My Boyfriend Looks at Other Females on Instagram (Ways to Deal)

Social media and technology have not only made life easy but also very difficult because every time you scroll down your Instagram feed, you come across posts of partial or complete explicit photos liked by your boyfriend. 

Your mind plays its games and you wonder if these photos have left your boyfriend drooling. It gets worse when he shares those photos with you and tells you that his jaw drops at the very sight of the image of specific highlight organs that are pleasing to the eye. 

You feel insecure and wonder if you are dating the right guy. You even condemn him in an undertone because you wished that he had kept his likes a secret rather than making a public display of it. 

There is a constant battle where you try to figure out if he is happy with you or if given the chance, he will cheat on you. I would ask you to stop here. Take deep breaths and make yourself comfortable for you have landed on the right page.

In this blog post, I’ll help you figure out what is the psychology behind your boyfriend’s liking other females' photos on Instagram and how you can work on the situation before it hastens to a disastrous end. Continue reading below to know more.

Reasons why your boyfriend looks at other females on Instagram 

Fitness has become a major concern these days. Most women are breaking the stereotypes by proving that they are fitness enthusiasts, weight lifters, boxers, and more. Your boyfriend might be awestruck by them. He looks at their body and wonders at the beauty of human anatomy.

However, not all men feel the same. To know more about which reason might fit your boyfriend the best, read below. 

#1 Instagram is all about body promotion 

Instagram has been the talk of this decade. Since its launch in the lives of men and women alike and with the changing features that added reels and made Instagram TikTok-like, every layman tries to do things out of the box and thinks of themselves as a star.

It is a great tool to enhance one’s confidence. Moreover, it has also become a substitute for Youtube as well. It caters to all needs of tutorials, and it is easy to navigate and explore. Besides, it allows one to interact and communicate faster.

Saying that Instagram is all about body promotion would be an understatement. If anything, it is spreading body positivity and shows off the used-to-be glutton in a much better shape and control of his life. It also gives a direct gateway to the world of glamor as almost every celebrity makes money using this as a platform. Hence, if your boyfriend is a die-hard fan of a celebrity, for instance, who doesn’t like the blooming actress and artists and isn’t aroused by the Kardashians? 

In such cases, he will deem it fit to stare at them with googly eyes and gape mouth. Your concern might be where you fall in this picture and how could you be okay with this. After all, he is not checking out your profile and might not have gone through all your stories and reels either. Well, in that case, just take a look at his search engine and see if he deliberately searches people on Instagram or if he is spending more time in the exploration or NewsFeed window. Unless your boyfriend is deliberately opening a new window to see or stalk someone, he is not guilty. 

I cannot understate the importance of being comfortable and confident under your skin. The day you start questioning your worth or drawing a comparison between yourself and these other females he is looking up on social media, life will become hellish for you. Remember, nobody knows it better than you than what you offer at the table. If you are brimming with positivity and confidence, nobody can outshine or dull that. Moreover, your boyfriend is most probably having a positive approach towards the female body and he isn’t just checking them out like a pervert but appreciating their hard work which is very inevitable on the surface.

#2 It is shown on their feed 

Your boyfriend can’t help if Instagram is filled with photos of females and shows up on his feed. Moreover, Instagram regulates and modifies the exploration tab after analyzing your likes and dislikes for the same. Hence, if he looks up one celebrity on Instagram, he will get related celebrities on his search feed. 

The case will be different if he follows many women on Instagram. In that case, for all your knowledge, he might be a womanizer. You need to look up the direct message section of your boyfriend’s Instagram account. You will get to know all kinds of textual advances that he makes over there. 

Guys love to fool around. Your boyfriend might be no different. The moment they see that their girlfriend has left them loose, they will try to look around. Hence, having a firm grip on your boyfriend is important if he is checking out local women or his colleagues. It is worse if he is checking out your friends and colleagues. Trust will become an issue in such a case. 

You need to know when to address an issue and when to withdraw yourself from a given scenario. Don’t let something trigger you to a different extreme altogether. When you take one step at a time, things move ahead at a slower and more determined pace but when things go out of hand, it is better to take a break from toxicity. 

