Boyfriend Acting Distant but Says He Loves Me (Here's Why + Tips)

Intimacy in a relationship cannot be underestimated. It should be both physical and emotional. The former is possible when you get engaged in makeout sessions with your boyfriend, the latter happens when both of you open up about your past experiences and childhood memories, and talk about things without fear of being judged or abandoned. 

However, if your boyfriend is sharing neither, he is acting distant for sure. In this blog post, I will help you figure out why your boyfriend is acting distant and what can you do about it. 

Reasons why your boyfriend is acting distant but says he loves you 

He has no intention to break your heart, but he needs some time to think for himself. We all deserve that me-time, right? Sometimes everything is going right but we just need to take a break to analyze things and determine prospects. Your boyfriend might be doing the same. 

However, it is not wise to play on probabilities. It is better to analyze things and take your next step wisely. To know more, continue reading below. 

#1 He is busy 

It depends on what your boyfriend does. If he is a professional, study his field to know the nature of his work. Some occupations are always time-consuming, whereas, there are others where the tide increases and decreases with the flow. If he is working hard for a start-up, it will be a brain-racking and draining job. You can always contribute from your end to a start-up by brainstorming ideas. 

Once you understand the nature of his work, you will be able to do the mapping and tell his busy months from his not so occupied ones. Henceforth, whatever plans you make, it can be done in the latter months. It will prevent any misunderstandings and accumulation of unnecessary resentments. 

What more can you do here? To spend quality time in the busy months of your boyfriend, you can plan something out for him. This planning has to do with how you can either work together or productively help each other. Think of channels in which you can come together as a team. 

A professional will appreciate recreational activities. Plan something out for the weekends. Instead of loud parties and music, think of activities such as reading a book together, visiting libraries and bookstores, arranging a mixology at your terrace, cooking together, go for shopping, trying painting, et cetera. The idea is to relax together.

#2 He is worried 

Perhaps there is something on your boyfriend’s mind which is keeping him stressed and low. It could be that he is awaiting the results of his paper, he has invested money in a stock and the market is performing poorly, his friends or parents are sick, he is running low on finance, and more. 

You should encourage your boyfriend to talk things out with you. Even if you are unable to help him in solving the problem, staying with him or listening to him might prove soothing. Sometimes just being with a person is enough. 

When you talk to him, make sure that your voice is calm and comforting. It will help him to open up to you. Be a friend to him before playing the role of a girlfriend. He should easily be able to navigate his concerns to you. Show him what love is. Even loving a person in his low helps to boost the energy.

#3 He is attracted to someone else 

You might find that the increasing distance between your boyfriend and you is the result of the decreasing distance between your boyfriend and someone else. It works as an inversely proportional equation. Perhaps check your boyfriend’s phone, call him and see if it is always busy, ask him who he was connected with, and text him to see how promptly he replies. 

These small tactics will bring you clues regarding the reason why he is keeping aloof. While you are at it, you can also ask him the reason for it in the process. There is a slight chance that he might reveal it all himself in no time out of frustration or desperation. 

Some signs that show that your boyfriend might be attracted to someone else are:

• He pauses before taking your name or calling you by another name. This is because he is thinking about another person or talking too often to that person. 
• He gets outzoned but you see a comfortable smile resting on his face. It implies that whatever he is thinking about is pleasurable to him.
• He does not want to indulge with you in public because he fears that his crush might spot him. He has stopped posing with you or resharing the photos that you tag him in on social media.
• He doesn’t make you feel special, and there are days when he forgets to wish you good morning or good night.

#4 He is planning a surprise 

It is not every day that your boyfriend might be planning a surprise. However, when something exciting is near, say your anniversary, he might be working hard to please you greatly and get rewarded with a wonderful experience for both of you. 

If he keeps on asking you about your preferences, is eager to learn about your likes and dislikes but maintains a nonchalant attitude at the same time, he might be onto something in your favor. 

In such a case, being patient and waiting because only time will tell what it is that he might be up to is the wise option. Forcing him to open up about it might steal the thrill. Hence, have a little faith. When things are meant to be, they will manifest in one way or another.

#5 He has commitment issues 

If you are dating a guy with commitment issues, he might tell you that he loves you but stay distant. You might have a constant on-and-off relationship with him. It doesn't mean that he is interested in another person, or that he doesn't feel for you. It just means that he prioritizes his space. 

If you do not get too clingy and involved in the relationship or have attachment issues, you will do just fine with a guy like this. But if you are someone who likes to live a high-school teenage romance, talking for hours on call, and romanticizing with every move, your combined essence succumbs to the surrounding powers, and you rule to seize the day, the guy will fail to match your vibe. 

This guy here is someone who likes to think with his mind. He is practical and looks for convenient moves. He doesn’t make bold choices. He is prudent and he contemplates before giving a nod. He is a man of reassurance because whatever he does is well thought of. He rides on chartered and explored horizons and you might notice that he enjoys reading. 

