Is It Normal For My Boyfriend to Look at Other Females in Front of Me?

Our society has stereotypes about men being led by impulses. So, any unusual behavior from their end, even as partners, is sometimes taken in a casual light. It's not that they are always wrong. But what the essence of equality says is that they should be treated just the way women are according to their deeds.

Women love to idealize their men as perfect and moral epitomes of virtues. But to be honest, men hate being expected that way by their better halves. They love to stay human with the kind of traits that are humane.

It's not the very first example of boyfriends looking at other women in front of their partners. Equally, is it common to be affected by these actions.

When a couple shares a romantic partnership, each of them expects the other to follow the unstated set of rules that make them committed and single-minded. So if boys do something unbecoming, it comes like a bolt from the blues to their partners.

I can understand it's easier said than done, yet I would ask you not to jump to conclusions without considering the whole of it. 

This article is formatted to provide a ray of hope in your darkest hour.

My humble tapestry of thoughts

Life keeps tutoring people on a constant note through experiences. I feel fortunate to have come across diverse backgrounds of men and women from every walk of life, who have added value to my insight by making their individual contributions.

I see couples all around who are in love and at the same time fighting conflicting emotions regarding their relationships. 

Along with that, I learn from events that occur in my life as well and share them with an unbiased perspective with readers who are riddled with emotional imbalance.

It is a known fact that relationships are not a bed of roses. It has fragrance and thorns alike. You have to accept both with equal readiness.

The man you love might seem out of bounds in their ways and approaches. But things do not end there. It has a broader anatomy beyond your perception. 

Therefore, I take charge of leading you to the end of the tunnel this time.

Let me have the liberty to help you through this blog which will focus on a detailed dialogue on

• Why do you think he is looking at other women
• What this action doesn't necessarily mean 
• Times you need to worry a bit
• Things you cannot miss to add to your consideration
• To de-escalate the situation you can do this

Why do you think he is looking at other women?

You are afraid your boyfriend might not be Mr. Right and you are mistaken in judging him. But have you thought of the inside out of the story before concluding this? 

If you have fear, it must have the sources as well. So what are they? Why do you think he does that? 

In case you haven't come this far, I have provided a bagful of possible stimulation to reshape your interpretation in this section.

#1 Is it his habit?

Reality doesn't change even if you decide to look away. Don't dismiss the fact that your boyfriend had a past before you started dating. As a single man, I think guys are prone to look at girls and your partner didn't break this age-old norm of singlehood.

So, think and decide if he does that unknowingly or simply out of habit. At times he may be oblivious to his present and that he has met his dream girl. 

Suppose you are having a romantic dinner in a restaurant when a group of gorgeous women cross by, and your boyfriend's eyeballs get fixed on them for a while. He didn't notice you saw that and instantly became uncomfortable. 

A lot of boys do that out of their older habits. He may have a history of checking out on girls in harmless ways until he gets engaged to you. Now that there is a change in the state of affairs, he needs a little time to adjust and come in line with the new habits.

You may be curious to know how to get familiar with his past life and old habits. You can hit the cues and piece it together by knowing

• He looks at you right after his mistake and says sorry instantly
• Sometimes he blurts out to you how beautiful they are
• He nudges you to look at the females he eyes on and forgets that you are not one of his guy friends.

It's not a serious concern and needs a simple reminder that he needs to break this habit, now that he has someone special to look at lovingly.

#2 Do you find him an admirer of beauty?

Look, everybody at some point in time is drawn to beauty that creates a sense of lasting good vibe. 

As John Keats says,
"Beauty is truth, truth is beauty"

So do I believe that whatever exudes beauty is the ultimate truth. Very few men have the eye to behold and appreciate the visually refined part of someone or something. 

We all are children of Mother Nature whom she has skilfully separated from each other by bestowing individual gifts of beauty. It can be anything like a piece of painting, a beautiful specimen of sculpture, a spectacular sunrise, a lovely flower, or a well-curved figure that catches the eye of the onlooker.

Those who worship anything that has aesthetic appeal want only to admire and take in the delight achieved by true graciousness. 

Even when it comes to the impeccable shape of a woman it doesn't make any difference for a person who knows how to get overwhelmed artistically. 

If your partner happens to be the one attracted to everything conveying the exquisite, he will not miss women who radiate exclusive features and charisma and look at them in wonder.

