My Boyfriend Only Shows Affection in Public (Reasons + Tips)

Public display of affection is common among young lovers. However, when the element of romance is restricted to just that, the motives are wilder. It is a deliberate move targeted towards someone other than the receiver. Hence, if your boyfriend is indulging in such behavior, you should look around to find the third pair of eyes hovering about. 

In this blog post, I’ll help you figure out why your boyfriend might be showing affection only in public and what you should do about it. Keep reading to know more. 

Reasons why your boyfriend only shows affection in public 

While he wants to take it slow, he also intends to hold on to you strongly so that no one tries to claim you other than him. You can take the initiative by inviting him home and getting cozy. However, you will have to ensure that he is comfortable and fit. To know more, continue reading below. 

#1 He wants to show off your relationship

One possible reason why your boyfriend only shows affection in public is because he wants to show off his relationship to others. By displaying his love for you in public, he may feel a sense of pride and satisfaction. It helps him to showcase that he is in a loving and committed relationship. 

If your guy has undergone a personality change in recent years if he has undergone a  fitness transformation and has become a gym rat, while before these girls had dumped him on account of his meek physique and essence, dating you might have become the most meaningful thing for him that has happened in the recent years.

Perhaps he has given up hope in securing a partner or feeling happy in a relationship. Having a blissful partner, someone who understands you, and is in love with you is too much to many people. They get too excited about it. In the process, rather than taking things slow and making things more meaningful by exploring the depth, they get swayed by the emotions and want to make a public grand gesture about the same.

What they are intending towards is more superficial at the moment. However when that subsides, what is left shall be meaningful. If you stay with him till then, it will bring you the opportunity to work towards something great together. Don’t allow either yourself or him to get bored on account of lack of excitement because things have started calming down.

The importance to feel settled in a relationship cannot be explained. It is above all. The coziest feeling. You get to spend quality time and work on growth together. You determine your goals and work on them efficiently.

#2 He enjoys the thrill of public displays of affection (PDA) 

Let’s admit it. Some people get a weird sensation when they try to claim what they feel is rightfully theirs in public. Such people also make good hypocrites. Your boyfriend, sadly, might be one of them. 

However, there are some justifiable reasons for a person to behave in this way. For instance, if it is your birthday, he might want to behave in a luvvy-duvvy manner because he feels that you will like it. It might be his style of loving you.

Remember, we all have different love languages. If he is more affectionate towards you in public, it might be because you meet each other in public. He is unable to keep his hands off you. Guys like to claim their women. You should do the same. Sharing a comfort zone is essential.

You cannot date if you don’t feel comfortable with each other’s gestures and touches. Talking about it candidly and seeking help to troubleshoot your problems is also a great move to smoothen the curve. At the end of the day, we all seek stability. If you are taken aback by the way your boyfriend behaves with you in public, you will not be able to take such behavior for long.

#3 He is not serious about you 

If you feel that your boyfriend is merely using you as a plaything, ask yourself again why are you dating him. Remember, before the physical touch comes the necessity for an emotional connection. You should expose your wounds to each other without being scared of coming across as vulnerable. 

The first person with whom your boyfriend or you share a great piece of news or something deeply sad and distressing should be with each other. If he is not doing all these, he is perhaps using you to make someone jealous. Look around you to figure out the burning face. You might realize that this entire time, everything else was a facade. 

Study the difference between liking and loving someone. Your boyfriend might have a strong liking towards you. Therefore, he is unwilling to let you go because while the feeling of love has not stirred within him yet, he is scared to be lonely and fears that you would abandon him or he will not get anyone else after you.

#4 He is obsessing over his ex 

If your relationship is young, and your boyfriend has recently moved out from a relationship before hastening to build one with you, he might still not be over his ex. Please understand that a yearning for what has gone by is all-pervasive and always haunts man in any domain. It is the general human tendency to want and long for what we couldn’t have. 

Getting angry at your boyfriend or cursing your fate will not help you to mend the situation because the tendency of dating someone who doesn’t have a past is next to negligible. Moreover, such someone will be so amateur in so many ways that you will not enjoy the journey. Our past experiences help us to perform and control our present and future actions better.

Hence, don’t shy away from learning about your boyfriend’s ex. Maintain a positive attitude towards it. Even if he has a good friendship or bond with his ex, it is okay. He will overcome the memories and shortly, it will become too distinct to be true. Try to spend quality time with your boyfriend. Spending more time together will help to throw back the memories, both pleasant and unpleasant at the back of the mind. It will make wider space for you at the front. It won’t take him many days to acknowledge that you are always on his mind and he wants to spend his life with you. To know more, click on the link below. 

Related Read: My Boyfriend Called His Ex Beautiful (Reasons & How to Deal)

#5 You don’t encourage him 

In an environment where there are other couples present, say in a disco or bar, the vibe pushes your boyfriend to indulge with you on a romantic note. However, when he is in an enclosed space with you where there is nobody else around, he might get intimidated by your presence. 

