Why Is My Boyfriend Won’t Share His Location With Me?

The idea of dating in a modern-day world of digital interaction is no less than a jigsaw puzzle. People get confused at every step and look for a steady solution through electronic tools in a fraction of a second.

This is where the problem and its solution both lie hand in hand. The easy access to our partner's life has opened a window to peep through it whenever we want. And we do it pretty willingly.

This state-of-the-art technology has conditioned our brains in a way that we love to get used to monitoring people we love and wish to have a happy ending with.

For this very reason, a girlfriend makes use of the latest version of apps to track the whereabouts of her boyfriend. She does that because she knows there are means available for serving the purpose.

Her curiosity or sometimes anxiety gets reinforced by the opportunities provided through the machinery for the same. In the process, she forgets some basic rules of a relationship that stands on mutual trust and freedom.

One petty issue creates a complex net of psychological and relational disorders that seem to have no end in the short run.

But why do we want our partners to share their location with us? And if they don't want to pamper these desires, why do they do so?

Well, to find the answer, you have to wait until you are done with the details narrowed down in the article.

Let's step on the ladder with patience.

I see things this way

I have friends and acquaintances who have long been in a romantic relationship, and what I learned from them is a mishmash of reactions to this particular idea of sharing location with each other.

I got contrasting words from them in different points of situations. While there are people who happily accept these demands from their girlfriends, others take it as unfair tantrums from their better halves and defy it altogether. 

If I am to be honest with what I believe, I would prefer to understand the root of the thoughts. It actually proves our dependence on our digital companions and how they rule our emotions.

Women often think that it is their right to get informed about where their partners move or whom they mingle with. And I see them growing more uncertain about them when they deny them the location details. 

But what about their individual privacy? Does it end with the identity as partners they embrace after getting engaged with someone?

A sensible mind can surely discern this simple fact that despite being partners, we all are different human beings who can rightly claim the need to have a distinct perimeter in which we have our own choices and people.

Sharing location is not a huge deal, depending on the context, reasons, and the type of relationship you share with your boyfriend. Unless you take all of them into consideration, jumping to the conclusion will be the most foolish thing to do.

Being a relationship expert, I owe you a clear-cut explanation of this matter, and for that, I have tried to fabricate whys, how's, and therefores in this blog, which is divided into three main sections to highlight

• Why do you ask him to share the location with you 
• Why doesn't he want to share his location
• Do's and don'ts for you to follow

So, it's time to keep your senses open and unfold the whole truth.

Why do you ask him to share location

Your boyfriend has several personas besides being your partner. As everyone does, he has his duties to perform, sometimes as a friend, sometimes as a brother, and most importantly, as an individual.

As his girlfriend, there must be a few equations that you might think can nourish the essentials of your relationship. 

But what if they do not match your sweetheart's calculations? Have you thought of it?

I agree that you must have your own justifications for asking for his location details. What I want to remind you is that you need to be unbiased about finding the problem that may be lying in the tiny cells of your brain only.

Let's focus on the reasons that you find valid every time when you expect him to share his current location with you. 

#1 You care for his safety

We cannot simply ignore the safety of our dear ones and stay casual about it. Some of us get worried so often that people think they are faking concern.

This is true for our partners as well. Just the way parents are concerned about their child's wellness, partners are bothered by the same. 

I don't think it's too much to ask to know where your boyfriend is, especially if you're worried about his safety. It's just a sign that you care.

- Mindy Kaling

M. Kaling, as we see, has spoken in favor of the concept of location sharing, indicating care and concern from a partner's point of view.

Younger people have the privilege of using higher technology to silence their tense nerves when they get anxious about the safety of the people they can't lose.

They make video calls or voice calls and can send WhatsApp messages to get the assurance the other one is fine. It's an emotional crisis that cannot be reasoned sometimes with enough logic.

If you follow the same beeline, I know it is oddly defensible for a lover. But if you listen to my advice, it's fine to draw the curtain on a few occasions. 

There was a time when our parents hardly had these options to track the other, but still, things went as smoothly as usual. 

Being worried is different from acting paranoid. You have to hush up your vicious premonitions when your boyfriend steps out into the outside world. If you really care for his security, you can decide on small texts or brief calls at maximum.

If your man is okay with sharing the data of the places he keeps moving through, it's good. But if he refuses, he too cannot be blamed. Because he may find it unreasonable to satisfy your agitated mind at the most minor things like this.

Where both of you have reasons for your actions and reactions, things may be sorted out by means of a bit of understanding and talk therapy.

