What Should You Look for When Going Through Your Boyfriend’s Phone?

Your boyfriend’s phone is his private space. It is not meant for you to use. How would you feel if he demanded to know your password? It will be a sheer violation of your rights. It will be a deliberate invasion of your personal space.

Nevertheless, there are situations when you have no option other than going through his phone. Even while doing that, you should stick to the reason why you unlocked his phone in the first place.

You might feel a bit guilty for snooping on your boyfriend, and that is perfectly normal. Most people check their partner’s phone solely because of suspicion. The guilt engulfs them when they find nothing.

That does not necessarily mean the partner is innocent. They can be really good at hiding stuff. In this case, knowing what to look for will help you. Know the dos and don’ts, and most importantly, know your limits.

Also, I must warn you about something. Actions like going through your boyfriend’s phone can cause rifts between the two of you. These rifts are often permanent and can even cause the two of you to break up.

The issue we are discussing can put you in an ethical dilemma before or after the action. It will make you overthink, and you will often feel confused about what to do with the information or the lack of it you obtained by going through your boyfriend’s phone.

Let’s discuss this ethical dilemma in this blog post.

Read on.

Things to look for…

You are here because you are suspicious of your boyfriend. This is more normal than you think. I must say that a sheer lack of trust can put a relationship in jeopardy. However, suspicion is not always futile. Your hunch about your boyfriend might be true.

How can you be sure about it?

Well, you will have to know what to look for. Look for the right things while going through his phone, and you will have your questions answered in no time.

Go through the following list that I have curated for you to learn more about what to look for while you are snooping on him. Dig in.

#1 Texts speak a lot

Your boyfriend’s texts to people other than you can define who he truly is. There are chances that he puts on a façade in front of you because he wants you to stay in this relationship. The things on his phone are who he really is. His texts are a mirror of his personality. The kind of people he deals with shows what kind of person he is. Going through his texts will give you a new perspective.

• Is he being weirdly close to someone through texts?
  Go through his texts to look for fishy behavior. He is your boyfriend. This kind of relationship comes with the implication that he will be close to you. The kind of intimacy you share with him should be unique. It is a matter of concern if he shares that intimacy with another person. Check for texts with romantic or carnal undertones. I have a little shortcut for you: go to the search bar of the chatting app and enter words like “love,” “like,” “hot,” “steamy,” “date,” “sleep/sleeping,” “let’s meet,” or “alone at home.” You can search for emojis like the kissing face, the red heart, the peach, the banana or the eggplant, water droplets, the pair of cherries or the donut, the lips, or the tongue. You know what I mean.

• His group chats with his friends may not be respectful towards people.
  Find the chat group with his friends and look for the aforementioned things. Men are their most authentic selves when they are with their friends. They talk about anything under the sun. Their chats can range from girls to political parties. Look for words or sentences that objectify women and find out how your boyfriend reacts to that. Try to figure out his political ideology and what he thinks of the LGBTQIA₊ community. You will get a perspective of his personality by analyzing his reactions to discriminatory or offensive texts by his friends. Check if he uses words with offensive racial undertones or if he bullies people in the group. Look for concrete incriminating evidence that you can present before him if he catches you snooping on his phone.

• Is he in a cult?
  Check his texts to see if he is in a cult. In my opinion, cults are creepy. At least, that is what film and literature teach us. Nobody has ever shown anything good about cults in their creation. Look for movies like Midsommar, Rosemary’s Baby, Hereditary, or Get Out, and you will know what I mean. He might be a danger to you if he is part of a cult. You should not trust him in that case unless you are absolutely sure that his cult is harmless (if that is even a thing when it comes to this issue).

#2 His search history looks like a massive red flag

You can check his phone for this browser history. We all are guilty of searching for certain things we are not proud of. Look for things that do not seem normal for a sane human being. Check if his search history looks like a massive red flag.

You started snooping on his phone because you suspected. Follow your line of suspicion. Put effort into looking for disturbing things in his search history. Check if he is reading up or watching too much content on true crime. Dedicating much time to content like this is harmful to one’s mental health. You should be concerned about this because, as his partner, you will have to bear the brunt of his changed personality.

