My Boyfriend Doesn’t Take Me On Dates (12 Reasons and Tips)

The ability to receive love, to understand that you are getting loved, to be touched by the chord of affection comes slowly to us. There has to be that meeting of eyes, flashing of reflections, a trace of a smile on your lips in the presence of a company, a longing to be. 

While you initiate a relationship with everything that seems magical, the social norms don’t take a lot of time in catching up. You see your friends dressing prettily, and going on fancy balls with their guys. However, here is you with your boyfriend binge-watching another series.

A feeling of insecurity starts creating small holes in the wonderful space where you were harboring all feelings that were beautiful before. Skepticism takes over and you wonder the whys and hows. 

If you have found yourself on such a crossover, worry not. I am here to help you. In this blog post, I will take you on a journey where we will figure out together why doesn’t your man take you on dates, and how can you convince him to do the same. Keep reading to know more.

Reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t take you out on dates 

He might be more comfortable crashing indoors. Look at his schedule before rushing forward to understand his behavior. There is always a cause that leads us to behave in a certain manner. When the cause is known, the behavior becomes less perplexing and more acceptable.

Read below to discover more such causes, and to calm your nerves down.

#1 You are dating a man child 

If you are wondering who is a man's child, the compound term explains itself, he is a man who behaves like a child. The point is, if you feel there are more days when you are buttering and pampering your man to keep him happy than days when it is happening the other way around when your boyfriend enjoys playing video games and spending more time with his dudes than he does with you, he is a man child.

Now you might be wondering why does it matter. Well, it is all blurry till the point you connect the dots. You will understand then that it is not your boyfriend who will ask you out on dates or plan one, for he is perhaps oblivion to such a culture or such needs are incomprehensible to him, but you who must plan it out first. 

You can expect him to replicate the behavior shortly if he enjoys it and does not get bored by it. Think of it in the way how a child’s mind works. They resist the behavior or patterns which pull them out of their comfort zones. Getting ready and showing up at a place to have meals he doesn’t even understand the name of, might be such a something. 

You need to give him stronger reasons than this to make it more appealing. The temptation can become palpable through something more materialistic in nature. A concrete understanding of love can be provided by making out after dates. This acts as a reward system. 

Who loves rewards more than children, right? It is synonymous with promising them an ice cream treat after you convince them to do something for you. However, all being said, the thought that you are dating a man-child might not be pleasing. Let me tell you, it is just a phase that will get over with time. To know more, you can click on the link below. At the same time, don’t forget to complete reading this article first.

Related Read: My Boyfriend Plays Video Games All Day (Here's What to Do)

#2 He is too self-centered 

When you are dating a guy who indulges more often in self-branding and starts all his statements with, “I did this…,” “I achieved that…,” “Only I possess the power to…,” etc, you have poured yourself a cup of vanity in the name of hot chocolate and vanilla. 

It will perplex you to no extent as you will find yourself continuously shadowed and side-lined in his company for he needs too much light. It will begin with feeling neglected, and not being asked out, and will go on to you feeling low and he having no clue.

There is a reason why people find narcissists hard to love. The reason is that narcissists are already too much in love with themselves so there never occurs a need to do it otherwise. They like their company, and they might even have strong reasons to do so. Such people are often self-made at an early age. Their ideas and concepts are crystal clear to them. 

Perhaps that is the quality that attracted you to such someone in the first place. I will suggest here that you remember your reasons why you started dating the guy in the first place, and stick to those. If a guy is a businessman or an academician, he might not ask you out on dates. The former will buy you gifts, the latter will write poetries for you. Understand their love language before coming up with a fight or an unreasonable argument.

Related Read: My Boyfriend Always Looks at Himself in the Mirror (Here's Why)

#3 He is using you 

Your boyfriend may be using you to serve his means while not caring enough for yours. While the term use is strong and is associated in such a context will illegitimate tasks, we can never be too careful. There are men around the world who likes to exploit the other gender. 

For such men, women are mere means, a toy to satisfy themselves. What is to be noted here is that you have granted your man the authority to use you. He cannot force something out of you.

When he is controlling you, it is probable for you to reverse the table by taking back the permission already granted. Stop pleasing him. Let him do things to stir an interest in you, else, stop showing that you are interested in all that goes on in his life.