What should be the steps?

• Agree on a mode of communication that does the job for both of you.
• Ask him to switch on the location if he is going to a remote place or with people you do not know.
• Location service can be useful at unusual hours like midnight when he might find it scary to see the roads.
• Try to be practical at times when he may lose his way and tell him he should share his location with you for his own sake.
• Let him face the world without your help. He is an adult and can take care of himself, so the sooner you realize it, the better.

#2 It might be your overprotective nature

Your boyfriend is not a minor, and yet you feel like spoon-feeding him in every way you can. 

Rings a bell?

Then, it can be this overprotective nature of yours that is pulling the string from behind. You want him to stay in touch with you wherever he goes because you care a lot more about things that are of little or no importance.

Girlfriends with such nature never feel at ease as soon as their men go out of their sight and start being restless until they can have their boyfriends back to themselves. 

And now that high-end software and apps can show you where exactly a person can be, they don't mind asking their boys to share the data with them. 

It's like they can't find peace with their partners accompanied by others but them since they keep on fearing the worst in their absence.

For example, imagine he has planned to go out on important work to a place where you are obviously not supposed to be with him. There will be other colleagues with him, but still, you feel he won't be able to look after himself. 

You begin to worry and ask him to share the location with you in the hope that you may do a short research of the place and suggest to him the best food restaurant where he can have his lunch, or maybe you can see the areas he is in to feel relaxed that he is in a well-connected place.

It does happen with people who are extremely indulgent to their significant others and try to shield them even if they don't need it.

Caring for people we love is normal, but excessive care can prove to be unhealthy in a delicate relationship like yours. 

What are the remedies, then?

• Accept that he can be fine without your presence.
• Give it a try by turning off the location app and see how things work.
• Fight negativity with positive thoughts. 
• Visit your friends or find some work for yourself when your boyfriend is out.
• Understand that you are not his mommy to eye him everywhere.
• Balance your emotions in order to stay sane.

#3 You don't trust him

This is a major and serious problem for many couples. 

Trust is a word that has a weight as heavy as to make a relationship unmoved in the face of the toughest squall. And the lack of it can breed unwanted disputes and unnecessary disagreements.

Girls will be girls. Don't mind me stating this truth because I have to be neutral here. Women have a notion that their men can be cheating on them with other girls the moment they are exposed to them. 

This is because they don't trust their male counterparts and have a preconception that all men crave the opportunity to flirt with other women. 

This sense of insecurity might be the outcome of an unpleasant past where you were betrayed or a victim of infidelity. Yet, it does not denote that your current partner is having the same blood of a two-timing impostor. 

Doubting his commitment, hence, will vilify the very soul of your partnership. Whether he shares his compass of movement becomes immaterial when you guys are transparent with each other.

My intent is to help you stop growing suspicious of your boyfriend just because he is out of your familiar grid.

You see him hesitating to share his location, and instantly, doubts, fears, and jealousy eat up your reasoning power. 

The reality is that for those few hours, you are at a loss. The self-made, imaginary situations rule your head, and you feel distressed for no actual reason.

Do you want to see a ray of hope? 

Stick to these thumb rules :

• Confront your own fears and ugliest doubts.
• Take the courage to face the reality that you are insecure and imagining things that do not exist.
• Put yourself in his shoes and see how it feels to be distrusted despite your wholehearted commitment.
• Practice meditation to calm your mind and think straight.
• Believe that not every guy is a cheater who takes advantage of your absence or your trust.

#4 You are not comfortable with his freedom

You know well that your guy loves you with all his heart, and still, you can't tame your thoughts that madden you to digest the fact that he has a free spirit and deserves to have a separate life.

Does his freedom lessen the intensity of the love he has for you?

I am well aware that some women can't tolerate their partners enjoying life without them. It's a different psychology that has a controlling trait latent underneath. 

This is the same story of dominance that makes you displeased to see his sense of identity. 

Logic or sensibility do not work quite well here because you are obsessed with a nature that believes in checking on your partner all the time he is enjoying himself without you.

It often grows out of narcissism, which engraves the belief that your boyfriend's world should revolve around you. 

I have found through Quora discussions that girls are having identical issues as a result of their controlling character and trust issues with their boyfriends.

When he refuses to yield to your demand that you keep track of his latest location, you feel humiliated and sometimes abandoned as well.

