My Boyfriend Lied to Me About His Past (8 Possible Reasons)

Trust is one of the strongest elements that contribute to the foundation of a relationship. A tight-knit companionship is a myth without adding the essentials of faith. Partners must be truthful to each other to keep the balance, transparency, and mutual respect intact. A simple lie or lies that might look insignificant can cause permanent damage that one may not be able to repair in their entire life.

Equally true is the fact that our partners may often be found telling lies to us about their past for one reason or the other. Here is where the challenges come when we must act with patience and consideration. 

The following blog consists of a similar situation where you might be the victim of being lied to. It will give you a different perspective and a detailed interpretation of the action. Dive in to find out the secret.

Reasons why your boyfriend lied to you about his past

You used to believe that your relationship is an exemplary one to inspire other couples and your boyfriend is a gem of a guy who can never lie to you. And one fine morning truth hits you as a shocker. Everything that seemed perfect went topsy-turvy in a fraction of a second and the world around started spinning in a frenzied way. You cannot accept that you have been lied to by the person you trusted so blindly. 

But the lies too have deeper truths behind them that we sometimes dismiss in the spur of an impulse. Before tagging someone as guilty we must come in touch with the reasons for a fair judgment. Read the article to look at the same thing in a different way. 

#1 He feels ashamed 

Our past is not always pleasant to talk about. Some mistakes feel shameful for us to express to others. We avoid facing them and try to lock them into the dark corners of our hearts. When people mention them, we either try to deviate from them or set up stories to hide the truth. 

This is a personal crisis for many of the guys who hate these parts of their lives for such blunders. The conflicts keep running under the skin and make them exposed to be hurt by them. They regret their actions and want to reverse the time to get them corrected. But time is unforgiving and they can't help themselves in any way. 

Your boyfriend can be a sufferer of such mistakes that he never wanted to discuss with you very comfortably. But you have asked him or referred to that particular period unknowingly. And he ended up telling you a lie about it thinking it would perhaps temporarily quench your curiosity. He tweaked the truth so that the discussion was dropped in a harmlessly healthy way. 

All he knows is that he went through a drastic evolution over the years. Now he has become a better person and that to him is exactly what matters. His true identity lies in his presence because the past is gone and can not be altered. So he doesn't want to defile his present by remembering past mistakes and feels extremely ashamed to admit the truth to you. 

His motive is not crooked because he wants you to believe the person whom you can see now at the present moment, not the one he used to be at the time that does not exist anymore. 

If you are his true well-wisher, help him come out of the shell. A lie of yesterday that doesn't change the truth of today can be brushed aside for the sake of your relationship. 

#2 He is insecure

A world full of unjust comparisons and faithlessness often forms a mass weight of insecurity we carry deep down. We are scared to admit it even to ourselves. But our actions and words are predominantly framed by those insecurity complexes. We consider ourselves inferior to others who are loud about their personality and rights. And we are afraid that telling the truth might prove the wrong step to take in certain areas, especially with our dating partners. 

This is weird but true sometimes that some of our friends can convince us about the consequences of admitting the truth to our partners. They caution us saying that we cannot afford to be entirely honest to our mates if we want to stay as their priority. The moment they discover it, they may demean us. 

If you have been perceptive of this insecurity in your boyfriend before, he has likely lied to you because he didn't want to feel more worthless in front of you. He might have a lack of confidence in the relationship as well as in you and thought you to be more deserving than himself. So it was not difficult for him to be carried away by the notion of worthlessness. 

A feeling of incompleteness can always be there in him that he unconsciously yet happily nurtures and allows himself to be directed by it. He may take the help of the lies to sweep it under the carpet. In an attempt to hide the presumed inadequacy, he goes on telling lies to you, lest it should reinforce his sense of deficiency and unworthiness. 

Nip it in the bud if his misconceptions and lack of confidence are ruining the positive sides of his character. The results can be fatally far-reaching if they are not taken care of in the early stage. One lie would lead to a thousand more if his sense of insecurity doesn't get checked on time. 

#3 He didn't want to hurt you 

Guys lie for different reasons but sensitive guys lie for one common reason which is to avoid hurting their partners. They are lovers who detest the idea of upsetting their girlfriends for something that is beyond their control. 

