My Boyfriend Doesn’t Make Me Feel Special (Reasons & What to Do)

When you constantly do things to give extra credit to your boyfriend and make him feel special, your expectations rise wanting the same from him. Even when you don’t do it, as a girl, you like to dream. 

While we don’t dream of letters and flowers every night, we do like it when we get it once in a while. If your boyfriend has been unapologetically negligent towards you, this blog post is made for you. Here, I’ll share the reasons why your boyfriend might not be putting effort to make you feel special, and what you should do about it. 

To know more, continue reading below.

Reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t make you feel special 

It might not be a deliberate move. Your boyfriend is too engaged in work and gets so drained out by the end of the day that he doesn't feel like going extensive while courting you. 

Moreover, since you already accepted his proposal, he might not feel the need to do it either. To know more, keep reading below.

#1 He keeps busy 

Familiarise yourself with your boyfriend's work schedule. Lower your expectations when you know that his slot is fairly occupied. Even if you force him to take some moments out of this, the experience might not turn out to be as wholesome. 

Note: Keeping busy is better than staying free. Had he been free or unengaged, his mind would get haywire and wander here and there. He might go after chasing other girls on social media. 

Never date a guy who is wasted. A laidback person will always bring you troubles. He will not know his mind and want to keep switching to something new. Steadfastness is attractive. You know that the chances of a person being a keeper increase when he is determined and committed to routines. 

Such a person will not change his style or pattern of work readily. If he has accepted you as his girlfriend in his mind and soul, he will stick to it. An expression of your expectations will sort the matter here. 

#2 He is broke 

Perhaps your boyfriend has all the intention to make you feel good but not the resources. He is broke. You can check your boyfriend's finances, ask him for the details, or trace his sources of income to get a clear picture. 

It might be that something unfortunate happened due to which he drained his funds. It could be a wrong call, a wrong investment, or that he was betrayed by a business partner. 

You can ask him about it. Put it in one of the following manner.

• Baby, I hope that you know that I am your partner in good and bad. I'm saying this so that whenever you undergo a problem or challenge, you open up about it to me. I'll help you in whichever way I can. 

• There might be situations in which I might not be able to help you materialistically, but I will support you empathetically. I'll always stay with you and be your strength. It is my earnest request that if you ever feel that there is something that you will like to share, I'm all ears. You don't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about anything. 

When you tell him the above, he might ask you where are all this coming from. That is when you confront him and tell him that his negligence towards you made you feel that he is under some kind of unnamed pressure that he isn't telling you about. 

#3 You treat him the same way 

If you never do anything to make your boyfriend feel special, he might as well have decided to give up on you altogether. Remember, you can only keep your expectations till the point you treat the other person.

For instance, if you are patient with your boyfriend, you can expect him to be patient with you. It does not necessitate that he will be patient with you. Your behavior helps in influencing the other person's behavior toward you. 

When there comes a point that your boyfriend is crossing the limit or being impatient too often, you check his behavior by reminding him how you had dealt with the situation differently. The crux is to lead by example. 

Hence, when your boyfriend doesn't make you feel special, you should take extra efforts to make him feel great. Romance plays a vital role here. You should sparkle a touch of romantic flavor in everything you do. It should be the way you address him, the way you take out time for him, and all the things that you would have wanted him to do for you. A gentleman will take the lead by reading the cues. And any man will be too embarrassed to not make a move. 

#4 He is toying with you 

If your boyfriend is treating you as a plaything and is not serious about you, he will not do anything to make you feel special. These are among the things that you should be able to understand yourself. 

The clue is the frequency of letting go of the moments where he could have made you feel good. You are to understand that it has been intended. Ask yourself the following questions to understand if your boyfriend loves you. 

• Does he remember your special days
• Does he wish you every morning and every night
• How often does he say that he loves you
• Is your relationship official
• Does he call you first
• Does he always answer your call
• Does he look you in the eyes when you talk to him
• Does his body language make you feel comfortable
• Does he share his fears with you
• Has he confided his secrets in you

 The answer to these questions will help you to level up the response, and estimate what it is that he wants you to feel. In such cases, giving a silent treatment can be very effective. If the guy doesn't care a penny for you, he would put no effort to altercate the situation. But if he cares for you and loves you well, he will realize his mistake and rush to make amends for the same.