You can check if he watches too many adult movies. Addictions like this often turn out to be a deal breaker in relationships. He is probably learning impossible intimate activities from those videos. He is nurturing expectations for you to perform such acts in bed. Activities like the ones he loves watching can be degrading to humans. It can affect your sense of self-respect.

Try to confront him with a calm mind if you find questionable things in his search history. Also, keep in mind that this is probably the last time you will come across such an honest search history on his phone. He will definitely make sure to delete it or use incognito mode from now on.

#3 Is he on a dating app?

Your boyfriend could be using a dating app behind your back. Although it does not always mean he is cheating on you, most people do that to cheat on their partners. You will have to follow your intuition in this case. Watch him carefully for a few days before unlocking his phone. Try to notice little things like:

• a shy smile on his face when you are not around
• him blushing while looking at his phone
• him getting startled whenever you are entering the room
• him clicking hot selfies all the time

These are classic signs of a cheating partner.

Check if he is just using the dating app for fun or for contacting someone else to replace you. In either case, know that his attention has started shifting from you, and within a matter of time, he will break up to be with someone else whom he will probably meet on one of these dating apps.

#4 Who is calling him late at night?

This one is applicable when you have been seeing your boyfriend busy on his phone all the time. He does not let his phone rest even at night and always has ready answers to your scrutinizing questions. You have every reason to believe he is cheating on you, and with that belief, you can check his phone for clues.

Check his phone to find out whom he calls late at night. However, remember this is only your assumption. Be prepared to feel guilty if you find his family to be the ones he calls late at night because of time zone issues.

If it is not his family and not a known friend either, you have the right to suspect him of cheating on you. That is when you should confront. Ask him about the person he calls late at night and observe if he provides a satisfactory answer.

#5 What is he writing in his Notepad app?

We do not use dairies these days. The paper ones have been replaced by apps on our phones. If you have decided to go through your boyfriend’s phone, check his Notepad app to get a perspective on his life. He will probably be his most authentic self while writing about his feelings on the app.

Nevertheless, I must warn you that reading someone else’s diary is one of the worst things you can do to invade one’s privacy. It is unforgivable, and he might get a reason to break up with you for this. You might end up losing this relationship for nothing.

#6 Is he addicted to something?

Addiction comes in many forms. All sorts of addiction is a disease. If you suspect your boyfriend of that, checking his phone might help you help him fight the addiction. Let’s find out more.

• Gaming – Gaming makes us lose valuable time. Your boyfriend is losing so much that life has to offer as he keeps playing awful games on his phone. He is simply wasting time by staying engrossed in a virtual world. He is compromising his physical and mental health this way, and it is not acceptable. Check which games he plays the most when you get hold of his phone. That way, you will be able to confront him with proper information.

• Gambling – Gambling and gaming are closely connected these days. There are several apps that disguise gambling as harmless little games to get people addicted. Gambling is fun only when you have control over it. Uncontrolled gambling can make you homeless within a few months. Confront him about the gambling apps or chat groups on his phone.

• Substance – You will have to check his chats for this. Search for keywords associated with substance abuse. Go for words like “pills,” “drugs,” “booze,” “medication,” etc (you know the drill). If you manage to find incriminating evidence, it will be up to you to decide if you want to be with this guy or if you want to terminate this relationship.

#7 His calendar might have insight into his plans

Check his calendar to get a glimpse of his upcoming plans. People often do not put incriminating details on their phone calendars. This point is particularly for those partners who want to go through their boyfriend's phone for a rare positive reason.

You can check his calendar for his schedule when you are about to plan a surprise party for him on your anniversary or his birthday. It won’t be a surprise if you end up asking him about dates and schedules. He will definitely suspect something, and the surprise will be ruined. Checking his phone for information is the only easy thing you can do in this situation.

Reasons why it is not recommended

Well, going through your boyfriend’s phone is not recommended for obvious reasons. You are violating his privacy through your actions. If he discovers you are going through his phone, he might confront you about the issue.

It is pretty standard for him to feel betrayed. He expects you to trust him. He might say: “You could have talked to me. You could have asked me directly.” It is okay for him to ask that.

However, it is not okay for you to feel entitled about going through his phone. His phone belongs to him. It is your boyfriend’s property. Going through it is a breach of trust that may never be mended.

