Narcissist Ex Contacting My Family (Reasons & Ways to Deal)

When we see someone, we are so much in love with them and obsessed over them that we forget to set ground rules and draw boundaries as and when needed. Instead, we overindulge ourselves by sleeping over, spending the night, taking photos of all kinds, exchanging family information, and more.

What doesn’t occur to us at that time is how they can take advantage of our vulnerability. Hence, we should always play by protocols. However, if you find yourself threatened by your ex who might be trying to reach out to your family for a variety of reasons, worry not. 

In this blog post, I’ll help you figure out why your narcissist ex is trying to contact your family and what should you do about it.

Keep reading to know more. 

Reasons why your narcissist ex contacts your family 

It is because they are desperate to get you back. They want to see if there is any way in which your family might help them out. A narcissist is always of the opinion that no one is better than them. Hence, they think that your family might want you to get back to them.

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Emotionally damaged 

Your ex might be emotionally damaged. They might be so narcissistic because they have had an ignorant childhood. If the parents were divorced, he was raised in an unstable environment. 

Due to this, or constant family chaos, he has always had an overwhelming sense of loss. Children need an overdose of love and protection at home. If they don’t get it, and when they don’t get it, it becomes the hallmark of all their future social problems.

They act like a misogynist and have an immense amount of hatred for everything. You will see early signs of an emotionally damaged person when you see the following symptoms:

• Very pessimist by nature: They are a nihilist, always questioning the pattern of things, the way things function around them, doubting the sequence of events, always having an overbearing sense of skepticism, keeping their plan B handy because they have thought of the worst possible scenario.

This is one of the reasons why they are after your family because they had seen this coming. What they don’t realize is that their overwhelming nature makes it impossible for you to function otherwise. A healthy conversation in which you take the opportunity to mention their shortcomings or misalignment with your thought process can help to control the situation.

• Loner: No matter how happy you keep them in a relationship, they will have this tendency to fall back alone. They need their “me-time” and take it too seriously. It need not mean that they are cheating on you or hanging out with someone else. All it means is that for some time, they are not available.

This gap might get too difficult for you to fill in at once. It would have taken a toll on you as you are someone who likes to work as a team with your partner. However, when that is not done, you get disheartened and aloof. In the process, you are attracted to someone else, whereas your partner has no idea that they have been losing you. 

• Low self-esteem: The fact that they portray themselves as a narcissist but come after chasing you shows that they suffer from low self-esteem. They suffer from feelings of inadequacy where they need constant validation and support. Without this, they feel lost and hopeless.

• Don’t trust words: Your ex might have had strong trust issues and they were skeptical about your every move. This might have led you to call for a breakup. No matter what you tell them, they will always want to witness the scene as proof. This can be too much to bear in a relationship that is somewhat entirely based on trust.

#2 Wants to benefit from the situation 

Perhaps your ex has certain pieces of information that they can use to gain leverage. It could be either to earn money, favor, or pleasure. This happens when by an error of judgment, you reveal to them something that was never meant to be shared. It becomes worse if they have a strong registration power. They never forget or mix names or contents.

Such people are not trustworthy. You should be cautious against them. They want to do everything in their capacity to pull you down. The early sign is when they pay utmost interest to your family matters, and take interest in meeting them while you are dating. This usually happens when there is a class conflict between you two. 

They are always jealous of you and at the slightest inconvenience, they begin to blame your lifestyle and the way you were brought up by your parents. You will see that they always had a fixed set of notions that they would not alter easily.

#3 Wants you back 

If your ex stinks with desperation, they would do anything to get you back without caring much for right or wrong. They are so selfish that they won't care for your feelings. As such, like them or don't like them, going back to them is not an option. They will always prioritize their needs before yours. Their obsession will always get the better of them despite the number of promises they make. 

Hence, you need to handle the situation carefully here. Obsessive people can cause damage. They don't understand that love liberates. Their obsession is with the idea that love conquers all. Perhaps, try to show them how you make an unfit pair. When he sees that things are falling apart for him, he might consider the relationship unlucky and decide to finally give up.

