My Boyfriend Called His Ex Beautiful (Reasons & How to Deal)

While we are dating someone, we get knocked off by certain challenges where we find ourselves too helpless to act. Such forums usually include the invasion by an extrinsic entity. You hate their interference and you try hard to preserve your feelings for the love of your life. 

In some cases, the extrinsic influence might be passive or unaware of the damage they are causing in your relationship. An instant of such a situation would be your boyfriend calling his ex beautiful. 

If you have found yourself struggling to stay afloat in such a pickle, worry not. I have arrived with the lifeguard to protect you and your sanity from any further damage. Stop overthinking, take two deep breaths, and read this article to find out more. 

Reasons why your boyfriend called his ex beautiful 

The context was such that people were praising her efforts. Your boyfriend wanted to steal the thunder by showing that he has dated her. Hence she called her beautiful so that the intent of wanting the praise does not become obvious. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 He was being honest, he finds her beautiful 

Beauty can have innumerable connotations. If your boyfriend calls his ex beautiful, you should ask him to elaborate on it. It might not just mean physical attraction. It is essential to understand here that finding someone beautiful, ethereal, other-worldly doesn’t mean that your boyfriend loves the person all the same, and even if he does love her (for it is against the rule of love to unlove a person, even when you hate someone, it has an element of love within), it doesn’t mean that he loves her the way he loves you.

Try to understand the meaning of commitment before you decide to take on a ride to mess up your mind. If your boyfriend is committed to you, he is bound to be loyal to you. It means that even if Helen appears before him, he will not go astray. There is no free pass here. The vibe should be clear from the way he behaves with you. If he is not treating you like someone special and showing some authority then perhaps you are not with the right person.

You accept the love that you think you deserve. Don’t ever let anyone lower the bar. The necessities, courtesies, and gestures should always align with your expectations. There should be no room for mixed feelings. If that is not the case, you need to start asking the right questions such as what are you doing together when he doesn’t make you feel special. Be sure that you don’t run away from your share of responsibilities just because he is not performing his. You will lose the right to voice your opinion otherwise.

#2 He was trying to make you jealous 

If you have not been behaving well or have taken your boyfriend for granted, he might misbehave to tame you and bring you down from cloud nine. One handy tactic if you get jealous easily is by complimenting his ex. 

He is aware that it will make you restless and fidgety. You might work extra to ensure that he feels for you. If you are scared of a breakup or you are okay with making adjustments, he might use it as his leverage. However, remember that in the long run, we like to pick people who radiate confidence. 

If you are always too submissive or it is easy to dominate you, your boyfriend might not enjoy it as much. Hence, try to strike a balance in your relationship. You cannot keep a watch on everything that your boyfriend does. Sometimes the only way to handle insecurities is by building trust.

#4 He still has feelings for her 

The feelings don’t fade away readily. It is a time-consuming process. However, there is always hope, and with hope comes scope. All you need to do is to love with your all. Give him the love that he has never experienced. Show him new meanings of love.

When you love a person selflessly, the person will know it. It will impact their conscience because they would know that they have been lukewarm in their approach. A person can take anything for free, and might not bother to return the borrowed money but love is never borrowed. It is always circular. It is a process.

You need to broaden your vision to see the dynamics of love. How your boyfriend loves you or loves you back might not be the way you love him. He might not be too materialistic in his gestures but he is way too caring. To get the most out of a relationship, you cannot put forward terms and conditions. It only limits and belittles the scope of what could have completely been yours. 

Try to understand that feelings are no big deal. Feelings for one person begets feelings for another. Hence, how your boyfriend feels for you will catch up with how he feels for his ex. The love that he had wanted to give to her will be passed on to you. It is only a matter of time before he realizes that he hasn’t been too just in his manners, and he will do everything in his capacity to make up for it.

#5 She did something nice recently 

Perhaps all that your boyfriend intends to do here is to appreciate her hard work. If she was recognized at a global level or achieved something that became the talk of the town, your boyfriend would like to contribute by singing praise for her. This would be for old times’ sake. 

He is entitled to that much liberty. Don’t confuse a person’s words for their actions. We keep on telling ourselves that don’t judge a book by its cover and by its words. Observe, analyze, and scrutinize their actions. Those will be always bold and strong.

Half of the things we say, we speak in sway. We are under some influence, and the words slip out of our mouths. We forget those later. But if you register it very strongly, while your boyfriend might have just said it to keep up with the context, it will lead to an unnecessary gap between you. 

We are unable to match our words with our actions. Most of the things that we imagine, we do it because our mind is a mess. We get too far-fetched in our thought process. Reality hardly ever catches up in places framed by our minds. What you imagine only reflects the kind of person you are. 

Hence your insecurities will tell more about you than it does about the person you owe that feeling. It would mean that you lack confidence and self-assurance, or you think that you are not bringing enough to the table to hold your boyfriend strongly. If you aren’t doing all this, it is time you do them.

