My Boyfriend Yelled at Me for the First Time (8 Possible Reasons)

When you gave your heart to your boyfriend, you expected him to treat you like a queen. but if recently, you have started feeling disillusioned, this blog post is meant for you. If, lately, your boyfriend has left you shuddering not by the means of a mindblowing spell of orgasm, but due to his rude behavior and high-pitched words, you must be feeling heartbroken. 

In this blog post, I’ll share with you why your boyfriend might have yelled at you and what you should do to regulate his behavior. Keep reading to know more. 

Reasons why your boyfriend yelled at you for the first time 

Your boyfriend has been trying hard to be the ideal guy to court you. Perhaps as a result, his control instinct has taken a toll on him. He is unable to bottle up his emotions anymore. 

While in a relationship, we might think it for the best to stay hush and be more tolerant towards our beloved than we are towards other people. But sometimes that might fire back at us because once the cork is left open and undone, it can have devastating effects. 

To understand such a situation with greater insight, continue reading below.

#1 He was hurt (you cheated or lied) 

If you have done something potentially damaging lately, your boyfriend’s yelling might be far more than justified. Your question in such an instance should be, why is he not breaking up with you? The situation so spelled would be one where you might have cheated on him or at least told him a grave lie. 

One reason might be his curiosity. He might be trying to understand why are you still with him, that is, if you cheated on him then your affection lies elsewhere, and if you lied to him that implies that you don’t trust him enough. Either of which is not a piece of good news. What keeps you lingering around? Are you gaining any favor from him or are you too attached to him but the fault was committed in the heat of the moment? If it isn’t pre-meditated, do you think your action is pardonable? What would you have done had he been in your place?

The second possible reason is that he doesn’t understand what to do now. He feels stuck. He loves you too much to let you go. He wants to win you back but he just doesn’t know how. Moreover, he is aware that it is unfair to him. So he is just finding a way out and in the process allowing his anger to come out on you. 

#2 He was having a bad day 

If nothing extreme has taken place lately, then you don’t have to think it off-limits. There is a probability that perhaps your boyfriend was just having a bad in the office. If you feel confident about this, you can ask him directly about it, “How was it at the workplace today, baby?” 

If he looks too agitated then it won’t be wise to throw a direct question at him. In that case, avoid asking questions. Instead, just be patient and stay with him. Let a moment or two pass and he might apologize to you or might already have. When he does so, you should enquire if there is anything that he might like to share with you. 

Even if a few days have passed and you haven’t gained any clarity in the said situation, you can bring back the moment, no matter how awful it may seem because you have not been able to move on or let go of it as of now. Clarity will help you to understand whether it played a critical part in your relationship and if there is room for mending the situation. 

#3 You disappointed him (by costing him a considerable loss or not favoring him in his time of need) 

If You did not help your boyfriend in his time of need and did not take his side when he was relying on you, It might not only hurt him but also cause severe emotional damage. It is not as much a yell out of anger, as it is out of his disappointment in you. 

He is frustrated and in a state of mental shock. It will take him some time to recover from this. He might never trust you in this manner again. Nothing you say will help to mend the situation. It is going to be a painful process but if you want to win him back with all your might, the only way is to relentlessly prove your love for him in all your actions and gestures. 

When he sees you making a sacrifice (not of your life, but by doing something taxing or out of the way), he will start looking at you from a shift in perspective. It will enable him to regard you with new importance, but this is going to be a very lengthy process and in the course of this if you decide to sign off from the tenacity, all your efforts will go in vain without any due acknowledgment.  

#4 You were shouting at him 

If you are used to raising your voice at your boyfriend, don’t mind it much when he retaliates similarly. The only way to remove yourself from such a position is by working on your behavior. Mend your ways. Be a gentlewoman. Give special emphasis to your conduct. Don’t be rude to people who mean the world to you. After the heated moment passes away, you will regret it and find your words heartwrenching. 

