We always feel insecure in the context of an ex. We are not sure if we want to face our partner's ex. We think that it is for the best if we don't know them in person. 

However, if your boyfriend tells you one fine day that his roommate is his ex, what will you do? You might feel that you have been living a lie and that the earth is slowly slipping from beneath your feet. 

You are disgusted and you feel that you can never forgive him. However, take a moment's pause and think if this is the right approach or if there is another way around it. 

I can understand that your mind is too much in a pickle right now and your faculty has let you be. But worry not! I'm here to help you out. 

In this blog post, I'll help you understand why your boyfriend might be allowing his ex to stay with him and what can you do about it. 

Reasons why your boyfriend is letting his ex stay with him 

Perhaps he met her on the road and saw her in a miserable condition. It could be a mental breakdown or a physical ailment. Either way, your ex decided to bring her home, nurture her well for old times’ sake and look into the causes that led to her current disposition.

Not everything is what it may seem. Don’t buy things at face value especially when it is about the one where your heart belongs. Act patiently by allowing some time for things to process ahead. Your decision should be such that once you have taken it, there is no shaking of the roots any further.

To know more, continue reading below. 

#1 She is going through a tough time and he is helping her out 

This is as reasonable as it gets. Your boyfriend’s ex might have been going through a difficult time and requires someone reliable. You must be knowing well that your boyfriend is someone she can trust. That is one of the reasons why you are dating him, right? You know by heart that if in the future this does not work up, your boyfriend would step in to help you even if you are not with him any longer.

Love cannot be altered. There can be reasons why we cannot continue with someone the way we used to, but our feelings and affection for them remain untarnished. Think of this in the context of your ex. Don’t you think he would have done the same for you as your boyfriend is doing for his ex? If not, your past choices might have been pathetic.

I’m not saying that letting an ex stay under the same roof and spend the night together is alarming. But I’ll like to use this opportunity to tell you about my experience. My boyfriend used to live in a different city back then with a roommate. One evening, his ex showed up at his door. She was on her knees, crying. My boyfriend was stunned. He and his friend brought her inside and she told them that her boyfriend has been abusing her. She was so traumatized that she could neither stay with her boyfriend nor alone for at least that one night. 

What do you think was the right thing to do at that moment? Although this meant risking police cases if something worse would have happened in the future, my boyfriend will be called for witnesses. However, at that moment, my boyfriend couldn’t throw her off the house or snap his door at her. We are talking about putting a life in danger here.

He texted me later that night that something came up which requires his attention and he will tell me more later. I was patient with him. He called me up the next evening and told me the entire thing. I acknowledged his gesture and told him that he did the right thing. I knew he needed support as the sight of seeing someone you were so fond of in misery is disheartening. I flew to him the next morning and even consoled his ex. My boyfriend and I are living happily together.

The point here is, wait for the context to evolve. You cannot run the risk to misjudge someone dear to you at any point in your life. They will hesitate to share it with you next time. 

#2 She is in town 

Your boyfriend’s ex might be new in town, she needs a place to stay till the time she can secure one for herself. Hence, she might have chosen to crash at your boyfriend’s place. This can put you in an awkward situation. 

However, even if he finds it rude, you should express your disapproval.  His ex can easily find herself a motel for the time being. Neither she nor your boyfriend should take the chance of getting reattached, more so, if the spark was never completely put off in the first place. 

#3 He still has feelings for her

There is a chance that your boyfriend might have feelings for his ex, and hence he is trying to give it another try while keeping you hooked as a backup option, implying that he isn't serious about you. Never let yourself be treated as scrap. If you feel that someone has reduced you to a second choice, you discard them from your life immediately. 

There are things that you should not accept no matter what the condition might imply. If you let the variables in your life take the front seat, your ride will give you many hurdles and speed breakers. Hence, if you want a smooth ride, set your ground rules.

#4 He lacks moral substance

Perhaps the guy you are dating is a shameless person who doesn't care about morals as long as his physical needs are met. If you are not available in the vicinity to give him company, he won’t think twice or care enough before seeking favors from others.

