She Loves Me but I Don’t Love Her (Reasons & What's Next?)

Falling in love is the most wonderful feeling on earth. It is the most amazing experience one may ever have in an entire lifetime. But the power of those four letters is beyond what we can perceive. Love is much more than a mere attraction. It can make you build a castle in the air, and in the next moment throw you down by shattering it into pieces. 

We do not have control over loving someone. But to stay in love or stay out of love sometimes can be our own choices. When someone loves us and we can't love her back, it may upset us and render us helplessly sad about them. Yet we cannot change our hearts. 

Being in a similar situation leaves you high and dry and you may look for a friendly aid. Well, not to worry from now on. This article is tailor-made to provide you with a clearer sight and help you choose your next step.

Reasons to consider when she loves you but you don't love her

There can't be one definite reason why we stop loving someone or cannot grow a strong feeling of love toward someone. Sometimes love enters and exits without a knock of knowledge. We don't realize we have lost interest in the very person with whom we thought of sharing our lives. 

Again, despite being willing to commit, we lack the emotion and step back from reciprocating the same feeling to a person. We are freaking helpless to our own heart that controls our mind. Studies of human psychology say that often we ignore the contexts and our past experiences that play the game from behind and turn out to be the real forces holding us back from loving someone.

The experience is unsettling when you know that someone loves you to the moon and back but you can't feel the same for her by any means. Let's get to know the reasons.

#1 You have a toxic relationship

There was a time when life was incomplete without the company of each other. You started a journey together with hopes, dreams, and a burning and undying passion for love. You complemented each other with your flaws and your goodness. Yet that somehow wasn't enough. The relationship didn't go the way you thought and eventually, you got distanced.

The toxicity of relationships is infectious. It poisons the entire dynamic of the communion like a malady. It is true that you were inseparable at a point in time. But things like ego, superiority complex, and insecurity came in and the venom made you sick of it. It broke your self-esteem, drained you of your shine, and threatened your psychological well-being.

Slowly you understood that you can't be happy with your toxic partner who never comes to terms with your needs and happiness. You learned that love isn't the only thing that can cure people of their emotional injury. After a point, you gave up. There was no more love left in you to offer. 

You know that she still loves you. But that alone won't make the difference. And you know it's too late to even try to love her again because you've grown weary of trying and failing to love her now.

#2 Your relationship lost the spark 

That was only one part of the picture. The reason can be something else as well. It can be an indifference in your partner that you feel unbearable or her lack of attention to your expectations from the relationship that disappointed you every day piece by piece. 

Partners often get busy with their work life and forget to take care of their relationship. They go on neglecting it until the end comes near. It too could be a possible reason that your relationship lost the spark and you got tired of her. Now you find it impossible to love her back again, in spite of knowing that she loves you like before.

#3 You are seeing someone else

Not always it is she who is to blame for the growing void in the relationship. We have seen guys seeing other women while staying in a committed engagement. If that is true with your story, it's nothing rare to stop loving the other person. Maybe you are the one who found someone else and now feel nothing for your girlfriend. 

Love is a constant in our life. But it has its changing forms. We are led by its intriguing force without our will. That is why it is so very unpredictable. We do not always mean to cheat, yet at times we feel exposed to a certain eventuality. We stop loving someone when someone else takes her place and it happens when we gladly allow them to.

It is not because something was wrong with your partner, it's because everything seems right with another girl. That's how it starts. You begin to like someone else when your present girlfriend blurs into a faded shape of illusion. It may sound a bit rude, but maybe you loved your partner until you met someone better.

#4 You have moved on

No relationship is better than a bad relationship. To learn to live in the present takes courage, strength, and determination. You have probably suffered a lot before making the decision to move on and choose a better life. You broke up and accepted the truth that you have to live for yourself by loving yourself first.

Going back to your past mistakes is like embracing darkness after aiming for light. Love is fine, but if that comes at the cost of your happiness and dignity, there should be no question of living with that love. She might love you but you can't accept it in the present context where you have decided to stay without it.