Not to forget these facts:

• Does he appreciate only women?
• Does he define beauty in his own terms?
• Do his words of appreciation exhibit his creative bent?
• Does he get easily caught and immersed in other beautiful phenomena?
• Is he interested in exceptional art forms?
• Is he equally eager to compliment everything that holds ornamental worth?

#3 Is there a specific feature in them he wants to appreciate?

All men do not think alike. I know this because despite having a dozen young pals and male colleagues, I never saw the same motif in everyone. 

Not each of them loves to see women with a similar eye. Some of them are intrigued by the clothes they wear or the choice of subtle make-up they put on whereas others enjoy looking at them just because it's a part of fun for them.

Perhaps your boyfriend too is impressed by them with a wonderful dress or jewelry that he thinks would go well with you, or he wants to visualize you with the same kind of hairdo that he notices on a girl. That is why he cannot take his eyes off them.

So girl, try to reassess his look. Whether it is about the women or something in particular about the women.

And for that, you have to strain your brain and remember 

• If any of his gifts resemble the same you noticed on a girl he was staring at.

• If he ever mentioned that you would look ravishing with the stuff anybody else is wearing.

• Whether he told you that he just got the idea of an exceptional present for your special date from one of the women he was looking at on the other day you were together.

• If he ever urged you to buy the same clothes or earnings or a stylish handbag hung across the shoulder of a woman you thought he was stalking.

#4 Have you seen him having a blank stare at them?

I think if you look more closely you will realize that your boyfriend looks at other women rather unconsciously and unintentionally. He is not at all aware that he is gazing at someone and his gaze is mistaken as something unacceptable by his partner.

I do not fake it when I say some men are indeed too unmindful to track that their own acts of looking may make someone uncomfortable. They may be too consumed by other thoughts or anxiety to stay alert.

Yes, what you perceive as an undesirable gesture from your partner may indeed be nothing but an act of absent-mindedness. 

One of the Reddit discussions revealed that girls too often feel insecure with their boyfriends gawking at other women in front of them. Later, being confronted by their ladies, a few of them said it was their unconscious act and what they did was unintentional and apologized.

This is a real confusion if you don't know how to identify the signs of a distracted look. 

Relax, babe. I have a short list of clues that might direct you to the right course.

• Does he have a deadpan, expressionless look that conveys a sheer blankness?
• Does he look startled at the moment something or someone else shakes him back?
• Is he thoughtful about something that he discusses with you later?

#5 What if it is a game of jealousy?

Jealousy is the spice of love. This is what has been preached by lovers who feel burnished by the flame of passion and jealousy. The more you are jealous the deeper is your emotion.

I have heard people say that a jealous girlfriend is a loyal girlfriend. So dear, it could be the tenets your sweet boyfriend lives by and wants to implement on you.

This is a far-flung practice among people who get secret delight in making their partners envious of other girls. 

Sometimes, it is like a test of love that guys want to inflict on their mates due to their lack of faith or insecurity. They believe it will help them gauge the sincerity of their partners and assert their status in their lives. So they look at other females openly in front of their girlfriends to ignite their envy.

But not always is it an unhealthy act, because some men are mischievous and take it as a mere fun to tease their girlfriends who they know can be easily driven mad. 

So whenever they see other women around, they deliberately rubberneck and ogle at them to accentuate their glances and draw the attention of their ladies.

Being a lover myself, I see no wrong in him playing the same game of jealousy to stir a reaction in you. 

And do you think there can be a better way than staring at other girls in your presence? The way his face lights up proves that he loves to see you being a jealous and possessive girlfriend.

If he plays it hard, be a fellow player by

• Looking at other guys at the same time to make his envy backfire on him
• Laughing it off by enjoying the spirit
• Praising those girls right there and joining him in the game 
• Giving no reaction at all.

I hope you will like the way it will make him taste his own candy served by someone else.

#6 It can be a biological instinct

Impulses come unattempted and uninhibited. Don't take it as rude or cheesy if I say men are more designed to react to impulses. We guys react on a reflex, most of the time not caring much about the next step.

Truly it can be a reaction based on no prior planning or consciousness. Your boyfriend is the one belonging to the male community that is born to be impulsive and instinctive. Our biological urge makes us reactive to whatever we find new and different.