Date such guys at your own risk. They are better left with no-string-attached relationships. If you try to become possessive with them, they will get agitated and dumb you rather than explain the reason.

Such a guy won’t help you in overcoming your insecurities. He will be defiant of those and think of you to be too conventional and infirm if you come across as vulnerable. He will break up with you in the name of finding someone who is modern, independent, and open-minded.

#5 They are good friends

He feels that you should trust him. He is trying to test you here which is very unreasonable. If at the slightest inconvenience, you try to run away from the situation, how will you be able to hold his hands during trying times? 

For all you know, your boyfriend might be preparing you for difficult times so that he is certain of your character and understands how you react to situations. At the same time, if you fail to give a desirable reaction and mystify him with your silence, he will figure out a way to wrap his head around it.

What you need to alert him for over here or on the ground based on which you should set your argument is the nature of the problem. We are talking about someone who your boyfriend used to sleep with. 

This isn’t acceptable unless the entire nature of it is explained to you. With the help of technology, you can get connected on video calls to get a better impression of the nature of the disaster in question. It will enable you to see for yourself what has been going wrong.

To know more, click on the link below. 

Related Read: My Boyfriend Still Helps His Ex-Girlfriend (Here’s Why & Tips)

#6 You are in an open relationship 

If you are in an open relationship, you must have set the terms and conditions clear from the beginning. An open relationship usually means that you are allowed to sleep with others but stay faithful to your partner in all other aspects and spend the night only with her.

You should clear the terms and conditions of your relationship with your boyfriend. What you think can contribute to the possible dynamics should be sorted at once. It can be as candid a conversation as you wish for. Possible subjects may include:

• Who do I spend time with besides my partner
• What is the order of priority that I give to people in my life
• What are the habits that I can inculcate in my routine to make my relationship better
• How to convey concerns without being rude
• How to unfold history or past events with bitter experience
• What to do to ensure giving space in the relationship without misusing it 

#7 You have never been the jealous type

If you never expressed a concern concerning your boyfriend talking or going out with other women, he might hold the opinion that you won't care if his ex stayed at his place for some days. Remember, guys don’t have the habit to overthink. 

They won’t rely on the faculty of their imagination to overanalyze the situation in the way girls do. They like to deal with one thing at a time and if they are engaging in future planning, these plans are mostly tangible. Wishful thinking is not their forte. 

Hence, be as straightforward and honest as you can with your boyfriend. He will appreciate it when you cut the crap and do not beat about the bush. Not many guys have a high emotional quotient and they get frustrated and angry too easily. Hence, if your guy is handling your queries with patience, go easy on him. 

#8 They have a business together 

If your boyfriend works with his ex, there can be occasions when they spend extra hours together or days when he spends more time with his ex than with you. This is a challenge that you have brought upon yourself by hasting into the relationship without understanding the work nature and lifestyle of your boyfriend. 

Such situations are sad and can have horrifying consequences if you tend to be a spontaneous woman who runs on her impulse and lets the situation grab a better or firm hold of her rather than staying stable and firm in purpose. 

If the events around you and the environment around you dictate your behavior, you will have a very difficult time socializing or bonding with people. These people will be your boyfriend and others. 

Hence, working on yourself will help you go a long way. You can also try to become an active partner in your boyfriend’s business. This will help you to reduce the variables and control the situation much more efficiently.

#9 They both are new in town and low on finance

If your boyfriend and his ex by sudden chance or turn of events found themselves to be placed in the same town and under a critical situation, they will want to support each other and spend more time with each other. 

Running away from the situation only makes it worse. Hence, you have to be extremely patient here and put your faith in the process and scheme of things. Don’t overexercise your brain lest it will drain your energy. 

If you want, you can give him a surprise by showing up at his door on a fine morning. If he is guilty of something, he will be caught red-handed. If not, you will get an opportunity to bond with the girl and know more about your boyfriend’s past which no one else will be able to tell you.

What to do when your boyfriend lets his ex stay with him?

If a situation has made you so uncomfortable that repetitively you keep thinking about the matter and it makes you restless and upset, it is better to withdraw from the situation that is causing such symptoms. 