When you turn on the aloof button, you will be taken aback to see that the guy gets fidgety. He can see that he is losing you, and he would hate nothing more than losing all the favors that had made his life easy.

He will become desperate for you and will try to please you by doing different things. These things will be liking all your photos, making explicit comments on your photos in the comment section to signal the world that you belong to him, changing his tone while talking to you over call, and being more polite, soft, and calm. And for all you know, he might not take much time in asking you out. 

Play your cards smartly. Start throwing airs about you. Your guy must prize you as a possession, for if he isn’t, he doesn’t deserve you. Before he does that, you need to understand your position, consider yourself a gem, and promise yourself that you will settle for nothing less.

#4 He keeps busy 

When you start dating a guy, you should familiarize yourself with their daily schedule. This is important because you want to see if their work schedule will keep up with yours. If you both have different working conditions, and it is not synchronized with one another, you will feel down and lonely when he keeps busy, and he might feel the same when you are unavailable. 

This mostly happens when you are working for companies that adhere to different time zones. It also happens that one of your job requirements is more demanding, and the working window is wider than the other. In such a case, you need stronger reasons to stay together. A level of maturity also does you good. When you know what you want and when you understand that it is okay if your boyfriend is not available round the clock with you, that you must make the most of the time when you see him. 

It might be this thought that causes your boyfriend to stay indoors, away from the city lights and the hustle-bustle of social life. It is also an age thing. If your boyfriend is older than you, or if he has spent his prime youth engrossed in such culture, he might see all this as vain and might not be interested in doing it all over again. 

Having a conversation about your expectations, your likes, and dislikes can help you come out of the situation. You would know what is keeping him from behaving in a certain manner. It will put you in a better situation to handle the expectations, or to make up your mind if you want to leave. 

If you love your boyfriend dearly, an alternative to the situation is to party with your girlfriends. You get the flirting to pass that way till the point that you are not cheating on him. Find your happiness, and build it, rather than getting stupidly dependent on others for it. Remember, whenever you expect or want things out of others, you give them the upper hand to control you. It is never wise to do that. It makes you vulnerable and lowers your self-esteem in your eyes.

#5 You never ask him out 

If the entire burden of planning and executing falls on your boyfriend’s shoulders every time, and you never take the opportunity to ask him out even for once, he might start disliking to do those things now which he used to do with great pride before.

It is a simple calculation. It is a great choice to switch places in the relationship every once in a while. You should share the roles and responsibilities. Neither of you should feel that you are too invested in the equation.

The idea of greater than and lesser than must be done away with. Moreover, most women fancy themselves as feminists and take pride in the planning part. They send fancy invitations to their boyfriends, giving them dress codes and cues about the venue.

You can plan a brilliant game out of this. Give it the theme that you feel your boyfriend might fancy. Something such as the Avengers, Harry Potter, or The Witcher. It could be a favorite show or character. 

If you feel you don’t know him that well, or if he keeps himself up and above when it comes to planning, you can use this opportunity to do things your way. He would get exposure to the things you like and take the cue to do things your way the next time. 

You need to understand that guys love to pamper their women. If your guy isn’t doing so, make him feel that. 

The chances are that he will apologize and mend his way. If he doesn’t, you are dating the wrong guy. Remember how Chandler Bind didn’t care for a grand wedding, but Monica Geller dreamt about it, and wanted nothing more than it? Chandler was happy in Monica’s happiness, right? You are worthy of nothing less.

#6 You are always confused about places or cuisines 

If you are never satisfied with the places that your boyfriend picks and act forever confused when he asks you to select, you don’t know what you want or desire, your boyfriend thought it to be convenient or order in rather than taking you out.

When all the energy is drained in something unnecessary, the experience stands compromised. The point of why you are out on a date gets irrelevant. Try to think from your boyfriend’s perspective here. 

You can either go to a multi-cuisine restaurant where you will be able to avoid such challenges altogether, or simply text your boyfriend with your wish, 

• “Hey baby, I have a strong craving to have some lip-smacking pizzas, I heard that they do the toppings great at Bailey’s  – Wanna see me there at 7?”
• “I’d love to go on a grand date with you. there‘s this new place beside the lake. Let’s go?”
• “I need my dose of you, with two scoops of ice cream and cinnamon. Can you pick me up after work for a drive and icecreams?”
• “Baby, I’ve booked a table at Charlie’s. You will love their Long Island Iced Tea. All my friends were talking about it today, and I felt left out. Let’s check the place together?”