There are expectations in every relationship that the guys in particular do not wish to curb. It's a kind of protective nature as partners to hide some truths that could leave a scar. A small lie can offend the sense of pride that a woman might feel about her man. With that in mind, their male partners prefer uttering gentle lies to harsh truths.  

If as an emotionally attached guy, your boyfriend had lied to you, it is a venial act. He knew that the past wouldn't be very nice to hear from the man whom you were so confident of. It could be a painful blow to girls as they are sensitive by nature. Your boyfriend acknowledges that very well. So he didn't want the facts of his past to interfere with the peaceful equation of his present relationship. 

After all, he loves you and can never be happy to see you in pain. And if he is somehow the reason behind the sorrow, he cannot let that happen because it would reopen the chapters that had been closed long before and foul up the hard-earned integrity. 

The actuality of an event might be sharp and acrid which might be too much to bear with. Perhaps the relationship goes on like before, but you get so bitterly hurt somewhere that nothing can initiate a healing process. Everything looks fine and you get along nicely, yet there remains a massive emotional dent that is incurable. Therefore, it is best to deny the detrimental past. Your boyfriend may have realized that telling a lie, here, is a much more generous act to bury that past. 

#4 He is an imposter

Those who are used to deceiving people wear false personas and fake their past lives. It is a vile habit they pursue quite proudly and remorselessly. In terms of romantic relationships, they are the masterminds who lie like an artful wizard, and your innocent mind would fall prey to their silver tongue without a doubt.

Get a reality check on the background of your boyfriend and his track record. He might be a well-known face among the group of womanizers. Telling lies is a part of his game. His intention was always to have a fun time with you or drag material pleasures out of you. If a few lies help him serve his purpose, none would match his skill to persuade a person as close as his girlfriend. 

You need to pay closer attention to his other actions. He would fabricate stories about everything that could sound convincing to you. He will not directly ask for money, but present such a miserable state of his finances that you would unintentionally step into his trap.

He might have blamed people from his past for his misery or cooked up a tale about his past relationship to make himself look like someone who was pathetically tricked by his former partner. It could be about his family as well that he lied about without shame. He might be a master storyteller who had devised stories one after the other with a matchless prowess. 

This is the very trait of the imposters because they know where and how the butter would be melted and hit the iron when it was hot. Now that his face has been unmasked, he would invent some more other cock and bull stories to win your trust again. This is purely and devilishly intentional to probably fool you and he will move to another girl once he is done with you. 

#5 He knew you wouldn't understand

Love makes us vulnerable. We discover how fragile we become in front of our beloved. This vulnerability determines our responses to certain people in certain conditions. As said by the experts, love unfurls our romantic selves lost in a long-drawn slumber. The hidden lovers in us often enslave us into doing the unlikeliest of things. 

Falsehood cannot go with the character of a few people. But as mentioned before, the passionate version sometimes speaks a different language. What seems to be unusual and absurd for someone at other times, comes as a sweet side effect of love. 

To your boyfriend, it was you who he put above the truth or lies. He knew that from your point of view, it wouldn't be wrong to misunderstand him, to feel cheated. Anyone would have thought this way. But most importantly he knows his obligations too, that were barely possible to communicate to you. He simply wanted to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. 

Some truths are better left untold because not everyone can accept the sharp edges of it. Rather, they outweigh the realities of today which we should stay content with by coming into knowledge. Reflecting a hundred times on the possible suspicions, he had decided to twist the fact. 

Although this psychology is not harmful altogether, still if someone makes up a different narrative to avoid a fight it cannot be accepted as a desirable act. Maybe, it would help maintain a temporary evenness, but that won't be long-lasting. 

A lie is always a lie that would do no good to anyone if it is told to suppress something you deserve to be aware of. For the time being, it may evoke complications and aching reactions between partners but it will still be less painful than the feeling of being lied to. 

Hence, if you ever find your boyfriend having the same things going in his mind, indirectly tell him about the potential harm it may cause to the relationship.

#6 He feared rejection

You have been an ideal couple until the day you know your boyfriend has lied to you about his past. This has made him a stranger to you whom you no longer feel comfortable with. You are convinced that he is a dishonest guy who should not be trusted anymore. However trivial it is, the lie seems like a betrayal to you. You are upset, you are frustrated.