#5 He is not aware of your expectations 

Ask yourself if you have ever taken an opportunity to express before your boyfriend how he makes you feel about everything. If not, who is to be blamed? 

You cannot expect your boyfriend to get into your mind and read things. The fact that you are still dating him makes him feel that everything between you is right and great. However, when the situation is nowhere close to this, you should hurry up and break all the false notions.

A man and a woman might think differently. Hence, the things that act as a primary concern to you might not act the same to your boyfriend. It is pardonable till the point you express your desires to him. When you talk to him, modulate your voice to give the required stress. He should sense the urgency in your tone. 

While you make him aware of your expectations, ensure that they are rooted in reality. If you say things that are too fanciful, they can only come true in storybooks. When you want your boyfriend to do something for you, to behave in a certain way, make it easy for him. When the process is easy and has clarity, there is a granted encouragement that would lead to fulfillment. 

#6 He is still getting over his ex 

Have you ever felt that your boyfriend might miss his ex? Has he ever addressed you with her name? Does he like to talk about her? Do you know how they broke up? Are they still in touch?

These are some questions that you must know the answers to. 

There shouldn’t be any shame or discomfort in asking difficult questions. Past experiences should not make your present difficult. If your boyfriend admits that he is still stuck in the past and needs time for giving his all in the relationship, it is justifiable if you decide to take a break. 

Don’t be at a place where you are treated as a second option. Occasional holding yourself back from loving your boyfriend or expressing your non-negotiables and deal-breakers is a wise call. The desperation, need, love, and desire will reflect in his eyes. You will see the threads which keep him attached to you. It is for you to decide if these are the ties you want for the future. If not, unknot them.

If you feel that a temporary break might help the situation, take it. It doesn’t imply that you will have to ghost him. The guy is hurt and in pain. He can use a friend. If you feel you have it in you to love him as a friend and help him drive out of the situation, play that role.

#7 His ex never put up with such expectations 

Perhaps your boyfriend has never dated a high-maintenance girl before. Hence, he lacks the idea of how to go about making a girl feel special. If he loves you, it can be felt through his words. You know that his intentions are honest. 

In such a case, it is better to talk in analogies. Give him examples of your friends to explain to him your wishes and see his reaction to the same. If he keeps quiet and registers your words silently, it means he is paying attention to the details and can see where you are trying to drive the point. 

If he keeps contradicting or questioning the need for such gestures and courtesies, it means that he is not the ideal man you are looking for. He is someone who might be there voluntarily to give you company in all situations but nothing more than that. Remember that he must be having such a set of expectations too, and when he doesn’t stand well on your expectations, you shouldn’t do on his either.

#8 His love language differs from yours 

While for you it might be more about gifts and public posts, for him love is more about spending quality time and being available for you. Understanding the love language is an important aspect of getting to know the other person and falling in love with him for the right reasons rather than mistaken notions. 

Whether the love language works for you or not is a different thing. A man might have his heart at his sleeves but you might not appreciate it because you like to play it subtle. Hence, it is important for you to first know your heart. What you want, what are you looking for, and how this guy fits in with those requirements should be the preliminary questions to be taken into account for consideration. 

This should not be one-sided. If you feel that he fits well in the garments, try to understand his side of the requirement. You should match or be willing to work to match his expectations too. Harmony is much needed. Everything will go well if you both keep on working for it from both ends.

#9 He takes you for granted 

When you are super invested in your boyfriend, you do so much for him that he knows that he is the most important person in your life at least right now. This automates his behavior in such a way that he doesn’t feel the need to do anything excessive in the process of courtship since you are already head-over-heels in love with him.

Break his notion by proving it otherwise. While you love him, don’t get madly obsessed with him. If you give him the silent treatment, he will know that something has changed. The very element that has made you restless right now, will make him so then. You will watch him fighting for attention. 

He might start sending you his pictures to ask you how is he looking. He might even try to push you towards sending provocative texts. While it will be challenging, you need to stay aloof and indifferent. Don’t reveal your card at once. He would either end up confronting you regarding what is the matter, or sending you flowers and behaving in the way a boyfriend should.

