heart in their hands? Do you think they have the caliber to protect it or handle it with care? If not, who are you fooling? Don’t sign in for a deal that will not be rewarding. 

There are way better investments to make and endeavors to take than to go for a path that is prickled with thorns. Even a half-hearted effort made in the former will be more enriching than a full-hearted one made in the latter. 

Remember, there are points in our life when knowing our heart is not enough. It becomes much more important to know the heart of the other person. A wise man will tell you to pick a person who knows how to love you well and will love you earnestly even when you don’t feel the same way for them. They will teach you how to do it. And their affection for you will make you soft. 

But if you choose to become this person, the rewards arrive at a much later junction. Have it in you to be patient. Everything works in a circle, and if you are giving love, you sure will get it back too.

If you don’t have feelings for them 

If you couldn’t care less for your dumper, it is best not to pay heed to their request. They want to meet you or don’t want to meet you unless you feel that they might have some information about you that they can use as a lethal tool against your goodwill and reputation, it is for the best to ignore. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Don’t reply 

Replying at once to your dumper’s message would be giving them too much importance unless you were ignorant that it was your dumper who was trying to contact you. Ignoring their message will be beneficial as it might make them so desperate that they will let the cat out of the blanket without being asked to tell so. 

Once they reveal their motive or their pretended purpose to have contacted you, you can make your call more objectively as to whether to talk to them or not. Don’t allow the other person the privilege to manipulate you. Practice detachment and stay careful. Don’t buy anything at once unless their actions coincide with their words. Look for persistence and commitment. When you get that, that is when you take them seriously.

#2 Block them 

If you have no business with your dumper and it wasn’t a serious business either, it is alright to block them on the medium through which they are trying to reestablish the communication. If they are relentless in the pursuit and use other forums to reach out to you, perhaps give them a hearing in the presence of a trusted friend. 

Make it crystal clear that you don’t trust them and are not willing to trust them at any cost whatsoever. If, after all this, they are still humble, genuine, and sorry, you might afford to have a change of heart. 

#3 Give them a warning 

A warning will do a dumper good. They will think twice before spamming or bothering you. However, if they do, you have the right to report them. It will prevent you from getting involved in any unwanted future entanglements where you are not needed. 

How you deal with life is what you get in return. If you easily give up your control, that is where you lose the game. Master your life. Rather than giving out easily accessible passes to people to be in your life, make them struggle for it, and want it. The deserving ones will always find a way to cling by, have your back, and stay.

Quick Tips 

• Revisiting the past will lead to committing the same mistakes. Rather than giving second chances to people who have already proven to be disappointed, try the new stock. There is always a fresh individual willing to date a person like you out there. Find them. Install a dating application or go on blind dates. Do things that keep you excited and happy. 
• You choose your emotions. Match the vibe and allow only the ones who share your wavelength to be in your life. You have the right to choose, to deny, and to be selfish and protective toward yourself and your interests. You cannot love another unless you know how to love yourself well.
• Don’t go on a date or for a meeting with ideas. Be the empty canvas and let things take place in their way. Trust in the magic of destiny. Exercise your free will where you must, but in the process, don’t take life so seriously that it steals you from the thrill. Going out with your dumper could be a farcical prospect in this context where you can laugh the past off without having the incident or the person do anything with your future. It can be a jolly time that you are willing to have, and remain to just that.