My Boyfriend Never Initiates Anything (10 Possible Reasons Why)

People fall in love. It is a never-changing phenomenon. They fall for the characters who make them feel special and keep doing adorable things without being asked. That's what they love the most about their partners because in a way they can do the mind-reading and the magic happens by itself.

What we often forget is that with time this magic might change its forms and we should be adaptive to the changing textures of our relationships. But we start to react when the reverse becomes the reality and start feeling low about our partners who do not initiate anything or look less interested in taking the first step.

The story is the same for many of us. If you are one of them, you may be yet to know the whole of it. This article will shed light on your qualms and confusion. So, let's begin, shall we?

Reasons why your boyfriend does not initiate anything

At the beginning of your relationship, everything seems so perfect and so wonderful. You have nothing to complain about your boyfriend since he was the dream man coming into reality. He still is the Mr. Right for you except for the fact that he never feels eager to initiate anything, be it a conversation, dating plan, or physical intimacy. You expect he would at some point in time come forward and surprise you and get disheartened once again.

Enough of the guessing game, get a grip on reality, and find out the deeper secrets lurking behind. We have a bunch of reasons gathered for a better understanding. Unlock the doors one by one.

#1 He lacks the energy

Our physical trials affect our mental health. We become tired and used up after a long pressing day and want to keep quiet for a few moments. No obligations, no commitments, no promises at those private times. We prefer to spend time relaxing our restless nerves. Nothing comes as a priority except a sound respite.

Your boyfriend might be too drained of energy to initiate anything that requires physical or mental involvement. His spirits are no longer in place to respond dramatically. It's not that he never feels bad about his failure to act proactive, but things do not get led by his whims. Despite his sincere efforts, he cannot scale up the strength to express his urge in the first place. 

He skips important conversations and his memory wants to avoid complex subjects to keep in store. When it comes to initiating anything romantic, he falls short of the mental capacity. This might result from the physical strain he might be dominated by. His body doesn't take his mind in tow to react as expected and he sounds fatigued.

Look up the schedule of your boyfriend, and you may realize the daily drudgery he carries on with no strength left in him to stay frisky and take initiative in passionate interactions. He might be put in a situation where he is a slave of a tiring routine.

A human mind and body is not a machine to provide excellent service without a stop. Even machines refuse to work sometimes and so does a mind. Excessive workload sips out the spark that one needs to take part actively in an emotional process. 

Be his pushing button to make him alive and confident. He will need your trust more than anything during the period when life plays hardball.

#2 He fears your indifference

A lot of examples will tell you that once a guy experiences a lack of enthusiasm and responsive approaches from his girlfriend, he becomes withdrawn and demoralized. It may not be about one isolated incident, but a lot more than that where your boyfriend had received indifference from you whenever he tried to initiate anything. 

Your apathy has turned off the drive in him to be the first one to talk about anything romantic or physically arousing. His current aloofness may strike out of character but it is simply the obvious passiveness he has once been put through. 

Your boyfriend can also be one of those guys who fear rejection before everything. So he might wish to start up something as eagerly as possible but steps back with no enough courage to hit the spot. He hesitates because he knows he won't be able to deal with a no. Or he would find it impossible to accept your dismissal. He thinks better of it and backs out to play safe. 

Oftentimes, guys do not initiate because they predict the worst. A refusal or ignoring attitude would be too hard for him to digest. 

He imagines that you may not be equally intrigued by a certain plan, can be less attentive to his issues, or may be unresponsive to his romantic ideas. What he dreads the most is your possible unwillingness to get physically close. He knows that would hurt his male ego terribly and he hushes up his inner desires in fear of a knock-back. 

Nobody loves to be rejected and insulted, especially by their partner. If he has a case in point of being refused in the early days of your relationship, his doubts are justified. Again if he is scared of things that are actually in his head but do not have a practical existence, try to fathom his uncertainties and help him overcome the misleading thoughts. 

#3 He is an introvert by nature

What seems to be a strange disinterest in your partner might be nothing but his introverted nature. He is less expressive with everybody just because of his shyness which is imbibed in his very character. He can't help it. You have to read between the lines and understand that he is being what he is and doing what comes spontaneously. 