When you get what you want, don’t switch back to the earlier behavior. Keep your indulgence limited to how much your boyfriend makes you feel. While your efforts can match him, don’t let it surpass his lest you shall run the risk of squaring back to one again. Keep him ignited with the passion of love. It will keep you warm. 

#10 You're too bossy 

When you are too bossy, your boyfriend’s male ego might constantly stand compromised. Most guys don’t like it, and face difficulty in handling the situation wisely. In your case, your boyfriend might feel that you don't need him as such in your life because you are too independent already.

While he might take pride in dating you because you are such a resourceful woman, he can’t imagine what can he offer you to enhance your experience. Provide him with a list. You will find that very often couples provide each other some playing books that are customized based on situations that life might throw at them. This helps your partner to understand what he should do when such a situation arises. 

You can customize and gift one such play card to your boyfriend. While he might ponder on the need to have such a card between you, he will also appreciate the indirect method you have chosen to mend things without making him too conscious about it. 

#11 You're two peas in a pod 

When you are always available for someone, they don't get a chance to express how much they need and miss you, or how important they hold you in their life. Such might be the case with your boyfriend. If you are always connected over call, or if you live together, he will not feel the need to take you out on a date or a staycation to have an open-hearted conversation or to make love in the hills. 

He might think to himself what is the need to go above and over his range regarding something that he is already getting it? The moment you stop paying extra attention, it is the moment his ground is shaken and he realizes that he couldn’t have been more wrong. 

Hence, if you feel that you are two peas in a pod, it is time to come out of it to breathe fresh air and give your boyfriend a change in perspective. Don’t alter your behavior all at once, but start with the small things. From not sending him morning texts to not asking him if he is staying hydrated, you will make your point without saying anything.

#12 You are too judgy 

If you judge all his words and actions, he might be too scared to open up to you. He might feel that you may mock him for his attempt to please you or might find it futile. Hence, he is going with the flow by keeping things minimal. 

While it is a wise move, he is not aware of your disappointment in him. This is the place where you refrain from drawing comparisons between your boyfriend and your friend’s boyfriend. You name his behavior or lack of it as challenges and hiccups that you are facing. 

The importance of being able to talk candidly without the fear of losing your boyfriend is important. You need to build that space, a comfort zone, a timing where you know that whatever you say will go into fixing the behavior and not otherwise. The threat of a breakup merely because you are voicing out your problems should not be there, and if it is there then you are with the wrong man. Your man should be willing to cross seven seas for you. 

#13 You are not compatible

How did the idea of dating each other occur to you? Was it an accident, a need, or desperation? Do you share many things in common with each other? These questions should be figured out from time to time, and a comparison should be made between your current status and your status when you began dating. 

Has there been enough growth is the important thing to consider here. Do you know each other’s likes and dislikes, are you well-versed in each other’s preferences, have you become the priority or the first person that comes to either of your minds when you want to share something, these are the important questions.

Always focus on the important questions. Whether your boyfriend makes you feel special is a secondary question but why is your boyfriend failing to make you feel special is the important question. When you ask important questions, you are getting rid of half of the futile ones. It enables you to focus on what is important, counts and makes a difference.

#14 You are blind to his efforts

Perhaps the things he does for you mean nothing to you because your expectations are unrealistic. Start from the beginning and think of how your life was before him, and how it has changed after you started seeing him. Have you become a better person? Has your behavior changed or improved? Do you think he has caused it? 

If the answer is yes, your boyfriend has made you special rather than making you feel it. He has imbibed you with habits that he can proudly declare before the world. If he always gifts you books and you don’t like them because that makes you feel that he is trying to foster learning in you, it might just be that he is trying to make you a reader. 

When he is asked to describe his girlfriend, he will describe you as an avid reader. It is a big thing. You might be discounting it because, in your eyes, you wanted presents that are more girlish or precious while he got you the first editions of hardcopies, which are very difficult to find and expensive too. 