#4 Wants to hurt you 

Your ex might be interested in damaging your reputation or punishing you. The reason could be as silly as an endorphins boost. They are pleased to see you suffer. It has always been with them that either you support them or you are doomed. There is no midway here. 

Your ex will try to figure out different ways to punish you till the time they are content. You can retaliate by punishing them back. When you show them that you like to keep things even, they will get unnerved. 

The problem with such people is that they are too myopic to get a better glance at the situation. The far-fetching consequences elope them. Show them the flipside and you will be able to scare them away.

#5 Needs their stuff back 

Perhaps you are overthinking this and all your ex needs is their stuff back. You are not returning their calls and you have blocked them on messaging platforms. They couldn’t think of a better way to reach you than by contacting someone you are always in touch with. They decided that your family would be the one you would never break contact with and hence they made the call. 

The easiest way to get rid of the situation is by returning their stuff if you have anything in your possession. No personal touch or meeting is needed here. You can merely courier them the things to show them how strongly you find them repulsive. It will make it clear that you are not interested in even talking to them, and will be so strong a message that they will think twice before contacting you again in the future.

#6 Merely concerned

Narcissists have hearts too. They fell for you and want to check on you but can see that you have ghosted them completely. Hence the last step is to try to find out about you from your family. 

They might even have some breaking or tragic news to deliver. It could be the demise of someone mutual, or their marriage. We remember such people on either of two occasions: when we are celebrating or grieving. 

Remember, when someone is going to this height to make contact with you, give them an opportunity and hear them out. You might be taken aback by what they have to tell you. Never be so confident that your vision gets blurry and you detach yourself from reality.

#7 To take revenge

Perhaps your ex intends to tell your family about their experience with you. It is their way of venting out. What went in between both of you and how do they feel misused? Your family might think very highly of you or you might be planning to start a family. Your ex wants to see that none of this happens or that you don’t destroy another life, in their opinion, the way they feel you have destroyed theirs. 

This can take a very complicated structure later when your current partner discovers your ex’s misbehavior. You should take them in confidence beforehand. It will allow you to share the story from your point of view, and if your current partner is up to any good, they will stay with you and support you in fighting all evils.

#8 To maintain control

All your ex might be intending to do is to take over their control and assertiveness. They feel empowered when they control you. This might be because you have always been someone too difficult to impress or date. 

There was always hype among the sophomores to secure your attention and go out with you. Out of the many, if there was someone who was crushing on you so bad that you thought to take the chance and go out with them if that would please them, was misinterpreted into love rather than mere romance, they never understood the magnitude of the relationship or the difference between being involved and being in a fling, they would have a tough time.

What most people fail to realize is that what we try to control are the very things that control us. Hence, worry not, if he tries to bring you down, it is his Icarus’ wings that shall burn down.

What to do when your narcissist ex tries to contact your family? 

It is okay to let your family have a word with your ex to understand what is their concern. Your family will have your back. If your ex has any wrong notions that your family will be moved by your ex's words, their bubble will burst. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Stay in touch with your family

Disclose everything that went between your ex and you to your family. They have the right to information. Keeping them in confidence will help you to keep a check on your ex's moves. 

Your ex will not be able to have an upper hand or use the situation to their benefit by blackmailing them. Your family is your support system. You need to work on this together to pull out of the problem. 

If you had ever expressed a distaste for family matters or stated something confidential to them, they might use it against you to instill a feeling of hatred against you before your family. 

What you need to understand here is that it reflects on their character. Hence, whatever they do, play the ignorant card together. If no one hears or gets affected by their words, their plan will fail disastrously.

#2 Ask them the reason

Confront your ex and ask them what is it that they want from you or your family. Confronting prevents assumptions and predictions. Things are easy that way. Moreover, there might be a genuine reason behind all this. 

When you know the reason and find it reasonable, help them out with whatever they might need but don’t let them take advantage of yours else it will become a regular thing. On the other hand, if they back out upon confrontation by saying that it was a mistake, you know that there won’t be a need to entertain such a behavior next time.

#3 Express your feeling

Tell your ex why you ditched them and why you are on a runaway from them. They perhaps don’t know your end of the story. To date, they have been living in a bubble, believing that everything is fine and good between them. 

