My Boyfriend Calls Me Mommy (15 Possible Reasons)

If your boyfriend has started behaving weirdly with you in the sense that you are not able to figure out if it is a boon or a curse, you have landed on the right page.

In this blog post, I will help you figure out the reasons why your boyfriend might be calling you mommy and what should you do about it. 

Read more to find out. 

Reasons why your boyfriend calls you mommy 

He calls you mommy because you don’t object. He thinks that you like it, and in an eerie sense, attaches safety and security to the title. For him, it is something symbolic, and meaningful. If you don’t feel the same way, you should address your concerns.

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 He has a fixation 

Your boyfriend might have Oedipal issues where the idea of making love to a mother figure gets over him. This usually happens when puberty is hitting. The young male child targets his mother or his teacher and imagines them as his romantic partner. 

Oedipus complex is very common in the adolescent stage but it subsides eventually when the boy feels attracted to his female counterpart and falls in love for the first time. However, if the situation and circumstance are such that this never happens, say he has been always kept in a boy’s school or boarding school, he was sent to military school at an early age, then the fascination to overcome this early obsession by exploring the female body will never get over. 

In such cases, either the boy succumbs to being gay-like because he is surrounded by other male figures, some of whom might be dominative and patriarchal or gets attracted to motherly figures. After all, they are the only ones who can control them well. 

Given their military physique, they don’t find themselves to be at absolute joy at once in the company of a tender woman. Hence, if your boyfriend has had such a past (dig into his education and personal history), he might be suffering from the Oedipus Complex. The same might be overcome with the help of a therapist.

#2 He likes mature women 

Perhaps there is nothing much to think about in this regard besides the liking towards a type of body and the behavior associated with it. Your boyfriend likes mature women. You won’t see him hanging around with teens or paying too much respect to them.

A mature woman is comparatively heavily built and has full-bodied features in excellent proportion in all the right places. They are looked up to as dignified women of society who know how to carry themselves. Such women go about guiding other women. Your boyfriend might get a feeling of security when he is out with such women. He might feel the essence of being wholesome with a person. 

If you feel that you can relate and your body type is such, there is nothing to get embarrassed or feel uneasy about it. Your boyfriend is not conscious of the choices he makes. In his eyes, you are the epitome of grace. Keep it that way. It is not a fixation when it is not dictated by behavior. If you are too caring, he will be too vulnerable without you.

#3 He was raised without a mother 

Perhaps your boyfriend was raised without a mother figure. This has kept him desperate for as long as he can remember to fill in that spot. You will see that he is over-protective towards everyone in his life. 

When you ask him what is the most attractive quality that he finds in you, he will tell you that he finds you empathetic and caring. He might go on to say that no one has ever loved him the way you do. All this will sum up to fill the lack that has created a hole that he is so afraid to succumb to. 

In such cases, you will have to be empathetic indeed. You cannot get tired of providing for your boyfriend. Instead, you must focus on the qualities that have attracted you to him. He might be gentlemanly in manners. If he understands the importance of care and love, he will be caring and loving towards you. 

A role becomes a burden when you start overanalyzing the situation. Without it, if you choose to go with the flow, you won’t find this to be a challenge. We are capable of so many things. The best of such qualities which makes us a giver is the ability to love. Each of us has certain shortcomings. You will realize that your boyfriend is putting up with yours all the same.

#4 He fantasizes about his stepmother 

Perhaps your boyfriend fantasizes about his stepmother and since it is a taboo, it attracts him all the more. If you are a “hottie-toddie” or have a different accent, or you are regarded as a “blondie,” anything about you which has a foreign quality will enable him to associate all the illicit values with you.

There are no cons here. You are giving him good and strong reasons to stay attached to you. It is helping him with his needs. Don’t overthink the situation and start wondering that he wouldn’t have loved you the same if you didn’t have these attributes. We love a person for a certain set of reasons. 

You must be having your reasons overruled into your selecting your boyfriend as your partner rather than handing over the opportunity to someone else. Ask yourself why were you attracted to him in the first place. Is it because of his caring nature, the way he makes you feel, or because you are fascinated by that age group?  

If it is the latter, psychoanalysts will say that you were too fond of your younger brother and spent too much time looking after each other in the developing years. Our childhood and growth reflect upon our choice of partner, and handling of romantic issues. 

#5 He thinks it is hot 

Your boyfriend might find addressing you as his mother, a hot gesture. It is the same as calling someone a master/mistress, a servant/slave. The entitlements excite and widen the scope of seeking pleasure from a relationship. It is like a roleplay. It might have also to do with the way you call him “baby,” if you spell it as you mean it, he thought he might as well call you mommy. 