How to do this? Read below to find out.

#1 Express your feelings 

The crux of any relationship is communication. If you find something unpleasant your partner should be made aware of it. You cannot disapprove of a matter in your mind and think that you have made it clear through telepathy.

Please discount the comprehensive ability of your partner and understand that you need to be vocal about your concerns. If something is making you feel insecure, tell so. The pros of discussing a problem are that it brings you the opportunity to discuss it further. 

You will see your boyfriend’s perspective and it might help you widen your perspective. If he tries to brainwash or manipulate you, he will be too insistent about it. If he is sincere, he will convey his points and keep them there. You will get the vibes and that will help you to get to a decision that you will not regret later.

#2 Don't jump to conclusions 

Without getting the full picture and both sides of the story, don’t fast-forward yourself to the conclusion. Take time to process things. With slow steps and movements, one thing will precede the next. 

When you give time to something, you will be able to see a much larger frame in connection. It will enable you to make sharp and bold moves. You won’t have to waste time in the process. Whatever you say or you do, when you say it less, the word and gesture will be taken for its face value.

Don’t be greedy for attention, time, worth, importance, or love for that matter. When you don’t go hunting about things, you are in a better disposition and excited to receive those tokens. The goodies will satiate your needs and you will be able to savor them more skilfully. Remember, the greatest quality of love is that it liberates. If you try to chain it down, it will become restless.

There will be a smile in your eyes when you are put to the receiver’s end. Things won’t happen out of the blue. A need will emerge. The need to interact, convey, share, and seize the moment. You will see that rather than you running and chasing people or your boyfriend for that matter, the table will turn and he will come wanting you. That moment will be priceless and at that instant, you will let go of any prejudice or grudges that you might hold against them.

#3 Revise the ground rules 

If you feel that at the beginning of the relationship, you had given too much liberty to your boyfriend because you wanted to see how things will go down the line but after the meaningful period you have spent together, you feel that it is time for making certain modifications, tell him so. 

It should be open to modifications according to the adaptability of your relationship. While there are fixed factors in a relationship, there are always some variables at play. The intensity of keeping these variables superimposed or deeply rooted should depend on your compatibility. 

The point is, that if at first you both had decided that you will give sufficient space to each other without question regarding the hows and whys of spending time with their friend or people in their life, now that you can see a promising and more tangible future in hand, and you realize that you have invested yourself a great deal to be wanting to make altercations, it is best to convey the same. If your boyfriend has the same intentions as yours in this future planning, he will reflect upon the situation and give due regard to your remarks and suggestions.

#4 Start living with him 

Come to think about it. Life will become so easy at least in these aspects if you start sharing the roof with your boyfriend. You will be able to confront critical situations instantly. 

Give him a suggestion but choose your timing. He should not feel that you want to shift under the same roof with him because he is sheltering his ex or because you don't trust him enough. 

When you select a defined moment or wait for the right opportunity to turn up, your boyfriend will be able to help you better. He will not be overwhelmed and won't take much time to comprehend situations. 

#5 Don't be afraid to walk away

If your boyfriend is not willing to change his behavior, you may need to decide whether or not you can live with the situation. Don't force yourself into something that you cannot take. 

The moment you realize that this is neither your space nor your vibe, detach yourself from it. Don't think twice about the time you might have invested to reach here. The destination comes much later. It is the journey that matters.

Tips & Life Hacks 

• Being too controlling might give air to your ego but it will never empower you the way acting with deliberate thought and patience will do. Hence, rather than getting fidgety and focusing all your energy on extracting information about what they are doing in their home, focus on how you can make it less awkward for all three of you.

• When you haven't met a person, you cannot set certain standards or categorize their behavior as stereotypical. You will have to know that person first-handedly. Never make assumptions about someone or think that you know them inside out unless you know both their weakness and strengths. 

• Running away from the past will get you nowhere. The only way to embrace and build a better future is by accepting and overcoming the past. Everything else will fall into place that way. Without that, life will be chaotic and out of control.