He might not have very attractive eyes but he will build his physique and improve his feature. He will try to motivate you with every opportunity that he gets but he won’t subside his priorities to push you forward nor will he try to force you into something. 

You will notice that he will express his views and give his suggestions but he will keep it open-ended for you to choose whether you want to give them a try or not. He believes that a person is his best judge. He might not tolerate unruly behavior and respects positive conduct. Living with such a man will only make you better and turn you for good into understanding your full potential.

#6 His ex is bothering him 

Perhaps your boyfriend is caught in a fix where his ex might be causing him trouble. Has he mentioned his ex? Do you know about their current equation? Have you met her? How does he feel about her? Does the reminiscence bring back bitter memories or sweet recollections? 

It might be a difficult line of conversation to begin with but you must open this topic when you have time to spare with him in person. It is wise to not mention all this over call or text. Studying his body language will help you determine how much of what he says is true. 

If his reaction to the mentioning of his ex is not perplexing, you might have touched upon the right nerves. Let him talk. If he is confused and fails to understand where all this is coming from, loosen your grip but make him talk. 

Tell him that you feel that you have come to that station in the relationship where the past doesn’t fear you as you are drowned in love. Knowing the history will help you keep the relationship transparent and strengthen the bond. 

If in any case, he tells you that he is not over his ex and needs more time, reconsider the status of your relationship. Don’t be a fool and continue the relationship when you don’t match each other’s wavelength, it will only make everything more difficult.

#7 He is obsessed with himself 

If you are dating a guy who doesn't think much of the world or cares about what goes around him, you are dating a narcissist. The risk of dating a narcissist is that they suffer from obsessive syndrome. 

You will find your boyfriend looking in the mirror or taking his pictures rather than looking at you, appreciating your company, singing songs about your beauty, or taking your photos. Will you be okay with that? I don't think so. 

It isn't that a narcissistic guy or a vain person does not date. But they are more into flings than into a substantial and healthy relationship. I'm writing this at the cost of an overly generalized statement, however, you will find that it holds in life for the set of people who fall under this umbrella. 

Hence, at this point, start analyzing yourself, your wish, demands, and expectations before continuing to ponder on what your boyfriend does or doesn't do for you. If you feel that you can be happy with him, carry on. If not, it is time to rework the equation. To know more, click on the link below. 

Related Read: My Boyfriend Always Looks at Himself in the Mirror (Here's Why)

#8 He is out of the town 

If your boyfriend is out of town, he won’t be able to give you much time because he must have gone out for a purpose. It is not advisable to bother him too much when he isn’t close by. When you give your boyfriend the space that he needs but might hesitate to ask, you become a generous woman in his eyes, someone who respects his time and space as much as she loves him. This is how you make one feel special.

If his behavior persists even after he is back in town, you will have to mouth your troubles to avoid the danger of this becoming a persistent problem. If he is not determined to make the situation easy for you or to resolve the issue, he is not your man. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t know how to value you. Take the clue, and move on for good.

#9 He is taking some me-time 

Everyone is allowed to have their share of me-time. Just because people are committed, it doesn’t mean that they will have to divorce themselves from their duty or responsibility to the self. You should encourage it because a healthy mind and fit lifestyle will breed positivity and make your life easier.

However, when the indulgence is excessive, you might have to keep the behavior in check. A great way to deal with the situation is by regulating and modifying the behavior. It can be done by setting boundaries. Explain the problems that you face and the challenges that you undergo due to his negligence. To know more about similar situations, read the article given on the link below.

Related Read: My Boyfriend Plays Video Games All Day (Here's What to Do)

What to do when your boyfriend is acting distant but says he loves you?

Talk to him about it. Express your feeling. He must know why you feel that he is getting distant, and both of you should discuss how you can resolve this. Today, you are feeling this way. Tomorrow, he might feel the same way. It is best to take precautions here. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Reduce the distance 

The most obvious reason for feeling distant from your boyfriend would be the increasing physical distance between the two of you. A loss of physical intimacy is painful and difficult to process. If you have recently moved out to a different city, or either of you is on vacation, this might become a problem. 

However, the problem can be easily terminated by either flying to your boyfriend’s city and giving him a pleasant surprise, or planning a staycation. Make a plan and act promptly. It is not advisable to increase the distance or to allow it to test you when you can see that things are going downhill. Acting smartly to save the day is advisable.

#2 Make up for the lost moments 

Go on a staycation, or chill indoors but whatever you do, try to catch up and do it together. Making up for the lost moments helps to take away the bitterness. If the aftertaste is sweet, all that precedes can be forgotten. 

There are many things that you can do together

• Work on assignments or projects together by having brainstorming sessions
• Cook on the days you don’t like to order food
• Go out to buy takeaways rather than ordering food
• Meet for lunch every day
• Hit the gym together
• Go to arcades with each other’s friend groups
• Write love letters to each other to enhance the courtship experience

Such experiences together will help to build up a bond of friendship besides the romantic love equation that you share with your boyfriend. Remember, there are defined greater moments of love, but friendship is always perpetual, ever-lasting.

