She Doesn’t Say I Love You Back Anymore (8 Possible Reasons)

Love is the food for life. To be loved by the person we love is the best feeling one can ever experience. But the word doesn't come easy. It has facets that are complex and intricate. When you are free and loud enough to say you love someone, you hope for those magical three words to come back to you with equal immediacy.

But here comes the twist. You don't get tired of confessing your love to her, yet she seems to be less interested in being zealous about it. The once-regular ritual becomes a forgotten story and she stops saying I love you back. It's frustrating and hurting, but most importantly it's common. 

Before you reach a conclusion, here are some core rules discussed below. Keep scrolling off until you get your answers. Trust me, you won't regret it.

Reasons why she doesn't say I love you back anymore 

Coming from a time when almost everybody is fighting their own battles in relationships, at the end of the day, a wee act of showing your partner that you remember them and you love them enough to keep the flame burning is a powerful stimulation. We want to create illusions that could come true with our partners. But failing at that has repercussions, which may strike sooner or later. You still can be hopeful because there are reasons you cannot dismiss.

Count them off with a detailed study to know why your partner sounds disinterested in saying I love you back in recent times.

#1 She is under stress

There was a time when 'I love you' used to be your most frequently uttered words to each other. Each time they rolled back from your ears to your heart, you felt at the top of the world. But of late, this became a holy grail for you to seek after. Your girlfriend doesn't respond to you upon hearing these words. She often goes off on a tangent during romantic conversations and seems laid back to react passionately.

You must be really worried about your love life! To think in a wiser way, look at things with a practical eye. If you are aware that she is going through a bunch of stressful circumstances for days on end, it's a usual reaction that things like this may slip through her mind. 

She could be preoccupied with a hectic schedule that's pushing her into a lot of stress. Maybe she doesn't divulge much of her back-breaking work week or her personal ordeals to you. But she looks reluctant or less romantic to you. She talks less, and most of her responses have a note of remoteness. You feel neglected but have no option but to stay helplessly calm about it.

It may be her daily life crammed with milestones she has set for herself to achieve. Chasing after them, she has forgotten to take care of her personal emotions. She is always into thinking about one task after the other and managing time to meet deadlines. 

What you get from her is a cold reaction to your kind, sweet, and adorable gestures. You wait for her to do something new to convey she loves you too, unfortunately with no success.  

Don't feel low so soon, my dear. There is more to it than what your little brain can receive. Ask her about her toils and struggles on both professional and personal fronts. Get to know the stress she is trying to cope with. Understand that she is a human being and act like a sensible lover.

#2 She has a different love language 

The way each of us chooses to express our feelings and thoughts is not the same. Some of us write phrases that are charged with love, while others prefer to let their eyes do the talking. There are people who are blatantly open and proud to show their emotions and on the other hand, you see guys who are too shy to voice them all the time. It's their personality to believe in different love languages to communicate themselves.

So here lies the truth. She doesn't always want to be verbally responsive. Yes, she has said these words numerous times before but now that she has grown a sense of profoundness in her character, she knows it's not always important to say it. Probably, she expects you to listen to her silent nod of affirmation when you speak of your love. To her, maybe, it's that silence that carries an immensely strong message of love you need to understand. 

With the growth of your relationship, she has come to the realization that true love is unspeakable. Or to be precise, she wants to rephrase it more memorably so that it becomes more resounding to hear. 

The narrative of each of our love stories has its individual appeal. She must be with this notion that her language of expressing reassurance must strike differently to her partner. Being mature has taught her to be more intimate and graceful in showing her affectionate side. She knows that the three words are to be understood rather than told.

#3 There is a change in priorities

We often hear people say that change is the only constant in life. As you age, life proves that those words are nothing but true. You witness change in people, in things that were familiar to you, the circumstances and course of your emotions. Relationships too have to stand the test of time because that is inevitable. 

Be it the reason or not, there is always a possibility that your girl has moved ahead in life where she's got a lot of other things and people to put on her priority list. There are many more responsibilities, life goals, and strategies to keep in mind to survive the challenges. In such a changed state of affairs, she may not feel the urge to react so romantically as you are accustomed to.

Note one thing that a shift in gestures isn't necessarily an indication of lessened feeling. It makes sense, therefore, to ask yourself a few things whenever you are down with the fear of losing.