But believe me, one giant fear might have been stopping him from confessing the truth to you. That was the fear of losing you. All lovers are liars in one way or another. Sometimes they lie for each other, and sometimes they lie to each other. In the former case, it is often a part of their journey during romantic courtship. But in the latter case, the lies become serious and may lead to something worse than fights and arguments. 

In the initial phases, your partner may have lied to you because he was afraid you might reject him knowing about his past. The past may have dark periods of trauma, childhood abuse, or isolation that he tried to replace with false information of a happy and wonderful boyhood so that you don't treat him like a social leper and refuse to get into a relationship with him. But believe me, girl, it was never meant to cheat you.

If it was regarding his past relationship, again the fear of rejection might be the ruling emotion. He did not want his past mistakes to meddle with a person he is committed to now and had future plans with. He feared that you wouldn't listen to his explanations and leave him. He would never let that happen even if it required him to lie about his past life or previous relationship. He took it as a white lie spoken for a better cause.

#7 He wanted to impress you

Be it in a wooing period or the later phase of the relationship, men lie about their past to look much more desirable and coveted to their partners. Though it would be a blanket statement to say that all men follow the same path, there are guys who love to exaggerate things related to their past and tell random lies to their girlfriends. 

Some guys have prejudices about physical fitness. Your partner too might conceive them to be a sign of masculinity which he thinks most girls flip over. So he keeps on telling lies about his achievements in the field of sports or athletics. He can go to the point of saying that he had always been a health-conscious guy who never led an unrestrained life or indulged his tongue in unhealthy food. 

His lies might be around his academic performance where he bragged about his highest grades and degrees to impress you. Or it could be his job role which he has overstated as something prestigious and high-ranking at a reputed company. These important job titles would mean his accomplishments and his professional prowess which he used to attract your attention. 

To assert compatibility and create an indelible impression on you, he might have pretended to like the same music, books, or favorite movies as you do, whereas in reality he just hated them. It is generated from the notion that girls feel attracted to guys who share similar preferences and tastes. And along with that, he knew the moment you would discover the difference you might fall out of love. 

Some men have a habit of lying about their family backgrounds, projecting an incredible amount of wealth and status, to present themselves as belonging to an unparalleled class and sophistication. If you have heard of an inflated story about his family, try to smell a rat and verify the facts since he might be lying all this while to get you impressed by his glamorous past.

#8 He wanted to earn sympathy 

A relationship initiated with sympathy can go a long way and materialize into a stronger one with empathy. We become weak to people who are somehow oppressed or mistreated in the past. There is an instinctive urge in us to help them or to be with them. The feeling of sympathy softens our sentiments toward an individual who is deprived of love, affection, or fair treatment. 

This is a familiar fact to your boyfriend who made the most of it by lying about his past. He might have portrayed his past as one filled with loneliness and disloyalty. 

The frequent mentions of episodes about how he has been neglected by his parents or family members, how he had to go through prolonged hardships and fight against all the odds, and how desperately he needed to be cared for and yearned for warmth are all concocted carefully to make you take pity on him. 

Sometimes the lies are mild ones to gain a sympathetic favor from you. This could be a few examples where he had been a victim of others' misdeeds or fake incidents where he had been wronged and punished by people who took advantage of him. These were pitifully communicated to you so that you believe him to be an innocent guy paying for his goodness in an unjust way. 

We know that a good few young men can be committed to vigorous addiction in their adulthood. Later, when they are engaged with someone, they deny their responsibility and try to blame others like friends and bad company or family who were said to be negligent and ignorant of their well-being. 

If your boyfriend had a history of addiction and he had lied about the past related to that period, it might be a well-laid action to take a soft corner in your heart and make sure you feel protective about him.

What to do when you find your boyfriend has lied to you about his past?

You love your boyfriend. You have been in a steady relationship for years. Yet, a sudden revelation of his trickery has befallen you. You feel like a dumb who has been tactfully fooled all this time. You question his loyalty after being misguided about his past. But the love refuses to go away and you don't know what to do and how to react. You are on the horns of a dilemma and torn by two unfavorable alternatives. 

Under such a conflicting state of mind, you need a friendly solution or at least a key to the solution. 

This article won't disappoint you if you read it till the end. The next part of the blog will talk about the responses you should choose to give when you catch him lying to you about his past. 