Introverted people are generally not very proficient in expressing themselves. They prefer to listen, observe, and absorb. This is their kind of participation in a particular communication. They like to stay on the receiving end. Their reactions too are sometimes ambiguous. You can not keep track of their emotions. If you are a close one, you have to be familiar with the nuances they communicate with.

Maybe your better half is timid but not reluctant. He is not an expert orator or someone brilliantly conversant with gestures. He is rather reserved and guarded about his personal feelings. But what would never lie is the pair of his innocent eyes that would be a reservoir of unfathomable love and passion. Decode that language instead of waiting for him to act. 

Not every guy is gifted with a similar skill to initiate things in a romantic relationship. If he has a heart of gold that is ready to love you without conditions, it hardly makes a difference who makes the first moves. 

Cherish the way he looks after your entire being without getting bothered about the insignificant aspects of his personality. They are harmless traits. Don't get prejudiced over his reticence because we are none of us perfect. Nevertheless, he loves you with all your flaws and this is your turn to accept him with his imperfections. 

#4 He is comfortable with you being the initiator

Men love to settle into a routine. They don't see the need to change a ritual where everything is rightly placed. As long as they are comfortable with a certain practice, they don't urge to shift the pattern. They claim to be peace-loving creatures who stay away from everything complicated and disturbing. 

It is usually the case with guys who have always seen their partners moving the needles. After a time, this becomes their habit and they think the other person will always make the initial suggestions or proposals. In fact, they don't mind having the same rules for a lifetime. 

The same habit might have turned your boyfriend into someone who is awfully poor with ideas about spending special time or striking up a conversation.

The truth is that this has been the story for such a long time that he now cannot think otherwise. He feels at ease with you being the first one in everything. He is a good one to participate but gets all over the place when asked to start off with anything by himself. 

It would be difficult for him to change the norm all of a sudden since he has been conditioned in a way so far that never demanded a first move out of him. Now if you expect a change, either give him time to process everything on his own terms or don't expect at all that he will be all excited about the role reversal and start functioning like an ace.

#5 There has been an emotional distance between you

To engage in an exchange of thoughts, ideas, and sensual activities one needs to be emotionally connected to the other person. Emotions bring about spontaneity and unbridled satisfaction and add essence to the dynamics of a relationship on the whole. They come without effort. This is why we are sensitive toward people whom we are emotionally attached to.

Your boy may have gone into denial about initiating anything because he has probably suffered the bruises of distance from you. He could be a victim of miscommunication or misunderstanding due to your myopic attitude in realizing his needs and niggles. He has detached himself bit by bit from you without speaking a word about this alienation. Both of you can sense the distance, yet cannot cross the ocean sprawled between.

There are couples who fight a lot and fight like insane. It invariably impairs the element of romance within them. The visible inactiveness of your boyfriend might be the invariable reaction stemming from such differences and disagreements. The burning emotions are nowhere to ignite him anymore. He feels worn out and sick of the growing incompatibility. 

Emotional distance poses its effects only when we allow it to. If a partner draws himself off from his mate, it surely has embittered him in a way that he has no choice. In most of the incidents, lack of communication works behind this negativity. It creates an irreparable cut so deep that one may find it hard to act sanely in later times. 

You could be the best judge if something of this sort has happened in the past that interfered with your relationship adversely. Do not let the gap enlarge and take one more step towards finding the remedy. Help him because it will eventually help you to repair the communication breakdown and stay happy together. 

#6 The relationship has been taken for granted by him

This is a time-tested truth that over the years relationships switch the language between lovers. Partners do not necessarily lose interest, yet the X-factor doesn't remain unchanged. One of them is more likely to get over-confident in their counter-half. They start to take things for granted with the certainty that they will continue to be loved and prioritized no matter what.

Your relationship might have assured him that he should be always happy with following his lady. This means you would take charge of making plans, setting up events, or deciding which things should be talked out as a priority. He doesn't even try since he loves to depend on your sense of doing the right things at the right moments. And even if you miss out on anything, that would hardly change the flavor of your relationship. 

He knows the bottom line that despite his remoteness, you will never complain and adjust to his detachment. Probably he has expressed it in a flattering way too that whenever he screws things up, you are there to pick them up and put them back in order by telling you,

"Aw, you are such an angel of a girl. How could you always manage to do things so perfectly? Look at me, I am such a worthless guy to mess things up."