• "Do the less communicative people happen to be less emotional?" 

• "If she doesn't say 'I love you' back anymore, does that mean she doesn't love me anymore? Do I have other instances where she is similarly indifferent to me?"

Well, if priorities change because of the change in her feelings towards you, you need to make a firm decision, because one-sided love will come at the cost of your mental peace and happiness in the end. 

We all have commitments and targets to achieve, yet we have to stay confident of our first concern and prioritize people who are close. If you notice her obsessed with other engagements, and constantly choosing others over you, it's time for you to draw an end to it.

#4 She believes in action

This is a far more welcoming thought if she believes in actions rather than words. Not everybody is capable of sticking to the motto of  'walk the talk'. As the years-old saying goes, "Action speaks louder than words ". If she is someone who lives by this credo, have faith that you are in the safest and most caring hands ever. 

You might be thinking of the time she was in the habit of saying I love you back to you frequently. But that was when she used to be in her younger phase of life. She didn't develop the ability to identify the significance of love and its vastness. The partnership she shares with you must be a great lesson in exploring the true beauty of loving acts over loving terms.

Her actions mustn't have shunned your notice. The way she cares for you, and stays connected to you, the way your accomplishments make her elated, or your worries and frustrations make her equally low and bothered, all these should be the things you look for in an ideal companion. The willingness to stay with you or make you happy may be what she wants to work around, and saying I love you has become a faded idea to her.

Look for the signs that demonstrate she believes what she preaches. They could be as follows:

• She always makes you feel loved and cherished by remembering your birthday and other special dates.

• Her efforts are always driven towards making you the priority. 

• She thinks beyond words and keeps physical connection by rubbing hands, hugging, or leaning on your shoulder.

• She discusses all the important decisions of her life with you.

• She manages to take out time for you, throws surprise visits or sends gifts of your favorite items, and cooks your favorite food to pamper the child within you in every way possible.

• She is ready to go to any length and make sacrifices to meet your expectations.

• She introduces you to her friends and family with a proud look in her eyes.

#5 She has lingering grievances

Her strange shift in showing love may be the result of some past conflicts that lay dormant in her subconscious mind. Women are seldom direct in displaying their heartburn. They do things that would be born of those hidden displeasure. Sometimes, it comes without deliberation, because the scars become too deep to let her talk about them for gaining sympathy.

Her pent-up emotions may have contributed largely to her present self which is tight-lipped and less expressive in terms of enunciating the most romantic words you want to hear. There could be unresolved issues that were not taken care of, or some emotional wound that was never treated with kindness. They have turned her into a person who is scared to manifest her weakness to you. 

She could be the one putting up with your ignorance over her crisis for months or maybe years. Time and again when she learns that her needs, her soft sentiments, and her feelings would be hurt, or dismissed heartlessly by her partner, she throws in the towel and decides to distance herself. It's a self-chosen exile reinforced by the insults and humiliation she never deserved from you.

You would say there was no such tug of war. But believe me, it didn't have to be. It's your indifference, repeated neglect to look after her emotional turmoil and troubled mind that transformed her into a withdrawn little kid, who prefers to keep things inside. She might be suffering too, but once her soul has been silenced, it won't speak up for itself again until it is healed.

Here we must remember that your girlfriend wants nothing more than your appreciation and compassionate approach towards whatever concern she is bogged down with. You scratch her back, she would scratch yours. But if you look away from her distress, never wait for her to articulate words of love to please you.

#6 This is not her conscious act

This is also a possibility that what you perceive as her lack of romantic attachment, may be an act that she hardly makes consciously. After a certain time, you may feel rejected, but this goes all unnoticed since she has the least knowledge about her actions causing you pain. 

She might engage in endless gossip and chit-chats when in the middle of a sentence you say I love you, and she smiles with a blush and then again goes on with her chat. You heave a sigh and think no further because you feel convinced that she won't say it back. Ironically, she finds you quiet all of a sudden and asks you if something is wrong. And the discussion ends there.

Immediate communication is advised from your end, as this will continue if you furnish her with no idea about what she is doing. Don't let the ego pull you back because when it's your relationship that's at stake, you need to open up. If you expect her to figure out things by herself, you are deluded. Nobody is perfect, and in a romantic commitment, we ought to help each other grow for a stronger bond.