#3 He is not thinking 

Perhaps your boyfriend is not mindful of what he is doing or what the impact of his actions on you. He has no clue about the disastrous effects, it is causing on your mind. Hence, it is better to tell him about your nature as a girlfriend. You can expect the same from your boyfriend. Hence it is wise to introspect first to be sure that you haven’t given your boyfriend enough reasons to make extreme adjustments merely to survive the relationship.

If you like to stay informed, you are possessive and insecure about the guy you date, your boyfriend should feel proud to keep you with him. It is okay to strive a little before you hit the mark. Once you get used to each other's peculiarities, it won't be an issue. The only thing you need at this point is an ice-breaking conversation.

We often fear difficult conversations because in our imagination we think of the worst possible scenario and conclude that it might lead to heartbreak. However, if your boyfriend wants to live with you, he will be glad that you are not like other girls who are so modern that they think that flirting openly with other people is normal.

#4 He fantasizes about them 

Your boyfriend looks at other females on Instagram because if he looks at other males, you will seriously get offended. Besides, what else is there to do on Instagram? 

There is a difference between looking and staring or watching. When your boyfriend is merely taking a glance while scrolling the screen or checking out the stories without drooling at the sight, he is not registering the photos seriously. However, if he stops and watches or scans the female body up and down, he registers the sizes and uniqueness of that body while thinking about it. 

You might think why would he do that when he is committed to you? Well, I hate to break the news but these girls he is looking at fit the definition of babes. It is not that you are not enough for him but if you have been pushing his advancements or not sleeping with him, he might be restless. This gives him an adrenaline rush which brings about a calming effect later. 

#5 He is imagining you in them 

Your boyfriend is not merely looking at the females or their bodies but the way they are dressed up and carrying themselves. It is very much possible that he is imagining you in their attire. 

Such attires might be the naughty ones where the models are wearing bodycon or small skirts, sheer clothes that are transparent and make their contour obvious. 

Think of the way you dress. Is she too tomboyish? If you only wear denim or pajamas, your boyfriend might find you cute but he needs to watch you in those short and body-hugging clothes to feel you. 

Think of the way he addresses you. Does he call you hot, stunner, glamorous, or babe? Or does he stick to cutie pie, mine, love, sweetheart, and baby? 

While we might not think that this shall make a lot of difference at first, in the long run, we realize that in his mind he had registered those words for a specific few who fall into the category of specific sizes. 

The jokes and memes on sizes have been age-old. If you don't feel comfortable putting down some pounds or wearing baby doll clothes, perhaps find someone who loves you for the way you are without any discount. 

#6 He is a pervert 

For all you know, you might be dating a pervert. Find out whether he tries to make contact with the girls he stares at on Instagram. If he does, the purpose is nothing else but to get into their pants. 

One might not feel safe with such a person. Some of the common signs of a pervert are:

• Making body contact: A pervert will miss no chance to get handsy even if that means doing it in public. You will observe him with his friends too, he won't hesitate or think twice before holding his female friends by the hip.

• Leering: A pervert will try to check you inside out and all around. He will make it very obvious when he does this. You will see that his mouth will always gasp, and his eyes will talk. 

• Concentrated innuendos: You will notice that perverts are always referring to making out either very explicitly or through lowly innuendos. You might laugh it off a few times but it will make you unnerved eventually. You will fear that you might not be enough to satiate his hunger. 

• Flashing: Don't be too surprised to see your guy flashing his organs at you or contacting his skin with yours whenever he gets an opportunity to do so. He would assume that since you are his girlfriend you should be comfortable with whatever tantrums he might put forward, but you should make it clear that that is not the case.

• Private about cell phones: You will see that your boyfriend will freak out when you attempt to touch his cell phone. Even if he lets you use it, his heart will beat fast as and when you go through the chats and might not be comfortable when your fingers move towards the photo album. He might have a private folder there where he keeps all the explicit content of all the women he has been with.  

If more than one sign or behavior aligns with this guy, he might be a pervert. You should stay alert and break up with him at the earliest possible opportunity.

