Why Does He Get Quiet When I Talk About Other Guys? (+Tips)

Relationships are a high-maintenance prospect especially when you intend to play the long shot. To maintain the relationship, it is for the best to set certain ground rules by discussing one’s comfort zones. There are certain behavior and indulgence that one prefers to avoid. One such is talking about someone who has the potential to become a desirable partner. 

In this blog post, I will help you understand why a guy gets quiet when you talk about other guys and how should you deal with it. Keep reading to know more. 

Reasons why he gets quiet when you talk about other guys

He might be unwilling to show his disapproval of you talking about other guys on your face but that does not push him to engage in such conversations unless you are criticizing the behavior of the said guy. Various levels of complexities arise when you have a great guy friend or colleague. 

To find out more, continue reading below. 

#1 He is trying to protect his feelings 

When a guy is trying to court you or has invested a good deal of time in you but you keep referring to other guys in your conversations with him, the guy might get panicked. The immediate thought will be, “Are you not taking him seriously? Or, is it something that he is doing wrong?”

If you already have a boyfriend but the guy likes you, such a reaction is understandable. It is agreeable too because he knows that he cannot try to gain your favors by pointing the bullet at your boyfriend. That will spoil the bro code, which is something guys strongly avoid. 

He would however lend you his ears because he is fond of you. Try not to use it to your advantage. Don’t get blinded in your emotions so much that you get blinded towards the feelings that the guy might hold for you. Instead, take pauses between your narration to encourage him to join the conversation with his feedback. 

Show him that you aren’t trying to vent out or boast about someone. Your intention should be to turn the conversation into a discussion. It will also help to create a better understanding between both of you. 

Moreover, the guy might be scared that he is about to lose you. He might feel threatened because you might be running the risk of comparing him with someone else. That would tell more about you than it tells about either of the guys. Never draw comparisons between two people. It is his defense mechanism to protect himself from sharing himself greatly with you. Bear that in mind, and take your next step with caution. It should be gentle and affectionate.

As such, the guy is trying his best to safeguard himself from getting hurt. Weave your words carefully to avoid any unwanted collateral damage from taking place.

#2 He is aware of the guy’s intention 

If the guy gets quiet when you are talking about or bringing up topics relating to a specific someone, the guy may be privy to the said person’s thoughts and secrets. He knows well what this other guy is trying to play, and the thought of sharing this confidence might be taking a toll on his conscience. 

This happens either when the guy is kind or has started harboring feelings for you. You will notice that he is trying to find out time and ways to spend it more with you. He leaves out his office at the same time as you, he ditches his boys and goes out with you rather than spending time with them at the arcade or watching a match. You will realize that he is doing all this without boasting about any of it. 

This guy has given you a special place in your heart. If you feel similarly for him, it is better to make reciprocations in ways that will take you uphill. If not, there is no harm in securing his friendship. However, if you feel that his defense game is so strong that he is working too hard to conceal his emotions, it might become toxic in the long run.

#3 He is jealous 

The most obvious reason for a guy to get silent when you refer to or talk about other guys is that he is not comfortable. His discomfort might be embedded in jealousy. If the guy has been trying hard to hit on you for a very long time but it has not been to any avail, however, there comes this newbie in your college or circle and every girl is talking about him, or that you are already sharing a special place with him, the guy must be burning with jealousy. 

Over here, what matters more than the guy’s feelings is your feelings for him. Do you care enough for the bond that you share with the jealous guy? If not, let him burn perhaps. Though it will be ruthless and you might not get many opportunities in the future to undo his, the guy will understand and get a strong impression of what importance or the lack of it that he holds in your life. 

If you care for the guy’s feelings though, in a way because he is either your ex or a good friend or someone who has been wanting to gain your favors, perhaps be more considerate and avoid doing things that upset or annoy him. You can encourage him to open up about his feelings rather than going on about yours which might fail to have a long-lasting impression.

#4 He is quietly analyzing his relationship with you 

Perhaps the moments when the guy quietens down in the conversation are definitive for him because he is quietly analyzing his relationship with you. He is perhaps comparing his first impression of you with the long-lasting one that he has started to register and acknowledge. 

He is trying to perceive the notions that he had been holding for you, and measuring the lengths that he will take and the measures that he will go to, to keep you in his life. There are some things that a guy never quite cares for. One such thing is a girl’s concern for other men. If she isn’t interested in him, that is where his ego meddles with the situation in a way that rather than chasing her any further, he thinks of himself to be high enough to let the girl go from his life. Hence, take your steps with caution. Keep your objectives clear as to how you want a relationship to run, and function accordingly.

#5 He feels you are playing him around

The guy might just be upset because he can see that rather than talking business, all your words are just deviating from the main point, perhaps in an attempt to buy yourself more time. He is not interrupting you and patiently listening to you because he feels that you want him to stay hooked on you even when you stand indecisive in your ways or concerns for him. 