I think you forgot to consider the fact that before entering into the relationship with you, he used to have a life where he had a specific circle of friends, neighbors, colleagues, and family members to whom he is not only your boyfriend but someone they are comfortable with.

Keep your eyes off the hours when he is with the people he likes to spend time with. It is his choice, and trying to control that would eventually make you look like a dominating girlfriend.

How to identify that this is a controlling sign?

• Do you think your partner will change into someone else when you are not around?
• Do you believe your boyfriend doesn't want to share the location because he might be going somewhere he had no explanation about?
• Do you fear you will slip off his mind as soon as he disappears from your known boundary and meets other people?
• Do you really want to regulate his movements to feed your own self-pride?

What are the ways to bring yourself back on the right track?

• Tell yourself that location sharing won't make a permanent solution to anything.
• Learn to let go of your baseless fears.
• Remember that in trying to control him, you are making yourself too clingy.
• Practice positive thoughts by doing something constructive during the times you are not with him.

#5 You stay in a long-distance relationship

Staying in different locations sometimes gives rise to concerns. That is acceptable. Partners can feel this much when they are not able to see each other for a long time due to the physical distance.

This is when either of them can expect that their partner will be sensitive enough to share their locations with them. 

It is not always the lack of security or confidence in them but the void or longing in their absence that a girlfriend wants to break by knowing the whereabouts of her boyfriend. 

Suppose it's due to the network issues or his busy schedule that he cannot make voice or video calls to you. Neither can he keep messaging you that he has reached his destination, ate something, and feels good every minute.

Having his location details can be an alternative means of getting relieved for those moments of urgency. 

So, to me, it's legitimate to get the details of the venue when you two cannot contact each other by other means, nor can you reach within an hour or two to the other person.

I have colleagues who were in a long-distance relationship and often talked about sharing location and its advantages in the emergency hours. It worked great with them because they used to miss each other so much and sometimes had clues about where the other was. 

And the moment they started using the location apps, I don't know what came up, and the person sharing the next desk was so excited about telling us about the places her boyfriend was paying a visit. I could see the joy in her face. And I was really happy that they both were cool with connecting to each other this way.

If this is the reality between you and your boyfriend is still not willing to turn his GPS on to update you, don't be overwhelmed in the very first go. 

Without losing your cool, frame statements that can help him clear the miscommunication, like:

• 'It's not that I do not trust you, darling. It's that I feel too worried and clueless when I can't get to you. If you share your locations, I will be simply less edgy.'

• 'I don't want to curb your freedom, baby. You can go anywhere and meet anyone you want, and I won't ask a thing about it. Just let me know you are safe. And if you share the location, in case you are unavailable for calls or messages, I can relax, that's it.' 

• 'I'm asking you to keep me updated on your location, not because I want to pry on you. I enjoy being virtually present with you in the places you roam about.'

Why doesn't he want to share his location

There can be one reason or the other when you see your boyfriend is not equally happy about sharing his current location with you. 

He has a different frame of mind that perhaps does not conform to the concept of tracking each other's routes. With that, there might be other factors that you are ignorant of and need to know without prejudice. 

Given that, I made this section with the possible conditions that drive him to negate your proposal.

#1 He wants to maintain a personal space outside his relationship

So you are facing this of late. Your boyfriend is shockingly dismissive about sharing the map of where he keeps being.

What are your pain points? Is it that you miss him or miss the way he doesn't miss you when he drops in to a new place without you?

The equation is simple. He wants a space outside the relationship you both are sharing. He wants the right to decide when to stay alone, where to go, and whom to share his free time with. 

It simply keeps his sense of self-worth and individuality alive when you both are open about maintaining your private spaces. Indirectly, it affirms that neither of you is answerable to the other about everything you do unless it becomes unfair or unhealthy to the relationship.

According to the journal Proceedings of International AAAI Conference on Web and Social Media(2012), men might be against location sharing with their partners due to privacy and preference to keep their social circles separate from them.

I won't say that personal space is about ignoring your existence. Rather it is about knowing to balance between time to be spent together and time to save for himself.

Therefore, not to share a location with his partner may be his well-thought decision to ensure the opportunity to pursue individual activities and strengthen the relationship. 

And it's good because he surely wants you to do the same with your life because he acknowledges the need to focus on other aspects of life in a much more pragmatic way. 

I see that he is a man of right principles if he speaks in favor of being fair to all relationships and commitments by supporting the formula of 'me-time'.

I would tell you how to keep up with his pace, not by creeping into his private space but in other constructive ways.

