Why Does My Boyfriend Get Irritated With Me Easily? (+Tips)

Love keeps changing its forms in different stages of life. When it culminates into a committed relationship, couples get to partake in endless emotional upheavals and a melange of contrasting forces. Time carves layers of unfamiliar circumstances and they cannot help being in the helpless receiving zones.

When one of the partners suffers the bitterness of the other and fails to reach the crux of the annoyance, they have to carry a stone-heavy loneliness with them, yet know not how to unburden it.

The example of showing irritation to one's partner has been a common relationship issue among couples who have come a long way together and happen to be in a deep-rooted commitment for years.

I know the dry fact doesn't help you feel better. Nevertheless, you have to admit that the ride was never supposed to be an easy one. So hold it tight and trust your gut. 

If you are desperate for clues and clarity, this article is a godsend. So, devour it slowly to see the forest for the trees.

Adding my two cents

I have been an avid learner like everyone whom life has taught with a heap of experiences. To share them and help the readers overcome their personal hurdles is my privilege to exercise.

In the first place, I do not want anyone to pass through an experience so bad that they have to stay in a fix and grapple for answers. But the universe has a different plan for each of us and we cannot alter that. What we can do is make use of the innate qualities and willpower we are gifted with to combat them.

When you see your partner getting constantly irritated with you for no possible reason, you are thrown off balance. 

It's not abnormal to think, 'Is he not interested anymore?' or 'What did I do?'

Well, I agree that's a genuine concern to be worried about. Yet it is equally true that sometimes there is a greater truth beyond our understanding. I think a transparency of that would take you to the door of solution.

If you ask about my feelings, I would assure you of one thing that something terrible is lying in close corners of his heart that you have to track down and work on. 

To find hope, feed your mind with the blog post where I have highlighted pivotal topics like: 

• What is triggering his irritation
• Is he 'irritable' or 'irritated'
• Your partner is in need indeed
• Times when his irritation is valid
• Take the ride and introspect
• So what are your options 

What is triggering his irritation?

The first step I would help you take is to figure out the sore spots of your boyfriend that are contributing to the unfavorable state of things. 

Take it as a diagnosis process where it is essential to know the backstory of the malady. I will jot down a number of symptoms in this section to ease the process of unriddling and identifying the holy roots.

#1 Is he stressed? 

Stress can overpower the strongest of the men. I take responsibility for my words when I say your boyfriend can be easily irritated with you due to an underlying pressure of personal and professional life.

Not that it's a random statement without any pretext of real incidents. I have seen people surrender to the overwhelming tension of life that they hardly manage to outdo with their ordinary skills. 

What happens next? 

They vent out to people like partners, parents, or close friends. It's a displaced aggression that has the psychological authenticity of having anxiety disorder due to stress.

In most of the instances, they lose their mind and react to people who are conveniently easy to hurt and pour in the irritation. 

Journal of Affective Disorders, 2012 found 85 cases where the anxiety disorder of either of the partners has negatively affected their relationship, giving rise to unnecessary resentment.

The stress might have resulted from varied reasons like:

• Failure to meet deadlines in the professional sector. 
• Struggle to balance and meet expectations in personal life.
• Inability to cope with the financial overload.
• Lack of planning and coordination to save time for troubleshooting his brain and relaxing his body.
• Fight the adversities where he can barely get aid from others to process his mind against demanding situations.

#2 Does he sleep well?

You might have ignored the fact but it has a massive part to play if your man is running out of sleep these days. His internal system cannot function well in case he is deprived of an ample amount of sleep.

When you're sleep-deprived, you're more likely to overreact to small things and make impulsive decisions.

- Matthew Walker

This is what I staunchly believe to be true.

I can tell you what sleepless nights can do to a guy who is overworked and hard-pressed by rough phases of life. This would be a very personal story to share with you.

I am a survivor of insomnia and consequent irritability due to a wrong schedule and bad health. My partner has been kind and warm to me throughout the difficult phase when I had been down with a lack of sleep for months and started getting peevish all the time. She was the person whom I treated badly and badmouthed every time she tried to reach out.

After several sessions of self-reflection, meditation, fitness regimes, and proper therapy, I got a second chance to see things in a better way and with new vitality.

So my best advice to help him and yourself will be to

• Keep a special eye on the body clock he is following.
• Look if he has a sound sleep or is sleeping fitfully through the night.
• Take care of his physical and mental health by frequently asking about them.
• Advise him to see a doctor if he feels unwell and start medication.