#5 You blamed him wrongly 

If it was you who was drawing the faulty card or playing the blame game to hide your errors, he might be ashamed of you. All his notions about you might prove faulty and shatter. He might realize that he was delusional in his account of you. 

In such a case, his yell would be more of angst. It is apologetic. He is sorry for himself for lending his heart to you. Never make a guy feel this sorry for who or what he is. And if his yelling is making you feel likewise for yourself, you need to understand that the only way to save this relationship now would be by unending love and devotion. If you doubt the capacity and power of your love for him, don’t tread on this path. You will struggle on it half-heartedly, and might not get rewarded either. 

#6 He wanted to give you a reality check (since you were either dreaming or being too superstitious) 

If you are taken to be an overdramatic person, your boyfriend might fail to keep up with your tantrums and dismiss your behavior by yelling at you. The idea is to give you a reality check so that you come out of your wanderlust and live life like normal people. 

You can use this as an opportunity to introspect upon your behavior and general conduct. Rather than going haywire about your boyfriend’s approach, talk to him calmly and try to understand what possibly might have gone wrong. Tell him that you want to make amends from your end. There is nothing that you would want more than to make peace. 

One such habit could be being suspicious of other people’s motives and not trusting them easily. Another could be trusting anyone easily. Figure out which side of the line you fall under, and how to improve your position.

#7 He is showing his true colors

Perhaps your boyfriend was hiding his true colors from you all this while. But now that he has sensed that you are head over heels in love with him, he allowed his true face to get the better of him. 

Try to recollect the first time you met your boyfriend. Had he known you before this? Is it possible that he studied your nature and catfished you by behaving in a manner that you deem fine and gentlemanly? 

Recollect which aspect of your boyfriend you adore the most. Is it possible that the aspect might be more consequential than real? Should you rely on such judgments and use those as parameters to pave your way ahead? 

Instead, focus on the way he treats you. After all, that i what matters the most. Does he treat you like a queen? If yes, then that should be more than enough. Is the treatment fair? Does he make you feel worthy the way you make him feel? Do you think you are setting a bad example? What is your best friend’s opinion about your boyfriend? She is the one to know you best and will be able to help you understand what is best for you.

#8 He doesn’t love you

Perhaps all this time you had been living in a bubble. Your boyfriend never truly loved you. He had been making an act to get your favors. Now that he has sought out his ulterior motives, there is nothing more that he can do with you. Hence, his behavior might be that of the one who wants to get rid of you without taking the burden of guilt. 

This will happen especially if you have many mutual friends or you have hastily involved your family in the matter. He doesn’t want to be the bad guy because he doesn’t want this to stop. He will keep seeking the favors of women around you. Perhaps he is a womanizer. Get a general opinion of women on this to know what they think of this guy. Look up his social media, likes, and comments, to understand and study his nature in detail. It can prove to be a great resource. 

Does the relationship change after your boyfriend yells at you for the first time? 

Yes, the relationship certainly undergoes a change when your boyfriend subjects you to his wrath. You cannot hear the tune of love in his anger. It isn’t a polite reverberation. He is screaming at you. 

However, this lack of understanding can be used as an opportunity to make things better. For instance, it denotes that your boyfriend is trying to convey something that is deaf to your ears. There have to be some unwanted obstacles on the way which are hampering the conviction. 

Your task is to find out this obstruction. It can be within or without. If you don’t like to be bossed around or told what to do and how to do it, but your boyfriend practices prudence and likes to limit your liberty lest you fall into trouble, it can create a difference between you. 

The internal hindrances can be corrected with the help of rectification, analyzation, and meditation. You need to spot the errors and limitations. Work on it by finding ways to expand your scope of coming up as a competent partner. Talk and discuss with him about it and your feelings candidly. 

