My Boyfriend Bites Me and Leaves Bruises (Here’s Why)

While decorum is very important to be maintained even in romantic relationships, sometimes you might find your boyfriend taking advantage of doubt and getting extreme in his gestures. Such a case can occur when he leaves marks and bruises on your body. 

Does his attitude and behavior need to be kept in check? If yes, then how? Read this blog post to find out. 

Reasons why your boyfriend bites you and leaves bruises 

Perhaps you give out moaning sounds while your boyfriend is biting you. This makes him believe that you are enjoying the session. If the case is not so, you should immediately stop and tell him that he is hurting you. 

Continue reading below to find out how.

#1 He gets too passionate 

Your boyfriend is a caring guy. He looks after all your needs and comforts without forcing himself on you. However, when he makes love to you, he hurts you. While during the session, the heat of your body and the desire to satisfy him might prevent you from expressing your pain, when you return home and change your clothes, you might be shocked to discover bruises and deep marks all over your body. 

This makes it challenging for you to dress in revealing clothes or wear halter tops. You find the pain very discomforting. You want to visit the doctor but you hesitate. You end up rubbing ice on the sores and put some aloe vera gel to soothe them. 

While the session might have been fun, you ask yourself if the after-effects are worth it. It gets worse if your boyfriend doesn’t check on you. It makes you feel used and you are in low spirits, questioning all your choices. 

While there can be no defense for your boyfriend in the said regard, the only silver lining in this cloudy behavior is the actual intention that got covered up by the spontaneous behavior. He wanted to please you and make love to you but he got too passionate while doing it. This leads to unwanted confusion. Perhaps give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he behaves properly after you have candidly told him about these challenges. 

#2 He likes to get aggressive

Perhaps the guy likes to control you. It tops his list of fantasies. If you are not enjoying it, take the clue that you both range low in desirable compatibility. Without compatibility, there can be a lack of fun. The equation gets boring and after a while, you begin to wonder about the difference between your relationship with him and that with your guy friends. 

Your boyfriend should be that one person who understands your needs and works hard to satisfy them. You should feel gratified, not used or victimized. Understand your feelings in this context. If you see an overdose of negativity, perhaps you need to strongly ask yourself the reason for being with him. 

If you were after a particular quality that was overshadowing his vices, perhaps it is time to let go of it. When you look around and take your time to explore, sooner or later, you will either stumble on the right one or this guy will become right and come back to be yours.

#3 He enjoys hurting you 

Perhaps your boyfriend enjoys hurting you. This could be due to his neurotic behavior. He might either be a s*dist or a control freak. Either of the two makes him a psychomaniac. These are strong red flags. 

Don’t get attracted to it in the hope that he will undergo some magical change. Charms often fail and the situation is squared back to level one. Instead, practice immediate disassociation by detaching yourself from anything that feels toxic or foreign. Remember, at the end of the day, you must be your messiah. 

Nobody else will come to save the day for you. Whatever he is behaving like might also be a result of his upbringing, culture, and background; these are things that you will not be able to change even if you want to. Hence, take the step faster to make it less painful.

#4 He is over-possessive 

If the guy is over-possessive and feels insecure by his looks, he might get too disturbed and unstable if he finds you checking out another guy. This agitation will take the form of passive aggression and result in such behavior in bed. Hence, encouraging each other to open up in a friendly manner is essential for the smooth functioning of a relationship. 

When you don’t bottle up your expectations and fluster out the bitterness as soon as it begins to take place in your mind, you will be in a victorious position. Talk about this to your boyfriend. Be a patient recipient. Don’t haste in defending yourself or giving justifications. The better way of handling this situation is by letting him talk it out. 

Discuss the difficult topics. Ask him what can be the next course of action. Talk about the importance of space in a relationship. Ask him how he would have dealt him the situation had he been in your case. Talk about how he too engages himself in such indulgences perhaps if not with his friends, then with celebrities. 

Checking out is done with eyes. It doesn’t make a strong case or justify his point just because he might be fan-following and checking out a celebrity who is unattainable. His mind is seduced and his values stand compromised. Make a strong case, and it will enable you to tame his anger and chuck out his frustration. 

