My Boyfriend Looks at His Ex on Social Media (Reasons & Tips)

Not following exes on social media after a breakup is a sign of maturity. It means that it was a mutual breakup. You are ready to move on in life, and you are sure about the decision you have made. There isn’t any scope for second thoughts there.

However, revisiting your exes' profile time and again, making sure to not miss any of their stories, and stalking them on social media is so not cool. It gets worse when you are committed to another.

You fail to realize the damage you might be causing emotionally and physically to that person. This might be the case for your boyfriend. He is not conscious that his habit to look at his ex on social media is disrupting his equation with you. While it is important to talk to him about it lest you might break apart too soon, there are a few things that you must bear in mind.

In this blog post, I will help you in figuring out why your boyfriend looks at his ex on social media and what can you do about it. Continue reading below to know more. 

Reasons why your boyfriend looks at his ex on social media 

He hasn’t overcome the trauma. The breakup came as a shocker to him. Moreover, he has never been dumped before. All this mixture is too much to handle. He is still trying to find out the answers, perhaps wanting his ex to address this crisis in one of her reels.

To know more, continue reading below. 

#1 He is stuck in the loop 

Your boyfriend is trying hard to not think about his ex. In the process, all that he is doing is thinking about his ex. He perhaps looks up his profile for an update, gets disappointed, blocks her, unblock her, and repeats the process. 

It is a very toxic loop that is difficult to break unless he makes up his mind to do it, or gets so busy that his thoughts don't waver in that direction. 

The latter is more reasonable and possible to do. Help him break the chain by constantly sharing inspirational videos and content over social media in direct messages to your boyfriend. It is a way of showing that you expect nothing less than him to give his best shot and improve his station as a human. 

Show him the difference between dating you and dating his ex. You hustle and work on improvement and growth. You don't dream or fool around. You are materialistic. He would know that if he wants to keep you, he will have to pull up his socks and work for it. 

#2 He misses her 

It is not a very rare chance to discover that your boyfriend misses his ex. He might be hooked on her. There might be something particular that he misses about her. 

I will not elaborate on which aspect of an ex can a partner miss. Your mind will only get messy if you try to dig into this. Your focus should be on the reasons that are causing him to miss her. 

The most misleading questions that a girl might ask at this point are if she is not good enough for him, or worse she might try to compare herself with his ex. 

Please understand that we are all whole and unique. The things that we bring to the table cannot be stolen by another. 

The attempt to fill a gap in someone's life should not be a deliberate move. Instead, when you are original, that is, when you are relaxed, not overthinking things, not trying to overwhelm your boyfriend with your presence, but just being around the corner for him, to make him know that you are always a call away, his name is on your tongue and your name is etched on his heart, that is the kind of romance you are looking for. Accept nothing below, grant nothing less. 

Even if he misses her, with time, in your company, with the help of your love, he will find a way to overcome his past. He will emerge as a new man altogether. You would have made that man. It is something to be proud of. He will be grateful. This thing between you and him will become permanent.

#3 He was dumped without disclosure 

Perhaps your boyfriend was dumped without disclosure, and he still feels that his ex was sleeping with her best friend. He keeps stalking her out of curiosity to prove his hypothesis right. 

When a person invests his all and gives his best in a relationship, he gets to shake when he is dumped by the one who meant the world to him. The love is overtaken by a strong hatred because he feels that he was being played the whole time.

He is angry and sad. Angry because he could not see it coming before, and wasted all his time. He is sad because he knows he deserved better treatment than him. 

What is your role here you may wonder. It is to make him feel that he should have met you sooner. It is to make him know that nobody can love him more than you. You need to do nothing else except one thing: all that you expect out of your partner, all that you want your boyfriend to do for you, do it for him first. 

In our expectations, we think we deserve the best form of love. Our imagination of what is the best or most supreme might differ from someone else's expectations. Hence, when you want to raise the bar high, when you want to show that you are high maintenance, do it by putting in your efforts rather than spending your words. Your boyfriend would know that if he is in for it, he will have an amazing ride but at the same time, he must prepare himself for it.

#4 He likes to stalk his exes 

Don't be too surprised to discover that your boyfriend likes to stalk his ex. It could be for various reasons. To stay updated, know about their location, or dig into their current relationship status so that he can draw a comparison between himself and their current partner as an effective measure to repair his crushed ego. 

This also means that your boyfriend might not be considering their current equation with you very seriously. He might be using the relationship to overcome the recent crisis that makes him feel low. Your company helps him to not get too messy and sad. 

If you are feeling used, think of what Tommy Shelby told Grace in Peaky Blinders. We are all selling a part of ours to someone or the other. Don't disregard the situation as being used. Think of it as helping someone you love or seeing the potential of loving to overcome the crisis. You are more than a friend to him. That is a very special spot, and with time it will become secure too. 

#5 To validate her reasons 

He wants to see if his ex was honest in her reasons for the breakup. If she broke up because she is settling down with someone else, or because she is moving east for further pursuit of degrees, he wants to be sure that she told him right. 