Perhaps you came out of it because you had to because she left you with no choice. There are other things you should take into account when you think of her feelings. Will you be yourself if you go back to her? Can you love her the way you used to? Will everything fall into the same place? Does it really feel right to try and love someone? Does it work? 

This is a valid reason for not loving her back since the relationship doesn't exist anymore. And you have been happy with the other priorities of your life. There are more important commitments, more valuable relationships where your own feelings are appreciated, and more other people to feel affectionate for.

Actually, your previous life and your love for your ex have been replaced by greater emotions in your present life. You have every right not to wish to take hold of your past and love someone who is a forgotten chapter you parted with.

#5 You take her as a friend

This is the most common reason in the world when you can't love someone because she is just a friend. Neither of you can help it. Nobody can decide whom we should love and whom we should consider a friend. It's predestined. If something romantic is meant to strike, you won't have to train your mind for that, it will take you over without your approval.

We know that some friendships bloom into romantic relationships. But that is how it was planned by the invisible divine power. We do not have power over our own emotions to drive them whenever and however we want to. Hence, friends cannot be lovers overnight. 

We are nobody to direct and reframe our relationships just because it seems best. It is because logic and emotions are two conflicting emotions that seldom meet at a common point. This is the reason we can't rationalize our emotions and turn them in our favor. 

We hurt people and we hurt ourselves too because we cannot fix those dilemmas and go happy without caring much. Yes, we can't love people according to our convenience. We can choose our reactions but the inner chaos remains the same. 

Probably you are one of those guys who cannot take their friendship forward to a romantic commitment. And if love happens, believe me, you won't stay confused anymore. It will be as clear as a sunny day.

#6 You fear commitment

Our past doesn't always leave fond memories for us. An unpleasant breakup can keep us bruised from the inside. We remain scarred for years and the power to trust and love someone else in the future gradually gets worn out. 

If you have been betrayed and got everything you never deserved in exchange for your loyalty and love, it's a possible reaction of your conscious and subconscious mind to fear commitment further. This is because you don't want to undergo the same agonizing experience, you don't want your past to repeat itself.

Thanks to someone who might not be worth the emotions you devoted, you may be robbed of the faith and readiness to welcome someone new to your life and love her once again. 

Even if she loves you with all her life, you are unable to feel the same emotion for her. You are scared of infidelity because you have seen people change into strangers. So you feel more assured in keeping a healthy friendship instead of growing a romantic feeling for her.

#7 You are already committed

You know that one of your friends has fallen for you. And you are at a complete loss because you know you can't love her. You are already committed to a girl whom you are happy with. 

The point is clear, you can't promise your love to another girl when you are dating someone else. It's something that's beyond your emotional ability. If you are sincere and honest with your own feelings, they won't let you do the reverse. You cannot share the same kind of love with two different people since that will in turn break either of them.

If you are in a romantic pursuit with a woman,  that must have been born out of genuine consent from both of you. To not be able to reciprocate to a friend (or anyone else) is the most legitimate and reasonable approach if you are a loyal partner to your mate. 

It is sensible and wise to communicate your obligations and explain your inability to return her gesture of love. One thing she must know is that if you responded to her feelings by cheating on your present girlfriend, that would have been disgraceful for her, and probably you could do the same with her as well. That you stated the truth, by all means, proves that you are being faithful to both the girls.

What to do when she loves you but you cannot love her?

It is a bit awkward to know that someone loves you and you cannot love her back. Certain things do not wait for our consent. Feelings especially have their own way of shaping into something smaller or bigger. We cannot help it. 

So finding her in love with you might cause confusion about how you should react to it since you may not feel the same way she does. Here are some ways you can approach her to balance the unrest and have things sorted in a peaceful manner. 

Read them carefully. 

#1 Talk to them

Regardless of her status in your life, you must initiate a talk to her. It's challenging how you should communicate your thoughts to her since you know it will be a sensitive situation. 

Look, you know you can't control people and how they choose to feel for you. Nor can you decide the right and wrong for them. But you can surely share what and how her feelings are making you feel. It's essential for her to learn that you are definitely not enjoying the way you have to respond.

