My Boyfriend Is Moving Away Without Me (I Explained Everything)

Being in a relationship involves an ocean of emotions. The waves keep surging up and washing the shores of life. In the process, one thing remains constant and that is how you navigate through them to stay unfettered and stick around triumphant. 

Challenges may surface when partners are moving apart. The physical presence which has a mammoth part to play in the dynamics of a relationship, is shaken into question once one has to be physically apart from the other. Now one may be reflective on the principle idea of their relationship. Can love conquer all the distances? A lot will say yes in unison whereas the rest may not stay on par and will contradict.

But to remember the last word, you must reel off the uniqueness of your relationship. You are not the first one to experience the kind of conflicting situation when you hear your partner moving away without you. Hence, to understand the highs and lows you have to save time and skim through the following blog.

My personal roadmap to the idea of moving away

This is a tough phase of a relationship when you need to set out for a whole new journey where your boyfriend might be in a different place, beyond your reach and you have to keep faith in the passion seething in your heart like ever.

I would like to put it this way, moving away is a part of your entire love story.

It might be exhausting and painful. But the truth is that the souls are never apart even though you are somewhere in a lonely place miles away from him, counting on his memories. What would bring you close is the yearning to keep the strings attached.

You may be separated by geographical locations that keep you away from the physical closeness you were used to, but what is that love all about? Do we stop loving people whom we cannot see or touch? 

Well, to be very honest, long-distance relationships could throw unexpected curveballs that we are hardly up for, but people thrive only through difficulties. So let yourself reach the height of accepting the challenges with courage, patience, and the deeper urge to love hard.

Let's talk wise. There are multiple loose pieces that I take into account before framing my perspective. If I were in your place, it would have been an ideal trial for me to see the true worth of the emotions I have invested in my partner. 

Moving away won't strike a scratch as long as partners are confident in each other. That is why I feel it is essential to know the tentative period of the relocation and our emotional potential to endure the estrangement that might follow before we steer into the actual process.

The detailed anatomy of a long-distance relationship is embedded in the sections below. Herein I will highlight on

• Why is he moving away without you
• Times when moving away could be a challenge 
• How relocation in a relationship can be a blessing
• The rulebook of moving away and how should you follow it
• What's next on the ladder

So, buck up and see both sides of the coin.

Why is he moving away without you

Of late I heard from one of my friends who was in a steady relationship with her boyfriend for five long years. They were engaged and soon to get married. She was super excited about their future together. Now, a few days back, her partner got a call from the Dubai branch of his company that asked him to join them as early as possible.

Guess what? He is packing his baggage and has to postpone the marriage for a couple of years. It took a long time for her to accept the blow and keep track of the events going on with the right state of mind.

I was amazed, however, by the way, they both decided to carry on with their relationship and discussed the pros and cons of a long-distance commitment before taking the leave. 

One thing that I learned is we must dive into the reasons taking us away from our close ones before we start feeling upset about it. 

#1 Is this a need or a choice? 

When you opt for a priority, it is the need or choice that makes all the difference. The need is unavoidable, but the choice leaves you with other options. Therefore, you should consider the leading force behind his shifting to a new place, and whether it is a compulsion or a preference he has made between you and something.

Paula (name is not real), one of my cousins, has been sharing a long-distance relationship with her partner for the last two years. He couldn't rebuff the offer coming from a big-name client he had been trying hard to work with. 

My little sister didn't stop Andrew (name is not real) as she knew it could be a turning point in his career. He was a struggling artist who was the sole bread earner of his family and she wanted to see him carve a niche, even if it meant a short-term distance from her. 

That was their 'need' which made both of them prioritize pursuing a long-distance relationship. The reasons may not be the same as yours. Helping you with the clues will be my pleasure. Here they are:

• If moving away can provide him with financial security to look after other people dependent on him, it is a necessity he cannot ignore. 

• Sometimes, refusing a proposal to relocate might cost him his job, and he has to start over from the beginning. In that case, this would be silly to have an inflexible view of the idea of shifting location. 

• On the other hand, if you see your partner choosing a better opportunity over the prospect of your relationship, it can be part of his pragmatic self that encourages him to take the leap. 

Yielding to the possibilities his career might demand is not an insensitive or selfish act. If he finally manages to balance his professional and personal anticipations pretty skilfully, that will be a win for both of you.

