My Boyfriend Calls Me the Same Nickname as His Ex (Here’s Why)

Your boyfriend calling you the same nickname as his ex could be a disturbing thing. Events like this make you question your credibility in his life. You question his affection for you. You start doubting him and his intentions.

Your thoughts are in the right place. It is okay for you to get concerned when he tries to equate you with his ex by a common nickname.

However, there are two sides to a story. You detest the fact that he calls you by the same nickname as his ex. For him, it could be a term of endearment. He loves the word and loves using it for the person he likes (or loves). This probably has nothing to do with his ex. This behavior can have several other reasons. Through this blog post, I will help you get to the bottom of the problem. We will delve into his mind to look for reasons. Possible reasons will give suitable solutions to deal with the problem. Read on to know more.

Reasons why your boyfriend calls you the same nickname as his ex

Everything that happens must have a reason. Your boyfriend’s behavior must have one too. Finding that reason will help you understand him better, and that in turn, will help you decide what to do with this relationship. You will have to stay calm throughout the process. Keep an open mind as you take a peek into his life to catch a glimpse of his true personality. Keep scrolling for possible reasons.

#1 He is still in love with his ex

He calls you by the same nickname as his ex because he is still in love with them. He may or may not be aware of that. Things like this can turn out to be a source of distress especially when you are familiar with the person he used to date. Calling you by the same name might make you feel like an expendable option.

By doing this he (knowingly or unknowingly) is keeping you in the overarching shadow of his former partner. He is doing that because he still has feelings for them. He thinks he has moved on (as he is dating you now) but nothing really has changed. He will run back to his ex if he is given an opportunity to do so.

The situation you are in is just like the classic Ross-Rachel incident from F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Ross said “I Ross, take thee, Rachel…” when he was getting married to Emily in a hall full of staring people. Ross was always in love with Rachel (even during the times he kept denying it). This confusion ended up being a hard time for Emily. The incident was embarrassing for her as it happened in front of her friends and family.

Your boyfriend probably is still in love with his ex-partner. He thinks he loves you but you do not matter to him. You are just an elaborate rebound for him. He dates you to forget his former love (whom he will never forget). He is ruining your life as well as his mental health and this relationship in the process.

He is so in denial of his romantic feelings for his ex-partner that he has chosen to replace them with you (literally). He even calls you by the same nickname as his ex. Do you realize how bizarre that sounds? Of course, you do. That is why you are here with your questions. You are merely filling old shoes here ─ shoes that will never be yours. He will always look for ways to fit you into an old equation. He will always try to find his old lover in you. He wants to turn you into a personality that he thinks is perfect.

#2 He likes the name more than the person

The name is dearer to him than its bearer. I know it is difficult for you to deal with the fact that your boyfriend calls you by the same nickname as his ex. You will have to understand that he is attached to that name. He has attached the idea of being in love with that nickname. It does not remind him of his ex (you have nothing to worry about).

In this scenario, he is not in love with his ex. He just likes the nickname he made up. It is more like a proud creator thing. He created that name and he is not willing to lose it because of a failed former relationship. The fact that he uses that name for you proves that he is into you.

The name can be something that he borrowed from the fandom he believes in. For example, he can use names like “Olaf” or “Pooh” if he is an ardent Disney fan. The point is, he loves these names and he loves using them as nicknames for the person he loves. Do not be surprised if you find out that he has used the same nickname for all his exes before you.

It can also be a name he heard in his family (something that his father or grandfather uses for his mother or grandmother). In that case, he is emotionally attached to that name. He is probably a sensitive person who likes old-world charms. He always wanted to use that nickname for the love of his life. For him, the name is like a precious family heirloom. He used the name for his ex because he thought they would stay together forever. He clearly was wrong.

He is moving on from the trauma of the breakup and in the process, he sees a ray of hope in you. He thinks you are the one and therefore uses the precious nickname to address you. He thinks you deserve the affection. This has nothing to do with impending infidelity or a general lack of love for you.

#3 The name has a cultural significance

The nickname he uses for you has a cultural significance. He has heard it all his life and thinks it is appropriate to call you by that name even though he used it for his ex in the past. This can be a legit problem if you two belong to different cultures. Cultural differences often give rise to unfortunate misunderstandings.