Unfortunately, it doesn't change the reality that he always assumes you to be his savior who would happily make amends for his deliberate standoffishness. It provides him with a false sense of satisfaction in seeing himself in an authoritative position. That is because he does not get how important it is for both partners to invest their best efforts in a given relationship. 

#7 He hardly gets a chance to initiate

It may not strike you that it is you who have spoiled him into his lack of involvement. He can see that everything is well-planned before he has spent a minute to think about it. You are almost flawless in getting things done like a pro. And he loves being pampered without sparing a second on the stress you may be taking to please him.

There is a difference between taking responsibility and being responsible. Till now you have initiated everything with the hope that you can perform it impressively, and perhaps with a belief that your boyfriend will return the favor when the time comes. In the process, you have never given him the chance to ever take it upon himself.

Maybe his sense of timing has always gone wrong. No sooner had he thought of taking action than you uttered the same thing. You never noticed he was excited about bringing it on before you but the bad timing has stolen the thunder. Moreover, you never encouraged him to make plans or start a dialogue because you always happen to be the one taking this responsibility. 

During love-making, you follow the same rule. You rule the bed, and he surrenders to your wilderness. And now it is upsetting you. But you have to move the wheel in a reverse way until he comes close and initiates the course. Once you stop kicking it off, his own physical urge will draw him nearer and you might find a completely different and romantic self of your partner caressing and stroking you with his passionate touches and kisses.

Leave it all upon him. See what happens next and how he responds and arranges everything. If you keep following the same patterns, he will never feel the need to make the first move. 

#8 He thinks he is pathetic in communicating things first

As experience taught him, he has a fixed belief now that if he ever tries to take the initiative, it will end up in a disaster. He would probably falter or mess around and people would think of him as a stupid fellow. In short, he doesn't want to sound dumb in front of the people who really matter. 

Observing one's fault is one's special quality that may not be possessed by all. If he acknowledges the places where he is a poor performer and tries to abstain from them, it's a sign that he can criticize himself without reservation. And also he is more accepting of the fact that it is no wrong to be imperfect. This could be the very truth he might expect you to make peace with, as you are on the contrary a great one to start communications. 

He takes his hands up to set things rolling because he fears how they may be miserably mishandled by a novice like him. Important conversations, planning a surprise party, or organizing a dinner date all require emotional acumen which he knows he won't be able to deliver in the best way. So he likes these subjects to be led by you since you can be an all-time better one to deal with them. 

While his quality of self-criticism is acceptable, his tendency to run away from challenges cannot be taken into good light all the time. You must motivate him to take up responsibilities, however small it is. If he gets appreciated for his efforts by you, he will further be interested in repeating the action. Don't let your ego play a negative role. Take the last initiative to make him take the rest.

#9 He is simply being idle

Your boyfriend could be in the habit of procrastinating everything, including communication in his romantic engagement. It is simply because he is laid back at times. He knows the importance of every little thing but idleness drapes him over and over when it's time to take the action. He knows not how he gives in to this feeling of inertia, but in the end, it's always you who has to come to the rescue.

This is one weird kind of pattern or characteristic that may explain why he never wishes to initiate. He delays what he is expected to do or say, or tries to put a hold on it for no obvious reason. Finally, the temptation to give up or evade the action becomes irresistible and he shifts the responsibilities to you. Never does he care about what you might feel or think, nor does he bother to change his nature by any means. 

Sometimes we forget things because we wish to forget them. The moment you remind him and take the first step, he is all ready to participate in the act. And it surprises you more than his laziness. 

He has a sluggishness inherent in him that never lets him do the obvious. He goes on to postpone sharing an idea or making a call. He probably chooses 'let it be' over 'let's do it' on every freaking occasion. 

It is not unlikely that his lethargy may infuriate you. But there is no point in shouting your displeasure at him since it won't bring a permanent solution. Let him fall and learn. Let him face the music of his own indolence. Give him your silent treatment and it will teach him the moral of the story from time to time.

#10 He wants your attention

Some men love to think that it is a way of showing care, concern, and affection by taking responsibility. If their partners are emotionally attached to them, they would show it by allowing themselves to do the leading parts. According to them, it is fair and sweet. These guys feel coddled and cosseted by their partners who stay indulgent to them by always taking initiative. Gradually it becomes an unwritten rule of their relationship.