#2 Is there an underlying truth?

It's better to know if your partner is eager to move away due to something you had no knowledge of. A bitter truth he tried not to share with anyone. Maybe a psychological distance that he couldn't face anymore and wanted to stay out of sight for a while to escape the tiring void grown into him.

Ask him off and talk it out until things get resolved or at least he finds hope for better days. If he indeed wants to move to a new place for reasons that you need to get a hint of, make the move before it's too late.

For example, I have seen a common tendency among young people who want their partners to miss them and feel the love stronger than before by drawing physical distance and moving away from them. They believe in the power of absence that might make the presence of someone more intense. 

Most of the time, they end up losing touch entirely with their partners who find other people to settle down with, during the process. 

Be careful about things he might have kept locked into himself and try to study him with a caring eye. 

• Do you see him drawing himself from you for the past few days or months?

• Is he growing tight-lipped about his personal life?

• Does he look distracted or uncomfortable about saying much about his relocation process? 

• Do you feel he gets irritated more often by insignificant things?

#3 Is he running away from something?

As far as my personal experiences are concerned, I have seen people fearing commitment and trying to run away from them in a way that may look like a professional advancement. 

What I mean by that is:

Your boyfriend may be taking up new projects to find an excuse to fly to a new place and settle there for a few months or years so that he wouldn't have to commit to a marriage or a serious engagement.

I have talked to a friend of mine very recently. He was so happy with his relationship so far. But as soon as his girlfriend came up with a proposal to get officially engaged, he was floored with nervousness. 

It's just a few weeks that I came to know he was desperate to move into a place without his girlfriend simply to postpone the plans of the engagement. He confided to me that he didn't want to take the relationship forward into something official, as he knew that would eventually ruin the best parts of their relationship.

He applied for a transfer to continue with some new assignments from his work front and the moment they approved it he was elated to grab the opportunity. 

This may be the case with several youths who are comfortable going along with a relationship that doesn't ask for serious commitment. 

Before forming random assumptions, see if he is ready at all to take a lifelong vow with you or not. 

Just pay attention to whether

• He is speaking more about the diverse possibilities with his new projects than the conjugal life you have dreamed of with him.

• He doesn't seem to be truly excited about your eagerness to get engaged or married.

• He has no such visions and dreams with you to pursue in the future or a domestic life he wants to share with you.

• He never initiates anything to take you around his family and introduce you to them.

Times when moving away could be a challenge 

There are no two ways to the difficult and most demanding side of relocation. It has a devastating effect on the people involved, provided they both are emotionally devoted to the relationship. Usually, the initial period is the one you may find hard to breathe out easily and struggle to accept the change of routine. 

Let's see the pattern of ripples it may frame.

#1 When it breeds insecurity

A long-distance relationship requires a lot more effort and sacrifice than a regular relationship where you often get to see your partner or reach him more conveniently. The change of zip codes may change the old desire to stay connected or even to go on with the relationship anymore.

 Contemporary Family Therapy, published in 2016, stated that long-distance often leads to insecurity and loneliness among couples.

Lack of security is inevitable in partners at the times they have limited access to each others' lives. Whether it is for getting a step ahead in the career or aiming for higher studies, doing without each other gives a sense of unknown hopelessness.

The reasons can be

• Jealousy to see other people near him
• Absence of physical affinity and craving to get intimate with your partner.
• Fear of loss and isolation.

The two obvious and immediate emotional repercussions can be :

• You could be perennially restless and start to grow complaining for no reason

• There could be unnecessary fights and frustration stemming from the insecurity, which ultimately widens the gap.

#2 When it creates emptiness

Staying a flight away from your partner is going to take quite a toll on the emotional health of your relationship. There will be moments when it will be suffocating to fight off the hollowed space created in you. Moreover, there will probably be no easy and instant means to get in touch with him which can increase the emptiness.

It's a distressing ordeal for people staying in two separate corners of the world with a wistful longing to meet and see each other and feel the warm glow of each other's presence. The urge to stay close and snuggle off heightens the chasm with each passing day of the absence. 

If you are in love, mark my words as true and keep patience. Things you should be brave enough to handle could be

• Times when you will have to celebrate special occasions alone.

• Days when you could feel down and low and miss him badly to unburden the stress.