This is just one instance of how we might be completely ignorant about someone’s efforts even when it is so obviously before us. Think before you complain. Try to trace the dots looking back. Everyone is hustling. We all put efforts towards others to make their experience worthwhile and keep them with us. It is only a matter of a shift of perspective to get clarity.

#15 He is a nerd 

Nerds are very romantic. They are always paying attention to the details. Hence, if your boyfriend is a nerd and he is not making you feel special yet, all you must do is bear him with patience. Nerds are also avid readers so the chances that they have read your source of inspiration are very high too. 

Give him time, bear with him in the meanwhile, and don’t shy away from putting effort, or making it beautiful from your end, and you will see that he shall surpass you in ways you couldn’t have imagined. 

If he doesn’t, all you need to do is be straightforward with him in telling him that as a girlfriend, you expect to be treated in a certain way without which you don’t think that the experience is worth it. Be direct and honest. If he doesn’t have any strong reason to remain averted, you will see a major change in him that will do you good.

#16 He is mean 

If your boyfriend is mean and greedy, his behavior won’t change. He might have worked hard to earn money, and might not be very willing to spend it. You will have to show him with your love and efforts that it is worth all the riches in the world. 

There are certain vulnerable moments in the life of all of us. In these moments, we feel heartbroken and find it difficult to accept life challenges with a renewed spirit and enthusiasm. Wait for such a moment to happen in your boyfriend’s life. 

Hold his hands tightly when this moment arrives. Show him that while he might not have given you a justified number of reasons to stick by, the reason that you love him surpasses all. You will see that he is so grateful that every day will become a surprise. 

What to do when your boyfriend doesn't make you feel special?

Bear him with patience. It is not that he doesn’t know what he is doing or can’t see what you are doing. Allow him to take the time to process everything and revert. In the process, remember that the things we do for others always return to us for everything in a circular way. Hence, be more karma-oriented in all aspects of life.

To know more, continue reading below. 

#1 Express your expectations 

Your boyfriend should be aware of your expectations as a girlfriend. Take opportunities to talk about how you like things to be. Notice his reaction to the same. Encourage him to open up to you as well. Your expectations should meet with realistically driven goals.

To make things easily doable, keep your needs grounded in reality by thinking about what would you have done had you been in his place. Give clear clues about your requirements. He should not feel puzzled by your demands. When you are confused, take time to fetch clarity.

#2 Make him feel special 

When your boyfriend is not making you feel special, be extra considerate of him. Pamper him so that he sees your love but feels guilty at the same time. Ask yourself, how do you want to feel special? What are the things that you would and could do that will help to make your boyfriend feel sailing on cloud nine will occur naturally to you?

Practice the habit of taking feedback. When you ask for feedback, you are making him recognize your efforts. In the process of acknowledging, he will realize that he hasn’t given you enough reasons to ask for feedback from you.

The bonus is that you get to know if what you intended and had in mind has taken a concrete form or not. The gap between intentions and the final product is normal. What you should do in such a situation is to express your intention. It is a healthy practice for it will create a pool for candid exchanges. He might as well tell you why he has been so aloof. 

#3 Give him the silent treatment 

This is a painful method for both parties but it is also effective. The silent treatment is equivalent to ghosting but with a limitation. It means you stop taking the initiative and being the first person every time. Instead, you are more driven by encouragement and signals from the front. 

You only reply when you receive a text, else you don’t bother. You don’t tell about your day or use your boyfriend’s chat window as a journal for yourself. Let him not know about your location. Don’t tell him things until and unless he asks for it. Be limited in your disclosure. 

When you become a private person, you become a person of your own. This brings empowerment. It means that whatever happens in your life is directly controlled by you. An empowered woman who doesn’t humor everyone easily is always more attractive than someone who is easily and round-the-clock available. You set your worth, do it right. 

#4 Keep realistic expectations 

Don’t expect your boyfriend to indulge in a behavior merely because your friend’s boyfriend is doing so. Their situations and circumstances might not be the same. It will be unfair for your boyfriend to stand up to a list of expectations that are second-hand.

Instead, ask yourself, why do you want your boyfriend to do this for you? Will it bring you happiness or do you want it because everyone else is doing it? I’ll give you a very common example here. There are two types of people – party animals and happily sober. The former will take you to all-nighters and would want to party hard with you around the clock. This lot will be high, and won’t remember their words too well or won’t be too thoughtful in their actions. 