You too are probably misunderstanding him. Your boyfriend likes you. Calling you by the same nickname as his ex does not necessarily mean he has no feelings for you. He is not trying to mock or disrespect you either. The fact that you two are from two distinctly different cultures has a lot to contribute to the situation. You guys will have to understand each other.

We are familiar with nicknames like “Sweetheart,” “Honey,” “Love,” “Darling,” “Sunshine,” “Sweety,” “Babe,” and “Precious.” They are used worldwide. A person can use these names for their ex as well as their present lovers. These names symbolize affection. Some cultures have a list of similar names that are used to show affection.

They have “Mon amour (my love)” and “Mon chéri (My dear)” in French, “Mi Amor (sweetheart)” in Spanish, “Elskede (dear)” in Danish, “Schat (treasure)” in Dutch, “Taku whaiāipo (beloved)” in Maori, “Liebling (darling)” in German, “Mea aloha (loved one)” in Hawaiian, “Kedvesem (darling)” in Hungarian, “nae sarang (my love)” in Korean, “Kærasti (dear)” in Icelandic, “Babu (dear) in Hindi, “Sayangku (dear)” in Indonesian, “Aşkım (my love)” in Turkish and “Amore Mio (my love)” in Italian. All of these names signify love and it is okay for your boyfriend to call their ex as well as you by these cute nicknames. These names have cultural significance. People have been using these names for hundreds of years. Your boyfriend is not the only person to use them.

Most names like these are precious to the one using them because of their cultural connotation. The cultural difference makes you unaware of what people call their lovers in different parts of the world, but for them, these nicknames have the same romantic credibility as the commonly heard “Darling” or “My Love.” Being in a relationship with a person from a different culture somewhat ensures that they will call you by the nickname they prefer in their culture.

#4 He is blissfully unaware

He is unaware of your feelings about the fact that he calls you by the same nickname as his ex. He probably does not realize that he is using the same nickname as his ex for you. Feeling dejected about this is totally right on your part. However, allow him a little benefit of the doubt.

He is blissfully unaware of the fact that he calls you by the same name. Look at the bright side in this case. He is so in love with you that he has forgotten about his ex and what nickname he used for them. He will only remember his ex when you present this fact before him for a discussion.

He could be unaware of the fact that you know about his ex. He does not know that you know what nickname he used for them. He thought you would never know so he never gave a second thought to the nickname. This phenomenon shows that he is lazy. He is a person who tries to act smart only to reach a futile conclusion.

If he is a sensitive person, he might stop using the same nickname as his ex for you once he learns that you know about that. He might not bother you again with the nickname if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Look for these behavioral aspects to spot the right guy in a sea full of toxic partners who can only give you hefty therapy bills for the rest of eternity.

#5 He is trying to irritate you

Now this can occur in two scenarios:

• He likes you: He may try to irritate you by calling you by the same nickname as his ex when he is a goofy person. There is no place for doubt about the fact that he likes (or even loves you). He just wants to have some fun. His fault is that he does not understand what is fun for him can be a source of mental agony for you. It is okay for you to get disturbed by a second-hand nickname. You are right to seek your unique place in his life as his romantic partner. You do not want to step into someone else’s worn-out shoes. He may or may not realize that. If he realizes your plight and still irritates you, know that he loves the art of leg-pulling a little too much. He may not stick to calling you by the same nickname as his ex. Practical jokes are probably coming up next. He has a sick sense of humor. He may not realize your plight, and in that case, he irritates you just to annoy you momentarily. He thinks the nickname does not affect you in the long run. He is oblivious to the fact that this nickname makes you immensely uncomfortable.
• He does not like you: Calling you by the same name as his ex to irritate you can happen when he is not really in love or has fallen out of love with you. He does not like you. He wants to get rid of you in a clever and subtle way. He knows you do not like his ex. He calls you by the same nickname as his ex because he knows that will infuriate you to the extent that you might end up breaking up with him. That is what he wants. He wants to end this relationship and has found a stealthy way to do that. He does not want to be the one who breaks up. He wants you to take up that role so that he can portray you as the villain in this relationship. People who know you guys (but are not directly involved in the relationship in any way) will think of him as the one who tried. They will call you the quitter. That is precisely what he wants. He wants to irritate you into leaving him.