#7 You don’t share explicit photos 

If you have been too indifferent to your boyfriend's approaches, that is, you neither exchange photos nor through pleasing texts, he might be there with you just for formality. You could sense that he is off when he talks or ignores your texts.

You can ask him clearly about his expectations here. If he feels that the fun element is missing from the relationship, he will not be happy. You need to find a way of enjoying yourselves that is common between you. 

It shouldn’t be that there is nothing under the sky that you can do and enjoy doing at the same time. If you do it just because it pleases him or vice versa, it won’t go on for long. Hence, decide in advance where you want to direct your relationship and make the call accordingly.

While not sharing photos is not an appropriate reason for your boyfriend to look at other women or try to get privy to their folders, it is for the best that you address the concern immediately.

#8 It helps him calm down 

Perhaps your boyfriend likes to watch the photos and check out profiles of other females because he knows that it is all very passive and he is not committing any flaws or cheating on you. 

Besides it produces a good release of secretion that calms his nerves and provides room for enough distraction and tolerance. It might help him to focus better and sleep longer while it can make you puke. But such is human nature. 

If you go by the school of Freudian psychology, he relates everything with the human body process. According to him, whatever a man does or doesn’t do, thinks, or dreams, is because of these processes. He provides a very strong power to the idea of having coercions and the things that a man can do due to the drive, and to satiate the hunger.

Hence, if you are keeping a boyfriend, keep him happy. And, stay happy with him. Unless the mutual co-dependency is there and if there is this need to go astray to find happiness or fulfillment then the whole point of keeping a relationship is ruined.

#9 He is restless 

Perhaps your boyfriend is always restless and no matter how much you help him by sending photos or texting or even making out very often, he is not happy. He loves playing. At some point even you might get tired and rather than feeling desirable, it might occur to you that you are dating an animal. 

Umm, this can put you into a challenging situation. You would not know how to fix this easily. If he is telling you that he is restless, you can perhaps decide not to play along and tell him boldly that you have a life to live and that getting laid for you is more about leisure than a constant source of pleasure-seeking. 

You are not comfortable with changing it into a routine. Let him decide for himself what he wants. If he wants to call it off, it should be understandable. You need not get pissed off at him on this. 

Think of it as something for your betterment. In such cases, you are better left alone with your resources. Love is always in the air and sooner or later, you will find someone worthy enough of your attention.

#10 He wants to explore more 

Perhaps your boyfriend is an amateur or you are dating a virgin. There are many things about a female body that an amateur would want to explore. It is not a bad or dull thing. You should encourage him in this if he has stated the situation candidly. If he hasn’t, you must help him by prompting certain insights that will help him in opening up to you. 

You love the one strongest with whom you share the bond of friendship. If that is lacking between you, the relationship will be more formalized. It is like being there just for the sake of it. That is wrong! You should brim with excitement and your heart should skip a beat when you see your partner or hear his name. The emotion should be mutually shared between both of you.

#11 It is out of habit 

If your relationship is young, you should give your boyfriend some time to settle down with you before you get all fidgety about his habits. If he is obsessed with Instagram or over certain females, he will take some time before he makes enough space for you. 

Most people are not very serious at the beginning of the relationship. While some are all charged up and brimming with positivity to commence the new phase with a new person and make it adventurous, others like to keep things lukewarm and sundry without making it hype. If and when you raise your finger at certain things, he might fire back and retaliate by saying that you are trying to change him and that he was like this when you started to date him. 

Try to understand if your boyfriend is also doing it while he is on call, over text, or with you in person, or if he does all this only when he is bored or before going to bed. In the former case, you can raise a serious issue with a warning to mend his way immediately lest there will be bitter consequences. In the latter, you can suggest better alternatives or talk to him over call till he falls asleep.

#12 He is making a comparison 

If you met your boyfriend across a dating website, he might wonder if he could have done better. Or if these females are his ex or his friends or your friends, he is checking them out and drawing comparisons between them and you. 

Your boyfriend wants to convince himself that he has made the right choice. Hence, he keeps visiting the window of other women time and again. This highlights the shallowness of his personality. 