• Holidays when you would wish him to be with you having dinner dates or long walks together. 

• His social media posts that could make you feel jealous and sad.

#3 When it creates an unseen wall between partners

With the lessened amount of time to make yourselves available for each other, the distance will form an acute shape that may hurt you very often. It might be hard to feel assured about staying in touch. 

An unseen wall will come along the way which you may find unpassable. Once you see your boyfriend getting too busy with his new life and new friends it will be no easy for you to wish him to make time for you. You may be afraid that the romance will die down since the emotional aloofness cannot be resolved by one-sided attempts.

If you foresee the worst, give it a last try before walking off. Short and simple steps can be stepping stones for bigger changes. 

• Next time you talk to him, try to chalk out a specific time or day that will be feasible for both of you to call and speak your heart out.

• Try to find time to send a small text or emojis or make a brief video call every day to acknowledge and assert the mutual need for each other. 

• Reach out whenever you both feel the emotional urgency.

Despite your readiness to go the extra mile for him, if he still goes on being impassive, I think it won't look promising to expect a culmination or romantic fulfillment out of this relationship.

How relocation in a romantic relationship can be a blessing

Apparently, it feels like crap when you and your boyfriend have to move apart for a certain period. It means to alternate the world you two were comfortably dwelling on and it doesn't come with a painless dose of reactions. But dive in deeper and you might see a ray of blessing coming in disguise.

#1 It gives an opportunity to re-evaluate your relationship

I strongly believe that couples are much more connected when they find less exposure to monitor the lives of each other. Distances make them realize the value of small moments and quality time. They learn to appreciate the efforts and how both of them work effectively on finding time for the relationship. 

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

— Kahlil Gibran

The above lines by K. Gibran evoke the magic power of love that doubles with each inch of distance and unfurls its true beauty with the piercing dose of the momentary rift. 

Confused? 

That is why love remains an undefined mass of mystery. Its pleasure is defined by pain and sharpened by the drops of tears. Distance cannot distance the people who are deeply in love with each other.

Before you let yourself get weighed down by pangs of separation, reflect on the positive sides like:

• It intensifies the emotional connection.
• It allows you to reassess the commitment you both are ready to dedicate.
• It creates opportunities to support each other more strongly in adapting to the challenges of long distance.
• It shows the quantity of effort you can deliver to stay connected.

#2 Both of you can explore new goals 

With your partners away, you can reach the threshold of discovering an ample amount of space and freedom to spend time exploring your passions and goals. It provides you with the right set of circumstances to foster new habits and set new ambitions in life.

I have talked to several young people in this regard to form a better idea. Each of them has a common belief that despite the yearning, long-distance has a rewarding aspect of finding windows of independence.

I would love to share the invaluable lessons from these experiences with you which in turn can help you too in feeling optimistic 

• We grow experts in balancing and adjusting schedules for our partners.

• We never get tired of inventing creative ideas to surprise our mates.

• We find the right course to walk and work on our personal aspirations.

• We develop our best selves to cultivate hobbies and greater pursuits with a new structure of regularity. 

• We focus on the personal growth that infuses a sense of purpose in us.

#3 This is the time you can test the essence of your relationship

The heaviest and most taxing part of a long-distance relationship is how the partners cope with the conflicting forces with reliance on themselves and their adherence toward it.

You can't agree more on the point that you have the best chance to grow and evolve as a couple during a phase when you have been thrown into the loop of physical remoteness. 

The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain.

- Marvin Jay M. Torres

These words are an open testament to the fact that the vintage charm of love is tested through the painful storms lovers have to withstand to reshape and reignite the burning fire of passion in them. Like Phoenix, they are reborn from the ashes of separation, glow, and dazzle the world.

And do you know what secret mantra plays the trick? I will scribble them for you. 

Trust and faith would do wonders if you are to see the true essence of compatibility with your boyfriend. Nothing but mutual understanding and trust can keep your souls connected and glued to each other.

As studies and research have shown in Family Relations,(1990) people who go through long-distance relationships have limited communication opportunities, yet they have far more quixotic ideas about their partners.

Know these three things stated below:

• Flexibility, consistency, and persistence would be the principal keys to unlock the future of your engagement. 