Loss of connection can further aggravate the situation as your inner resentment will increase if she doesn't get verbally active to respond to your love and say things that you eagerly await. Therefore, the very first step toward the solution is to let her know what you want from the relationship.

#7 She wants to keep it casual

Words of promise lead to expectations and commitment. Having this in mind, your girlfriend might be backing off to say those precious words back to you as a note of affirming your love gestures. She wants to keep it rather casual for fear of serious involvement.

You may wonder why she is not willing to commit to a long-term relationship. There are reasons too that make her act this weird. It's her past that has been buried long before with unhealed emotional injury. 

Maybe she had a history of getting incessantly battered by her former partner. She might have a period of trauma due to years of emotional abuse, which took a long time to overcome. It has induced a sense of insecurity in her and she gives a wide berth to any possible engagement that demands commitment or mental investment. 

The bitter experience with her previous relationships might have made her discreet in making choices about words that might reflect excessive vulnerability and attachment. Perhaps she uses this as a defensive wall against people who could damage her internal equanimity. 

All this is why she stays restrained in reciprocating your adorable acts, especially refraining from things that would trigger the danger of repeating the same example of painful interaction.

If this is the case, then she is the one who needs help more than you. Help her to get over the appalling past, to rebuild her trust in relationships, to redefine your companionship with organic and spontaneous efforts from both ends. The journey will be wonderful. 

#8 She is trying to punish you for something you did

The fragments of our past often stay in the way of our present choices of actions. Delve into your own deeds before you get upset about your girlfriend's lack of readiness. 

She may have got an unexpressed grudge against you for your mistakes or misconduct in the distant past. It may be how badly and unfairly she has been wronged by you that is acting strongly behind her visible diffidence. 

You might have cheated on her or lied to her and she caught you red-handed with someone else. It was a nightmare for her to find her partner unfaithful and she thought she should be done with you. Later, she relented and went on with the relationship, but it stuck like a lump in her throat. 

Every time she visualizes you with another girl, she feels sick to her stomach. She couldn't forget, nor could she forgive you. What this blunder has done to her is that she has grown vindictive against you and wants to punish you with a fitting retribution.

She has withheld her emotions as a natural byproduct of your betrayal. As a result, she cannot throw away her revengeful thoughts against you and decides she wouldn't let you get away with your infidelity by serving a just dessert to you. Once the trust is broken, she cannot retain her eagerness to say those valuable three words with the same fervor, especially to a person who has exploited her emotions.

It's simply her way of hitting you back in the same painful way, with the same piece of weapon that left her experience the worst. She wants to let you know how shattering it is to have your expectations unmet , and turned down by your partner on more than one occasion.

You cannot expect everybody to be sanely forgiving to your miscreants. Accept that whatever you did or didn't do, was absolutely wrong. To win her over and set the broken pieces into place, you have to do everything that you are supposed to. If you know you have been unjust, make amends for your misdeeds. Treat her like a queen and don't lose patience on her until the old scars are healed. 

How to react when she doesn't say I love you anymore 

In a puzzling vortex of confusion, you may find it hard to stand the passive reaction of your partner day after day. You want to come free of this state of emotional dole drums. You want to see the ray of hope. Worry not, since you have come to the right place. Do read the blog to know the possible reactions you should make when she pulls away from saying 'love you' back to you.

#1 Initiate a communication 

A communication forwarded straightway can bring in the expected closure viable for both of you. Ask her about the personal hurdles she didn't confide in you, or her burdened life she must share with you. This is the last roll of the dice and you have to play it very carefully. 

Take her out to a place where she could feel free to take part in a kind of conversation that would resolve the issues. Tell her that you won't be judgemental. Make sure she can feel the eagerness in you to work on the relationship. There may not be an immediate solution, but there will be a process that you will see starting with this one step.

If there is a change in feelings, get clarity about it by having a friendly talk on the recent shift. Pay mindful heed to every word she says, with an unbiased honesty. You might be a person more comfortable with self-expression and verbal declaration of love but respect her need and desire to think otherwise. Try to get to the center of the problem with directness. 