You can try to fix him by showing him the right values that he should be looking for when he is committing to someone. But before that, you will have to call off the relationship. This is because you cannot prophesize that which you tolerate without complaint. You can be there as a friend to him and help him in building up a personality, or you can suggest he take a council to fix his character.

What to do when your boyfriend looks at other females on Instagram?

Express your disapproval at once without failure when you catch your boyfriend looking at other females on Instagram. The ground rules should be set at once. There should be no room for doubts or provisions when you intend to play a long game and be a keeper.

How to do this? Read below to find out. 

#1 Talk it out 

The first rule that goes into the maintenance of any relationship is to talk it out. When you express your concerns and challenges openly with someone, their first impulse might be to get offended but when they see and understand what you are trying to do there, their initial impulse will subside with something more profound and meaningful.

Don’t hesitate to bring up your points because it will take an ugly turn later. It is better to clarify the issues as and when they occur lest you might think that you are sacrificing and making adjustments while your boyfriend might not have any idea or clue about the battles you are fighting due to him.

I am sharing some templates to approach your boyfriend softly but make your point boldly.

• Baby, I can’t express how much it irks me and burns me down when I see you eyeing other women. My devastating mind plays nasty games and frames vulgar images before me. 

(Opt for this if you like to keep things clear by straightforwardly putting them)

• I don’t know how to tell you this, but I don’t find it very comforting when I see you checking out other females on Instagram.

(softer and mellower tone but straight enough to hit the nail on the head)

• Darling, would it be okay if I check out other guys and draw comparisons between them and you, or will it make you insecure?

(Use this statement when you catch him checking out other women. He will not get any time for repair as he will be caught red-handed. This is a challenging tone packed with sarcasm)

• Baby, would you please stop checking on her?

(Use this when you intend to put it forward as an urgent request)

#2 Check out other guys 

When your guy is okay checking out other girls, you check out other guys before his eyes. Let him have a taste of his medicine. Observe his reaction but don’t make it too obvious that you are observing his reaction. If he gets annoyed, he will confront you. That is when you tell him how you feel when he does the same.

If he doesn’t react, it would suggest that these things are normal for him and it is all about giving and taking space in the relationship. The problem with giving space is that one doesn’t know where to stop unless it is too late or the situation has become far worse than one had expected. 

Even when in years of relationship, the partners often find it too sensitive to address such topics. They feel uncomfortable with each other but they don’t know how to address the topics either. 

If your boyfriend doesn’t confront you, keep observing his behavior. There is a high chance that he will understand your gesture and modify his conduct accordingly. Wait for that to happen. However, if the spark of love fades before that, it isn’t meant to be permanent. Consider it a fling and move on in your life.

#3 Work on yourself 

If you feel there are places where you can work on yourself and make yourself a better woman and a better girlfriend, that is, you are not too perfect either, perhaps work on yourself and the need to confront your boyfriend or fight with him will go away.

When you give time to yourself and make yourself the priority, everything else will follow. Remember, friendship, relationships, and everything else is just the icing on the cake. The real deal is you. You are the cake. Hence, work on yourself not just to make yourself look more attractive but also to keep yourself happy. 

Your mental health should be your priority and whenever you feel otherwise, just take two deep breaths, and wait for twenty-four hours by putting the issue on hold, if even after twenty-four hours, the matter irks you and makes you anxious, it either needs to be addressed urgently or you need to take a break for good without allowing yourself to be clasped in the pit of loneliness. Believe in yourself and your self-worth. You are beautiful!

#4 Keep a check to ensure that he isn’t cheating 

Perhaps from time to time, when the seedling of trust hasn’t sowed itself completely between your boyfriend and you, you should keep a check to ensure that your boyfriend isn’t cheating. You can do this by suddenly checking his phone. It should be an act out of the blue. He shouldn’t anticipate and stay prepared. Keep looking at him from the corner of your eyes to see his expression.

Does his expression read, “Oh my God, what is she doing?!” or does it say, “Okay, if you need it this way, it's fine baby, I understand.” When it's the former, there is a cloud of suspicion, when it's the latter, he might as well be a gem of a person who is putting up his best front to ensure you feel safe and secure with him.