A healthy mind is the offspring of a healthy body. They are mutually intertwined and if he has to be temperate and calm, you need to make sure he is hale and hearty at the same time.

#3 What about the old spark of your relationship?

Don't mind me asking you if your relationship has been worn out or retains the old charm.

Maybe the repetition of the same old routine of exchanging typical love gestures is not working well in the relationship like before. 

He needs a change or a break. He needs color and flavor in the partnership you share. He may be tired of the insipid circle of days and months with a dullness that's dispiriting his soul.

People complain that they have been sick of their girlfriends telling the same thing and talking about the same feelings over and over for days on end and they get mad at them when their patience falls short at a certain point.

I can well predict that if you picture yourself doing similar things to your boyfriend, it is likely to hit him to the point of losing his cool, and you know now why he is annoyed at you with an increased frequency nowadays.

Don't forget to know how to add a kick to the relationship and make it work :

• Break the routine and do something thrilling together.
• Initiate romantic dinners to surprise him.
• Make out passionately to let him see you on fire with desire.
• Make a travel plan that will involve extraordinary fun times and a chance to come closer.

#4 Do you keep on complaining?

A nagging and complaining girlfriend is the last thing a guy wants, especially if he is a busy man with lots of commitments to deal with. He is left with no energy and enthusiasm to keep pace with a woman who never stops cribbing and pestering him.

A psychologist friend of mine once discussed one of his patients with me. He was a man of 35 with an ever-smiling face and eyes that once radiated life. 

But he had to visit the therapist when he got himself a girlfriend who had a special talent for finding faults in everything he did and splitting hairs over petty issues.

He started sulking and losing all that shine from his face and was in dire need of help to shut her mouth( yes, you heard it right). My friend did a session with both of them and found that it was her irritating nature that made him irritated with her in the end.

Did you get my point, dear? 

I don't want to be mean but before you tag him as an always-irritated-boyfriend, look back at the grumbling nature of yourself.

Worry not, the life hacks are down here:

• Understand and acknowledge his efforts instead of reacting to his failures.

• Accept that no one can be perfect. Give him time to learn to unlearn the wrong things and mentor him on the right methods.

• Be more tolerant and less disapproving.

• Take help from an expert if you can't control your complaining habit.

#5 Does he need a little more care?

Psychologists term it 'Irritable Male Syndrome' that instigates men and turns them against their partners. 

The most unfortunate thing is that most of these men suffering from the syndrome have complained of being uncared for and unattended by their significant betters.

This has a separate kind of relational stress that men find hard not to react to. 

A quintessential strong man is thought to be very reserved and guarded about his emotions. Generally, he doesn't love to lash out. But when he remains in a vulnerable state that requires extra care and concern from his beloved and she never gives it back, it gets depressing and frustrating.

He turns into a grumpy little guy who gets irked with each word uttered by his girlfriend. It happens more with those who have partners happy with their own lives and other priorities.

I'm not a know-it-all fellow, yet I belong to a male fraternity. So it's not very difficult for me to understand the psychology behind a man's irritation toward his girlfriend. 

Is it unlikely that a man neck-deep in troubles and tension seeks healing care from his girlfriend? Will it be too much to expect? 

Jolt yourself back to reality and try a retrospection of the events that preceded his recent resentment.

• Were you busy at times he made a series of phone calls to you?
• Did you see through his eyes closely to find the pronounced grooves of strain?
• Have you any idea what is going on in his life? 
• Do you hang up without knowing that he still wants to remain on the line?
• Have you talked to him and asked, "Are you fine, baby?"

Perhaps your change of behavior and warmth of love can bring out the actual niggle point and help you get back the old lover you are madly in search of.

Is he 'irritable' or 'irritated'?

Most of us cannot differentiate between the words 'irritable' and 'irritated'. 

Irritable people are generally those who have an in-born irritation embedded in their character. They get annoyed easily at everyone. But if the trait is sudden and someone gets vexed at the other very recently, it has been shaped over a period and the state of quality is called 'being irritated'.

You may wonder why I am drawing this context and what may be the relevance. 

Allow me to elucidate on this in the following part to answer you more convincingly.

#1 Look at the pattern

The very pattern of your man's annoyance may be helpful in connecting the dots for you.

Guys are irritated for different reasons. However, the intensity of these emotions can determine how it is different and less bothersome than the serious behavioral modes.