There must be some similar explanation when your man wants you to take charge of everything. He might firmly believe that it is your own choice to initiate everything because you pay attention to his needs and are well aware of the best things to do in the relationship. He wants your active initiation because he wants your attention. If the rule ever breaks for a reason, he would feel insecure and worried. 

Another way to explain this behavior could be that he consciously lets you initiate every time since he wants to test your devotion and dedication toward him and the relationship. And he is happy about being reminded of or asked for something romantic by you. For him, your actions are the reflection of your fondness and nothing else.

You might have observed a few past examples when you remembered the important dates of his life or planned events that were special to him. Even in the case of seeing each other, you are the person to express the keenness first. On the other hand, you may not know how delighted he feels to see that you remembered everything that he remembered not to forget by any chance. 

It's just the way he expects you to react, infallibly in every instance. He enjoys being right that you will always be attentive to the relationship and make the initial move.

What to do when your boyfriend doesn't initiate anything?

Reading all the reasons we have discussed till now you may wonder how to react to this act of indifference when your boyfriend never happens to be the person to take the initiative. You are simply pissed off by this same thing happening around the clock and want a lasting cure. 

Follow the steps below. They might help you clear the mist of confusion and get a resolution. 

#1 Focus on the bigger truth

First of all, get yourself mentally prepared to be unbiased and honest in looking at the situation. 

Avoiding initiation and avoiding responsibilities may not convey the same idea. Open your eyes to see if he genuinely puts in effort or not. The truth will hit you sooner or later, but you need to learn it before it's too late.

What that statement means is that you cannot ignore his sincerity in listening to your instructions or his instant acceptance of whatever suggestion you propose. He never stops relying on you which may be the other side of the coin you paid less notice of. Appreciate how he appreciates you. 

The truth cannot be half-made. If you really want to judge his actions, don't overlook the authenticity with which he reacts and takes part in things you start. It might be truly commendable how he relentlessly participates in everything related to the relationship you share. It proves he never escapes from his commitments. 

Does he never cancel plans with others to make plans with you? Is he making excuses to avoid physical connection? Is he trying to shun meeting you after being asked? Does he ever seem opposed to dating nights planned by you? Doesn't he prioritize you over every other thing or person? Search for the answers to these questions. It's the efforts that should be focused on, my dear, not who it is to move first. The actual truth might be bigger than what your naked eyes could see.

#2 Have a healthy discussion 

Communication always helps. So there could be nothing more helpful than having direct communication about the feelings that are bothering you these days. Remember, it's a conversation that is supposed to bring harmony, not a confrontation that might worsen the relationship. Don't deviate from the purpose which is to draw a peaceful middle path.

A healthy discussion is meant to keep the interest of both the parties. So make it wisely and less emotionally. Use your senses to identify what you need to sort out and be specific with your expectations. Don't let him misread your intention, nor be a demanding partner who seems to pester her boyfriend into taking action.

It's important to set the proper ambiance and choose the right time when both of you will be in the right mood. Try not to sound complaining or accusatory. A little manipulation is welcome if that works well and harmlessly. Approach him in a way as if you are simply sharing your feelings. This time, make him take the first step by offering help and kindness. After all, that's what you aimed for. 

Consider the tone and words you choose to turn on the discussion and make it work. You can try this way,

"I don't know if you noticed or not, lately I struggle to remember things. I think I might sometimes forget to ask you for a meet-up or something important like that. If that happens would you mind reminding me or would you misunderstand me? I know you don't have this habit of initiating anything." 

In reply, he may assure you that he will take responsibility and never let you down. Allow him to prove himself on a given opportunity. 

If you want to be direct you can proceed by saying,

"Listen, darling, I have been damn tired of always initiating everything. Am I expecting too much? I know I might sound cheesy, but it indeed feels good if you take the first step at least on a few occasions. I would feel valued and reassured if you could do that for me." 

This can surely melt the ice and you will see changes in him in a gradual way. 

#3 Accept him as he is

Acceptance sometimes is a sign that you have learned to ignore the pettiness of certain events. Knowing him closely would definitely tell you how he is as a person and as a partner. People are judged by their overall contribution to a relationship and the basic human qualities they own. It in a way defines the true self of those people. Minor flaws cannot be the parameters of their character and do not overshadow the virtues they excel in. 