Not that he will go after chasing her or sending her abomination if he discovers that she was dishonest. It will help him to overcome the mischance as something that wasn't as unfortunate as he had thought it to be. 

Keep yourself in his shoes and think about what would you have done if such a thing might have happened to you. If you are too egoistic a person, you might not have cared. But if you were humble and introverted, you would have sought confirmation. If your boyfriend always looks for validation, he might be such someone. 

#6 He bumped into her recently 

If by any chance your boyfriend bumped into his ex recently, all the old memories will lighten up. Depending upon how they reacted would also influence his decision. 

• If they didn't take time to stop and say hello, but your boyfriend checked out his ex well and found her in good shape and as lively as ever, he would want to see who is she dating at the moment, because all pretty girls are taken. 
• If they took a minute to identify each other because both have changed so much, but made up for it by bursting into a peal of laughter, your ex might think that it means a renewal of friendship. 
• If she hugged him and tried to make conversation but he was rude, he might want to write her an apology because, after all this time, the past wounds might have stopped stinking. 

Ask your guy to elaborate on the situation. When you see him doing it, you will be able to read his face and expression. Whether he is embarrassed, having difficulty in finding the right words that won't jeopardize his relationship with you, or his words come out very smoothly because he is confident that he didn't do anything wrong.

Either way, don't get manipulated into believing everything he says. Make him work for it. Get your doubts cleared and your facts right.

#7 She contacted him 

Perhaps it's your boyfriend's ex who contacted him and asked for a favor. Your boyfriend might have downright denied doing anything for her and disconnected the line saying to not try contacting him again. 

However, if he is a good-natured man, his conscience might be hurt. He might be thinking if she was indeed in trouble. Hence, he is checking on her indirectly through his social media account. 

You can encourage him to share complicated stuff with you. There is no need for a communication gap or barrier here. You are a sound person rooted in reason who shouldn't buy things at face value or get offended by just listening to the word "ex". 

When you keep a healthy approach to all intimate issues, you reduce something disastrous into something trivial and get over it very easily. It is an attempt to show that you are here to stay rather than running away say the slightest inconvenience. Don't buy things at petitio principii.

#8 She is a social influencer 

If your boyfriend's ex is a social influencer, and your boyfriend is either quite an activist himself or likes to engage in mind blogging ideas, he might find her ideas and content rooted in reality and enjoys listening to the podcasts. It could as well have been any other person. 

In such a situation, all you can do is encourage your boyfriend to get mainstream in the content part and work on it if that brings him joy. You can help him. It will become an additional platform for making dynamic exchanges. 

#9 He is obsessed with her

Your boyfriend might be obsessed with his ex. Not all obsessions are harmful. This one might be a source of inspiration for him. It shows that he wants to keep growing. Perhaps, he alludes to her in his conversations with you to inspire and motivate you to push yourself towards more efficient ways to work things out.

If it gets overwhelming for you, talk it out. He should know how you feel about all this. You can tell him that there are more people in the world to be looked up to as an idol rather than his ex. That should be the last person your eyes seek inspiration from the fact that she could not manage to keep the relationship going or her boyfriend happy. Your boyfriend will find it reasonable when you put it this way.

#10 She just appeared on his feed 

Don't make up things in your find without getting your facts clear. It is very much possible that your boyfriend didn’t look up his ex deliberately. She just happened to show up on his feed. 

If you think you might have an issue with your boyfriend being connected with his ex or exes over social media, you should have addressed the issue right at the beginning of the relationship. However, it is never too late. If you feel it is a condition that bothers you way too much and could be a deal breaker between you, address it now. 

Your boyfriend should understand the source and where it is coming from rather than getting all hyped and sad about it. You should be patient with him because he might make this all into a trust issue. Help him show where your discomfort is coming from, and that he or this relationship is too sacred for you to burn it at the altar of jealousy. If he stays firm and does not meet you halfway, it is better to let him go.

#11 You are not active on social media 

If you are not on social media but your boyfriend is hyperactive, he will visit the pages of not only his girlfriend but even other women. Had you been active on social media, he might have stalked you. 

See, people these days are so hooked up on social media, platforms like Instagram have enabled everything just a click away. And more subject-specific platforms such as Snapchat have made it worse. 

What you can do here is normalize the situation. The moment you understand and make it common, talking about your ex with your partner should not be treated as a taboo, it will be fine. 

The guy who is committed to you is the end word of it all. It doesn't matter who he is stalking or what he is trying to do virtually. Just ensure that he doesn't hide things and that your relationship is official. 

#12 They are good friends 

Perhaps your boyfriend's ex is his good friend and asks for his advice when she posts something on social media. Either she is an attention seeker or a tomboy or simply someone who lacks confidence. You will have to figure out which one it is, and even if you don't, you are not missing any significant detail. 

Besides, if they are such good friends, you can ask your boyfriend to introduce her to you. It will remove all sense of awkwardness if they don’t have feelings for each other anymore. But if they do, they will hesitate in their words and actions. Either way, it will be clear to you what is going on between them. 