Why?

Here are a few reasons why going through your boyfriend’s phone is not recommended. Scroll down.

#1 Your actions may hurt him

Would you like the idea of your boyfriend going through your phone? I know you won’t. Your phone is not just a machine for easy communication. It is your personal space. Technology has allowed us to use our phones for literally everything under the sun. It is like your best friend who knows all your deep, dark secrets.

Going through your boyfriend’s phone will hurt him as you have breached his privacy. Nobody likes that. He would probably feel vulnerable and embarrassed. His phone was not meant for you to see. He would not like your action even if it was for the noblest cause.

#2 He might get mad at you for going through his phone

It is okay for him to get mad at you for going through his phone. You should not have done that. As I have mentioned earlier, his phone is his personal space ─ a place where he can be himself without inhibitions. Invading that sanctuary will anger him rightfully.

Here is what he can do:

• He may yell at you
• He may use cuss words that you may not like
• He may ask for your phone in return
• He may call his friend to complain about you
• He may turn awfully quiet
• He may not talk to you for several days

#3 It will be a breach of trust

Breach of trust in a relationship is like nails in a coffin. A relationship runs on trust. It thrives in mutual respect (which is a byproduct of trust). If that is missing, the relationship loses meaning. Snooping on him by going through his phone shows that you do not trust him. It will cause trust issues if he gets to know what you did. He will probably never rust you again.

Here are the implications:

• It can traumatize him – He may never get out of this trauma you inflicted on him. The thing you did was a massive blow to his beliefs about you. His faith was shaken. Now, he does not know how to trust you anymore. Nothing can be worse than this in a relationship. He will remember this for the rest of his life. This incident will affect his future relationships.

• It will do irreparable damage to the relationship – Your relationship with him will suffer because of your action. That is why snooping on his phone is not recommended. There are other ways to know what he is up to. They are a bit difficult, but none of them will break his trust like this incident.

#5 You are being dishonest with him

Going through his phone without his permission will be considered dishonest. A relationship may not survive dishonesty. Of course, you will not tell him what you did. You will try to hide it. You will lie to him about the time you used to go through his phone. You will be walking on thin ice ever since.

It will be fine if you get away with it. What if he discovers what you did? There will be no place for you to hide at that point. You will have to face the facts and confront him.

He will have questions. He might call you a cheat, a liar for invading his personal space. Dishonesty in relationships can form rifts that are almost never mended, even if the people stay together despite the issue. The incident of you snooping on him will always bug the two of you.

#6 This can instigate an ugly fight

Well, you started calling for this situation the moment you unlocked his phone to snoop on him. Going through his phone without his permission can spur an ugly fight if you get caught. Conversations will turn uncomfortable within a few minutes as he will start counting your faults.

You will also probably confront him with your findings, and if you show him incriminating evidence, he will try to defend himself. He may use your dishonesty (going through his phone) as a shield to justify his questionable deeds. Fights like this are bad for any relationship.

There will be throwing of things and breaking of stuff. He will use your worst secrets against you and vice versa. You will witness the ugliest versions of each other. Do you think your relationship will be able to handle this?

#7 And the fight can turn into a breakup

A breakup is often the next thing in line in situations like this. It usually follows the ugly fight we were discussing. Most relationships are unable to survive fights like this. That is when the break up becomes inevitable.

Your boyfriend will probably not want to stay with you in this relationship after you have breached your trust. It will be difficult for you, too, after hearing so much negativity from him. The situation has already turned bitter, and there is no turning back from here.

#8 This will turn into a bad habit if you are not caught

This is a tricky one. What if you never get caught? What happens when you get away with snooping on your boyfriend by going through his phone? I know what happens. This turns into a bad habit.

Not getting caught will make you unlock his phone again and again. It will turn into an addiction-like thing. You will want to look at his phone without valid reasons. That is when you will slowly turn vulnerable and eventually get caught.

The pride that made you unlock his phone so many times behind his back will come back to you as a boomerang and ruin this relationship. You will have to understand that going through someone’s phone is unethical.

Dire situations when you need to go through your boyfriend’s phone

You want to go through your boyfriend’s phone. We have discussed why it is not a widely recommended thing to do while in a relationship. However, that does not always mean you are a bad person.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Certain situations in life make us do questionable things. Going through your boyfriend’s phone could become a necessity when you are in a dire situation and there is no other option to explore.