Instead of accusing her or demanding an explanation, be gentle and empathetic. Assure her that you want to know her part of the story so that she has the assertion of being heard and understood. 

You may follow the approaches mentioned below:

"What is the matter with you, honey? It's been so long since I last heard 'I love you' from you. Is everything fine? Tell me if something is bothering you. I promise I won't be mad."

Or

"I think we need to talk about our relationship. I'm afraid something is missing and we both must try to add a bit of zing to it. I have noticed your changing mood very often these days, and you hesitate to say you love me like before. Tell me what you must. Take my word, I would listen with all my heart." 

#2 Keep your expectations realistic

Your expectations can be the root cause of your mental agony as long as they are not practical. You cannot expect something out of the ordinary from your partner just because she is engaged to you. Saying I love you back in response to the same words uttered by you is not an unbreakable rule of a relationship. 

This is also possible that it started to sound childish to your girlfriend. Overstating something that has a sweetness attached to it may ruin the charm of the words that one loves to enjoy and cherish. This is the truth she has come to realize as you both grow and evolve in the relationship and concentrates on other essential aspects that have bigger roles in your love life. 

To be honest, this is a little too much to expect from your partner to always be loud in her romantic expressions. Neither you are expected to do the same. Unrealistic expectations will take you on the verge of self-created complications. 

There will be a time when you will contemplate these acts of foolish and absurd beliefs and won't be able to forgive yourself for the silly thoughts. Try to reason your mind with the logical observations of your girlfriend's regular activities. Looking away from reality won't help you to come to a fair conclusion. 

Expecting things that we can control or efforts that we can genuinely put in to showcase our love is the wisest of all to do.

 #3 Stop saying I love you

You have been candid so far in verbalizing your love language to your girlfriend. You have an enduring patience and energy not to miss a single chance to say you love her. Yet you did not get the same earnestness when you were on the receiving end. You are tested long enough to feel discouraged and disheartened now. Be a little tricky this time to get her on the right track again.

She is used to being addressed with intimate gestures by you. But she never had a single day when you forgot to make her feel good about herself and the relationship. She gets overconfident and takes it for granted since she is told 'I love you' a number of times by you without asking, like a dedicated devotee. 

Take her down to the ground of 'give-and-take' theory. Stop saying I love you. That doesn't mean you need to stop loving her of course. It would give her a backfoot on getting too casual on you. She would feel equally at her wit's end when she would see the change coming from you. 

If she reacts and asks you the reason, stay cool and composed and act naive. And then, tell her,

"I really forgot to say it this time, baby. Maybe I lost the habit of hearing the same thing from you, and that may be the reason it slipped out just like that."

But if she remains unaffected, either you take it as a win-win game and come to a middle point or simply walk off it.

#4 Ignore the words and focus on actions

So far you are all concerned about how expressive she is with her phrases to you in the moments you want a love statement from her. But by doing this, did your focus move away from the actual efforts she never fails to give out? Yes, her actions cannot be ignored, even if she is less conversant with the vocabulary to communicate she loves you.

Stop throwing tantrums that make no sense if you are to nurture the best out of your relationship. She is a gem of a girl if her actions speak volumes of her true adorability to you.

It is beautifully rewarding to get a partner who is always generous to strive hard towards delighting you and emphasizing your happiness. Her loyalty, unwavering fondness, and honest endeavor must not go unnoticed, as these are the defining parameters of affection and fidelity. Hold on to that, because that's what you should aim for in your partner.

Habits do change and that is acceptable. But if she is really crazy about you, the feeling of love, respect, care, and intense passion will never dissipate. It will stay unaltered and unsullied. They might, however, take a more graceful shape with time. You will learn to see yourself as a whole, not as a part anymore when you will have your partner believing the same.

#5 Reflect on your own behavior

We can easily find faults with others, be cynical about how they treat us or make random judgments about their actions and words. Yet, we never ask ourselves the same questions or put ourselves in their shoes. Being in love involves not only her but also you. Maybe, you are unable to remind yourself of the fact that what you give is what you get.

Saying I love you can not be a mechanism to make up for any of your misdeeds that have been emotionally ruinous to your mate in the past. Try to be self-reflective. It will help you stay unbiased about the reactions of your girlfriend. Probably you will cultivate a more thoughtful understanding of the seemingly unfair treatment meted out by her.