All these direct messages will make the job easier. You have kept a request, suggested your wish, mentioned the timing, and picked up the venue. Almost all the tasks are done. You can even book a table beforehand. It is as convenient as a proposal can get. You are trying to invest yourself in a wholesome journey. Everything can go right from here.

#7 You have expensive taste 

If you have expensive tastes, and you order the most expensive vine on the menu, your boyfriend might not appreciate it. He might want to cut off on the unnecessary expense by not taking you out altogether. It gets worse if you are dating a broke. 

Try to study your boyfriend’s finance. Help him secure better methods of savings. Show him that you are not a spendthrift. Buy drinks from an F.L. counter and have them on your balcony rather than going to a fancy restaurant for them. Order a plate of sushi, and it will be a date worth remembering.

Remember, doing things the stereotypical way is expensive. You can do better when you get innovative about it. Your boyfriend will see that you haven’t put up an absurd demand like the rest of the girls but have worked hard for it. He will like it more. Rather than keeping expensive taste buds, make your efforts and outcomes such that they cannot be bought with all the riches of the world.

#8 You don’t contribute to dates 

If the total cost of going out on dates is borne by your boyfriend, you never make a wish to contribute to any of it or never offer to split the cost, your boyfriend might feel jealous of his guy friends who have financially sound girlfriends.

Don’t make your boyfriend feel that he has made the wrong choice. Give him all the reasons to think that he has bagged the best girlfriend in the world. Work on making him feel grateful for your actions. Feeling positive about your partner is the greatest asset in life. 

#9 You never post about him 

If you don’t celebrate your boyfriend, you never post about him or do anything to acknowledge him, he might find his efforts going in vain, or might even think that you are exploiting him. This is the worst of the feelings. Therefore, engaging yourself in continuous appreciation of your boyfriend is a wise thing to do. 

Celebrate his existence. Keep him reminded of your monthly anniversaries. Write poems about him. These are the crux of a relationship, to make the other feel beautiful and worthy. He should be proud of his choice. He should be able to see that he is treating his girl right just as the world should witness that you are treating your guy right. Be the ideal couple.

#10 He likes staying indoors 

If your boyfriend is a sociopath or an introvert, or he is homesick, he might prefer to stay indoors rather than getting nickel dressed and spending his hard-earned money on the very thing he condemns. You cannot change the thought process of a person, you can influence it towards betterment with your habit. Sustainable habits make a man. 

You either have to figure out a midway, something such as alternative weekends you eat outside, and alternative you cook inside, or do a lottery about it. The choice should be mutual. A wholesome experience can only be gained when you both want it.

#11 You are always together 

It gets overwhelming for him to celebrate with you or to pick a distinct moment that is about you if you are always together. While this might not be so in the case of a live-in relationship unless he is bearing all the costs, it will be so when you are always connected on a call or over messages.

The guy might want to spend some time with his guy friends rather than with you. Usually, if you share the workplace or live together, it is like a break to go out for dining. But if you feel your boyfriend wants to spend time with his group or hang out with his colleagues, give him the pass. 

If he is more thoughtful and invites you to join them, first turn it down and tell him to have a great time by himself. If he insists, then go and have a gala time. Don’t hold yourself back and learn more about his circle.

#12 He is looking for a break 

There is always the possibility that your boyfriend isn’t getting the butterflies anymore, or the source of fluttering is someone else and not you. Ask him if he needs a break. It is futile to hold onto him if he has already abandoned you in his imagination. 

Love is always in the air. You will find someone else soon. Have an open-hearted conversation about the challenges you are facing. Ask him if he is ready to make it better, or if would he like to give up on the equation altogether. 

There is no reason to be childish and fight on this. If you want to spend your energy, spend it in the right places. If your boyfriend needs a temporary break because of the sudden loss of someone, be with him as a friend. It is healthy to renew the relationship after taking a brief gap of weeks if that is how it works for you.

What to do when your boyfriend doesn’t take you on dates?