#5 Make a limitation 

When you decide to talk this out with him, perhaps figure out ways to come around it by setting certain limits and boundaries. You can do this by asking him to check out whoever he wants but without liking their posts or following them so that you don’t get too conscious about it.

The male gaze is never at bay in society. 

They like to look, and there is not much we can do about them. I am not asking you to blindfold yourself because you cannot blindfold them but when you know it's not a big deal, you can as well go without acknowledgment. 

Setting a lower and upper limit to certain patterns of behavior will help you keep toxicity at bay. Our mind likes to expand things for us and show it in the light of magnificence when in real life, it is not even worth a penny. The point here is that the subject matter on which you are focusing so much and exhausting yourself is not something that your boyfriend is even paying a second regard to.

He chose to be with you, rather than waiting for someone else. You did not make the decision impulsively. You spent time together and figured it out for the best to be with one another because it makes you feel good and content. Hence, the mantra of your relationship should be, “We will talk and figure out and fix the problems rather than getting all fussy and impatient about it.” He is yours and no one can steal him unless you decide to loosen the grip a bit too much. 

#6 Start opening up more 

If you have always been on the hesitant side and you think twice before saying things to your boyfriend or you are fighting wars that your boyfriend is unaware of, it is time to introduce a change. 

You can practice sending voice notes, writing letters, or quoting your thoughts through the means of song dedication. all these will help you to overcome the limits and be more fluid in the relationship. 

When you are always on guard, you are not playing it. Then one sudden day when you decide to put off the guard, it will not come as much a surprise to your boyfriend as it will come as a shock. 

The latter might be hard to overcome or repair. Hence, open up but don’t overwhelm him by stacking all your doubts and confusion at once lest he might ask what are you doing with him when you neither like nor appreciate anything about him.

#7 Gift him a PlayStation 

While scrolling through Instagram is a futile task, investing energy and time in video games could be more distracting and creatively productive. Hence, why not bring your boyfriend the latest PlayStation?

You will be clear of doubts as you will find that in no time, your boyfriend will forget all about Instagram. He will be engrossed in games and you might sit and enjoy playing with him too. 

He will readily make room for you and if anything, he will gladly tell you about his favorite features and sudden encounters. You will discover the childish side of him and you might be able to love him better.

#8 Focus on the larger picture 

When you focus on the larger picture because you intend to be a keeper and there are many things about your boyfriend that you like and appreciate, things will appear brighter than before. Ask yourself why you allowed him to date you in the first place and what is it about him that you admire the most.

These will help you to focus on a handful of lists that will never fade your smile and keep you going. Mind you, I am not asking you to be extra tolerant or let him exploit you. All I am saying is you can be more mindful in your approach. To start with, your intent and goals should be cleared and fixed. You cannot narrow down things to particular unless you are certain about them yourself.

#9 Enroll in classes together

You need to find ways to spend more time together. You can do this by enrolling in the same class together. This could be yoga class, dance class, or going swimming. Once he gets to spend more time with you, you will see that eventually, he has started obsessing over you.

The tables will turn. Therefore, think twice about what you wish for. The reciprocation in love is hardly ever the same. Hence, when he is drooling over and gets obsessed with you, he will expect you to do the same. In the process, the room of liberty and space that you can avail at the moment will stand compromised. 

#10 Take a break 

Don’t do anything at the cost of your mental health. If you feel that all your efforts, time, and energy that you are devoting to your boyfriend is going in vain, it is time that you take a break. 

Going on a break can be temporary or permanent. If the short-term break brings you happiness, then it is perhaps better that way. You are your best judge. Don't stay at a place that is draining you. You get life once, live it to the fullest.

Tips that will take you a long way 

• When you are not getting the light through the tunnel, it means that it is waiting for you at the end of it. Hence, if it feels clouded and forbidding with your boyfriend, it is time to end the relationship. 

• Never underestimate the importance of the journey merely because you are more focused on the final product or the result. The journey should be worthwhile, the efforts should be mutual.

• Don't seek approval or validation, and don't care for others' happiness more than you care for yours. When you are happy, you are in a better disposition to face rudeness.

• There is no better way to resolve an issue than by means of communication, and it is never too late to fix a problem. All you need is faith in yourself.