#6 He secretly wants you to be like his ex

Carrying forward the idea from the first point under this section, I can say that he secretly wants you to be an updated version of his ex. This shows he is still not over his old relationship. He calls you by the same nickname as his ex because he sees them in you. He is still in love with his ex. This is bad news for you.

His ex may have been a great person, but they broke up for a reason. Now that he has been apart from them for a few days (or months), he has started to miss them. Unfortunately, he misjudged himself and started dating you way too early. He was not ready for a brand-new relationship.

You are probably just in a rebound relationship with your boyfriend. He thinks he likes you but he is not really into you. He makes himself think that way to feel a little less sad about breaking up with his ex. The fact that he calls you by the same nickname as his ex proves that they are still in his mind. One needs to detach oneself from their old relationship before moving on to a new one. Your boyfriend failed to do that and now he is making you suffer. His actions could be involuntary but the effect they have on your mind is adverse and real. Your boyfriend is the reason you are sad.

It is not always his fault. Most people who go through a breakup end up in weird rebound relationships that hurt them and the person they are involved with. In F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Ross started dating Emily (and even ended up marrying her unsuccessfully) after breaking up with Rachel. Rachel did a similar thing with her client Joshua when she started dating him (she even started pestering him for marriage to compete with Ross). Almost no rebound relationship ends up in a happily ever after.

#7 You remind him of his ex

He calls you by the same nickname as his ex because you remind him of them. Your boyfriend likes you but he is not over his ex yet. You remind him of them because they are still in his mind. He consciously thinks about his ex. However, that does not mean he is cheating on you.

Calling you by the same nickname as his ex, just because you remind him of them is an extremely insensitive move on his part. Things like this often make people uncomfortable. It is a problem if he calls you by the nickname even after knowing that you get uncomfortable when you hear it.

Not liking your boyfriend’s ex or the nickname he used for them is normal. That does not make you a selfish person. Such thoughts only make you human. Your boyfriend should think about a hypothetical situation where you guys switch places. Would he like it if you used the same nickname for him as your ex? He probably would not.

Remembering one’s ex is not a bad thing (and honestly, it is not in one’s hand; the mind and memory do all the work here). The worst thing about this situation is that it reeks of the idea of not moving on. You are in an unhealthy relationship that might end up taking a severe toll on your mind.

What to do when your boyfriend calls you the same nickname as his ex?

You are stressed out about the fact that your boyfriend calls you by the same nickname as his ex. Now that you have a few reasons to explain his behavior, you can go for suitable solutions.

The solution to your problem needs to be mature and effective. Do something that will make him understand how uncomfortable it is for you put up with such a nickname on a daily basis. He will respect your thoughts on the matter if he really likes you.

Keep scrolling for a curated list of solutions to your problem, and let’s hope for the best.

#1 Ask him not to call you by that name

You can ask him not to call you by that name as it makes you uncomfortable. Talk to your boyfriend about stuff that you do not want him to do. Conversation is key here and you two need to sort things out before it is too late.

Tell him that the nickname he once used for his ex makes you cringe, and the fact that he uses it to refer to you or call you makes you mad. Tell him how uneasy you feel about that name. He needs to know more about boundaries and the unwritten code of conduct that needs to be respected in a romantic relationship. He can’t force you to tolerate that nickname when it clearly annoys you.

You can suggest nicknames you like for him to use. Ask him for his recommendations. He will do as you say (in this case) if he really likes you. Having mutual respect is important in a relationship. The fact that he listens to you and acts accordingly will prove that he is a good partner.

#2 Be open to hearing his side of the story

Every problem has several versions. Listening to both sides of a story is necessary for making a sound decision. Let’s see how we can do that in this case:

• Ask if he is still in love with his ex: You can directly ask him if he is still in love with his ex. People often stay in love with their ex-partners long after the breakup. There is nothing wrong with this. However, this love for the ex becomes a problem when they get into new relationships. Harboring romantic feelings for the ex often jeopardizes the ongoing relationship. These are a few questions you can ask your boyfriend: “Are you still in love with your ex?” or “Do you still have feelings for your ex?” or “Are you still in contact with your ex?” or “Why are you using that nickname? Do you still miss her?” Chances are there that your boyfriend misses his ex-partner. He ideally wants to get back to his old relationship but his ex must have moved on. He is stuck with you. Such a mentality is the root cause of nasty breakups. He is just wasting your precious time.
• Ask if the name has a cultural significance: You can ask your boyfriend if the nickname he uses for you has a cultural significance. As we have discussed earlier, cultural nicknames often hold immense sentimental value. Therefore, try to be respectful when you are discussing the topic. If the nickname has cultural connotations, you can ask your boyfriend to look for a possible replacement as that particular name makes you uncomfortable. Try to make him realize your issue without being unnecessarily harsh and disrespectful. He will definitely look for a different adorable nickname if he truly understands your plight. Here is something to look out for. Observe him during and after the discussion. Check if he retains his usual attitude toward you. Some people are great at handling criticism while some are not. If your boyfriend falls into the second category, he might stop talking to you for a while. If that happens, understand that your words have offended him (for no reason) and he is trying to teach you a lesson by ignoring you like this. A relationship like this is not worth your time. Run as fast as you can from this relationship. Do not let toxicity ruin your life.

#3 Subtly suggest new nicknames for each other

It does not always have to be cultural. You two can subtly suggest new nicknames for each other. Go for a casual brainstorming session on your next date. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable when you hear him calling you by the same nickname as his ex. Tell him what names can he use to make this relationship a fun space.

Ask him what nickname he prefers. However, do not be too mechanical about this. The conversations should begin organically. Forced conversations often lead the discussion to a useless dead end. Beating around the bush won’t help you either. You will have to get to the point efficiently.

Your boyfriend calls you by the same name as his ex because he thinks you are okay with it. Show that you are not. Lay groundwork for the discussion by showing that you detest the nickname he uses for you now. However, be careful about cultural issues. Things like that are often too sensitive to handle. Try not to go for the road not taken in this case. Stick to the usuals and do the needful.

Discussions like this strengthen a relationship. It helps you think in a mature manner. Suggesting nicknames for each other is a cute yet effective way to spice up a relationship. Be subtle about what you have to say. Do not instruct your boyfriend to call you by a certain name you like. Let him choose a cute nickname on his own.

#4 Ask him to stop irritating you

You can directly ask him to stop irritating you. Stand up for yourself if his behavior makes you uncomfortable. Be polite at first. Unnecessary harshness should not be the go-to solution in a mature relationship.

You can explain things to him. Be specific about your problems. Do not shy away from telling him all that is bothering you. Being polite does not mean you are not allowed to be stern. You should have sternness in your voice. Show that you are annoyed at him for calling by the same nickname as his ex. Showing your anger with a calm and cold voice does the job better than yelling and crying.

You can be a little harsh if he fails to listen to you the first time. Getting into fights is never recommended in a relationship, but you can’t avoid it when being harsh is the need of the hour. You will have to make him hear. Most goofy people (who take pride in irritating other people with their behavior) tend to ignore people’s feelings. Tell him that what he is doing is somewhat similar to bullying.

Get all serious and ask him if he is still in love with his ex. Ask this even if you know that he is in love with you. A question like this will make him think. He will try to limit his goofiness. He might even stop calling you by the nickname you do not like thinking that it is affecting your mind. But this idea of redemption is only applicable when you are dating a sensible person. A certain level of mental maturity is necessary for a person to accomplish this.

If the character graph of your boyfriend seems to be flatlining for a while, it is time to break up and move on. You do not need to deal with this. You should not be the one to “fix” him as that was his parents’ job. A person who does not accommodate positive changes in their personality according to the person they are in love with often becomes the root cause of a toxic relationship. However, you can’t manipulate him into changing himself totally according to what you need in a boyfriend (that would make you toxic). Just ask him to stop doing the things that annoy you. If that does not work, break out of this relationship before it turns toxic and entraps you in it for the rest of eternity.

#5 Give him a taste of his own medicine

You can give him a taste of his own medicine by calling him by a nickname he detests. He needs to understand how you feel when he calls you by the same nickname as his ex. To teach him a lesson you will first have to find out more about the things that irritate or annoy him the most. Once you have your weapon, start using it to mess up his mind just like he did with the nickname.

Boyfriends do not usually like their partner’s exes. Lay groundwork by telling him the nickname you used for your ex. Wait for a few days and start using that name for him. You can even compare him to your ex, unnecessarily. Most people have experienced that boyfriends hate it when they are compared to the ex. Your boyfriend thinks he is the best because you left your ex to be with him. Show that this is not the case by drawing similarities between their worst aspects.