I am not aware of your present situation, but based on my experience, I have made a list of scenarios when going through your boyfriend’s phone will not be frowned upon. Keep reading.

#1 When you have heard he is cheating on you from multiple sources

You know what is happening behind your back. You know what you have heard is true because you have authentic sources. Going through his phone will just be a way to collect evidence of his misdeeds to confront him. However, do that only after you have checked out all the signs to identify a cheating boyfriend.

Your boyfriend is cheating on you, but he will never admit it. He will confidently keep lying even if you say you have heard about his adultery from genuine sources. He will try to gaslight you into self-doubt. That is when snooping on his phone will come in handy. With the information that you have collected by unlocking his phone behind his back, you will be able to bring the cat out of the bag. He will probably stop lying before evidence like this and might even admit his fault.

#2 When he has not returned home for too long, and you find his phone in the room

Check his phone when you find it lying in the room after calling him for hours, thinking he is out. He is not at home, but his phone is. This is a common scenario. It happens to all of us when we are absent-minded. But not returning home for a long time is a matter of concern. The phone, in this case, becomes the only mode of communication, but your boyfriend has rendered that option useless by leaving it at home.

In that case, you can unlock his phone to look for his whereabouts. Check his texts to his friends. Check whom he called last. Look for unnatural activities on his apps. Try to find out if he is in danger. The phone will probably be the key to reaching him in this situation.

Use the information in his phone and call his closest friends and family for his whereabouts. You can contact the law enforcement authorities if you are scared for him.

#3 He does not seem like himself these days

You can check his phone if you feel he is not being himself these days. In certain dire situations, breaching boundaries can save lives. You are his partner, and you know him better than most. Try to observe if he is acting weird. That will be your cue to dive for his phone.

Unlocking his phone will take you into his world. You might get to know about his disturbing state of mind. You will probably be the first person to discover that he needs help. Your discovery could actually make him reach the therapist’s office.

As we have discussed earlier, going through other people’s phones is deeply unethical. However, sometimes, a few unethical actions can go a long way in saving a troubled soul. Your boyfriend will probably thank you for this.

How do you deal with what you might find?

By this point, you have learned quite a bit about the issue we are discussing.

You know what to look for.

You know why it is not recommended.

You know when to go through your boyfriend’s phone.

What if you find something that is difficult to digest? What if you stumble on a secret that is too devastating for you? What if you are way too mad at him to engage in a civilized conversation? What if you are hurt?

Well, that is why I am here. I will help you with a list of ways to deal with what you might find while going through your boyfriend’s phone. Read on.

#1 Stay calm and confront him with your findings

Your calmness will be your weapon in an infuriating situation like this. Finding evidence of dishonesty or creepiness in your boyfriend’s phone is bound to anger you. Channelize your anger into making valid points about your findings. Make sure he does not find a loophole in your arguments. Make sure he does not get to turn this back on you.

You have done a bad thing by going through his phone. But let’s not focus on that right now. Instead, try to figure out ways to corner him into admitting his faults. Calmness is key here. Only a calm mind can strategize ways to navigate a situation like this.

#2 Do not engage in conversations with the person he is cheating on you with

Do not try to engage in conversations with the “other” person in his life while going through his phone. Do not take his place to start a conversation. Do not note down their number to call them later from your phone. Just remember their name and who they are, and casually ask your boyfriend about them.

He will definitely get all squirmy after hearing that name from your mouth. Ask him whether he knows that person or not, and I am sure he will either deny knowing them or say he does not know them well. That will be your cue to drop the bomb. The key is to catch him in the act of lying. He will not be able to counter you in this matter anymore.

#3 Break up with him and ask him not to contact you anymore

Cheating on one’s partner or saying mean things about them to one’s friends is not acceptable. Break up with your boyfriend if he is guilty of these things. Ask him not to contact you again, as he will probably try to reconcile by asking for your forgiveness.

He does not deserve to be in a serious relationship if he can’t control himself from fornicating with another person. He should have maintained the sanctity of the relationship. Your boyfriend forgot about love and mutual respect when he decided to go for another person’s arms.