If you are very dominative, or you make sure that the final call is yours, or you have discovered a way to deal with his tantrums and stubbornness, he gives you a priority and listens to you in the sense of giving weightage to your words as no other will do, he is extremely enjoying this phase with you. 

Moreover, guys like to relate everything to sensual pleasure. They get too specific about sharing that intimate vibe with someone. It is not easily replaced or substituted by another. In his eyes, you are his mommy. The way a child seeks the companionship of his mother, in that way he craves you.

#6 You call him daddy 

If you address your boyfriend as daddy and associate and attribute those qualities with him, he might as well want to turn the table to allow you to take control. Some boys like to control their woman in bed while other boys like to submit themselves at the mercy of their woman.

Malignant pleasure-seeking and femdom both play a strong role in the master bedroom space of a couple. If your boyfriend is kinky and likes to have prolonged intimate sessions with you, he will keep with himself a handful of toys and kinds of stuff that will enable him to get the most out of you. 

Imagine how empowering it would be to dominate over someone who always had that authoritative role over you. That might be the reason why you call him daddy in the first place. When he watches you scream and take out sounds, or vice versa, the music elevates the session. 

As such, your body tune is enough to uplift you during the session. You need not need any extrinsic source of pleasure. You both conjoined together will become a piece of musical instrument harping in harmony together.

#7 He wants you to control him 

Perhaps your guy is doing all this to make his intentions very obvious. He wants you to control him. Such episodes occur when the guy is very tired after all day at work. He wants to relax rather than fidget his mind about pleasing you.

Don’t mistake yourself into thinking that the part where pleasing you occurs will be skipped. He will come to you after he is nice and ready. You need to arouse him and calm him down simultaneously. He is handling the responsibility. You should take it willingly.

You can use more such vocabulary introductions in the sessions to make them dynamic and interesting. You can ask him with every step if you are doing it right, and if that is how he likes it. Constant feedback will help you to ace the experience for both of you. Don’t think that you won’t enjoy it. The session will be pleasurable and worthy for both partners. After all, intimacy is the most important element of a relationship. You cannot discount it.

#8 You resemble his mother 

If there is the slightest chance that you resemble his mother, and if you act like one, or if he lost his mother at a young age, or if you are living together away from his family, he might not just be teasing you when he calls you mommy. You cannot underestimate the idea that your boyfriend might be meaning it when he calls you his mommy. 

It could be an underlying disease that hampers one’s ability to make associations or a neurological condition. If he doesn’t call you mommy rarely but too frequently, you should take medical advice. We tend to ignore the early symptoms of prolonged and possibly dangerous diseases. 

There is nothing that gives a stronger motivation than the willingness to live life king-size. For that, you need to keep mentally fit people in your life. Anyone who might be denouncing your experience rather than enhancing it should be kept at a distance. It could be your boyfriend or people under whose influence your boyfriend might be putting up with such behavior. 

#9 You are pregnant 

If you are pregnant with your boyfriend’s baby, he likes to flirt with you by calling you mommy. This is accepted behavior. Your boyfriend, in hindsight, might be freaking out. He needs reassurance and a reminder for himself that he is going to be a daddy soon.

You should do things to make him more confident about this new role. He should be mentally prepared for it. You both can read parenting books, go for group counseling sessions, talk to parent friends, and watch a video that elaborately describes how the feature functions. 

Parenthood is a vital step but you are undergoing many hormonal changes too. Hence if you feel you cannot put up with this behavior or that your boyfriend is constantly nagging you with a role that is already too overwhelming, you can be direct about it. He will understand and behave because you are the one carrying the baby for the nine months in your belly.

#10 He is kinky 

If your boyfriend is kinky, thank your star that you wouldn’t be bored to death in the bed. He will keep introducing new ways to experiment in the bedroom. There would be modes and switching of modes as and when his brain lightens up with a creative idea. 

He will be full of energy and enthusiastic in bed if his profession is something such as dealing with models or brainstorming fresh ideas in the fashion industry. He is around people who are referring to human behavior, exposing human body parts, playing with light and shadow for an enhanced photography session, and more. Hence, such things are always running through his mind, and he waits patiently to meet you so that he can let all his energy and creativity out. 

You will either have to be as enthusiastic about the prospect or indulge it passively. However, if you do it passively, he might get bored too soon. The chances are that your boyfriend isn’t someone who gets drained out easily. He knows his game and he plays it well.