#1 Ask for clarification

The best way to handle the confusing situation is to create the readiness in yourself to hear him out. Probably something is missing between the lies and the truth that you have yet to come across. Sometimes there is a lot behind the scenes that should be explained before we connect the dots. So it is more important to establish the truth than to confront the lies. 

When you ask him for clarification, it should imply that you wish to listen to and understand the reasons for his actions. Before you face him, face yourself and silence your anger. It's fine to not feel fine in one go. But your anger can be a weak emotion that might bamboozle your rationality. Push aside all your 'bad' emotions and allow yourself to be firm and flexible to deal with whatever truth may surface. 

Don't go into a conversation when your thoughts are flustered. Make a move only when you are emotionally prepared to absorb the powerful blows of reality. Take time to choose the most appropriate time and mental space to discuss the concerns. Ask him to give the explanations and justifications he may have to provide for all the unacceptable misinformation about his past. 

Conversations do not mean accusations. It needs a logical and polite approach. If you are confused about the disparity between the two stated facts, say that to him and express your willingness to learn the actual details. Make him feel comfortable to share the honest story with you without feeling down with guilt. 

You could proceed this way,

"I may be mistaken, but I just found your previous information didn't fit the present one. Can you furnish me with further explanation? I am not being skeptical, it's just I feel a little confused." 

If you have somehow managed to know the truth from before, ask him to narrate the event once again. In case you see him still lying, share the different story you are already garnered with. When he realizes that the jig is up, let him speak the ultimate truth with clarity.

#2 Understand the context of the lies

An act of lying may be contradictory to the moral quality of the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Yet he did or said something that robbed him of his virtue of honesty. But the motif, context, and circumstances cannot be omitted if you really want to assess the conduct with a neutral perspective.

The psychology behind lies is often considered as an inclination to deceive someone with false information. People often confuse them with traits or rather vices. But this is a state of emotion that could be impelled by fear, anxiety, compulsions, and other dominating mental forces. Your partner is not necessarily a born liar who takes pleasure in misleading you. There may be invisible conditions you have to be aware of before you analyze the lies told by him. 

Understand the contexts of the lies that he couldn't avoid. Consider whether it was a white lie or a blatant lie. If he wanted to hide something hurtful that might upset your feelings, assure him that you would be okay after a certain time but hearing him lie would be the most shattering experience. Try to know more about his past so that you might identify the clues and possible causes of his insecurity. 

Be considerate of the honest intentions behind the lies. If they were meant to cheat you, they are unpardonable. But if they suggest some unsettled worries in your partner, address them with care and consideration.

#3 Share with him how it has affected you

While the effects of being lied to are hellish, they need to be shared with your partner immediately to release the rancorous feeling searing within you. He who has lied to you must know how terribly they have shaken your reality in a moment. 

Cause and effect are both equally important in evaluating a certain act. You need to see through the reasons for his falsehood and he too needs to fathom the deep sore the simple lies might have led to. He may not have the slightest idea of the emotional distress he has caused you in trying to sustain the normal and peaceful flow of your relationship. 

It is highly probable that if he had known or had the insight to know the consequences he would have disclosed the truth, whatever price he might have to pay for it. Let him have hindsight, let him take a glimpse at the emotional breakdown and breach of trust that resulted from the deception. Express your failure to trust him any longer and loss of intimacy after you uncovered the truth. Have a direct conversation with words like,

"I think it was my mistake to expect you to be an ideal partner. I guess I was so wrong in judging people. You just opened my eyes. All your lies have been a lesson to me. I know I won't be able to trust you anymore and see how I'm being punished for trusting you blindly! This is the reward I deserved for being such an emotional fool."

#4 Give him a chance to apologize

None of us is too honest to refrain from lying. We all have to make false comments at some point in life. But telling a lie and being deceptive does not convey the same idea. 

People tell lies and at the next moment, we forget them because they do not do much harm to our personal or professional lives. 

Again some statements are falsified with the broader purpose of others' well-being. They are benevolent lies that are much more welcoming than the truth itself. But there are people out there who lie and double-cross with a deliberate intention to satisfy their interests and manipulate others. And they keep doing what they feel without an ounce of guilty feeling. 