Go for the right place and time to discuss both of your feelings. A perfect ambiance would contribute greatly to creating an agreeable state to interact openly. Have a one-to-one chat and watch your tongue while talking because you can't afford to upset the apple cart by being rude or accusatory. 

If you think you can hide your feelings and avoid meeting her, let's face the truth that this won't work for a long time. Truth is unavoidable irrespective of its nature. It will hit her sooner or later. Things will be aggravated if you do not try to clarify the vagueness that could have gone unnoticed.

Until and unless you sit for a direct conversation the cringy discomfort won't go away. And after all, if you indeed want to clear the mist and keep a healthy friendship, you have to state the same. 

I know being loved by someone gives you a sense of superiority in a way. That's not wrong because this is a human psychology to nurture the feeling of being liked by anyone, whatever your responses are to them. But if you stretch it beyond the line of tolerance, things will turn bitter and unacceptable. 

You can't make her fall out of love by just having a talk. But you can help her feel better and that's the best thing you can do for her with a benign interest. Have a chat, listen to her, and let her listen to you. This is how you would see things can be sorted out and you would be relieved to relieve both of you.

#2 Be gentle and honest

You are a true gem of a guy to feel concerned about someone who loves you, even though you can't love her back. It is important to act human if not like a lover. Taking a step forward to help her is a friendly and genial move expressing your kind intentions.

A lot will depend on how you are ready to present yourself and your willingness to offer help to her. Ask her to make time for direct communication with you. Cut to the chase but slowly and in a gentle process so that she gets time to recover from the blow and process her mind in the right direction.

You can begin the conversation with an appreciative tone by saying,

"I don't know how to tell you that I feel blessed to have a place in your life. I never want to lose the friendship we share and acknowledge it with all my heart."

Once the ice is broken, express your feelings without being ambiguous. It is your honesty that can turn the cycle of events in your favor. You are meeting this person to save her from getting hurt, so the words you will follow are important. Do not let them sound as harsh as they are. 

The truth should be stated with conviction yet delicately. The person sitting next to you is supposed to be in love with you and in no way deserves to feel unwanted. Put yourself in her shoes and confess what you feel about her. 

You may approach like,

"I value your sentiments like anything and that is why I felt I need to talk to you. I cannot ask you to stop loving me. But let me tell you, I don't feel the same way for you since I am much more comfortable keeping the friendship with you. That doesn't mean I do not respect your feelings. Yet, take it as friendly advice that loving someone who doesn't see you in the same light will only hurt you. If you ever need me as a friend, I am always there, and that's a promise. But, I really can't offer anything more than that."

#3 Empathize with her

Empathy is a power key to bring about the kind of true communication. If you show you sympathize with her, in a way it will be demeaning to her. She is not someone to take pity on. Keep sympathy out of it because that may be an act of indignity. 

I know it's bothering you that you cannot grow feelings for the girl who might be one of your friends. Don't deny the fact that it's not in your hands. What she would remember is the way you respect her emotions and validate them with your actions. 

Your efforts to stay compassionate will be noticed by the girl who happens to adore you romantically. Empathy is a sign that you know you are not doing a favor to her by being nice or treating her in a usual way as a friend should. It's an assurance that you identify her helplessness in loving you.

You are looking for a solution as you know what she must be going through and do not want her to suffer because of you. That's why you are here. So you have to believe me saying that it is you who can play a significant role in changing her perspective. 

Knowing that you want to walk a mile in her shoes would possibly tell her that she is doing no wrong in loving somebody like you and that you admit her beliefs to be valid and justified. 

Encourage her to see her pricelessness as a person and allow her to stay happy by focusing on herself. This much can be done by whoever wishes for the well-being of a friend or an acquaintance. Say things like,

"I truly appreciate your courage and honesty in showing your love for me. You are an amazing girl and in every way, you deserve to be loved. But it's not me who can do that. Yes, I am being honest that I am not the one who can give it back to you. You would find greater men out there who will be ready to die for you and your exceptional qualities. It's my bad luck that I cannot be the 'right' one. It has nothing to do with you, dear. It's all my fault."