#11 He thinks he is paying respect 

Your boyfriend might feel that he is alleviating your status by calling you mommy. In his eyes, this might be a way of endearment. He might be using it as a pet name. However, if you find it repulsive and the idea ridiculous, you can suggest better alternatives or ask him to stick to your name.

Exchanging nicknames and entitles is a common tool to make your relationship more intimate, private, and cozy. You know that you belong somewhere special when you are called by a specific name. No one else will call you mommy but your boyfriend. 

It is a language that you share in between. You might not be on the same page as him but that is fine. There is nothing to get offensive here. Get the vibe. See the intent, and communicate your beliefs and thoughts on the same.

#12 He wants to see your reaction 

Perhaps this is what your boyfriend called his ex, and she called her something childish and funky. He might be trying to see what happens when he calls you such. Will you match with the vibe, or declare it as a deal breaker?

Consider the sitcom Office where Michael Scott indulges himself in all kinds of weird habits and gestures with all his girlfriends and nobody can put up with his extreme craziness, and callousness, and take on life until Holly Flax shows up. Before that, he is ridiculed in the show by all his girlfriends, strongly by Jane, and looked down upon by his employees. 

If you feel comfortable, you will be able to put up with his behavior as callously as he does. There will be no stress or awkwardness. If not, you are wasting your time. With a guy packed with fun, has a carefree attitude, you will have to get nasty. If you are too new to all this and feel amateur, perhaps take it one step at a time.

#13 He behaves like a child 

If your boyfriend’s habits are those of a child, you might get freaked out. It is not only the way he calls you mommy but all the things he does besides it that have added to your anxiety. Calling you mommy was the final wicket perhaps.

Such a guy will always prioritize his guy friends to go out for a drink, or watch sports together than spend time with you. Spending time with you might be looked up to as a responsibility from his side. 

The benefit of dating such a guy is that there is very less chance that he will cheat on you, the con is that you might get so bored that you might cheat on him first to rule out the other option completely. To know more, click on the link below.

Related Read: My Boyfriend Plays Video Games All Day (Here's What to Do) (mingleship.com) 

#14 He plans to have many children with you 

Perhaps you are planning to tie knots together, and your boyfriend is too excited by the proposal. He wants to have many children with you, or so he fantasizes. If you want to keep him in check, tell him so.

It is harmless, in fact, beneficial to have an open-hearted discussion about family planning if you are indeed planning to settle down shortly. It is unnecessary to do so if everything is a far-fetched plan in your mind. Parenting can be initiated by petting animals before diving into parenthood with a big jump. 

There is no bigger responsibility than to bring up a child. Rearing requires skills. While you must understand the science and logic behind it, you should also be willing to do it at an emotional level. The affirmations should come from all corners, more so from the financial angle. If your funds don’t permit you to share it in the rearing of a child, all the planning shall add up to nothing.

#15 He wants you to feel safe 

Perhaps all that your boyfriend is trying to do here is make you feel safe. He sees that your eyes light up when he calls you mommy. Perhaps you too associate an emotional thread here.

The fact that it might be bothering you so much is because you feel that this is all. It is so overwhelming for you that the thought of going different ways scares you to no limit. Have faith in the beauty of the relationship. If you feel you are doing it right, nothing can go wrong as long as you are holding hands together.

What to do when your boyfriend calls you mommy?

Be vocal about your feelings. If you don't feel that it's okay to call you mommy, tell him so. There is no hide-and-seek here. Being as open and frank as you can be is the way to play long-term in a relationship.

How to do it? Read below to find out.

#1 Address your comfortability 

Be direct about the whats and hows. The why's will follow. If you are not comfortable regarding something, be open about it. 

It should be two-way communication. If there's something that your boyfriend might not appreciate about you, he will tell you the same. 

Encourage communication. You don't have to go haywire in that respect. Whatever the situation, how it could have been better should always be dragged into the communication.

• The first step to determine how to be more comfortable around your boyfriend is by scanning the problem. For instance, take the case at hand. You know that the issue here is the way he called you mommy. 

• The next step is to address the issue. This beginner the big deal. You don't quite get the right words to express yourself and you desperately feel the need to telepathy all your emotions at once to him. 

• You need to understand here that even if you struggle with your words and express yourself in broken sentences out of hesitation, your face will be a sight to behold. Your boyfriend will see the innocence reflected on your face and would know that you have walked miles before deciding to state the concern before him. 