He might start a fight. That will be your time to point out the facts. That him why you did what you did. Say that you will continue to call him by the same nickname as your ex (and you will also keep comparing him to them) if he fails to stop using that nickname for you. You will have to put him in your shoes for a while. Things like this might sound a little manipulative to an outsider, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Put your moralities aside. This is the time to teach your arrogant boyfriend a lesson.

#6 Tell him you can’t be a replacement

Knowingly or unknowingly, he is using you as a replacement for his lost love. Tell him that you can’t act as a replacement in his life. But for that, you will have to be sure that he is making you fill someone else’s shoes. Look for relevant signs and observe his behavior.

People who are dejected after a breakup, often try to make themselves feel good by living in a self-induced delusion. They like to think that they have moved on and now are ready for a new relationship. This decision turns out to be detrimental to their as well as their new partner’s mental health.

Your boyfriend is clearly in love with his ex. He won’t admit it but his feelings for that person clearly reflects in his behavior and words. Check if he talks too much about his past relationship. He need not speak about his ex, fondly. Complaining too much about an old relationship could mean he is not over it yet.

You can tell him he needs to let go of his past before getting into a new relationship. Ask him to take his time before making serious commitments. He is looking for a replacement for his lost love. Tell him that you can’t provide him with what he wants.

Now you might think: What is the worst that could happen? I will tell you what happens next. Your boyfriend (who is still head over heels in love with his ex) will try to change you according to his preference. He will make you dress up like his ex. He will take you to the same restaurants they used to frequent (even if you do not like those places). He is already calling you by the same nickname as his ex, and that is one of the biggest red flags (that screams “toxic relationship”).

He will try to impose his wishes on you. Remember, he is not seeing you for the person you are. He is trying to find his ex in you. He is recreating the person he loves, and that is because he knows he will probably never get back together with his ex.

It is a great thing that you questioned his weird behavior. The right response to the situation will save you from a bad experience and probably some hefty bills at the therapist’s office. I know it is difficult to let go of the person you love (or even like), but that is the need of the hour.

You will have to tell him that you are not a mere replacement before you part ways. This relationship was never meant to be. Try not to fall for his words if he promises to stop calling you the same nickname as his ex. He is not over them yet. Sooner or later, he will go back to all the toxic practices from which you were running away, and by the time you realize it for the second time, it will be too late.

#7 Decide if this is a deal-breaker for you

Now it is all up to you. Decide whether you want to be in this relationship or not. For many people, things like these are deal-breakers. Ask yourself questions like: “Do I need to be in this relationship?” or “Should I be okay with my boyfriend calling me by the same nickname as his ex?”

Answers to questions like these will decide the fate of this relationship. You can’t possibly stay in a relationship with so many red flags. Even if you do, your mental health will be affected to a great extent. Save yourself from the plight and step out of the relationship while you can, with dignity.

You can stay if the issue is not a deal-breaker for you. Stay if you think you can fix him. But if you ask me, I would advise you against it. You can’t possibly “fix” an adult who has chosen certain things in his life. He has made conscious decisions. Calling you by the same nickname as his ex is a decision, he has prioritized over making you feel comfortable in the relationship. Being in this relationship, therefore, should totally be up to you.

Tips and life hacks

A few points to be noted:

• Try not to be unnecessarily hurtful. Mature discussions often help solve complicated problems. Yelling and fighting won’t do any good.
• Your boyfriend likes you. He just does not understand how to behave with a romantic partner. He is a goofy person who loves irritating people with his inappropriate sense of humor. His family and friends tolerate his antics, but you won’t. He needs to understand that.
• Teaching him a lesson will put him in your place for a while. He needs to get some perspective. Do things that he dislikes the most. Make him jealous and compare him to your ex constantly, until he snaps and you get to prove your point.
• It is okay for you to get annoyed at his behavior. You may choose to break up with him. It is perfectly fine if you do not want to act as a replacement for his ex-partner. He is still in love with them, why should you suffer for that? Tell him that you do not want to deal with this and part ways.
• Call him out if he tries to get rid of you cleverly, by irritating you to the extent that you break up with him. Talk to your friends beforehand so that people know the truth. Do not let him make you the villain of the story.