#4 Don't create false hopes

We know that relationships can be tough sometimes. When our expectations go unmet, we feel broken, we feel an emotional fiasco that can be challenging to get over. The same goes for the one who hopes for something miraculous to happen by receiving love from you who is not ready to commit at this moment.

You realize that the girl is crazy about you and you also know there's no point encouraging her feelings because you can't meet her expectations. 

So you may think, ' What am I supposed to do?' or ' What could be the best thing to do right now?' It's very important to figure out 'what not to do' rather than 'what to do'.

If you are sure of your feelings, then be careful of how you behave in her presence, and if any of your actions can mislead her or not. Don't give mixed signals that might be misinterpreted as the expression of romance or love. As a result, she will continue to get garbled messages about where she stands in your life.

Watch your tongue and body language that may create false hopes in her and she might misread them by thinking you too are interested and testing her patience. Her extra attention and the urge to make you happy can be tempting, but it will, unfortunately, keep her hooked on an illusion.

And when finally she would learn that she was living in a fool's paradise, it would take her everything to come to terms with reality. In the process, she might lose those who could have filled the void of her life with their true love.

You can't even imagine the debilitating impact of those of your casual flirts that she took as mistaken hints of a possible feeling of romance. 

In the end, she would be the sufferer who would lose her dignity, her self-respect, and her self-confidence. It may take her years to regain the power to stand up and trust again. She might start to believe that she is not someone worthy of love or grow an inferiority complex. One mistake of yours made by ignorance might damage a soul who wanted to love you.

#5 Set boundaries for both of you

Boundaries are necessary in every relationship. In this case, setting boundaries has different implications. It will help both of you to normalize a situation that might have been awkward for both of you to face. 

Your conscious reactions with a purpose to help her may on the contrary seem to be a little unusual and she might feel herself to be a subject of annoyance to you. You may unknowingly create a wrong impression of yourself as the one avoiding her or getting upset by her presence. 

If you settle on boundaries set by each of your permission, the relationship can be easy and manageable. You won't have to worry about your next movement or your next word of banter in front of her if both of you are at ease with your mutual understanding and limitations.

Limit your contacts via phone calls and texts instead of cutting all the ties with her. You can also talk to her about a minimized amount of messages you should send to each other or expect either of you to reply with. If she is used to the norm of calling you every day, you can ask her to change the habit and reduce the frequency. 

There can be places where you have chances to meet each other quite often. To avoid the discomfort of facing each other, you may discuss common ways to diminish direct communication or some other convenient alternatives. 

Emotional boundaries are necessary not only for her but also for you. You need to recognize and allow the time and space for each other to process the peculiarity of the circumstances and react with composure. 

Don't ever go for a jealousy trick, bro. It might feel nice to see someone getting jealous because of you and induce a sense of satisfaction in you, but this will be a tortuous experience for her whom you may later feel sorry about hurting.

#6 Take help from a neutral person like a friend or a therapist

You can find things too complicated to handle when despite your wish, you cannot help the person who is deeply fond of you. You cannot return her love on the one hand and on the other, you cannot feel pleased about not loving her back. 

So who can help you? Simple. It's any of the neutral persons who can suggest a helpful middle path. It can be a friend whom you can trust with your life or it can be a therapist who will be professionally apt to serve the purpose. Let's see how.

A good and loyal friend can be the savior who can support you unconditionally. 

• A friend will listen to your troubled thoughts with full attention and understand what is bothering you so much. He or she will not judge you but rather will try to help you find the right solution.

• Sometimes a friend might act as the catalyst who will fix the missing piece by conveying your mutual emotions to each other and hearing both of you out.

• He or she can arrange a meet-up for you in person where you both can talk about your subdued emotions in a healthy chat.

• A wise friend can provide you with a useful piece of perspective to make it easy for you to absorb and reflect so that neither of you is unjustly treated.

• He or she can share tactful modes of navigating conflicts and awkwardness with you.