You have to see the pattern and severity of the lies told to you before you feel too troubled by them. Communication will help you see how your boyfriend must be feeling about the untrue statements and whether he is ready to take the onus of it or is justifying his doings with further lies. Analyzing his behavior after the confrontation will take you one step closer to the right judgment. 

If he feels apologetic and eats humble pie by confessing his mistake, allow him to regret and redress the grievances. Given a chance, he might explain his actions with sincere and honest divulgence and put things in the right direction. 

Forgive him if he genuinely repents and deserves a second chance. This one last chance might be the real game-changer. This would earn you the kind of admiration and respect that he never felt for you before. Honesty may not be the best policy all the time, but being honest with your partner is an imperative he would learn if you help him learn from his errors and let him apologize.

#5 Take a momentary break

It is important to know if lying to you was an exceptional act or if your boyfriend is habituated to telling lies. An isolated example of falsehood can not be a defining one but if those lies belie the character of your partner, it can often be hard to forget.

Sometimes we make over expectations from the people we love and worship them in a manner that it feels impossible to associate human errors with their personalities. In case they ever happen to say something that doesn't match reality, his image with godly attributes comes crashing by. We go nuts and cannot think straight for that moment.

Despite the communications and all his self-justifying explanations, if you still feel betrayed and hurt, take a pause. It's needed. It will be a momentary yet necessary break that will give you the space and time to process the impact and negative emotions with poise and discernment. 

Keeping quiet for a few days or a few months will be a healthy decision for your overall well-being. It doesn't mean you want to break all the ties with your boyfriend, it's just letting time take the healing process forward. 

Meanwhile, you can refocus on the self-care activities and things that make you happy and fulfilled. Reflect on your personal needs and goals during this break so that you can go back to your man with a positive and different frame of mind.

#6 Work together to rebuild trust

Trust comes after the mutual willingness to work on rebuilding it. If you believe that your boyfriend should be given a chance and granted an apology, nothing like that. Go for it if you are willing to prioritize your relationship over a few occurrences that didn't meet your expectations.

People would preach and share random advice that trust once broken is broken forever. But after all, this is your relationship and your decision. Listen to your heart. Trust me, it won't lie. Commit to each other with a promise to stay honest and true to each other. Share all the light and darkness and thrive together. 

Try to be empathetic and understanding of each other's faults and accept your individual accountability for the unexpected state of events. Talk to him and see how genuinely he is eager to change himself and ready to demonstrate his heartfelt shame about the lies. If your boyfriend is confident and truthful toward consistency, give it another try to revive the lost faith. You can encourage him by saying,

"I know it's hard for both of us to forget what happened. Things won't change overnight. But still, if you desire to put in effort and work it out, I am there with you. We both love each other, and trust me we will heal together."

Live in the present and look forward to the future. Don't bring up the past in between because that would only lead to unnecessary emotional stagnance.

#7 Decide to break up

A lie won't be remembered if the person who lied is determined not to repeat the blunder and acknowledges its extremity. Relationships grow through such experiences and life lessons. But if the person is devious by nature and less willing for a change, nobody can help him. 

If your boyfriend, unfortunately, falls into the second category, take it as an alarming sign that your relationship has reached its last leg. He would carry on with his mixed-up stories without an end. Get it straight he would never realize the fine line between faithfulness and faithlessness. Hence, it's perhaps time to break up and end it for the sake of long-term happiness.

Let him be with his life of deception. A much more shining truth is waiting for you. Embrace it. Be kind to yourself and to your emotions that have every right to be handled with love and trust. Move on and move forward. Life is coming your way.

Pro tips

Look over the quick tips to be reminded of the possible responses when you get to know your boyfriend has lied to you about his past:

• There is no alternative to direct communication. Listen and speak with patience and willingness to help each other get through the crisis.

• Blaming, accusing, or attacking him will never help you with the resolution you want. Be open to hearing his justifications. Allow space to each other for self-reflection so that you can protect your relationship with a joint effort.

• Make him understand the importance of staying honest and its lasting effect. Set boundaries about your no-compromise principle against anything false or dishonest.

• Before you decide on a finality, have his actions clarified. Do it gently and humbly to avoid further resentment. 

• Learn and grow together from the experience. Focus on self-improvement individually to prosper as a unit, and be each other's friend and guiding light. 

• Follow what your heart says. After all, it is you who will decide whether to end or restart the journey with your partner.