#5 He does it unconsciously 

As the bruises and the bite marks don’t show up instantly, your boyfriend might not be aware of the damage he is doing to your body. Perhaps ask him politely about it. 

“Baby, are you aware you are hurting me?” or, “Baby, are you certain that this will not leave any marks on my body?” 

His reply, body language, and immediate reaction will clarify his intentions. It will enable you to control external factors from hereafter and understand and read signs of what is attractive and what is shallow.

#6 He is under the impression that you are fond of his behavior in bed 

Perhaps your boyfriend has heard stories about you from your ex or your flings and is under the impression that you like brutal role-plays in bed. Perhaps these stories are what attracted and brought him to you. 

He likes exploring and is bored of the amateur stuff. If you are good in bed and you get dominant as well, it might boost his male ego and make him perform strongly during intimation. 

If this is not true, you must immediately debunk all your boyfriend’s false notions so that he makes an effort to know the real you. If he is only interested in making out, but you are looking for something over and above hook-ups, it is time that you dump him and move on. 

A word of caution, he might try to come after you or harass you. Hence, take all the precautions possible and give him a stern warning not to do anything that he might regret later. Keep your friends and family in confidence for an extra layer of protection.

#7 You try to dominate him 

If you try to dominate him and even if he likes it, he might make attempts to reciprocate with the same intensity, forgetting the gender limitations and difference in strength, and hurt you in the process. The best way in such a situation is to either go forward softly from both ends or stop having it altogether till the time you both have learned to control your impulse and make it more romantic rather than harsh or insensitive.

When you refuse to get laid, he will automatically function to become better for you. You can direct it the way you want. If you find it difficult to talk directly about stuff, take the help of a counselor to seek clarity. Some games and quizzes will help you to understand your compatibility with each other.

#8 It is his displaced aggression 

Perhaps he had a bad day or a bad week, or a major loss, something of the sort that caught him unguarded. As a result, in a very unfair manner, he is taking it out on you. If he has been losing money in gambling, or share market, and his behavior has become recurring, you should immediately withdraw from his company. He is not good news for you. 

You might discover that the guy has a bipolar personality. When the wind is in his favor, he will make you feel like a queen. When the wind is blowing against him, he will get very pessimistic about everything. A reasonable mind will not be able to bear the latter. Be reasonable. Don’t let your love blind you. If you tolerate unkindness once, it will become convenient for him to remain unkind and unconcerned.

#9 He is ANTI-FEMINIST

If the guy is the product of patriarchy, it tells much about his background and upbringing. An anti-feminist preacher will do everything in his capacity to curb your freedom. This might start in the bedroom, but it will quickly expand its horizon to other domains. This might even happen so subtly that you might fail to recognize its nuances all at once. 

It is advisable to go for routine counseling and therapy sessions, both solo and together if you are unable to comprehend the dynamics or marvel at the sly moves of your boyfriend. Keeping a third is essential. Keep a close eye on his social media behaviors to know and understand what is acceptable and what is not.

Is it healthy to get too passionate in your relationship? 

An excess of nothing is healthy. When one is too passionate in love, there will be consequences. The collateral damage must be accounted for. One such instance is when your boyfriend leaves bite marks and bruises on your body. It shows that his love, even if pure, passionate, and loyal, is damaging. 

Hence, it becomes important to maintain a balance in life. While your boyfriend can have a great time with you, both of you must keep adding to the definition. All your time together should not be about making love. 

Love can be expressed in many different ways. Experiment with each other. Surprise each other. Even going on brisk walks at the seashore and having conversations all night could be sumptuous. 

What to do when your boyfriend bites you and leaves bruises?

Expose your wounds to your boyfriend and tell him that you can do without such a love if this is what is going to take to be his girlfriend. Some things are just not acceptable and instead of going haywire about it, you must learn to vocalize your concerns. 

Keep reading below to know more. 

#1 Express your concerns 

Your boyfriend should know, feel, and understand that he might be traumatizing you in the name of love. It is of urgent importance that you tell him so. You might not want to be too polite about it. Express it by showing him the wounds. 