I know you must be remembering a relevant occasion where you two might be together spending the best and most romantic hours on your favorite dishes when a gorgeous woman comes up and takes a seat at the next table. Your boyfriend stares her down thoroughly and returns his gaze to you. 

I agree that it seems disrespectful and enraging and you can't help feeling insecure. But believe me, girl, he just did this out of the quick and momentary hormonal process in the brain and in the next moment tried managing to process it. 

He may be as committed and dedicated to you as expected. It's just a matter of the male instincts he didn't have the power to restrain. But it doesn't take away anything that is yours, nor does it make him less loyal.

If you often witness this, the least you can do is to

• Use your facial expression of displeasure to give him your silent treatment of alarm.

• Ask him in turn how he would feel if you looked at other men in the same way.

• Tell him you cannot encourage and tolerate behavior like this that can demean your self-respect.

What this action 'doesn't' necessarily mean

Isn't it common among guys to look around and pay notice to a woman who looks attractive? I am not at all defending this action, yet I am not talking against this either.

To notice something nice is not rare. We all do it. Remember that guys find no connection between physical attraction and emotional compatibility. So fearing something bad might be off the mark.

Hence, you have to eliminate a few ideas that might be irrelevant and inaccurate. 

For that, I am here to show you the ropes.

#1 He is (not) cheating on you

'My boyfriend keeps looking at other girls in front of me'- this has been a complaint among many women. You may find it similar to yours as well.

You guys are happy together and enjoying your time in a place, suddenly when your boyfriend's head turns around to a woman and his eyes start following her way. The first thing that comes to your mind is, "Is he cheating on me?" "Is he planning his future with her?" or "Does he find her more beautiful?"

The way it infuriates you is not unjustified. Agreed. But what are you scared of? Do you really believe that this can reduce his feelings for you? 

I am not saying that repeated actions of such kind are not worth feeling unsure or skeptical about his loyalty. But if they are casual and sporadic, they can be dismissed as venial. 

This is what I personally think that if a guy has to cheat on you, he would be better off doing that on the sly and not when you are there with him. He must be trying to hide his real intention from you and pretend to be holier than you.

Men are hardwired to look at other women, but that doesn't mean they have to cheat.

- James Franco

James Franco's words resonate with the same assurance that guys do not necessarily stare at other women to cheat on you.

Maybe, he thought that you would understand he was not serious or he wanted to keep it transparent to maintain a healthy exchange of mutual values. After all, he loves you with all his life and wants to be treated with trust.

Then, would you let this go on?

No. On the contrary, do something else.

• Stop expecting him as someone with godly qualities. He is human, and treat him like a human.
• Do not overthink issues that are non-issues in reality.
• Consider the regularity of the same attitude. If he does this most often, express your disapproval.
• Emphasize his other loving acts toward you that might be clear indications of his untainted fidelity as a true companion.

To wrap up, I advise you to ignore unwanted things to put their creepy noses into your precious relationship. Keep it simple to keep it strong.

#2 He is (not) unhappy with you 

Here comes the vulnerable little girl! You can't be okay with your boyfriend staring at other girls. Oh, pretty good it is as long as you do not let silly thoughts creep in.

Yes, silly thoughts. It simply can't imply that your boyfriend is not happy with you. Grow up, angel. He is all yours.

Have you forgotten how he dotes on you like a typical indulgent lover? How cutely he makes surprise plans for your birthday? Or how he becomes crazy to see you in your best outfit? 

Count them in, my dear. It is your misconception that you are not good enough for him. Let me be very cut and dry. If he had been losing interest in you, there were a thousand other ways to let you know that. 

A boy can look at other women despite being in a relationship because that's no crime. He is not trying to put a romantic hint or stretching it too far. Even a woman can do the same and that too won't be a betrayal. 

Work on your insecurities and don't make things complex anymore. Instead, try to cherish whatever is good in your relationship. 

• Cuddle and snuggle with each other as much as you can.
• Have long, deep, and emotionally charged conversations over the good things about each other.
• Be open and honest to each other about your positive and negative emotions, your expectations, and your ideals. 
• Stay confident of your appearance and your uniqueness.

#3 He is (not) fantasizing about them

The wildest fear that women say they have when their boyfriends have roving eyes hovering over beautiful girls is that they must be fantasizing about those pretty little chics.

Do you know that it's much like what you feel to see your favorite celebrities on the screen? You simply like the way they appear and it has nothing to do with serious emotions like love or commitment. Neither does it mean that you find your partner less handsome or less attractive.