While this can go on like this for a short time, it is not a sustainable approach to any relationship on any given day. It is certain to either fire back at you or collapse without any warning. Remember, the prerequisite of a relationship is not honesty or bluntness but love and consideration. Sometimes, keeping away your true feelings can help you maintain a relationship because feelings, emotions, and instincts are elusive. But the words once spoken and the actions once committed are not. 

To know more, click on the link below.

Related Read: 11 Reasons Why He Doesn’t Post You on Social Media (+Tips)

#6 You remind him of someone 

Perhaps your behavior, manners, the way you talk, the things you talk about, or the approach you have towards everything reminds the guy of someone who he had been close to at one point in time. He might go into a trance as a result of it. It could be his ex, which might further indicate a hovering trust issue.

It is for the best in such cases to address his emotions and feelings while you walk him through yours. Check his facial expressions with concerns and appropriate questions. Keep asking him his views on a given situation. Tell him that as he belongs to the same gender, his perspective will help you to broaden yours. 

Let him take his time to give you a finely engraved reply. Based on this, you will be able to tell the guy’s motives and come out stronger with better enforcements to orchestrate the guy’s motives with yours in a way not so typical to the common follies of man. When you bring in a surprising element in any way in your response or consideration for him, he might rush into giving you clarity that encumbers him to silence.

#7 He is waiting for the right time to make a response 

Perhaps the guy does not intend to interrupt your narration because he can sense the zeal and thunder in your eyes when you talk about certain men or perhaps because he can see that your view towards the masculine is generic, racist, and s*xist. He is waiting for the right time to come with a comeback or to prove you wrong in your prejudice and opinions, with his actions. 

Allow him to do so. If the man holds high esteem in society for he is either a man of his words or a man of his action who doesn’t enjoy blabbering about his motives lest he might risk futile endeavors, be assured that he will find a way to make a comeback and perhaps win your heart with the magnitude of what he plans on doing. 

However, don’t make any rash decisions against such people because they might work on their impulses. Hence, while they will give their all when the time calls for it, they might readily switch from it when they feel that they have had enough. It is difficult to foretell their minds.

#8 He might think you are comparing with him

When you are talking to or about other guys before a man, you are running the risk of sending him a wrong message. You are showing him that he doesn’t charm you enough to secure all your attention. It suggests that you are merely using him as a vacuum to let out your frustration. It is not something that a gentlelady would do. 

A gentle lady knows how to please and keep others happy around them. I don’t intend you to be a pleaser for others with a plastic smile, or going the extra mile. Instead, I ask you to set a benchmark in the way you treat people. It earns you an excellent reputation when people see that you give the utmost respect to their time, privacy, and thoughts. 

This is something that is rarely found. The world is damped with buzzers. People are so bent on talking and speaking that hardly anyone is listening. You need to make them listen by making them feel that their voice is valued. Play this right and you will see that the ball is never out of your court. It will make you a fantastic player not only in the romantic field but in all areas of life.

What to do when he gets quiet while you talk about other guys?

Ask him to talk. Put it as curtly as that, and if he had been holding himself back, he will use the opportunity to open up to you. It is okay to be blunt if that could help in bringing up clarity. Explain the necessity to build trust. 

How to do it? Continue reading below to find out. 

#1 Talk candidly about insecurities 

It is okay to discuss insecurities if you are moving towards a relationship or if you have already boarded the flight of romance. It will prevent you from landing hastily on furrowed land. Any opportunity can be made a golden opportunity to discuss things in a clear-cut fashion. 

When you are succinct and precise with your words, and not intending to make any false promises, you create a lasting impact on people around you. On the other hand, when you are wasting words to attempt a futile conversation, it becomes obvious. I am not asking you to become a politician but staying in a fortress guarded by words, and the convictions that people hold in general in their views of you will do you good.

Hence, even if you don’t intend to play the long shot with this guy, don’t allow your exchanges to tarnish your reputation. You should not come across as a nymphomaniac. It is as bad as a guy being a womanizer. There are better positions to withhold in the world. When people see you, they should behold an enigmatic personality who fools no one, at least not in public knowledge.

#2 Get to know each other’s comfort zones 

Whatever your relationship might be with the said person, it is important to know about each other's comfort zone so that we don't get off-limits. Offending people should never be the goal even in extrinsic or concurrent circles. That is something that you want to avoid at all costs. 

Perhaps when you are talking about other guys, the attributes that you strongly loathe in these guys might be embedded in the same soil as the person you are making conversations with. It is always wise to know about a person's history and background. It gives you a strong foot in terms of how to lead the conversation ahead rather than going haywire about it. 

The real deal is how to know the comfort zones. The first clue is this silence that the person spoken to is engulfing you. It is a mischance. He wouldn't talk. It suggests that he doesn't want to talk. What's the best thing that you can do or offer here? It's either to get silence altogether so that your listener can jump on to the concluding remark, or take your listener's help in changing the topic with interventions such as, "Why don't you talk about the girls in your life? I'm certain I've bored you to death and exhausted myself by talking about men." 