Express your desire to be treated with chivalry. Tell him about the things you expect out of him. It is a great idea to state your wishes and expectations to your boyfriend. Nothing beats that feeling. 

Read below to know more.

#1 You take the initiative 

If your boyfriend isn't planning dates, you should do it. Don't keep yourself from taking the initiative. When your heart desires something, work for it.

Eventually, your boyfriend will learn and adapt. He will appreciate your planning and efforts because it has been a treat for both of you. When he gets to have a great time with you, he will have no reasons to regret it. If anything, he will only want to do it more often than before.

Don’t be surprised to see that eventually, it is your guy who takes the lead and makes the plan. You won’t even have to mention it. Remember, the effort is only until the other person gets addicted to the touch. You buy your boyfriend’s confidence and he will happily work towards making your wishes come true. However, the word of caution is to not let the tables turn in a way that he might feel that you are taking him for granted. There’s no going back from such a feeling of abandonment, and it always comes with a cost intact.

#2 Start contributing 

If you feel that your boyfriend might be hesitating to take you out because you refrain from contributing in the amount, break the habit. If your pocket doesn’t allow you to give heavy treats, share the budget. Before sharing it, start planning the budget for the month.

Every month, pick up a theme based on your convenience, income, and the city weather. That way, both of you will be prepared for where to invest the amount and how much to do. There won’t be any unnecessary expectations or last moment decisions. It will prevent your heart from sinking. 

If either of your budgets is not high, you can mutually select a figure where the proportion is agreeably bearable. If you fancy a grand outing, and you can’t afford the lumpsum amount, you can surely do half of it. 

If you can’t do the latter either, my suggestion is to give your vanity a romantic twist. Do everything but plan it in a budget-friendly way. All it needs is brainstorming, and understanding of what both of you want. When you blend both of your desires, the fruit will be sweet.

#3 Ask him the reason 

If you feel that your boyfriend might be having some reason that you haven’t been made privy to, ask him so. The chances should be that this isn’t the case. He is your boyfriend who loves you and cares for you. He shouldn’t be keeping things from you unless he has legitimate reasons for it.

When you ask him straight, he will not be left with any choice but to tell you the truth. However, if he continues to fumble and fabricate, it is a hint that you both are not sharing the same page. Some hiccups must be attended to. Encourage him to open up with you by explaining to him the importance of communication. 

Tell him that you want nothing less than to make the experience worthwhile for both of you and no matter how much you wish for it, you cannot telepathy what goes into your boyfriend’s mind. However, the thing which is done is to sort it out. Figure out solutions together. Most of the time, the problem is a lapse in communication. You work on talking to each other open-heartedly because you want to work it out. The intention is not to hurt each other must be kept in mind. When both of you know and are very confident that your partner loves you, the chances of holding resentments drastically decrease.

#4 Start ignoring him 

If you feel the problem is that your boyfriend might have started taking you for granted, it becomes essential to keep his behavior in check. Giving him the silent treatment should not be your first choice. 

You should approach him with the challenges that you are facing. You should use specific references to the incidents which made you feel in a certain unfavorable way. When you describe the incident elaborately with the meticulous working of details and which lead to what turn of events, and explain emotionally how it made you feel, his heart will melt. 

Try to understand what you are doing here and how it is different from the favored approach. While most women dating men like to lash out at their boyfriend, and plays the blame game where the culprit is all the decision taken and actions made by their boyfriend, in your case, you are refraining from this toxic cycle. 

You are showing how an event or a sequence of events might have prompted your boyfriend to come out in a way that you don’t appreciate. Use this opportunity to provide him with alternatives about how he could have dealt with the situation better. Hold his hands when you do it.

The idea is to make him feel secure rather than vulnerable. He should understand that you intend to make the equation between you and him work, rather than scare him off or shut the door in his face. 

Loving a person is not enough, reminding them about it and making them deepen their depth and magnitude with your words that synchronize with your intent and overlap your action is the game here. Do not make your boyfriend feel lonely just because he might be making you feel such. Loneliness ailment isn’t loneliness, right? 

#5 Go on dates with your female friends 

If you feel that your boyfriend is keeping too busy, and he has innocent reasons for being unable to take you out on dates at the moment, it is okay. Depending upon the nature of work of your boyfriend, figure out the busy seasons, and plan them. 