If the hindrance is external, the easiest way to get over it is by removing it. However, if it is someone or something that cannot be removed then try to bring it on friendly terms with your boyfriend. He should feel privileged. You should feel honored. If such feelings are not shared between you, your intimacy and trust will stand compromised.

What to do when your boyfriend yells at you for the first time? 

Giving an immediate reaction will not be advisable as you too are going to be in a state of shock and might come across as curt. Take your time to understand his challenges and talk about how they can be sorted without causing any emotional damage from either end in the future.

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Stay calm and try to understand the concern (deconstruct his agitation and figure out the source of it) 

The first step is to understand why he is yelling at you. Remember, a person raises their voice only when they need to secure attention or they feel that they are not heard. If your boyfriend is feeling either of these, it suggests that your wavelength is not striking a balance. 

Calm down by holding his hands and looking softly into his eyes. Let him feel your love. Make him feel guarded. Softly whisper into his ear, “Come along,” take him to a more private corner or space, allow him to take a seat (remember, a seated person is calmer than a standing one), and now nod at him in appreciation that he is wanting to discuss the challenges. Tell him that you want to hear and understand what are the difficulties and limitations that he is facing. Talk it out. 

The idea is to make him understand that you are not only a good girlfriend but also a wonderful human. Your reaction and behavior are consistent because that is who you are. You don’t get easily affected by the behavior of someone. You use it to put the person at ease and talk to him or her more candidly.

#2 Give him the silent treatment 

If you are a bad-tempered person and behaving in a luvvy-divvy manner is not your style, if you feel that being allowed to let go of yourself, you will break into a fight and create chaos, it is advisable to stay mum. 

Don’t speak when you know your words will not add up to anyone’s advantage. Once his anger is wasted, he will calm down instantly. But if you break his words and start yelling too, it will prolong the ruse and make it worse. What’s more, it will disable you to treat each other with the same heightened respect the way you used to do before. 

Silent treatment is effective for several reasons. Some of them are: 

• His silence stands wasted. He will calm down after a while and might even have the courtesy to apologize for losing his calm. 
• Your energy is preserved as when talking to an angry person, he will not give you the hearing you deserve. All his attempts will be made only to disrespect you. 
• He will be forced to introspect and re-estimate your position and his. This will help him to become a better boyfriend himself. 

#3 Reevaluate your relationship 

Reconsider your status with your boyfriend. Do you think you belong where you are and deserve the way you are being currently treated? Now ask yourself what can you possibly do to mitigate such a behavior. 

Perhaps try setting up the right example of how you should be treated. First, treat him right and see if he understands. If he doesn’t, and instead tries to take undue advantage of this, give him a strong taste of his medicine by replicating his behavior. 

However, even after all the efforts from your end, if he is still not rectifying his ways but is persistently trying to pull you down or tower over you, take the hint and withdraw. You don’t need people who cannot do you good. 

#4 Take a break if it is getting overwhelming 

If you feel it is not working or maybe you are spending way too much time together taking space and your time off will help you to mend the situation or make the right decision, take a break. It will enable both of you to think clearly. 

If your behavior has been getting affected by someone else’s examples, if someone else is setting the wrong example or influencing either of you too much, this break will have to make a sound decision. 

#5 Be clear about your priorities 

Don’t be a needy person and allow anyone to have an upper hand on your vulnerabilities. Instead, be clear about your priorities and your non-negotiables. The things that you cannot and don’t want to accept. Yelling would be one of these. 

Make a list of deal breakers and send it to your boyfriend with a strong warning. These are red signals. If your boyfriend isn’t compatible with you, dump him for good. You can be happier when you are free. 

Tips 

• Your first step should be understanding the problem. However, if it comes to your understanding that there never was any problem, he was merely subjecting you to his wrath which was uncalled for, voice your concerns without delay. 
• When communication stands compromised but you are too deep in love to make a move, take help. Go for counseling with your boyfriend and try to understand why such hindrances are taking place in the smooth running of your relationship and what can you do to avoid it.