The latter is the mindful lot. They will take you to places where it is just about two of you. It would be more about staycation and movie dates with them. They will make you a cup of nicely brewed freshly grounded coffee and show you their book collection. This lot are the keepers. They know that every step that they are taking is carefully planned and studied. Their impact and effect are not influenced by others. You might not always get all warmed up with them but you will never feel sad or aloof either. It is for you to pick your lot. Do it wisely.

#5 Try relationship counseling 

If you are facing way too many challenges, and stumbling at every small step, perhaps you would like to try relationship counseling. It will help you to identify the source of all the problems. Most of the time, it is one specific problem that we need to work on which will smoothen all the tangles. 

Figure out the source of your challenges. It would be either insecurity, lack of confidence, communication gap, miscommunication, or trust issues. You will find that the source of the problem is you, not your boyfriend. Whatever goes on, it all takes place in your mind. Work on your thinking process. 

For most guys, things are always straight jackets. They hardly ever do many calculations. If you are not complaining, they will think that everything is going great. Hence, it is important to open up. Understand that both of your motives are the same, and it can be attained not only peacefully but in a way that you both will rejoice and cherish for all times to come.

#6 Give him examples of other couples

This is a dicey tactic. You will have to provide allusions to other couples but avoid drawing comparisons simultaneously. It shouldn’t be that you are looking for a photocopy of things that you are stating. Those are relevant examples to regulate behavior when put in a certain situation. You are talking in analogies here.

Pause in between to see his reaction. Wait for him to reply. You will know how he is taking the matter at hand. The way he regards the situation is important, and shouldn't be discounted, otherwise, it's just you babbling your concerns without a listener.

#7 Break up 

When you feel he is not even being courteous to you, he is not a gentleman. You shouldn't tolerate ungentlemanly behavior. He should be respectful and deal with you tenderly. 

Breaking up for good or taking a temporary break till the point you feel he is worthy of you is a wise choice here. Why be at a place or with someone who brings you no happiness? 

You should give your reasons why you want a break and be unashamedly open about it. If he wants to keep you, he will work on improving himself. 

#8 Add spice to your relationship

To break the boredom, add some spice to your relationship. You can do this by enrolling for life skill classes, hanging out in groups, taking a staycation, adding props to your makeout sessions, and more. 

This should be something that you should discuss with your boyfriend. A mutually decided list will enable both of you to add more fun to the relationship. The idea is that both of you should know each other inside out, and better than anyone else. 

#9 Introspect

To understand your expectations, relationship goals, and your actions, you should introspect. Merely looking at the consequences and getting annoyed will not bring you respite.

Every action triggers a reaction. Hence, if your boyfriend is behaving in a certain way, it has to be that you said or did something which he did not like. If he isn't behaving in a certain way, it might be because you haven't said or done something in particular. 

Take time to meditate. When you open up before your boyfriend, rather than lashing out, use your words thoughtfully. He should see that you had a lot of difficulty in finding the right words and presenting your problems before him. 

#10 Don't take the first move 

Stop taking the initiative if it is not reciprocated with the same intensity. When you do things without appreciation, people take you for granted. 

The people in this list are mostly the ones you love the most. Hence, prevention is better than cure. Don't create a moment that will lead to such an awful outcome. 

Tips 

• As the saying goes, when life throws a lemon at you, make a lemonade. Hence, when life puts you in a difficult situation, master the solution yourself. If your boyfriend is not giving you special treatment, why bother? The fact that will make you special and help you in standing apart is your independence. 

• Overinvesting yourself in your relationship might take away the spark from it. Practicing the cheering element from a distance will keep your presence noteworthy. While you want to be the constant in the life of your boyfriend, he might start taking you for granted. 

• Lead by example. When you feel that your power or your impact on someone's life or a given situation stands compromised, prove them wrong with your actions. If your boyfriend doesn't treat you nicely, you treat him fairly and then halt your actions. He will be bewildered. It will occur to him that he needs to make you feel the same way too.