During the months which are hefty for him but easy for you, why not spend some time with your friends, and go out to chill with them? Your boyfriend should not feel that you don’t have life outside of him. He won’t appreciate it. It will make you a needy and miserable woman.

Staying independent in any situation is attractive. When you are independent, you work towards co-dependency with your boyfriend. It doesn’t make you needy. It makes you a mature and understanding woman willing to adjust to accommodate her better half comfortably. 

The impact of seeing you happy in the absence of his company will instill a subdued feeling within him. It will make him happy while making him scared. He will find happiness in your happiness but he will be scared of the idea that you might do just fine if left by yourself. 

It will prompt him to think about what his life will be without him. He will ponder on topics such as whether will you miss him, what value additions he has brought to your life, and how he can make it better so that you think twice before leaving him stranded. That is how you keep the ball in your court and assure your win.

#6 Plan a staycation 

All you both need is more time together. Spending time together helps you to reflect better. You don’t rush into abrupt and absurd decisions. There is a systematic approach to issues and a constructive understanding of the challenges that either of you might face.

It is a sound system. Your reasons are not excuses. They are valid. A staycation will be an extended version of going on a date. You can plan it well by adding all the things to the to-do list and taking time and turns to design the itinerary in a way that matches both your needs.

You can make it fun and exciting while at the same time, learning more about each other’s behavior. Some reactions to situations might be stereotypical, while some might come to you unguarded. It is important here that either way, both of you must ensure that the other one feels at home. The idea is that while you know each other’s shortcomings, you are neither embarrassed nor afraid of them. It doesn’t make you uncomfortable because you know that both of you, along with the relationship, are a work in progress. It means that while you can and you should set ideal goals, it will take you time to reach there. The most important thing to remember here is to know that every small step matters, and it takes you towards betterment.

#7 Go on a solo trip 

Whenever you seek clarity in life, dispel the hovering dark clouds by indulging yourself with something that you are passionate about. While it could be reading a book, or having a cup of coffee, I suggest going on a solo trip.

If possible, go for trekking in the beautiful mountain ranges. It will bring you new perspectives. It will help you focus on the bigger picture, the things that are important and makes a difference. When you are away from your boyfriend, you will long for him. It will help you in reminiscing all the sweet things that happened between you and him.

There is always an invisible tie that keeps strengthening with time if the dawning of epiphany, a sweet realization that you are in love with a person and it emperors and liberates you at the same time, and that there is no greater joy and power than this, will occur.

All your senses will be at their peak. You will get emotional. It will draw you back towards your boyfriend in a more understanding manner. You will remember the right reasons to love him, and you will be in a better position to make comparisons between the pros and cons of dating your boyfriend, or between the things that matter and the things that don’t.

#8 Take a break 

If you feel that you are tired of trying and things are not improving due to a factor that is more interior and complicated, perhaps stop draining your energy here. For instance, if your boyfriend is not giving his best because he still has feelings for his ex, you might not be able to alter it.

When a situation renders you helpless, aim for something bigger and better. Plan to soar high. New and better prospects will emerge in your way. Life won’t s*ck. Remember, the important dimension is to enjoy your endeavors, and not regret them by developing a distaste against them. Hence, promise yourself to love yourself first and do it fairly before you jump on to love another.

Tips & suggestions 

• Keeping your life under your control is vital, and should stand uncompromised. When you face challenges that keep reiterating or have become too draining, you might have to start looking for a permanent solution rather than temporary fixes. 

• Start taking initiative towards things that you desire or like. Make a bucket list and word to fulfill it. Going on the dates you desire with your boyfriend should be a part of this bucket list. Planning to make it wonderful should top your list. 

• Read the vibe. If everything is happening single-handedly from your side, you might as well name it a one-sided love. However, it is important to remember that love languages differ. Going out on dates with you might not be as important for your boyfriend as the idea of saving money to buy an excellent home to live with you in the future might be. Understand the intention before you conclude.

• Setting boundaries is an effective strategy to keep people at bay from hurting you. Similarly, trespassing the boundaries set by society is important too. Don’t be the victim of stereotypical behaviors. There is nothing more stimulating than putting in the effort. Don’t shy away from it in the name of “old school,” or distorted version of feminism.