Right you are if you now realize that these women are great to look at from a distance. They hold no memory and no impact on your boyfriend. It's just a passing reaction that fades away in a few moments and you are still the most beautiful woman for him.

Times when you need to worry a bit

To look and to stare are not the same. They are different because they carry different messages to convey. We cannot keep our eyes shut when there are other females in the same place we are in, but that doesn't affirm that we can gawk at them.

If that's what your boyfriend is doing, I have to say that it can be a good reason for you to feel worried and disgusted.

I have presented three parallel situations when your boyfriend's act of looking might be improper and intolerable.

#1 Does he look at them in an inappropriate way?

You can be fine with your partner until his way of looking at other females doesn't become vulgar. 

You know what? It will not be restricted to his filthy gazes, he will go on objectifying them in a repulsive disregard. This is exactly the way he loves to see all the female figures. In a way, it proves his distasteful approach toward women whom he considers as a subject of male gratification.

You can distinguish the two patterns without any special knowledge. The moment it turns into a leering rather than a quick guilt-free glance, you will get to see he is actually undressing them with his eyes that are filled with lecherous desires.

What to do in a state like that? 

• Snap at him right at the moment before he continues with his offensive look.
• No soft words here, state that you are displeased and hate this whole thing.
• Glare at him to show that he is being mean and abominable.

I hold on to the belief that a man is known by the way he respects women and when he doesn't, he is never to be a good human being, let alone a great partner.

#2 He smiles at them flirtatiously

That's awful for a girlfriend to see. Her boyfriend has put on a coquettish smile while staring at other women and that too in her presence. 

I mean that's completely not done, is it? He is making eye contact and throwing a gesture to the women with his smiles and trying to communicate that he has noticed them and likes the way they are. What is more irritating sometimes is the way those flirting acts are returned with a Mona Lisa smile from one of them.

At these times, don't stay helpless and ignored. 

Speak your own language and

• Break his reverie by grabbing his attention.
• Keep looking at him until he realizes you want him to stop.
• Poke him off and fall silent for a while to let him know he has badly hurt you.

#3 It is a lingering look

A fleeting look of distraction is not harmful to breed confusion. But if your boyfriend wants to have a prolonged gaze and fixes his eyes for elongated moments, things might raise concern.

My experience and expertise say that a lingering stare dictates a lingering want to stay connected with that person. For that, he doesn't even listen to your approval, and his eyes remain locked on a specific woman for a significant period of time. 

You don't have to say anything to tell me how it feels. It's unsettling. This demonstrates that he may not be interested in a serious relationship with you that demands respect. 

Not only you are the one he is being inconsiderate to, but also the very woman he is resting his eyes on. 

How to make the next move?

• Talk to him about the trust he is continuously breaking with his unpardonable behavior.

• Let him answer you with a credible reason why he is doing this and whether he is at all wholehearted toward the relationship.

• Caution him that these small acts of his will lead to bigger setbacks in the partnership you share.

Things that you can't miss to add to your consideration

You are pretty concerned about your boyfriend's manners and demeanor because you are devoted to him and want to recuperate from the distress. 

I have tried to depict a few vital aspects so far. To them, I wish to add a few more things that might urge you to keep a special eye on.

#1 If he compares you with them

It surely flags an alarm if your partner doesn't stop with his roaming eyes on other girls and starts to compare you with them.

Don't ever forget that you are supposed to be his significant other, his romantic partner who can not be placed on the same platform with random girls he checks out.

To a lover, his girlfriend is the perfect woman who needs no correction, no alteration, and no imitation. Unless he finds you flawless and beyond imperfection, he can not be the one you deserve to settle for.

Whenever he gets into this, look straight into his eyes and say, 

• "I cannot make myself like someone else that I am not. And most importantly, I am quite happy being what I am. I am unique, I am great and I am matchless. If you can't acknowledge that, you are free to find someone else who stands perfect for you."

Or you can rephrase it by being sarcastic

• "So who stopped you from choosing someone else who is exactly in keeping with your preferences? Because I guess I am not your cup of tea, darling."

#2 Is he overstepping his boundaries?

Boundaries are the salient fundamentals of a relationship. Whomever you love or whoever you choose to spend your life with, no one can cross the lines that are drawn not to let you be too exposed and too taken for granted.