Here I must mention normal irritation is a part of life that we all experience more or less. But if it has a chronic pattern, get the alarming signs as early as possible.

Have a quick contrast of both

When it is a normal irritation,

• It is momentary and will be resolved after a brief communication 
• It doesn't intensify with time.
• It doesn't affect the larger picture of your relationship.

But severe irritation will result in situations 

• When there is a sudden rise in the number of simulations that will fume him up.
• It will affect the dynamic of your relationship.
• It will increase day after day.
• It will give rise to conflicts, emotional fatigue, and heated arguments.

Imagine he cannot find his important documents or socks or any other personal stuff and he blows up at you accusing you that you have deliberately done that to get on his nerves. 

It is not an isolated incident if it happens quite often, irrespective of the excuse he makes to take you accountable for his indignation. As a result, you will often feel like walking on eggshells around him so that he doesn't explode. 

Several couples have reported being targeted by their partners over minuscule things since the disdain doesn't lie in a particular incident but in the seriousness of the amount of irritation grown between them. Some of them have even reached the point of getting separated. I saw similar cases in Quora discussions where girls are worried about their partners being mad at them over negligible issues.

Don't just sit and mourn over the wailings, honey. It's time you take some action to assuage the burn.

#2 How frequently is he irritated?

Every couple has a collection of memories that brighten up their faces. It's about the good things they do like how they met, how they treated each other with love, and how they used to get pampered.

But as time rolls by, issues pop up like cobwebs, and love gets replaced by anger and sullenness. 

Getting indignant by your presence, your words, and your approach eventually leaves its lousy marks on the landscape of your partnership. 

But does it occur very often or it's restricted to a few occasions and a few things he is sensitive about? The regularity proves that his negative emotions center around something related to you and nothing else. 

If it pisses him off whenever you try to say or do something like a daily ritual and you are afraid to go near him, it certainly is a warning light. 

Reddit discussions have helped me go through events that portray almost identical problems related to the irritation of boyfriends that damage the emotional stability of partners.

Identify the red flags when

• He gets furious if you try to please him by doing something nice.
• You ask him what is bothering him and he pushes you away.
• You come to communicate and sort things out, but he reacts rancorously.
• He shouts at you at little things and never regrets his misconduct.
• He doesn't show affection and tries to stay away from physical intimacy.
• He doesn't allow you to know the facts of his current life.

#3 What are the common issues brought by your irritated partner

There is a common phraseology of people who are frequently and easily irritated by their partners. The terms are often insulting and humiliating and are born out of something he has nurtured in his warped mind for long.

I had a pugnacious neighbor a couple of years ago who was known as a crabby fellow among all of us. He used to be abusive to his partner almost every day, calling her names and screaming in a high-pitched voice to express his acrimony.

Whatever my ears could follow had a common line of grievances regarding her past and bad company. Later I realized that the bad-tempered boy was not born this way, rather he had suppressed everything negative about his partner, and now cannot hold them in anymore.

Try my way and see what hidden grudges are coming out when he gets livid at you very easily:

• Is he referring to your past?
• Is he trying to blame you for something you were ignorant of? 
• Is he mentioning unresolved issues between you?
• Does he feel unappreciated by you?
• Does he use terms like 'selfish' or 'ungrateful' to define you?

#4 Are you his only target?

Ah, so I got there at last. He is not the same pesky guy with everyone that he becomes with you, which means you have bugged him off in a nasty way and he has nothing better to offer you than a fretful version of himself.

Did you notice before that he is such a benign gentleman with others in one moment and erupts like a volcano the next moment when you show up in the story?

Help yourself this time, because no one can do it for you. Admit that your relationship is at stake until you heal his wounded places.

Any idea how to do that?

Keep your senses open and start from the point where he ends. 

Follow the trails of his words like

• 'Please leave me alone, will you?'
• 'Stop bothering me. I am just fine unless you poke me up.'
• 'I have nothing to talk about with you because I'm done with you.'
• 'Why do you always have to do something that puts me off?'

People who want to keep their partners out of their hair are often the ones who have alienated themselves from them and probably are eager to see them try to make amends despite being ill-treated.

Hence, no more wasting time, show your caring gestures and remind him of the love you once decided to shower on each other for the rest of your life.

Your partner is in need indeed

Guys with a changed nature of crankiness can be real victims of emotional disorders that have swelled them up like sick ones.