• Let him breathe in and take in the air of freedom in the relationship instead of causing suffocation.

• Honor his privacy by not trying to call, text, or location-track at the decided times.

• Allow him to come back to you with the reassurance of opening up.

• Do not ask for an explanation when he tries to keep things private.

#2 He may be cheating on you

The common suspicion that comes to your mind when he consistently refuses to share his location, even in an emergency situation, is that he must be up to something very wrong and fishy.

Here, 'wrong' is likely to imply the possibility of your partner seeing other women or being hooked up with someone else. 

I'm not going to nullify your apprehension because there are thousands of examples where a guy does that, and his lady gets the gut feeling by adding the dots through his changing behavior.

It is indeed possible that your boyfriend is trying to dodge you by mentioning other prior obligations or professional tasks while, in reality, he is planning to spend that time with another girl. 

He is desperate to hide his hounds lest he should be caught. And turning his navigation system on will mean he knows that the jig is up and he is to confess the truth. 

A man who wants to cheat on his partner will always find a way to hide his location. He will lie, deceive, and manipulate his partner in order to get what he wants.

- John Gray

John Grey has possibly opined his views while talking about men's lack of readiness to share location as a sign of cheating and lying.

But I am not yet finished because this one act may not be sufficient to fuel up your doubts or assert the fact that he is being disloyal to you. To come to a definite decision, you need to count his other gestures that might be equally skeptical.

Here are examples of some of the weirdness to raise doubt about his real intention:

• Has he started to get frequently unavailable for a significant length of time?
• Does he try to avoid your calls most of the time when he is out?
• Do you find him diverting your calls to another number with reasons that are not credible?
• Is he not making video calls whenever you have doubts and ask him to give you a call?
• Does he have authentic explanations about his work hours?
• Do you see the disparity between the two facts stated at different points?

#3 Setting boundaries is what he prefers

When you have a relationship, it's important to know and perceive the significance of boundaries and value them in different stages of your commitment.

Only a mature man has the discerning quality of setting a line between two people in the dynamic of a relationship. 

If you expected that you would tell him to share information about his every movement and he would agree to that without having his own voice to contradict, you might be fooling yourself.

It is imperative that you respect the way he wishes to settle on boundaries for the sake of avoiding further conflicts and complications. 

Healthy and well-communicated boundaries help to solidify your identities as persons. You learn to overcome the challenges, and there is an urge to know more about your partner. 

If your boyfriend appreciates that and applies it to his life, I must say it's commendable.

Let me explain with examples.

Suppose he had a pressing week that has almost weighed him down with multiple workloads and targets. 

Now, he needs a weekend to recover, unwind, and reboot himself by joining the activities he enjoys. In this case, if he wants to restrict himself to resting on his bed and avoiding parties or nightclubs and puts his phone in sleep mode for a while, it's perfectly alright.

Even during his work hours, he is not supposed to help you locate him. That's insane to expect. And for that, you have to keep yourself on the other side of the margin so that he can enjoy his independence as he pleases. 

That is called a boundary that, in turn, empowers the foundation of your relationship and keeps away excessive codependence.

How to comply with the rules of boundaries:

• Build realistic expectations out of your boyfriend. 
• Talk about the responsibilities and divide them between you according to your abilities.
• Choose the time and mode of communication beforehand.
• Figure out where to start and where to stop by discussing the niggles of each other and respecting them.

Do's and Don'ts for you to follow

The relationship being your priority, you have to take a few steps forward when it's troubling you more than your partner. 

Apparently, you might be in a fix about why and how to find the rhythm and happiness back. It's not a groundbreaking step. A little effort and readiness to accept certain truths can make you thrive on the extras out of the ordinary.

For now, this is the combination of smart moves and silly moves I can enrich you with.

#1 Don't be unnecessarily suspicious of him

A tinge of suspicion is the most corrosive poison that may destroy a hard-built relationship.

I admit that past experiences sometimes contribute to this sense of self-doubt. Even I don't want to disprove that fears do come if your partner has set examples for disloyalty in the past.

Yet you have to work on trust and confidence if you know that you are not always right in growing skeptical about your partner.

What I have noticed in Reddit stories is that once girls are opposed by their better halves to share locations, they develop a weird sense of suspicion about whether they are hiding something from them.

Recognize your problem before it affects your emotional well-being. 

• Stop calling his friends and family when you feel vulnerable.
• Put the emphasis on transparency.
• Be his best friend who knows him in and out.
• You can visit a therapist once you know that you cannot control your emotions.
• Let the mode of communication get friendly and mutually agreed on.
• Try to realize that harboring doubt can do no good to any of you.