Again therapists can also assist you in challenging situations with their expertise. 

• Therapists can talk out the ideas to figure out the sources of your disturbing emotions and how to fight them off with willpower and determination.

• A professional expert may help you identify your own emotions and make you consider the past experiences that might be holding you back from loving again.

• A trained therapist is capable of sharing intelligent strategies to address your concerns and sense of guilt.

• A therapist can also guide you in making sensible decisions and setting boundaries to avoid misunderstandings and further anxiety.

#7 Don't blame yourself

You are a guy who can be outgoing and friendly by nature. Your personality could be one of a hail-fellow-well-met and you are amicable with everyone. This could have triggered the romantic emotion of a person who feels immensely drawn to your character. But that's not a downside. That's the way you are.

See, you have to understand one thing very clearly that to love or not to love someone is an emotional process that cannot be forced. You are not the first one not to be able to reciprocate somebody because it happens to everyone. What matters is whether you are being honest or not to yourself and the other person.

Often people blame themselves when they realize they cannot love back the other person who might be their girlfriend, ex, or a friend. There are reasons that can't be and shouldn't be ignored like past experiences, trauma, or their personal likings. 

Between feeling 'something' and 'nothing' relationships build and come to naught. I know it does hurt both of the people concerned if they are sensitive. Being an emotional guy you too may feel the same sense of guilt. 

But when you learn to be kind to yourself it will be instrumental in getting an unbiased judgment toward the relationship. Reflect, understand, and consider your feelings that do matter.

To go on loving you was her choice and that was not supposed to depend on your further reactions. If you blame yourself, it may turn the reverse way and both of you might end up hating each other. Be true to the person and yourself, and respect the emotions that grow spontaneously. 

You may be better friends than partners. Accept it. Admire it. It is no crime to love or not to love someone, but it is absolutely rewarding for your emotions to be valued and acknowledged. 

#8 Don't force your feelings

There is a misconception about the idea that you can lie about your true feelings and act like you love someone to appease her plagues. But by doing so, you are forcing your feelings for something that doesn't come against one's will. In reality, you are deceiving her by hiding the truth and leading her into a delusion.

Relationships can not thrive on a lack of trust and communication. Anything that is forced is not meant to last for long. It breaks the trust and the foundation of the relationship. 

If you want to sacrifice your feelings, it won't be worth doing because that is not going to make either of you happy in the long run. It would be built on a lie that is short-lived and bound to damage the long-earned faith between you.

The consequences won't be very pleasing when you see a growing frustration in yourself. It's tiring and exhausting to fake your emotions day after day. There will be increasing stress, anxiety, and isolation to carry a mask of false sentiments for long. You will be reduced to a life-less mass of flesh unable to express the hollowness caused by your self-exile. 

Resolving to stay with a person whom you have to 'try' to love is like a never-ending punishment you choose for yourself. Is that all you wanted?

And most importantly, she will eventually get to uncover the truth one day and will feel cheated. When she finds out that you had to love her and compromise with your emotions, it will be an irreparable impairment for her.

Settling for something you didn't want to will give rise to unwanted resentment for each other. That will take a serious toll on the health of your relationship when you conceive that during this phase you have deprived both of you from finding true love from someone else. 

One life, one chance. You can't risk ruining it by making an unfair decision. Be blatantly honest to make it worthwhile. Let your feelings run free.

Tips

Here are the last few tips to remember.

• Confessing the truth however bitter it may sound is a hundred times better than misleading someone with a fallacy that can destroy her very identity. So don't hesitate to utter the awkward truth. 

• Show compassion and respect for the love she fosters for you. It's important to know you are not annoyed with her feelings, despite the fact you can't return them.

• Don't take advantage of her weakness. It may be fun for you but will ultimately be a menacing trial for her.

• Be considerate of her state of emotional powerlessness. Approach her with calm and humility to communicate the reality in a direct way.

• Offer an amicable relationship if both of you feel at home with the boundaries. Give her the time to overcome the shocking bolt and process the emotional challenges.