Likewise, each relationship is beset with boundaries that neither of the partners can overstep.

Staring at girls is taken in good humor until he forgets the line of demarcation. 

Let me elaborate on the rules of decency by citing a hypothetical condition. 

Suppose you two are at a certain public place and having a chat when a girl with a strikingly charming figure walks by. Your boyfriend stops and starts craning his neck to gape at her. You notice that he is sizing up her body, her curves, and her backside with a drastic change in his body language.

What happens next is his eagerness to go near her and somehow rub her body with an accidental excuse. 

I think you got the clarity about how essential boundaries are. So next time he does anything disagreeable, violating the marks of decorum, take a step forward to protest. 

Why should you protest and simply not persuade him? 

• Because he has done something too despicable to understand with empathy or tolerate with a soft reaction.

• Perversion and carnal desires for women are signs of extreme disrespect which is beyond being treated gently.

• If things are not this bad and limited to stalking their bodies, you can still protest with a stern voice of negation that crossing boundaries will cost him the relationship.

#3 How he keeps commenting on their looks

Women cannot endure compliments meant for other girls, especially if they are poured by their mates. And it is a more delicate example if your boyfriend goggles at someone and later comments on their looks like an avid devotee.

I have heard different remarks that guys love to make about other girls. But if it is his partner who has to listen to them, the outcome will always be horrendous. It will trivialize the physical qualities of his girlfriend and it will strike a sense of inferiority in her.

Sometimes these comments are too derogatory and unpleasant to be addressed to a woman, and sometimes they are brimmed with elaborate praises about their outward appearances.

Your humiliation and uneasiness are reasonable if you have been a listener of such words for long.

Exceptions are accepted but if it becomes his nature it has to be discouraged vehemently like

• "Shut up, will you? Don't forget that you are addressing a woman in front of another woman."

• "I have been observing you for a few days being too generous to appreciate other girls. What's the matter? Do you want a break?"

One hint and his boldness will be put back in the right place again.

To de-escalate the situation you can do this

All this time you have been an observer of the ways he behaves around other females, even when you are right there with him. But lead the rest from this point on and show him the right manners.

May I guide you through it?

#1 Think out of the box and encourage him

We have seen both interpretations of how your boyfriend might be looking at other women. Provided, it's a bantering fun or a short-lived gaze you could be an ideal partner to participate in it and encourage him for the same.

I found this out after I came upon the Quora stories that displayed cases when women are manipulative and coax their partners to look at other girls. They finally succeeded in fixing the problem once and for all.

Don't get shocked and follow what I meant:

• When you notice a beautiful lady, show him that and say, ' She is so pretty, look how she carries her gown and becomes prettier.'

• If he tries to hide his stares, tell him, 'You don't have to be shy. She is just too dazzling to look away, isn't she?' 

You can ask me why I say so. Well, it will keep the element of transparency and friendship pure and unsullied between you.

#2 Is it possible to come to a dialogue

Come to a common dialogue if possible. It's just an effort to protect your relationship and do something that can help you find a healthy solution. 

Wait for the right time and place to initiate your concern and then start by framing sentences like

• "I saw you ogle at other women, despite my presence. I find it very insulting and hurtful for me. Do you think this is the right way to behave?"

• "You eye upon girls very often, which didn't escape my notice. Can you be a bit respectful to them and your own girlfriend?"

Give him time to realize your words and react. If it works, fine. If not, look for the last straw as described below.

#3 Put the brake on and walk away

Trust me, if you find out your boyfriend is incorrigible and it is his inherent trait to stalk women, simply break up with him. He is worth nothing more than that.

Such differences often lead to fights and arguments. I would say, don't drag it that much.

This is a simple part of your relationship that both of you will respect and value each other. If he lacks that, he doesn't deserve you.

Calling it quits, I think, is the most fitting treatment for him. Whether he is a pervert or an insensitive lover, you must choose your life with someone else who is a better man and a better companion.

Tips

• Understand his feelings that might have nothing to do with his stares. Without knowing his part of the story, you cannot put your verdict.

• Trust him and your relationship. His love and dedication cannot come to naught by looking at other women.

• Try to resolve the issue by a proper exchange of thoughts and talking. Communication can ease things up in a meaningful way. Just tell him the impact of his actions on you and how you are affected by them.

• The last and the hardest option is to opt for a breakup if your partner is too rigid and has trust issues.