This might be so because they have always been the ones to complain while you were someone who didn’t see it harmful to resign to silence and just listen. Hence, the aura has been such that it helped to boost their confidence and make them overconfident so much so that they became more narcissistic. 

With you, from your end, however, it was always a mere infatuation. The idea that someone can afford to be so silly in the current generation to be obsessed with oneself seemed peculiar to you. And if this person was attractive then you slipped away into their charm.

 When you realized the gravity of the error that you have committed, you decided to skip the process and rectify the blunder understanding which was beyond your ex. Hence, the incomprehensibility which has led them to such a fix. 

#4 Apologize for your misconduct

If you were in the wrong, you cheated on them and made it difficult for them to trust another, apologize before much damage is done. Help them overcome the grief stage. 

See, at the end of the day, we all are humans. Our words and actions can break people's hearts but that should not prevent us from making amends. Rather, the moment you realize your error, you should jump in to make amends. 

Ask yourself what is the worst that will happen here. They will rebuke you, right? Their words will make your heart sink. You will feel low and sorry, but that is okay. Your purpose here is to make them feel better towards you. 

Gradually, you will be able to move on in your life again with the respite that when you cross paths with your ex, there will be no resentments. Always target long-term goals.

#5 Contact their family

It's not just about keeping it even but also preventing disasters from occurring if your ex is trying to get in touch with your family or perhaps take you on a guilt trip by posing before your family as the most eligible bachelor/maiden available out there. 

As such, being in touch with their family will help to put forward their point that you are no less a gem of a person. The issue is that you didn’t find each other compatible enough for sustenance. Harboring feelings or merely being kind and gentle will not make a relationship or a marriage work. You need many other qualities besides these. Wealth, patience, habits, and ambitions play a strong role in building these up. 

If, however, you or your family feels that you might want to give this another chance because you were so close to tying up the knots, you can take the advice of a relationship counselor. They will be able to study the loopholes and gaps in your current status and will help you reach the right point just in the nick of time. Both of you will be convinced mutually concerning the future course of action. It will prevent any further games, breaking of hearts, emotional toil, and delays.

#6 Get support 

If your ex is causing too much trouble in your life and you are unable to process it, or it has started affecting the other areas of your life because you regret your decision or simply have an overwhelming feeling to drown in tears, you want to erase the memory of ever dating your ex, it is time that you go for counseling.

A counselor will help you to see things more clearly. He will make the invisible threads visible. You will realize that your heart is pristine, and will stop blaming yourself for the flaws and shortcomings of your partner. 

Getting support is harmless. You need not make a public acknowledgment of the events that are taking place in your life. The moment you make your life low-key, things will take a turn for the better. Moreover, there will be the assurance that no one is judging you. Your counselor will only help to dispel the fog and clear your mind. Their agreement with you will prevent them from sharing your trouble with anyone at all. 

#7 File an FIR 

It's okay to make it legal when the situation calls for it. If your ex is harassing you or your family, you can file an FIR against them. It is the most volatile step that can be taken only when the need calls for it. However, it is always better to resolve the conflict by keeping it as low-scale as possible. 

Filing the FIR becomes a mandate if your ex is giving death threats. At any cost, some boundaries must always be maintained. You must not retaliate or engage when your ex is being uncooperative. Understand that they are not wanting to agree. Hence, a legal step might be mandatory.

Tips 

• Dealing with a narcissist can take a toll on your health. Hence, the earlier you recognize the symptoms, you must jump to take the next set of steps. Help them find a counselor and explain to them how being self-indulgent narrows down their vision and scope of action.

• Your family is your support system. No matter what the case, they will want to help you and will have your back. Hence, be fearless in that regard. Always make your family your strength. When you love them and care for them, even if a very close person tries to ill-mouth you before your family members, they will not buy it.

• Chaos and disturbance are the agents that only bring prosperity and calmness in the long run. Always focus on the bigger picture. There is room for newer perspectives and a window to better insights. Sharing points of view by jumping into the other’s shoes will help you to make your decision more empathetically and consciously.