• The next step is to take feedback. It should be both immediate and distant. You should ask him immediately if he didn't mind the way you expressed yourself, and with time, you should check again. A distant check might enable him to open up with you. At once, you would know the reason that was leading to his misbehavior.

#2 Preplan roleplays 

If all this is a part of role play, you can tell your boyfriend to plan it by keeping you informed rather than giving you a surprise because it takes you a while to register the subtleties of such roles and adapt likewise. 

Some things are better executed when well-planned. Moreover, roleplays ought to be scripted. You need not feel embarrassed about asking for prior information. You are doing this to enhance both of your experiences. 

#3 Call him daddy 

Call him Daddy and see his reaction. The most natural reaction, given the situation and circumstance, and otherwise too, would have been to get excited and accept the invitation to dominate you. That is what this title is meant to suggest.

It is not something that makes you goofy but desirable. It has a direct appeal that should be used as an opportunity. It is supposed to make you comfortable in your skin. However, if either of you is getting embarrassed by the entitlement and overthinking it by associating it with another context, you have not reached that point yet where all the facades and shame sidelines, and what you experience with each other is the honest and blunt you in the purest form.

#4 Notice his other behaviors 

Never judge a person, even your boyfriend by a singular behavior. Always wait for a pattern to emerge. That is when you know that what you are seeing or experiencing is significantly meaningful and long-term. 

Based on the pattern, analyze the situation. If he tells you, Mommy, all the time, or is it something that you do that brings the word to his lips? If it is the latter, it means that he is trying to correct you. 

It is a deliberate move, not something done to hint at romance but to use as a code word to show that that shouldn’t be done. Rectify yourself and you will see that he has dropped the entitlement for good. 

#5 Get more dominative 

In most cases, such entitlements are a direct gesture to indulge in passionate acts. If you are in bed and alone, and he calls you mommy, he wants to be looked after. It is as good as a suggestive innuendo. You can reply with action by showing that you are worthy of the title. Be the mommy to him and show him how mommies don’t like naughty kids risking everything. Smoothen the curve, and show him that you are game.

#6 Correct him 

If you feel like snapping because you have had too much and he has been disobeying you relentlessly, perhaps just say to his face that you are not his mother but his girlfriend and suggest to him better alternatives or what you would like to be called a girlfriend. However, remember that this particular behavior of snapping and being willing to be obeyed is very mother-like in its features. 

Even if you politely put forward your words, “Baby, call me anything but mommy!” he might say that you behave like one. Sometimes it is okay to let the situations happen and events take place in their manner. Eventually, he is bound to get bored and call you something else if you don’t ask him to stop right now.

#7 Notice the timing 

If he calls you mommy during intimation, it will have different connotations (more romantic), but if he calls you mommy in text or over call, he is just messing with you by trying to be playful. 

It is most probably just sarcastic because you are behaving like a mother always inspecting him and wanting him to behave in a certain way. He is perhaps trying to tell you that while he finds all this adorable, he doesn’t accept such behavior. So the feelings might be mutual here. 

You are both serving each other the attributes that you are not fond of. Hence, the best way to fix it is to stop sharing. However, if you keep doing it anyway, eventually you will start liking it. Then you will find it odd on days when he doesn’t call you mommy. You will know that something is off. 

#8 Consider a therapist 

If you feel that this has to do with neurological problems or behavioral science, perhaps you should visit a therapist with him. An outsider or a third person with knowledge and understanding of typical and atypical behavior of couples will be able to help you in fixing this.

You both know that there is no breach of trust here because you are not saying something about them in their back. They are giving you company and the fact that you are ready to visit a therapist for an issue that many might sideline as trivial shows that you want to give your best to the relationship, and its roots are not easily shaken. If something needs a fixture, you very well should fix it rather than allowing it to toss you around in a futile manner.

Tips 

• Life is not always happiness and sunshine. But you should always try to get there. The objective should be ready in hand without any unnecessary delays or encounters. While in a relationship, it is good to make your partner a part of it. It enables a healthy lifestyle and good support from your partner. 

• If you are getting embarrassed before your partner, are they your partner in the truest sense of the term? Perhaps you skipped the friendship angle which acts as a boon to the relationship. However, it is never too late to start afresh with the same person. It only reflects how earnestly you want this to work.

• A person’s childhood and brought up goes a long way in determining their behavior. You need to allow them the benefit of the doubt and analyze the situation, scan the problem, and find a fix to it before you decide to give up on it or portray yourself as someone who is not okay with certain things. Giving up is always easy, it is what you do to stay that matters.