My Boyfriend Called Me His Ex’s Name (7 Reasons & Tips)

Relationships are not always easy because maintenance comes with heavy costs and duties. You are always conscious of the past that your partner might have shared with someone else. It pushes you to draw comparisons, makes you curious to know the case, and leaves you restless.

If it has happened that your boyfriend has called you by his ex’s name, it must have left you bewildered. However, worry not! In this blog post, I will help you understand why your boyfriend called you by the name of his ex and what should be your appropriate reaction to it.

Keep reading below to know more. 

Reasons why your boyfriend called you by his ex’s name 

Your laughter reminds him of her. The reason why he was attracted to you was because your style, body language, and gestures reminded him of his ex. 

You need to see what the terms are between him and his ex. If they are friends, the situation will differ. If she met a tragic accident, it would differ. 

Continue reading below to know more.

#1 Something triggered him 

Something might have triggered your boyfriend which reminded him of his ex. It could be a memory, a flashback, a gesture, a dream, her photo, her sudden reappearance, or her name. You will need your boyfriend's help to figure out which one it is. 

If he doesn't immediately correct himself or quickly change the topic, you should bring it to his attention that he has taken the wrong name. If he apologizes after that and doesn't explain by himself what led to such negligence, you can choose to ask him about it. 

You need to be way too direct here. Simply asking, 

• "Is something bothering you?"
• "Baby, I hope everything is fine. Do you want to talk?"

will enable him to clear his system if that is needed. You will be able to let the matter rest after that. 

As a personal reminder, understand that there is nothing to panic about here. All you might need to do is spend more time with your boyfriend so that he doesn't make such an error again.

#2 Emotional attachment

If the relationship was long-term and you are in a very young relationship, it might take time for your boyfriend to wipe off the memory of his ex like it never happened. 

There is no option but to bear with him right now. You can open up about this when you see that he is persistently behaving in this manner. Attraction is still easy to give up, but an emotional attachment is not. 

#3 She has tried to get in touch with him recently 

If your boyfriend's ex has tried to get in touch with him and he hasn't told about it to you, the thought that you will discover it and will get pissed off by it might be bothering your boyfriend. 

While he was desperately trying to avoid telling you this, he was so occupied with the thought that the name of his ex came out of his mouth. 

Now, if you acknowledge it and seek clarity, he might not get much time to make up a story. You will get to know what has been bothering him or why did she attempt to contact him after such a break. If she suggests getting back in his life, and he doesn't choose you over her, he never deserves you.

#4 He wants to see your reaction 

Perhaps your boyfriend used a different name to see if you notice it and get offended, or are you lost in some other world, or do you not care? Your reaction will show him how seriously you regard him. If you are merely interested in hooking, you might not care for the name at all. If you revolt against this strongly, it means you have a strong sense of self-respect and at least a superficial understanding of individualism and feminism. 

Your response will not only reflect how you regard the relationship but also your nature at large. Say, on any other occasion, you would have gotten offended but at that moment, you were having an awesome intimate session. 

You were so pleased and in a different zone that even if your boyfriend had called you with some petty names, you might have liked it. This is a part that keeps them going and you cannot be judged on this account.  

#5 He is stressed or distracted 

Perhaps your boyfriend is too stressed and the source of stress might be his ex. It could be that he misses her or that it is her birthday. She might also be his stress-relief-booster. He feels that she just knew how to handle his temperament. She understood what was going on in his mind or his life. 

If your boyfriend is an introvert, he will face difficulty in finding the right words to express himself. Hence, you will have to hold up your patience with him, till the time he opens up gladly with you. That is when you will know that he is earnestly devoted to you.

#6 He wants her back 

Perhaps your boyfriend regrets the breakup. It might be that he is not happy with you. The moments spent with you are transitory. He seeks transcendence. It also depends upon how much effort you are putting into the relationship, and what are your terms and conditions here.

If you are not willing to give your wholehearted passionate devotion, your boyfriend won’t want to force it out of you either. It would just mean that you two are not the perfect choices for each other. Whereas if you are onboard for nothing less but a wholesome experience, either you talk it out with your guy and see to it that he gives you nothing less, or you ditch him for good.

#7 It is simply a slip of the tongue

This can be done out of habit or when one has a forgetful memory. It happened due to a slip of the tongue. No harm was meant. You can give him a stern warning that such errors will not be tolerated if they occur on a repetitive basis. 