#2 Don't get into his private space

I have discussed the importance of private space in the previous parts. So now it is your choice whether you will keep that space for both of you or encourage your messed up mind to get curious about his actions.

It's very sensible of him to prefer saving time for individual needs. If you insist on staying virtually connected to him all the time, he may feel reluctant and pissed off.

Men need space to be alone with their own thoughts and feelings, to explore their own interests, and to pursue their own goals.

- David Deida

The above quote by David Deida speaks volumes about the significance of space in a man's romantic life. 

Keep quiet for a little while to reflect on the subtle and soothing aspects of your relationship. You know that you can't get his attention or priority by coercion. It should be spontaneous and automatic. 

The more you want to get intimate by staying close, the more will be the pain of heartbreak. Nobody wants to be governed by someone else, regardless of their affinity. 

You are not a private investigator to keep an eagle's eye on your boyfriend's every move. He is the love of your life who needs your faith and an iron-solid understanding. 

There are tricks you should master to act in a rational way:

• Grow a strong willpower to restrain yourself from doing things you know can be disastrous.
• Try to distract yourself by spending time with friends and people whose company can be pleasing.
• Talk to someone reliable who can offer you a neutral suggestion.
• Focus on personal growth that can add value to the growth of both of you as a couple. 

#3 Initiate conversation

Nothing can match the quality of effective communication when partners are at loggerheads. 

Your mind can be overshadowed by pointless chaos, but in the end, if you decide to release them by expressing your emotional state, you will be the gainer.

I am trying to underline the power of communication because there can't be any resolution until both of you reach a common ground of understanding. He may not be aware of the negative impacts of his refusal, and on the other, you too, can be yet to know more about his reactions.

Choose the right schedule and spot to open up your disconcerted self and initiate a conversation. Try to keep in mind that your purpose is to revive the symmetry of your togetherness and not to worsen it by blaming each other.

Form a few key sentences that can strike the heart of the matter. For instance:

• 'I am worried when you go out, and you know that. Can you please share your location because I can't hold my anxiety in control in your absence?'

• 'I don't know why I am so much in love with you that I feel obsessed sometimes. That is why I keep urging you to share the details of your current location. You know I care for you, don't you?'

• 'I may be wrong, but it's happening to me that I grow out of color whenever you are out with others, and I cannot trace your location. Either you share the details or help me find a solution.'

#4 Consider his perspective

You are in love with a person and want a stable relationship to settle down in life. Then why are you being unrealistic and inconsiderate?

To react in the right way, you have to listen to his part of the story. You heard that he didn't want to share the data of his location and started to assume things without trying to dig deeper into it.

There can be hundreds of reasons still to be uncovered that you probably never asked him to explain.

So I want to impress this idea strongly upon you that as a partner, you must be all ready to let him speak and give a proper explanation for his seemingly 'suspicious' behavior.

What will be your bit of job?

• Sit for a discussion, not for a fight.
• Stay empathetic to him and his feelings.
• Do not contradict his ideas just because they differ from yours. Try to find out the logic behind them.
• Have patience until he unloads himself to you.
• Don't raise an accusatory finger at him when you both are trying to resolve the conflict.

#5 Work on things that motivate you

The best way to refrain from overthinking about matters you hardly have any control over is to get yourself busy with things that make you happy.

I'm telling you to divert your focus from insignificant issues to subjects that may be fascinating for you. You must have your own hobbies and interests, family, and friends whose company can uplift your mood and spirits.

So what are you waiting for, my dear?

Get a life by associating with things that are packed with positivity and feel-good vibes.

Take some simple steps toward creating happiness within yourself :

• Take a long vacation with your best pals and enjoy fresh air to refresh your cold and stony soul.
• Read books that can motivate your energy and brighten your way of looking at things.
• Practice yoga and meditation regularly to achieve a calm and collected mind.
• Focus on the recreational activities that can perk up your worn-out mood.

Tips

• Try being diplomatic with your boyfriend  about highlighting the good sides of sharing location to ensure closeness and a more robust connection.

• Plan for private meet-ups instead of depending on digital mechanisms like location sharing.

• Acknowledge the necessity to create private space and independence.

• Build trust by assuring that it's for being open to each other.

• Foster habits that can keep you focused on your personal goals and ambitions in life.

• Agree on a golden ground to satisfy both of you by small adjustments.