My Ex Talks to My Family but Not Me (Reasons & What to Do)

Relationships are tricky, after-relationships more so. Your ex is brave. They don't see the point of breaking up with your family. It takes courage to appreciate, communicate, and be with people who are in a way the reason for your failure. But your ex thinks differently. They feel that they owe this much to your family, and your family to them. 

After all, they have invested their time and efforts in maintaining a healthy friendship with your family. Why should they give it up just because you as a pair did not work? 

This is also a sign of maturity. You won't be haunted by their thoughts. You would instead learn to take them as your true mate. While for some exes who are desperate, this might be a move to get you back or slow you down in the eyes of your family, it is not true for everyone. 

To know more, continue reading below. 

Reasons why your ex talks to your family but not you 

Your ex touched a chord with your family. He is talking to your ex because they make him feel at home. While it gets awkward with you, if your ex has known your family for a long time, he might want to maintain it. 

Not all relationships are that fragile. To know more, click on the link below.

#1 They are fond of your family

Perhaps your ex is fond of your relative and treats them like his family. He has received affection from them. And your family supports him and wants you to be with him. They are not favorable to the breakup. 

In such a case, it might get challenging for you to cope. You can express your feelings to your family, and tell them that even if they don't know or don't understand the reason behind your breakup, they should be in support of you. 

Expressing your family your need for their support is essential. Sometimes in the sway of the moment, we forget our priorities or responsibilities. It is okay to pull them back to you.

#2 He is trying to dig for information about you

There is a possibility that your ex is trying to dig for information about you, but is too naive to feel they won't confide in you. He assumed that you don't have a healthy relationship with them, and therefore you would never know what he is at. 

This might be because when you were dating him, you would hardly ever spend much time with them. Such misconceptions lead to making the situation worse. You feel coarse and disheartened towards all those years when you gave your ex priority over your family. 

He is showing you that you did it all wrong. Perhaps take your lesson here, and begin to spend more time with your family despite your ex. Your family will understand that you are going through a lot for such a graven change to occur. They will find their way around you.

#3 He is kind

Perhaps he is in the same city as your parents, and they don't have many visitors. They insist on him visiting them because it feels more homely when he is around. 

He cares for them and since he knows that you have recently shifted out of town, he likes to check on them for old time's sake. 

You should be grateful, and rather than harboring any feelings of negative emotion, you should try to renew a bond of friendship. 

Friendship can only bring goodness and blessing. You should try and keep as many friends as possible. People who have an attitude that tells them not to be friends with their ex are a shallow lot. 

Think of it like this, they know you so well, you know them so nicely, who can you not be friends with someone like that? Estrangement is a popular tendency among couples who drifted apart, however, it only shows how unfirm you think your decision is.

#4 He is confused about what he wants 

Hence not letting go of all times in one stroke. Matters of the heart are delicate. It is good to take one step at a time rather than getting all underground and breaking all the associated ties. 

It is the same as being friends with your friends because both parties find it harmless. To want to make them decide on either is selfish of you. If you are okay with being selfish, then it is all cool. They won't mind it either if you tell them to choose in-between the two of you. While they might select you because they can't abandon you, they will keep nagging you to give it another try. 

Hence it is better to let things take their natural course. When both parties start finding it normal to hang out together it will lose the ability to matter or make a difference anymore. Plus, if he sidelines all the ties at once, it means those connections were always a facade, and he would come across as a hypocrite. 

#5 They invite him 

Perhaps it is your family who calls and texts him, and out of courtesy, he responds to them rather than turning them down. Don't jump to conclusions without knowing the truth or the reality check will cause you much damage. 

You can talk to your family regarding this and tell them that they are only making it more difficult for you to pull yourself out of the situation. If they understand, well and good. If not, you might consider taking a break from them as well.

#6 He is trying to get back together with you 

Perhaps your ex-boyfriend is not over you. He feels that this is just a phase, and when you will be in the right mind, you will come back to him. 

That said, you might do nothing to respond or react if you want to demotivate his further attempts. Your lack of reaction and your indifference will make it clear that you are not interested, and whatever they might be fabricating, shall not bear any fruit. 

After all, it is all in one's mind, and when you get control of it, you would be able to dominate the other into thinking what you believe. Hence, you have the option to either manifest your thoughts into other people's minds or be the object of other people's manipulations.

#7 He is trying to show you down 

Perhaps your boyfriend is playing the blame card here. He wants to show you down. He is trying to gain the sympathy of your family and make you the villain. 

This might not be as simple as it seems to be. One has to have long-term plans to go to such an extent and put so much effort into pleasing the family of the other.