You must give him the benefit of the doubt even though his acts at times make you feel bad. Accept him for who he is. His lack of taking the leading action cannot be treated as a major drawback or a vice. It's a part of his personality. It's how he always has been. If it is innocuous, let him be how he pleases. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill because that would only land you in trouble that is least expected.

Whenever you feel troubled and upset, try to put yourself in an imaginary situation where your boyfriend might act according to your expectations. But won't it be too right or too perfect? Will you be happy if he is a changed man with a changed expression? Is that what you want, to change his identity to a person who would be ideal but not him? If not, then let him stay imperfect with all the love and affection he bears that are nothing less than perfect for you. Stay happy together, stay flawed together.

#4 Stop spoiling him

On the one hand, you distrust him in his skill in making a start or planning for an initiation. On the other hand, this is the same you who would expect that he would prove it wrong by taking the first one in a series of actions. Not fair, sweetie. You have to stick to either of them because you cannot have two contradictory results from your guy at the same time.

At first, you have to decide which one of the two would be preferable to stay pleased with. It's not strange if you enjoy spoiling him by taking care of everything by yourself and letting him worry less about them. But then you should not blame him later for staying away from taking charge. He didn't ask you in the first place. It was always your urge to initiate because you cannot wait for him to come forward. 

If you need to correct someone it is you, not him. Stop spoiling him in a way that he never grows the practice of taking up the responsibilities by himself. He is not a baby to be spoon-fed by you. Admit that you are having wrong expectations. The situation has been this bad because you have let it be so. 

The equation is simple. Break the chain and make him get a go. Unless he is put into urgency, he will never feel the necessity or the impact of his small initiatives. The relationship concerns you and your partner both alike. So, create the want in him that would be the primary force and motivate him to change his perspective.

#5 Listen to his side of the story 

You have formed ideas based on your own speculations and interpretations. It was easy because you know your emotions, feelings, and sensitive points where you feel powerless. This has been a one-way track so far because none of his stories is known to you yet. Whatever actions have created reactions in you solely hinged on your assumptions. 

To conclude something concrete, you need to hear the part of the story which is still to be communicated. There could be reasons that you didn't take into account and should be addressed. Maybe there is a communication gap or a possible misinterpretation between the real and the assumed. 

Ask him directly whether he is suffering from any unresolved issues. Perhaps he too has been misled in knowing your intentions. If both of you act on the basis of your individual findings and beliefs, the truth will never come to hand. The first step is often taken by expressing empathy, patience, and mutual trust. 

#6 Consider your own role

You can play the most uplifting and conclusive role to draw him into action. The relationship you two have must be a comfort zone for him to act and talk openly. Allow him the liberty to navigate his way toward making the initial efforts. 

If you see him ever taking an initiative, how insignificant it seems, do not hesitate to recognize its value and reward his efforts with encouragement and gratitude. That would generate a sense of being acknowledged and create a craving to look for further opportunities. 

Again, you can send him indirect hints about surprise plans or candlelight dinners or refer to the examples that would meet your expectations and make you happy if he initiates them. Start the conversation by saying,

"Women love surprises and if they are initiated by their boyfriends then they must be the luckiest of the girls."

One thing to be mindful of is that you must not criticize his endeavor. Instead, you should suggest a few positive improvements or improvisations, so that he feels well-driven and encouraged.

You could take another try by discussing the subjects of his interest at length. When he sees there is a common connection between your favorite topics and his, he might ardently start to have a conversation the next time and wouldn't need your initiation. Fostering common interest, hence, is a great way to create the right impulse to drive him forward.

Takeaway tips:

Have a quick look at the tips on the different ways to respond when your boyfriend doesn't initiate anything.

• Take a deep breath and calm yourself down to assess the problem with a clear insight. Have a friendly talk over the issues that are harmful to both of you and your relationship.

• Share each other's expectations to understand loopholes. Bring clarity and understanding before framing the real picture.

• Be patient in dealing with emotional bridges. Don't expect him to jumpstart the process as soon as he hears you. Let him have time and space to filter his own p's and q's. 

• Encourage his acts or efforts of initiation by sounding grateful and happy. Help him with opportunities and circumstances where he feels happy to take initiative.

• Think twice about whether you are a good fit or not if the issues persist and he doesn't seem willing to bend and adjust to your needs.