I haven't met your boyfriend, yet I am sure that if the man is shrunken into a grouchy boy from a decent and sober fellow, and behaves with unusual traits, he needs help at the earliest.

Yes, he is psychologically unwell and requires lasting comfort. 

To break it down for you, I have discussed the signs of behavior that need attention.

Take them slowly in.

#1 He cannot hold his tongue

Angry words are like arrows shot from a bow; you can never take them back.

- Henry Ward Beecher

Henry W. Beecher has stated a million-dollar truth about words uttered in a fit of anger. That goes for an agitated mind as well.

Did you find the relevance?

It is about times when your boyfriend might go out of control and cannot watch his tongue while having a war of words with you. 

He is irritated, I know. But he cannot cross the mark of decency just because he has to breathe fire at you. And most importantly this is so not like him.

If his annoyance takes an abusive turn, know that this is simply out of character and you have to be very cautious about handling his exasperation. This is not normal whatsoever to bark abuse at his partner on being piqued by her.

Treat his agitated mind with tenderness because that is what can cure him of his emotional turbulence.

#2 He isn't his real self

Let me guess. He is a sweet, loving, and adorable man who earns respect from everyone he gets in touch with. But at times, you do not know him at all because of his strange temperament. 

When you come up with something for him he isn't the one you know anymore. He can not stand you and starts getting hyper-aggressive. 

That doesn't go with the character he owns. He becomes restless and wants to shun a conversation with you.

Well, that was my deduction. 

See if you can relate this to his actions

• He does strange things to show his wrath.
• He yells at you and loses his temper
• He becomes strangely quiet and refuses to answer you.
• He tries to look away to avoid confrontation and pulls away when you try to hug him.

In a nutshell, his weird resentment must be the outburst of something worse, that I guess calls for being addressed without delay.

#3 He is on the verge of breaking down 

May I say he has reached a dead end and can't help having an emotional breakdown? 

I made this conclusion because men who feel trapped in a whirlpool of darkness can see things mount up, yet can't help themselves at the right moment.

Later, after a flurry of masked emotions, they give vent to the vicious cycle of depression and express their vulnerability in a wrong way.

The signs of the meltdown can be as follows 

• He acts insane to gain sympathy when none of his angry words really work to make him feel better
• He starts crying bitterly in the middle of an argument
• He tries to lock himself up without waiting for a discussion to end
• He tries to hit and hurt himself out of fury

If I am wrong with my prognosis, I will be the happiest man on earth. But if it's the right one, you know you have to help him, no matter whatever it takes for that.

Times when his irritation is valid

I am not being biased as I claim that there might be times and circumstances that can force a man into getting easily piqued. 

It's not for those who have been born with an irritable nature but for those whose nature stands opposite to being provoked and irritated. Certain factors may act as unavoidable stimulation in rubbing him the wrong way. 

A very few possibilities are mentioned here to provide clarity.

#1 You are being insensitive

As a partner, your boyfriend must have expectations and needs from you that he hopes you to handle sensitively. But if he gets repeated reactions of insensitivity and impassiveness from you, this is no wonder he will feel irritated and after a few while won't be able to accept anything coming from you as bonafide.

Yeah, I understand that this statement can leave you reeling about your actions. Nothing to be puzzled. Proper examples can point out what you could be overlooking so far.

Let them put straight:

• You blame him for your own mistakes.
• You criticize him with an overt brazenness that may hurt his feelings.
• You take him for granted for the sake of other people you prioritize.
• You don't ask him what and how he feels and what he needs.
• You hardly feel or say sorry for being wrong.
• You have refused to listen to him on several occasions.

#2 You hid a truth from him

Keeping secrets from partners often destroys the trust in them and in the case of men they withdraw themselves from those who do that to them.

Some guys are too emotional to express that they feel betrayed, instead, they either communicate less or get easily peeved with their partners.

My sister had a domestic partnership with her partner for years. And the guy was a gem of a mate I must say. But when he discovered my sister had been hiding a secret from him about meeting a stranger without his knowledge, he hardly spoke a word and walked away.

Months later she found herself being subjected to accusations and the man she once loved couldn't tolerate her presence. He had developed a deep-seated rage against her that made him irritated the moment she tried to have a talk with him. 

However, they didn't have to break up as she confessed her guilt, and apologized and the guy was indeed too good not to forgive her.