If he knows your financial status, he might use your family's trust and confidence for monetary gains. You never know the limit to which a man can stoop. Hence, it's always better to practice precautions by being prudent, alert, and wise. 

#8 He is a family person 

Perhaps your ex-boyfriend is a more family-oriented man whereas you are a prototype of the modern woman. That's where your ideologies differ. 

If the guy is away from his family, and your family is easily available to him, he won't let go of them merely because you are not seeing him anymore.

After a point of time, you will have to accept the fact, and the part where you dated him will become a narrative of a time long ago. There would neither be any resentment nor any bitter feelings left. 

What to do when your ex-boyfriend talks to your family but not you?

You can talk to your family if you don't approve of them talking to your ex. However, if they don't want to listen to you, grant them that space that they would have granted to you had you gone out with someone they disliked. 

While we want such things to be mutual, it is not such a case always. To know how to cope with the situation without allowing it to get the better of you, continue reading below.

#1 Let him

What worse can happen?  He cannot manipulate your family and turn them against you, right? They are kin to you and will be loyal to you till the end, or so we can hope. 

Hence, allowing your ex-boyfriend to have his way with your family till the time he realizes that it is up to no good or there is nothing materialistic that he can gain from it, will do. 

Put your efforts in places where it is worth the returns. Most of the time the entire problem is in your mind. You are imagining things by overanalyzing them, and in return, it leaves you perplexed and vulnerable.

#2 Confront him and set boundaries 

If his engagement with your family is getting a bit too much to contain yourself with, it is okay to set boundaries. Confront him, and tell him on your face that you don't approve of his engagements. While it can be futile on his part, it is costing you your mental peace. 

This will also make it clear what is going on in his mind. Whether his intentions are baseless or wicked, you would know them either way. It will help you to convince your parents whether or not to entertain him in their life. When you show them evidence, they will have no choice but to listen to you. 

#3 Be friends 

It is not a taboo to be friends with your ex. If other people tell you so, break their false notion by proving them wrong. 

If your ex is comfortable talking to your family, it is only a matter of time before he will be comfortable talking to you too. Give him that time to come around you. 

Perhaps at this moment, he is too heartbroken to think or feel otherwise. But given the chance, he will accept you as a friend for both of you know each other much better than anyone else. 

#4 Talk to your family 

The best bet you have here is to open up about your family's actions going against your wishes to the extent that you are hurt. You can figure out the best way in which you can approach your family, after all, you speak their language, you are their blood, and your boyfriend cannot possibly know them better than you do. 

Hence, take advantage of the moment that the opportunity has brought to you. It will bring you closer to the right set of people, that is, to your family. You will feel at home again. It's all a matter of breaking the ice. 

#5 Start looking for a new boyfriend 

If you haven't moved on yet, it might be encouraging your boyfriend to post such filthy cards. While I can't ask you to start dating again for the sake of demotivating your ex to get the better of you ask yourself what's keeping you from looking for a new boyfriend. 

You deserve love, and there are better guys out there with whom you will tune and your understanding will synchronize nicely. You must take that opportunity, and give yourself a chance sooner than you had planned. 

#6 Focus on yourself 

Why care at all about who is in touch with who? Your focus should be on yourself. You are busy tracing your ex's footsteps. You are keeping a record of everything that they are doing, as and when they are doing, and you get desperate and restless when the information is concealed from you. 

All this will lead you nowhere. Instead, if you focus on yourself, on your physical and mental fitness, and try to invest yourself more artistically, you will find yourself in a better disposition. Remember, this is the least that you owe yourself.

#7 Take a vacation

If it is getting overwhelming and you are not happy with the situation or need a break before you show up all strong again in front of the big wide world, go on a vacation. It will clear your head, make you feel more alive, bring you happiness, and make life easy.

Moreover, you will come across more people. It will dawn upon you that the world is happier than you had thought. In return, it will bring you happiness and the strength to be content with your disposition. 

Tips 

• The moment you stop tracing your ex's steps, you will push the forward button of your life. After that, whether they talk to your family or your best friend, it won't matter because they are not a part of your life anymore. It will be empowering and liberating. 
• Learn to practice detachment and lead it slowly to indifferent behavior. Some people cease to matter in our life, and it crushes their ego to realize this. Hence, they get desperate and do everything in their power to take back control. With such people, you can never expect change to occur readily. 
• Friendship is a beautiful bond. Practice it whenever you can. If you feel your ex has given you enough reasons to be friends with them, go for it. If you feel you are better without such friends, don't look back to this moment ever again. After all, it is your life and your rules.