Though he likes and loves you, he is too shy to make the first move. He is scared to come across as bold. Perhaps a little encouragement can mend the situation. Either you take the first step or simply draw him closer to yourself. You can open the conversation by sharing your fantasies or telling him about the same.

Another way of setting the mood right is by engaging in intimate texts right before both of you meet. This will create a desire for each other and your boyfriend will be able to take it ahead from there on, which, if he doesn’t, you will have to reconsider your equation with him. He is either not attracted to you much or lacks the maddening urge and can use medical help.

#6 He wants to see your reaction 

Your boyfriend is getting affectionate in public perhaps before your ex or your friends deliberately to see if you feel comfortable with them. He will also keep an eye on their reaction to ascertain which of those are close to you and which are the ones who would not care. 

Every girl has that one guy friend she crushes on, and every guy the girl knows has been connected to her at an emotional level in the past. Perhaps your boyfriend wants to know who is who so that he can keep his relationship secure. However, this is a very naive notion. 

What you must discuss with your boyfriend is the importance of creating an understanding between both of you. External affairs, society, and people will fail to matter when your bond at an internal level is strong. You need to provide each other with reasons to build a strong foundation for trust. 

Without trust, you have nothing, your relationship will be as random and fragile as with the randomly chosen ones. Hence, move towards strengthening your love by focusing on the right ethics and principles. I’ve discussed a similar situation where you might find yourself stuck unguarded without knowing what to do in the link given below. Click on it to know more.

Related Read: Why Does He Put His Hand Around My Neck? (9 Reasons)

#7 He wants you to get comfortable first

The public display of affection might be extended out of social decorum, however, when it comes to sharing private space, he would always want to look for your comfort first. He is decent and not one of the guys burning with desperation to get physically close to you. This also shows that he wants to take it long-term. If he had desperate motives, he wouldn’t have taken the chance to keep things slow. 

However, since you are thinking along these lines, it means that you crave to get cozy with him. Express the same. Telling him a simple, “I want you!” or “I need you” will be enough to pass your approval. The reason why he is so alert and conscious even with you might have to do with some tragic or accidental happening in the past. While you cannot ask him directly about such events, you can redirect the conversation in such a way that it encourages him to open up about his past. Some of the prompts that will enable you to do this are: 

• “I have never shared this with anyone before but I want you to be privy to all my secrets. Once, a year back, I had made a flaw in judgment…”
• “I want us to bond so strongly together that we can stay open about everything inside out.”
• “It will be a privilege to know more about you so that the loss of the moments not spent with you can be shared without any regret.”

Such prompts will help you to lead the conversation in the lines that you want to talk to him about. If he initiates talking, offers empathy. Maintain a calm demeanor and smile at him by holding his hands. Use this moment to make significant promises to each other.

#8 He is amateur 

Perhaps you are dating a chocolate boy who is naive and new to the dating culture. While he has seen his friends talking and doing things, he finds most of the activities to be repulsive. It gives him cringe vibes to think of getting so open before someone. 

There might also be a reasonable and understandable fear of performance that keeps pulling him backward. This happens when you very openly talk about your past experiences favorably. If the ex’s tools were satisfactory but your boyfriend has size insecurities, he might feel that he will lose you if he fails to please you. 

Hence, you must first work on setting up the bench rules where you discuss the extrinsic things and the most necessary qualities. While being compatible is very important and should stand uncompromised, loving each other for more important reasons is also an absolute criterion.

What to do when your boyfriend only shows affection in public? 

If it doesn’t make you feel comfortable say so. You can always draw boundaries and close the windows when people give you mixed vibes. Since he is your boyfriend, talking to him openly about it is the best thing to do. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Communicate your feelings 

If you like it when your boyfriend shows his affection to you in public and you want to drag the behavior to the room, tell him so. If it is possible, try to switch to a more personal space when you see him getting closer to you in public. 

The behavior will resume in the room, and once you have had your way, you will feel more comfortable talking and clearing things out with him. As an afterthought, tell him how you wished you had done it before rather than waiting for consuming love for so long. Give a pause to allow him to say some words. 

Use the words to elaborate on the matters by recalling the incidents in the past. Don’t push too hard. You will be in each other’s arms, enjoy the warmth and use the moment smartly to build a better understanding in between.

#2 Try to get cozy in private 

If your boyfriend is not making any move in private, you make it. There are many ways to get cozy in public. The first step is to select the right outfit. Make it a little revealing so that it melts him on the first go. Use the right perfume and aromatic candle to enhance the aroma of the space. 

Perhaps make arrangements to play a list of romantic tunes. Indulge him in some activity to initiate romantic moves. Shift to the kitchen and try cooking a dish together. It will give both of you time to get comfortable and there will be many moments when you will get to exchange romantic gestures. 

Pour two glasses of wine, and shift to the balcony. Adore the stars and right after, perhaps lean forward and kiss him. Allow him to take the lead thereafter. He will not let the opportunity go amiss!