You should not have regrets as this is not your fault. I know you will feel bad for breaking up, but this will be good for you in the long run. You will probably meet a serious partner who will cherish your presence in their life.

#4 Contact your parents or a trustworthy friend if you find something disturbing

Let others know what you have seen on his phone if you discover something disturbing. Letting your parents or friends know about this will help you get different perspectives from them. Letting them know will also be a way to protect yourself from future harm.

For example, if you come across evidence of your boyfriend being part of a cult, letting your kin know about that would help them look for you if your boyfriend decides to go Midsommar on you. Your people will at least have a clue to look for you.

They can also advise you about the future of the relationship. Listen to them if they say your boyfriend is not good for you. They are probably right.

#5 Contact law enforcement authorities if you have evidence that he can harm you

If you are sure that your boyfriend is harmful, based on the information you have mined by going through his phone, you can think of contacting the law enforcement authorities with adequate evidence.

Try to get screenshots from his phone and send them to yourself. Delete the messages sent to your phone from his. He should not know what you are up to. Even a little bit of hint can turn him hostile, and you will be in grave danger.

He should not have any clue about your intention to contact the law enforcement authorities. However, getting caught red-handed by your boyfriend while going through his phone can be dangerous in this scenario. You will have to be extra careful until you have distanced yourself from him.

What do you do if he catches you snooping?

By now, we have established the fact that going through your boyfriend’s phone is terrible unless you have a good reason to do so. Invading someone else’s personal space comes with the possibility of getting caught.

Let’s think of a hypothetical situation.

You get hold of your boyfriend’s phone. To your surprise, it is unlocked. You immediately decide to go through it. You get engrossed in one of his chats or his browser history when he enters the room and catches you red-handed.

If the word “embarrassment” had a face, this would be it. Your face will turn red, and your ears will feel like a hundred degrees. You will feel like you are disappearing into thin air as you watch the change in his facial expression in slow motion.

You do not have the time stone to turn back time. So, you are stuck in this sticky mess, and there is no way out. Confrontation is the only option here.

Here is what you can do when he catches you while you are going through his phone.

Read on.

• Do not be in denial, as it will only add to your problems. Going through your boyfriend’s phone was not okay. Accept what you have done and wait for the result of your actions. Do not lie to your boyfriend blatantly after getting caught. He can see what you have been doing. You can’t escape now. Being in denial would be foolish.

• Own what you did and admit your mistake. Do not try to act over-smart by making lame excuses. Your boyfriend is rightfully mad at you. Isn’t that what you would have done if you were in his place? Admitting your mistake will probably soften his heart. There is a slight chance of keeping him in your life this way.

• Listen to what he has to say. His anger is valid. His disappointment is valid. This is time for you to listen to his rant, especially if you have found nothing incriminating after going through his phone. You have jeopardized your relationship, and now you will have to deal with the consequences.

• Counter his argument if you are sure that he is the bad guy here. But, be prepared to face a major conflict. He will yell at you for breaching his privacy. As I have said earlier, he will try to use your trust issues against you to justify his abominable acts. Your arguments should be failproof.

• Be ready for a breakup. What you did was beyond unethical. Your boyfriend is probably heartbroken. He does not know how to trust you anymore. You have traumatized him for life. In a situation like this, a breakup is almost inevitable. You should prepare yourself for a breakup the moment he catches you going through his phone. He will not want to be with someone who does not trust him and invades his personal space like this.

Tips and life hacks

A few points to be noted:

• The act of checking his phone may shower you with unexpected and shocking revelations. You will be mining brand-new information about your boyfriend. Do not be surprised if you find him cheating on you or hiding secrets.

• You are going through his phone because you suspect that he is up to something. What if he is not? In that case, you will find nothing incriminating in his phone, and that is bound to make you feel bad for him. You will start suffering from guilt.

• You can go through his phone if you have caught him lying multiple times. He is definitely hiding something that might affect this relationship. Such things need to be revealed for good. You have the right to be well-informed about the person you are dating.

• Take him to a therapist ASAP if you find him slipping into depression after going through the contents of his phone. People fighting depression are often unpredictable about their actions. They can even attempt self-harm. Finding help is crucial before it is too late.