#3 Open up about past 

Past must not be something that you must run away from. It shouldn’t limit you. Your past should have a liberating touch. You are a manifestation of your past decisions and activities. Don’t allow it to mingle with your present. 

Your choices, decisions, and energy should be aligned in such a way that it makes your present beautiful and wholesome. You are not stuck in your past because you didn’t want to be there. You wanted to be in a better place. The same holds for your boyfriend. Hence there is no insecurity about it. The past is over. You can talk about it as an experience that you have shared but one that you couldn’t have cared any less about. 

There are many ways to initiate this line of conversation. It can be done by interrogations, by showing photos of the people both of you have dated, and by sharing individual experiences in light of how this relationship is a better bet. The idea is not only to fetch information but to be able to appreciate each other more passionately.

#4 Talk it out 

There is no better way to seek clarity, dispel misunderstandings, and feel better than to have an open-heated conversation with the one you love. It might be that it is all in your mind, and because you are stressed, you feel that your boyfriend is getting distant. 

This is because your expectations expand when you feel down and face challenges. You don't like the taste of reality and wish to be transported to a different horizon where everything is light and beautiful. 

However, your boyfriend might not be aware of the same. The least you have to do is tell him about the challenges that you are facing. See how he replies. 

You will find that he is empathetic and sorry for his ignorance. It might also motivate him to open up about his challenges, and you will get a deeper understanding of the problems that were occurring.

#5 Go for counseling 

If you feel that both of you are facing problems in opening up about the problems that you might be facing in the relationship because you are too deep in love, and too gentle in gestures; the sophisticated lifestyle can prevent candid conversation. 

You might not indulge in raw exchanges because it is against your natural mode of behavior. This happens when you are a people pleaser or you care too dearly for your loved ones. A sophisticated conversation never allows your feelings to surface in its purest form. In the process, a lot goes amiss.

If you go for counseling, the counselor will pose such questions and play such games that the real will come up. Even if you deal with it in an affected manner, it will prove helpful because your system will let out the tensions that you might be holding for so long. Smoothing the equation will automatically make things better.

#6 Build healthy relations with his friends 

When you are seriously dating a guy and concerning him to be your future partner, you must maintain a healthy and loving relationship with not just him but with his dear ones too. This is beneficial as it will enable you to reach out to them or extract pieces of information from them when your boyfriend is not doing well. 

You can also use their help to look after your boyfriend. When you know that your boyfriend has suffered a personal loss, or is feeling very low, you can contact his immediate people to cheer him up or to make special arrangements so that you can pamper him. 

In any way, maintaining a friendly relationship with your boyfriend’s people will accentuate you in the eyes of your boyfriend as he will see and appreciate it too. Making one of two different sets of people is a delightful thing to do.

#7 Give him space 

If you feel that your boyfriend is acting distant because of your overwhelming and over-pervasive presence in his life, you might also wonder what your boyfriend’s life was without you in it and does he prefers being peacefully single to being mercilessly mingled. 

We all love our freedom, space, and choice of action. We struggle to lead a versatile and dynamic life where we can switch roles and change our behavior according to the circumstantial situation or remain the same in all situations alike. 

The challenge occurs when you see a person getting emotionally attached to you. Breaking their heart is the last thing that you would want to do. Hence, you become so consumed in the maze that you want to keep them happy without sacrificing your happiness that you don’t know what to do. 

Your boyfriend might be in such a fix. He is hurting you because he doesn’t want to hurt you. Hence, he might be hurting you at a lesser intensity. Nevertheless, the fact that he might be going through all those troubles at your cost will be upsetting. Reach out to him. Remind him about your love. Give him the time that he needs. Think and discuss ways in which you can give each other more space in the relationship.

Tips 

• Love cannot sustain without challenges. You will have to shower your love on your partners even on days when you feel a little less love towards them and maintain the relationship even when you feel that they are not as much in love with you. Ask yourself if you are up for this challenge. If not, you might do more harm than benefit to both of you in this love equation. 
• The ability to talk candidly in a way that you are transparent to each other makes the best kind of relationship. If you are not able to do so, something in you is lacking. Figure out the flaw by introspection or with the help of a counselor. There is no need to be afraid of your flaws. Accept them and embrace them, only then will you be able to see beyond them in ways that will keep you both functional and happy.
• You alone cannot feel that your boyfriend is getting distant. If you are feeling it, that means that there is a distance between both of you. He might get the vibe and feel from you sooner or later. When you start focusing on ways in which you can make your boyfriend feel more loved and intimate with you than he already does, it will automatically decrease the distance between the two of you.
• Think that if you were in the place of your boyfriend, what are the expectations that you would have had from your girlfriend? Now evaluate how far you are standing in those fields. Be honest with yourself. Now work on ways to become a better girlfriend to lead by example. Remember, there is always room for improvement.