Related Read: My Boyfriend Still Helps His Ex-Girlfriend (Here's Why & Tips)

#13 He is not happy in the relationship 

There is always the possibility that your boyfriend might not be happy in the relationship, or perhaps even unsatisfied. It depends on the time you spend with each other and what you spend it doing. 

If you feel the meetups are lukewarm and could have been better, work on it. Interest is something that can be transmitted with time and effort. If you are unwilling to do it, or if your boyfriend has given you more than one reason to invest your all in the relationship, find a way out of the equation.

What to do when your boyfriend looks at his ex on social media?

Voicing your concerns is the first step towards a healthy relationship. If your boyfriend tries to understand it, take it as feedback, and work on his habit to make you more comfortable, he is a decent guy.

However, if he is in denial or he gets uncomfortable by your invasions and comes up with absurd replies such as it shouldn’t be your concern, it is alarming. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 Express your discomfort 

When something nags you, get it clear. Expressing your discomfort doesn't mean you have come to a dead end. it means you are opening avenues for more clarity and interaction. 

If you are dating a mature person, he will not only appreciate this but help you get comfortable all the same. Hence, learn to open up when you are sincere in making things work. 

#2 Observe more 

You can choose to not give an instant reaction but hold longer to see how it goes between him and his ex. If he doesn't stop with a one-time check but goes on to try to contact her, it shows that he has zero self-respect. 

You don't want to be with a guy like that. When you discover the same, you owe him no explanation whatsoever. Hence, wait and let him play the game.

#3 Set boundaries 

Setting boundaries is the first step towards a long and healthy relationship when you want to keep things real. Otherwise, it is all facade, hypocrite exchanges where neither of you is in the equation. 

Please note that many people sought dating after boredom. They don't care a dime about the person or their feelings as long as they look good together or the partner is eye candy. 

It is possible that his friends told him that you are no match for his ex. Or, that he has finally got the one. They will say the former if they hate you, and the latter if they care for his happiness.

The thought that how the world self perceives them together matters more than how much of a wavelength they share in between or with each other. You choose which game you want to play and then go for a vibe check. 

#4 Invite her on an outing with you 

It is okay to befriend your boyfriend's ex. It only makes your relationship stronger. Whether she will be willing to do it or not will be a factor to consider. 

If she doesn't, she must hate your ex too much. Either way, you would know that the chances of them sleeping together is way less than it was before. 

The bonus is to see how they vibe together. If there is something that they are not acknowledging or accepting but you see it, you will have the option to make your call. 

#5 Reestablish the relationship equation 

Ask him how he feels about you. Get the answers to all the difficult questions. If there is a need to reestablish your equation, certain things that he isn’t ready to give up yet, talk it out and come to a decision. 

Revisiting your ground rules and establishing the relationship equation if things have taken a turn isn't that bad a deal. Ultimately, it is about how peacefully you are with them that matters.

#6 Help him with the grieving period 

If he politely tells you to bear with him, help him out. It is okay to be patient if the experience is going to be rewarding. The rewards need not be materialistic. 

Helping someone with a grieving period will naturally bring you closer to each other than before. You will know his weakness, and in the process of supporting him, you will become his weakness.

#7 Take an outing 

Spending more time and giving him so many memories that it overshadows all the time he had spent with his ex might prove to be durable and efficient. 

An outing, one planned by you, will break the stereotype that narrates everything to be done by men. He will feel special, and won't be able to put down the proposal.

#8 Go for counseling 

When you feel that nothing is working the only way out is by taking counseling, go for it. Counseling will help you seek out problems together. You will be able to fix things by having open-hearted candid conversations about the challenges that both of you are facing. 

It will bring you solutions that are not temporary. If you intend to play it for a long time and make it more durable, you will agree to give it a try.

#9 Take a break 

If things are getting so overwhelming that you are always depressed and cannot focus or differentiate anymore between right and wrong, it is wise to take a break. 

If after the break you feel that you are better without him, make the break permanent. If you feel that you want him back, take another try but with the fourth understanding that no previous mistakes will be repeated.

Tips 

• Don’t speculate, rather talk and chuck things out of your skateboard. When you get the right vibe, you stay. When you feel that this is just not your cup of tea, you don't need to drink it sip by sip. No wonder there are so many flavors available, you can try tea testing and discard if you don't like it. 
• The pointers under the clauses of breach of trust should be elaborately stated and revisited when you are seeing someone. They might have put certain actions under the relaxation clause in their mind but for you, committing those is serious business and maybe even a deal breaker. You should be outward and prompt about these. Show your clarity.
• Picking up an accusatory tone will not help you to unmingle the problem. When you want things right, keep your actions right. It is important that your boyfriend doesn’t feel threatened or alarmed by your words and actions. He should be able to trust you and that is only possible when they can see that you intend to make the relationship work rather than dump your boyfriend at the earliest available chance.