If you still can't make out the right ways for reconciliation, here are the tips:

• Go and apologize for being a person he couldn't love
• Make a promise to him and yourself that you would do nothing of this sort in future
• Accept your fault with sincerity and give him time to heal and restore his calm.

Take the ride and introspect 

This is the time you must introspect and find out the rules you have to consider in bringing a permanent resolution.

Ride in with the below-mentioned steps

#1 Will you mind being kind?

Kindness is thought to be a quality that can soften the toughest nuts. 

What else does a guy ask for except a few loving gestures and a kind heart that would absorb the pain he suffers from? 

When you approach him with a gentle and benevolent attitude, he has to answer those silent calls. This is where love triumphs over all the darkness. 

Turn the mojo on by doing what I say:

• Sit by him and say nothing. Let your silence sweep his soul.
• Give him a warm and tight hug, even if he tries to draw back.
• Have patience and abstain from counteracting his bitter words.
• Leave him alone for some time for his anger to subside and don't nudge him until he feels comfortable.
• Show empathy and compassion to win him back.

#2 Have his back like you used to do

Your selfless support is the food for the day. My personal suggestion will always go for lending him the shoulder he needed all this time.

I know it's difficult for you to get around to a person who has willingly turned away from you.  He won't demand the support and will want to play a lone hand in the inner battles despite being on the top of the mountain. Yet you have to break the ice by volunteering your helping hand.

The minute he gets to see you are genuine and true, it will be a bit easier for him to get intimate and succumb to the love you always wanted to share.

Buy my word that it won't be like crossing the oceans.

• Just be his friend and have his back
• Don't expect gratitude in return for what you spontaneously offered.
• Be gentle, assertive, and optimistic with him. 
• Assure him that you are always a call away to be there for him.

So what are your options?

Last but not least, trying all your bits could mean you value the relationship and want him to value you too. Direct actions are the finest means to grow as a couple and outlast the changing tides and ravages of time.

#1 Look for cues by talking

First off, I must mention that I prefer candid communication over every other means. It releases the buried emotions in a fraction of a moment. People can connect only by having long and thoughtful talks with each other. The rest flows without effort.

How would you put two and two together unless you initiate an interaction? 

So your next move will be to

• Brave the storm by stepping up to the plate and striking up a long-awaited conversation.
• Choose the right time, and ask the right question by mentioning specific incidents where you were clueless about his annoyance.
• Pose direct questions asking what's wrong with him and how you can work together to mend it.

You are not a pro-orator, you are a lover. So speak the language of love, it has wonders.

#2 A little quality time won't do harm

Quality time for couples is meant to allow themselves to open up, listen, and nourish the dying flame back with the heartiest congeniality.

The only way to truly understand another person is to spend time with them and listen to their story. When we take the time to get to know someone, we realize that we are more alike than we are different

- Brené Brown

I agree with what B. Brown has tried to convey through her lines. Only the time we come close to our hearts, do we see them beating with a more similar rhythm of passion.

Once you get to spend time together, leave everything behind and focus on each other.

Examples?

• Get a movie date or a beach camp together, when you will be able to lie by each other, count the stars, and play your favorite tracks.
• Hold his hands and walk for miles until either of you is tired.
• Plan staycations to some secluded places to spend time talking, reminiscing, laughing, and cuddling.

How would they help anyway?

• It would provide opportunities to taste the dead flavor of the romance.
• Your partner could trust you again as his best friend to share his wounds.
• It can be the best chance to clarify doubts and look past the gray clouds.

#3 Go for a counseling 

I assume all your attempts have failed and he doesn't want to say a thing to you. 

Now what?

No hesitation, sweetie. A couple therapy will act as a magic potion to both of you.

I am in tune with the fact that he is reluctant to confide in you. Therefore,

• A therapist would be the neutral body to whom he can be comfortable, safe, and less prone to feel judged or criticized.

• On the other hand, he (or she) will hear your perspective too and be the only one who can blur out the gap of miscommunication between you and bring you down to a golden ground.

Takeaways

• Listen, talk, and hold on to the pitfalls that are actively contributing to his irritation.

• Don't follow 'an eye for an eye' theory, it will darken the sight in the end.

• Make up your mind to be calm, understanding and patient to deal with his emotional chaos.

• Reflect on your own role and contribution.

• Stop taking the whole blame on yourself and have a sensible perspective toward it.

• Give him a tad bit of space to cool off, realize, and act like his usual self.