Better to do it in a video call rather than sending snaps which a psychopath might consider a threat or showing in person because he might take advantage of the moment and treat you more roughly. 

You could mention it over a call. It is better to do it rather than send him a text because you need to see his reaction. You cannot give him time to come up with a convenient reply. Moreover, it is advisable to check his police record to ensure that it is safe to deal with him. If he has ever been convicted of abuse, report him legally. 

If you can get in touch with his ex, perhaps talk to them and get to know why the relationship didn’t work out. If he is too secretive about his past lovers, that makes the case more suspicious. Hence, be alert and never trust anyone blindly. It is always better to take precautions. When you see red flags, distance yourself from the person immediately.

#2 Draw Boundaries 

If you believe that your boyfriend goes to the extreme and disrupts certain boundaries that are best observed in a relationship, sit and discuss this with him. Drawing boundaries doesn’t limit your love nor show that you love the person less than he loves you. 

It suggests a promotion of a healthy relationship where both your needs and happiness are taken into account. It is a great way of debunking the stereotypical notion and element of “sacrifice” to make a relationship work. 

The idea of sacrifice occurs because people believe that for two persons to stay happily together, regular modifications and adjustments have to be made. But that is a myth. You can be you and live your life the way you live without making any superficial modifications to it. 

In such cases, it must be remembered that why does one love another? It is not for gratification all the time, it is for companionship, compliments, and a partner who understands your wavelength and vibes with you, with whom communications are wholesome. Look for the right qualities in the person. 

Don’t be deluded into thinking that you will get a readymade someone who will have all the desirable attributes. No. you will have to design it and foster it using communication, gestures, and examples. When he sees it, his perception will start changing. It will be natural and not forceful or conscious. That is when you will be in a rewarding relationship, until then it is all about making your way towards it in a just and affectionate manner.

#3 Don’t makeout 

If you feel that a silent treatment or a no-makeout initiative might be more effective and louder to disable your boyfriend’s behavior, do so. When you don’t make out with him, he will immediately start looking for reasons. 

As a result, he might start asking you questions. His mind won’t be at rest till the time you don’t give him efficient replies. He will take this over as a case study and if he is wise, he might introspect on his actions. 

This is not going to be an easy step. There will be cravings, emotional connection, flashbacks, and moments when you want nothing but him by your side. But design yourself a mantra that helps you remember why you are doing what you are doing. Only when he understands and apologizes, you should proceed with the relationship, otherwise, it is time to move on.

#4 Go counseling 

When you find it difficult to break the ice and feel the need for help to make the communication right, go counseling. It will help both of you to open up about each other’s feelings as candidly as possible. 

The first step is expressing, after that, you will arrive at finding a solution. When the problem is identified, finding a solution isn’t much difficult. The two can go hand-in-hand, given that you both are as interested in keeping up with the relationship as you were when you started the counseling. 

#5 Break up 

If you have tried everything and nothing is working, you feel stuck with your boyfriend, it is not bringing you any happiness, take a break. It could be temporary or permanent as per your emotions and feelings after the breakup. If you feel the need for a renewal of the relationship and the guy feels the same way, talk things out and make a no-negotiation rulebook before you hook up with him again. If both of you are happier and more relieved after the breakup, so be it. 

Next time you hook up with someone and discover certain violent tendencies, don’t give the guy a benefit of doubt. Instead, immediately withdraw yourself from his company. You don’t owe him an explanation.

Tips 

• Try to understand when it is time to draw lines. If your boyfriend is being selfish and greedy in bed if he is not checking on you if you are comfortable or happy, he is not your person. 

• Don’t tolerate things that are wrong. Even if the one committing is someone you cherish, don’t allow them the upper hand to ill-treat you. Value yourself enough to open up about the unacceptable behavior as and when the situation calls for it. 

• A relationship is not all about making love. A healthy balance between making love and having amazing and insightful conversations must be maintained. If you are getting one without the other, you need to work on the relationship to make it sustainable.