A tad bit of humor always does well. It lightens the conversation and helps you to balance the situation. It will help you to turn the events by willingly suppressing your ideas and handing over the mic to the person before you. It will prove to be a triumphant move.

#3 Don’t dismiss his emotions 

Ask him about his feelings. Try to validate his thoughts. He shouldn’t feel that you are trying to brainwash or manipulate him. Taking succinct pauses or asking him to relate a similar experience or looking into his eyes to get a nod or a blink which shows that he feels you, extending your hand to hold his, might be the way to proceed from here. 

The person spoken to must feel that you regard him so highly that you are making him your confidante. Press on him the fact that you are talking to him about people and sauntering him to shady corners where none has even been invited before. This itself will give him leverage and make him feel like an important person in your life. 

Making others feel like a person in your life is the MasterCard that will secure your name in everyone's good books. Treat them all in a way that they feel worshiped. It doesn't mean that you will have to worship them. Merely making them feel it at a superficial level is good enough for starters till the time you can tell your feelings and make up your mind as to what you want to do and what you disregard doing. 

#4 Introspection is the ideal way to move forward

Are your words and actions hurting him? Find out the triggering keywords in all that you speak. Revisit the scenes and conversations to understand the points where he fumbles. Perhaps drop a text by pin-pointing the exact troubling moments which you feel might have uneven the scores. 

Go with the flow of the conversation. If you feel that he is hesitating in sharing his views, encourage him. There are many ways to encourage a person into talking:

• Look them directly in the eye to show that you care. 
• Hold their hands and press them softly to show that you are eager to listen to them. 
• Hush a while so that they get the opportunity to talk.
• Implore them to share their views.
• Ask specific questions which show them that you long to listen to them. 

Performing one of the above ways will help you to clarify your purpose. The person being spoken to should not feel that your objective is narrow or you are trying to sideline their interest by making a gap through multitudes of references. Instead, either make them feel at home, or don't talk to them at all.

#5 Discuss the future 

Where are you trying to lead the relationship in the future, discuss this with the guy? Try to figure out whether both of your interests match and if you are on the same page or not. If not, are you both working to alter the events? What are the steps to go about it?

All these questions will help you to understand where you are going and shed stronger light in that direction. Never be anxious about your convictions and beliefs. They make you. Convey them proudly. You never know how and when you might strike a chord.

#6 Spend quality time in building trust 

 Building trust is an essential part of any relationship maintenance. However, where to begin? The easiest and first step is by spending more time together without any limitations. 

In those moments, you will be saying and working on things not for yourself but for this guy. He will understand the purpose here. If he humors you and tags along, you ought to take it as a positive sign. If he doesn't, you must switch the topics if anything else interests him more. If you fail to find it, it is better to let him go.

#7 Kiss him already 

If you feel that the guy has been trying to get into your pants but it has been to no good, and now you can read the exasperation and despair in his eyes for you, it is better to let go. If you are not interested in him, don't keep him hooked on anything. 

It is empowering to liberate another. Rather than fooling around, if your intentions are as serious as his, why waste time in futile chasing? The thrill of it is lost when the duration stretches for long. Kiss him, make out, and if you both enjoy it and find what you were looking for, plan to do it again soon.

#8 Take feedback 

Ask him how can you make the relationship better for him. Feedbacks are invaluable. You should take it seriously. Make a note of it and think of ways in which you can make it easier and better for him. 

It will give you happiness in reverse. You won't feel as lost as his getting quiet might make you now. Remember, there is nothing under the sky that two-way communication cannot resolve. All you need to do is stand up to it. That is all. 

#9 Slow down the process 

If this is merely the initial stage of the relationship and you have been baring your heart in front of the guy by revealing all your problems, notions, and challenges you have faced with other guys, I suggest you slow down. 

Anything that gets overwhelming or is rushed after has the potential of becoming a dreadful prospect shortly. When you take your time to take things one at a time, you get clarity. It leads you forward without doing excess work from your end. 

#10 Expand your topic 

Talk about things that are not so personal or individual. Choose from generic subjects such as travels, hobbies, and ambition rather than personal such as friendships, love, and hatred. 

Expanding topics helps you to open new horizons for discussions. It enables you to refrain from all things petty. As such, a person will enjoy your company. On the contrary, when you limit your topic of discussion to a listed few, it gets boring.

Tips 

• Silence often speaks louder than words. In this case, it can hint at disapproval. If you don't understand why a strong sense of disapproval is coming from his end, it is because you are not able to understand him closely. 
• Communication is the key to building a bond but only when it is both ways. A unilateral monologue cannot change into a dialogue. Hence, consistent feedbacks and checking of comfort zones are important.
• Try to keep your objectives clear. Getting dissipated in gossip about other people will not get you anywhere. If you want to do something meaningful in full such as secure a friend or a boyfriend, focus on the larger picture.