#3 Focus on building an emotional connection 

Prioritize the sequence of your conduct with your boyfriend. For instance, when you meet someone, you should not set about opening up at the very beginning about your family information or things that are too private to you. You don’t talk about tragic events and unfortunate happenings. 

The response to why you are single has to be something lame. It is not expected of you to give an honest and blunt answer at once. You need to make your way to it by taking time and small steps towards it. The bigger picture must always work in the background but it should not steal away the thunder or the magic of smaller moments. 

Creating an emotional connection is important. You should be able to reflect an understanding, able to tell how your boyfriend would behave in a given situation, it shows the strength of your relationship. It shouldn’t be like that you don’t know what he will do or can’t tell how he would behave in a given situation. 

You cannot be clueless about the guy you are planning to date. Your holding of the situation has to be better than that. The equation that you share with your boyfriend should surpass your equation with all other people. He should be the one with whom you would willingly want to talk about things. There should be no fear or lack of confidence about being judged. The disclosure should be candid and raw. 

If you have been playing too safe till now, stop it. Your boyfriend wants to see your true self of yours. He has liked and acknowledged the social self. But anyone will be more interested in seeing what the person truly is. 

#4 Look around 

Look around to see who is watching. If your boyfriend is putting up a facade with you, he has to have a purpose behind it. Be more alert and attentive to detail. If everything feels too tiring to you, maybe you are not matching his energy. 

Having a hang of knowledge about his friends and his ex will help you in the long run. You will be able to dig through history, connect dots, understand patterns, and derive the right answer without stumbling much. 

If he wants to keep your relationship secret and is not comfortable hanging out with his friends or yours in your company, you are with the wrong guy, and even if you are with him for a weird box of reasons, you should keep your expectations low.

#5 Learn about his experiences 

Take your time to know him more. Gather information about him from him. Pick up topics every week for ice-breaking sessions. You have met him after spending a good many years by yourself and with other people. While you cannot go back in the years and meet him in the past, it is healthy to take him on the past journey with you. 

Similarly, ask him to do the same. Take you on a recollective journey. Get accustomed to past events but at the same time, make sure that you don’t get obsessed with it. Practicing relative detachment where you don’t get so immersed in something that you lose objectivity is advisable for both your relationship and your sanity. 

#6 Make him more comfortable 

By taking the lead in the bedroom, you can ensure to make your boyfriend more comfortable with you. Perhaps make him comfortable in your way. Do things that will enable him to get at ease before rushing forward to please you. He might have stage fright. 

He fears judgment. Let him take his time. Take things ahead by looking at pictures, talking about good things, childhood nostalgia, find something to vibe along together. We get attracted to someone when we trace likable qualities in them. The likable qualities are made of choices that we have made in the past. If you loathe dogs and your boyfriend loves them, you might struggle to find an equivalent plane when it comes to adopting a pet. 

However, it doesn’t mean that the case is hopeless. Your boyfriend might take you to his friend’s house who has a pet dog. When you spend time with the dog, and see it licking your toes and loving you, your heart will melt. Similarly, if rather than adopting an adult pet, you begin with a baby pet, you will be able to endure the process and manage it more efficiently.

However, if both of you have a fondness for dogs and you can share an episode where you had a great time with a dog, the click will be instant and magical. Find out such instant clickable moments to vibe along with. You cannot expect to begin a relationship with adjustments. The thought of making adjustments occur after a lapse of time when you have singled out many reasons to take your boyfriend as your partner. 

#7 Consider your long-term compatibility 

If your boyfriend's lack of affection in private settings continues to be a source of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, it may be worth considering whether you are truly compatible in the long run. If you feel that your compatibility stands compromised, don’t drag the relationship ahead, it will only make things so much more difficult that even having a sustainable bond of friendship will be difficult.

However, if your target is perfection and an ideal relationship, you are dwelling in a Jane Austen world. Understandably, we like to desire the best, but the sad truth of life is that we all are imperfect. Hence, we should settle with that without expanding our expectations much.

Tips 

• It is healthy to take some time out in a relationship to first build a rapport and understanding before taking advancements to share a more intrinsic space. Showing affection in public is part of social decorum since you have acknowledged your relationship by making it official. However, gaining trust and confidence takes more than this. 

• You can see that your boyfriend is taking calculative moves strategically. Ask yourself where you see yourself in the relationship. Are you naively invested or have you thought about the future, compatibility, and other kinds of stuff with your boyfriend? If not, this is the best time to do it.

• Try the flip technique by inviting your boyfriend to a social event but quickly switching the setting to a personal space. This will enable you to continue the vibe by reciprocating the previously extended gestures of your boyfriend. It will help him to get comfortable with you as the stimulative bit will be skipped without dire pressure and formality.

• Rather than running away from the past, start acknowledging it. Be it yours or your boyfriend’s, when you don’t fear it, it shows two things. The first is that you are proud of where you stand today and with whom you stand. Second, you are not embarrassed about your past. It boosts the confidence of your partner and helps them in trusting you.