• The hurdles will fall short if you both are emotionally firm to bounce back and combat them with resilience in spite of living in two different time zones. 

• Relationships stand the test of time if the partners are always on the same page in the face of difficulties and adversities, regardless of the physical distance. 

If you want me to mention a particular reference on this, I would name quite a few couples who have shown tremendous power of loyalty and commitment toward their partners during an LDR and most importantly never encouraged anything that could have chipped in and struck a crack.

When people are separated by differences in locations, a swarm of negative emotions might creep in like loneliness, lack of faith, and communication breaches. Yet the willingness never to part with your mate is the essential drive to keep the flame alive. 

The rule book of moving away and how should you follow it

It may sound a bit out of the box to believe that following some ground rules is technically beneficial to let you pull through a long-distance relationship, but trust me it is. 

People who have foresight will agree that relationships are like a vast sea that necessitates the skill of a sharp boatswain to get hold of its crazy waves and survive. For that, the partners might be traveling on the same boat lending shoulders to each other.

Whether you accept it or not, this is an extraordinary event when lovers are set apart for a while and must work through the challenges with unified efforts. And to hit the shore there will be a tumultuous voyage and a bunch of preventive measures one must have prior knowledge about.

How do they work? 

Well, look below to find the answers.

#1 Know the modes of communication before he moves away

Communication is the first and foremost secret to a happy and successful relationship. So, my biggest piece of advice goes in favor of discussing the modes of communication before he books tickets for the plane( or train). 

Since it is going to be the only bridge connecting two lonely hearts, you must take care of its specified versions beforehand. 

'How' and 'why' are right here :

• The means of communication should be convenient and suitable for the busy schedules of both of you so that you have a good few hours to talk, share, and express yourselves without being interrupted.

• Having an internet connection would ensure better interaction adding a personal touch and provisions to see each other, cherish the gestures, and feel virtually connected. So, make sure you both have the facilities for online conversations and chats.

• Discuss the common modes of preference that may get each of you equally engaged in the process of emotional exchange.

• Proper communication will magically merge two different worlds into one when you share a common virtual screen and feel both of your presence almost palpable and listen to the voice from a distant land. Hence, you may choose video calls along with phone calls at a fixed hour of the day, to feel happy to see the loveliest faces of your partner.

#2 Is he moving temporarily or permanently? 

This can change the course of action completely. Whether you would stick to the relationship with anticipation for him to come back and take you into his arms will depend on his intentions and calculations about the length of time he is planning to stay outstation.

If you ask me to suggest, I would definitely be honest about stating the bitter truths rather blatantly. So brace up, my dear. 

A temporary relocation has the potential for growth and a doable side of the relationship to pursue. Partners can reunite or move in together and I can show you hundreds of such examples, (although there are isolated cases of break-ups as well). Still, the ray of hope always remains more pronounced.

But if he cannot assure you that he will come back after a particular period of months or years, I am afraid it's not going to be worthwhile to hold on to the illusion any longer. 

Place direct questions like

• "Tell me the time I'm supposed to wait for. Yes, I need to know this because I don't want to fall prey to fake promises or unrealistic dreams that won't come true."

• "How long are you planning to stay there?" 

• "You are coming back after a short while, aren't you?" 

• "When is this project going to get finished?"

#3 Do you have any future plans?

As I mentioned in the previous sections, your plans for the relationship depend on the nature of the work your boyfriend is taking up in the new place and the calculations he might have done regarding the prospect of the relationship.

So, before you choose separate paths, try to ask things related to the future of you both.

Answers to the following questions may be useful to determine the next step:

• How often do you think you could meet up?
• Is he coming back or will you move into his place?
• How serious are you both to see your relationship materialize?
• Are you sure you would be able to stay and manage things alone? 
• Is he interested in getting married and settling down with you? 
• What are you supposed to do if he wants you to relocate with him later?
• Are you ready to find a new job in a new place if that brings you to live with your partner?
• What is your plan B in case he ever changes his mind?

#4 Do you trust each other enough to survive an LDR? 

The rudimentary base of a relationship lies in the way you can trust your partner and vice versa. And talking about a long-distance relationship, trust has no alternative in adding value to the permanence of the courtship. 

Needless to say, if you have a trust issue with your partner or have less faith in him, it's high time both of you level up with mutual understanding. 