All he needs to do here is be mindful. That is not much of difficult a task. Instead of addressing each other endearingly, you can start calling out each other using your first names till the point both of you are certain that it has been properly registered and sealed in your mind. It is a good habit.

What to do when your boyfriend calls you by the name of his ex?

You can express your feelings honestly without making any pretense regarding the same. Your boyfriend should know how he made you feel. It will enable both of you to overcome the situation and turn on the recovery mode to create something healthier and more fulfilling because clearly, neither of you is giving your best at the moment.

To know more, read below to find out.

#1 Take a deep breath

It's natural to feel hurt, angry, or confused. However, you will never be able to handle the situation fairly unless you step into your boyfriend’s shoes and understand his perspective. He doesn’t have any reason to let you down or make you feel low. If he is doing this, it has to be a mistake. 

You don’t need to react to every situation promptly. Give it a break, allow the moment to pass. Don’t raise your voice. Be soft and gentle in your manners. Remember, you both have jointly decided to be with each other. It is not for nothing that this decision has been made. All you need to do now is to figure out things together.

#2 Communicate with your partner 

If your boyfriend still misses his ex, is this a longing that has always been within him all this time? This is where you ask him the difficult set of questions.

• Given the opportunity to go back to his ex, what will he do and why?
• Is there anything in particular that has triggered him into thinking about her?
• Ask him to write a character sketch about his ex
• Ask him about the best and the worst moments spent with his ex
• Ask him the reason for the breakup
• Ask him why he chose you
• Does he love you or was he trying too hard to get over his ex 

Give him situations where he will have to select one option. His choice will help you understand his thought process. This is effective communication. You both will be able to understand your individual needs and your role as a partner. 

The answers to the questions will prompt the next question until both of you are exhausted. If your boyfriend chooses not to answer the question, ask him the reason for the same. You cannot allow either of you to live in denial for long. Sooner or later, it is better to sort things out by addressing the biggest hurdles. Occasional hiccups are understandable but continuous obstructions are not.

#3 See if your boyfriend regrets this 

How your boyfriend behaves after he has called you by the name of his ex is an important point to consider. Whether he has realized his mistake or not will tell you what he thinks about when he is with you. It might mean that he is merely trying to substitute you for her in his mind.

If he apologizes promptly and helps you understand why this happened, perhaps the mistake will be pardonable. If he doesn’t, then there is a need to make deliberations. You are to set your self-worth here, and you should not expect anything less than being treated like a queen unless you aren’t treating him like a king.

#4 Remember that mistakes happen 

It is human to err. You need to move in your life with that principle. If you want to be treated like a goddess or if you have too high demands, you will not be able to live realistically. Hence, the sooner you come out of your bubble, the better. 

Life will keep giving you reality checks. You will have to engage with it enthusiastically by taking it up as a learning lesson. This is a loop that cannot be escaped. If you want to live your life to the fullest, you will have to indulge in this.

#5 Suggest taking a break if he is stressed

A  break is not that big a deal. Perhaps your boyfriend rushed into the relationship with you to skip the whole grieving process. What he forgets to realize is the inevitability and importance of grieving a loss lest it should keep haunting you. 

Suggest he take a break, spend some me-time, and wait to see his reaction. If he affirms and accepts that he requires a break, he will appreciate your gesture. If he insists otherwise and is too scared to withdraw himself from the relationship even momentarily, go for a staycation to get so absorbed into each other that all other thoughts dissipate away. 

Tips 

• Don’t judge a person by their one action. Analyze their behavior and character by the repetitions that they make in their conduct. You will see a pattern emerging. It will be the closest version to the truth about the nature of that person.

• Being instinctive just shows a lack of concern and affection for others. When you have harbored a special space for someone in your heart, you would be more patient even when they are overbearing in nature.

• It is very important to be good friends with your partner. The urge to disclose all the information to you from the tiniest to the grandest should always be there. If something is concerning them, they know that they can confide in you for you will be the last person to judge them.

• Relationships are beautiful. The statement holds for all kinds of relationships. You cannot misjudge or underestimate one at the cost of another. That is not how it works. The only difference is the period because we watch the episodes chronologically. Had we seen these parallelly from the very beginning, the idea of jealousy would have dissipated into thin air.