A self-introspection will let you ask yourself the right questions about your own behavior. Have you been a perfect boyfriend to your partner all the time? Did you always have the eye to see what your companion expected you to do? Have you acknowledged her efforts and sincerity and appreciated them in time? Are you a good listener who never tunes her out when she needs your attention? Find these answers, they will explain her cold resigning responses to your passionate utterances. 

Know yourself to know her. You do not say romantic sentences to hear them back. It's just the way you want to share what you feel about her. Be good to her whenever she needs you. Your goodness will come back to you at the most crucial juncture of the hour from your beloved.

#6 Plan for 'us' times

Coming close to each other generates an indomitable desire to surrender. If you long for the cutest phrases to be showered by your love, plan for some exclusive times for yourselves when she will be all yours, into the embracing arms that would hold her tight and safe. 

Quality time should have the quality to ignite the fire of passion. In those hours of intimacy, she might lay her heart bare with facts that had been less noticed by you. 

You may create your own memories with laughter, physical nearness, and long conversations with shared bits of joy and sorrow. This would last a lifetime. She will be led by emotion during these moments of proximity and finally be turned on and reveal her love through words you were dying to hear.

If some unfulfilled expectations or unaddressed pains are lurking under the skin, she will perhaps speak up about them without inhibition. Create the magic with private places and times that are conveniently sensitive and comfortable. Make every moment count. That will do the rest.

Save and spend your couple-times encouraging her to come off the shell. Discuss things of varied interests, childhood anecdotes, aspirations, failures, moments of victory, and personal struggles. You will thus recreate the dynamic of your relationship once again in those instants, and witness how miraculously she joins in your love confessions. 

#7 Trust your partner

Trust is the key to a rock-solid bonding which makes a relationship unique and thriving. You must open the window and let faith come in. You need to trust your partner and believe that, whether she says it or not, she loves you terribly and madly, without being answerable to anyone.

All the years you have known her are filled with instances that resonate with her true character as an infallible companion. What more to ask of a partner who never refuses to break a sweat on her relationship and her boyfriend's needs? 

Your primary concern was knowing that she still loves you. No difference does it make, if she doesn't express it any longer. Trust your own instincts and the way you are familiar with her loving nature. That's all you need to take into consideration. 

One single phase cannot act stronger than your well-nourished relationship. It deserves and demands far more worth and significance. Respect the way she has been supportive and big on you, and be glad about the way she is.

#8 Seek professional help like counseling or therapy

This is the last straw to regain your composure and confidence in the relationship. Go for professional help from a therapist who would provide a neutral perspective to your emotional turbulence. They have the expertise to lead you to a point where you can deal with situations more aptly and effectively.

If you stumble upon things, the right kind of therapy would help you improve your communication skills, better understanding, retrospection, and emotional release. It would provide a completely different force to work on the entire narrative of your relationship. 

Your negative thoughts, dilemmas, anger, fear, and all the conflicting influences would be addressed with proper care. Moreover, you will find an agreeable person to talk to about things you cannot handle without support. 

A therapist doesn't allow a quick fix, what he or she does is to make you feel hopeful about things and let you discover the positive sides of your relationship. 

You need to understand that your mind too gets tired and requires care. There are issues that we have hardly any control over and we should ask for credible and benevolent aid to tackle them. Counseling will bring you closer to knowing your own mind, meditating on your flaws, and achieving integrity.

Tips

Here you go with the quick suggestions 

• Time gives you the best answers. So, wait for the time she realizes your expectations and acts likewise.

• Trust your gut feeling about your relationship and your partner. Don't let misunderstanding surface your intuition with doubts.

• Be open to the changes in her verbal communication and expressions that might have reached a mature pattern.

• Compliment her efforts with appreciation and acknowledgment to evoke a sense of validation. Put a fine line of respect towards her personal sentiments and space.

• Recall your past memories to stir her up and mention them most often to reflame her lackluster way of showing love.

• Encourage communication to be emotionally connected and have conversations with clarity and honesty. 

• Stay transparent with each other as it ensures mutual admiration and faith in each other.

• Never stop showing love in the best possible way, so that she feels valued, encouraged, and convinced of the authenticity of your sincerity and affection.