I am reminding you of the importance of trust since there will be times when you will need it most during the absence of your partner. Let me help you with the clarity by a handful of right questions you need to ask yourself

• Will you be comfortable seeing him with his new female colleagues and friends?
• Can you bear with the days when he might stop calling you due to his work pressure?
• Do you think you both will be honest and transparent with each other, no matter what happens?
• Will you be mature enough to understand that he might sometimes fail to meet your expectations? 
• Are you sure you won't get insecure or anxious and question his loyalty now and then over petty things? 

What's next on the ladder

Since it is a two-sided lane, you must walk together to reach the destination. The relationship won't stand a chance if either of you falls off the ladder. Take on a few things to abide by to protect the partnership and your self-esteem with equal integrity.

#1 Don't run after him

The most likely interpretation of it is that the relationship belongs to only you. It is similar to allowing yourself to be treated as a girlfriend who needs his favor to be loved. 

Cut the crap, sweetheart. Stop chasing him. You are not supposed to be one of the women who are happy to feel obliged by the act of her boyfriend loving her. If parting away hurts, it should hurt both of you. If it doesn't, it's going to break down at some point in time. 

So, can you risk it? 

While communication is a must, personal space is something you have to include in the key components. Maybe he wants a little of this space for you and himself, just to balance the tune of freedom and fresh air. 

Running after him would turn you into a nagging girlfriend who intrudes on the private space and ends up making him run away. Let him love you the way he feels at ease. 

#2 Allow yourself to be missed

The part about missing your partner is thought to be painfully endearing, as it intensifies the urge to reunite and strengthens the emotional connection. 

Take care of yourself and see if he misses you as much as you do. 

I am in a long-term relationship with a girl whom I have been dating for six years and am now married to. During the early stages of our romance, we used to enjoy chatting with each other much like a casual hookup. 

It was only the time I had to move to a different city when I realized I wanted a serious commitment to her, simply because of the terrible way I had missed her. I came running back to her and proposed. Today, I truly believe that without that short period of separation, I wouldn't have known how much I love her and need her in my life.

So girl, stay quiet and wait for the right time when he will miss you the same way and cannot resist himself from bending to his knees before you for an everlasting commitment.

#3 Avoid blame game

Blaming your partner won't help you find the relief you are looking for. Instead, it may worsen the miscommunication that you feared the most.

The reality is that your relationship gets more vulnerable and susceptible to misunderstanding when you are pursuing a long-distance relationship. Random assumptions and doubts may cloud your thoughts. In such a sensitive state of events, putting the blame on your partner would backfire on you and he might go aloof and emotionally distant. 

Have control over your impulsive thoughts that can ruin the long-earned stability and understanding between you and your partner. 

Replace this blame game with something positive and productive like:

• Breathe in the air of independence and introspect.
• Turn to nature and spend time losing yourself in it.
• Practice patience, poise, and calmness in your spare time.
• Don't let your brain be a devil's workshop by doing creative and spiritual conditioning.

#4 Be specific in your expectations with him

Specify your expectations to your partner. You are two different people with different mindsets. By letting him know what you exactly expect from the relationship will further deepen the respect and trust.

With the relocation, there will be plenty of changes you were hardly prepared for. Therefore it is better to open up to your partner about the emotional turmoil you might be in.

Discussing your expectations is vital to see if they align with his or not. If there is a missing link, you can fine-tune and find a middle path to make peace with. 

Tell him if

• You want to accompany him to the new place 
• You expect a shorter waiting period for him to come back.
• You wish to stay in a live-in relationship for the time being until you can think further. 
• You thought he would promise a family or a commitment before he leaves.

Tips

• Come, sit and talk. It's crucial not to suppress your emotional state at his decision to move away without you.

• Get a practical perspective toward his choice of shifting. It may be due to his job promotion, new business ventures, or other unavoidable emergency. 

• You can plan to make surprise visits or frequent meetups at his place to maintain the connection.

• Keep the ball rolling by sending and receiving tokens of love on special occasions that you used to have fun together.

• Make use of online platforms and technological means to reach and connect. Decide on the most viable ones that would be easy and handy to access for both of you.

• Get involved in your own work circles and try your hands on the fields of your interest. It will remove the boredom, and feeling of isolation and reduce the mental agony caused by the estrangement.