#6 He wants to see your reaction 

Perhaps your boyfriend is trying to drive you into a mature relationship where you are not scared off by such insecurities. He is trying to show you that no matter what happens, he has decided to be with you. So while he is giving you that status, he wants you to be in acceptance of his past behavior. 

Perhaps talk to him about your ex and your residual feelings for him. It will enable you to get to a point where you will be able to discuss things better. You will see how he is managing these feelings. Does he get uncomfortable, resign into silence, is stirred with curiosity to know more, try to stalk your ex, or decide to break up with you because he cannot bear to listen to the tales of the past? 

It will be reasonable to either tame yourself in the right manner if he acts out fairly, leaving a deep impression on your mind. If he fails, flutters, and loses his balance, that becomes your point of confrontation. You show him how wrong he had been to have kept the unrealistic expectation from you when he is too human in his attributes. Hence, wait for the right opportunities to put forward your perspective if you want them to be taken in earnest. It should come across as a thoughtful process.

#7 He wants you to open up 

If you try to be that ideal girlfriend who never complains, he feels that you are being pretentious. He wants you to open up and make him feel worthy enough to make you jealous. 

Plus, you might not have talked much about your ex. He wants you to break the ice and help him understand your behavior and choice in the past. 

It will help him to know the reasons that attracted you to him in the first place. It is not always love or passion but certain habits or perhaps the resemblance to someone. He might ask you weird questions such as why you love him and how much you do. 

You will have to figure out a better way to redirect his queries. He is insecure and does not want to show it on his face. These are his different mechanisms to see if your ex comes back into your life, what would you do. Basically, in a jist, he is giving you certain prompts so that you can elaborate on your feelings about specific issues. 

Don’t be too surprised to find out that he was ditched in his past relationships because his ex went to her ex or cheated on him. The prior behavior and treatment reflect upon the current behavior. Those are the basic elements. You will have to give time for the loopholes to fill. It is not a fast process.

#8 He is seeking space in the relationship 

Your boyfriend might be trying to seek space in the relationship. If you are not okay with him talking to his female colleagues, you like to check his phone inside out, you want him to not follow any of the females on Instagram, and you are living in a bubble that is floating to places where it must not show up.

Giving space in the relationship becomes essential because the moment that eerie feeling of being controlled and suffocated takes over, you become unwilling to cooperate. Making sure that in the name of seeking space, your boyfriend doesn’t go about sleeping with another woman is understandable, but the basic behavior has to be discounted.

#9 You have always been vocal about your feelings for your ex 

He is giving you a taste of your medicine, perhaps to show that he isn’t very comfortable with your regard or disregard in the given situation. This is an act of lukewarm vengeance because every time you refer to your ex or alludes to him, your boyfriend is succumber by a taste of bitterness. 

This is a common tactic found in many relationships. Here, rather than running away from the situation, you will have to actively participate in making your boyfriend feel better in his disposition and comfortable with you. Humor has been an effective tool against humiliation but that should be your last resource. 

Some common ways to help your boyfriend overcome bitter feelings are

• Aid him in building the gap between anger and resentment through thoughtful communication. He must know what you feel for him. It should be a reminder of how much you love him. Put extra effort into delivering the reminder smoothly. 

• Fix a day to address the potential latent resentments in your relationship. On this day, you will discuss the bitter feelings that you have been holding back in your system for so long. It will help you in getting rid of the bitterness. Your boyfriend’s reaction will help you overcome it. The most common reaction should be smothering you with kisses and tender hugs so that all the room for doubt escapes from the vision for good.

• While romance can overcome all, trust and clarity bring out the best essence of a relationship. At any cost, don’t allow resentments to bed in for too long. Make it a habit to sleep with your partner in your arms at the end of the day. Some constants can never be replaced by variables.

• Getting passive-aggressive does not help to mend the situation. Using phrases such as “you always,” “you never,” or drawing comparison between relationships only make it worse. Understand here that your goal is the same, and join hands together to work towards achieving it by getting a step closer every day.

#10 He respects her 

Perhaps your boyfriend is fascinated by his ex. While he might not love her anymore but doesn’t love her any less either. It might have taken the form of a platonic relationship. While it might not serve as too good an example but you can think of Ross and Rachel in this regard and the challenges that Ross’s other girlfriends had to face when they met Rachel or got to know her more personally. 

The apprehension strengthens with strong proximity. Say, if your boyfriend is helping his ex, seeing her every day, working with her, and letting her stay with him under the same roof, the effects on you might be baffling. 

To handle such situations wisely, think of your boyfriend’s ex as his best friend, and try to sort out ways in which you can cope with it. Perhaps the easiest way is to make her your friend too. Talk to her about your boyfriend because she might help you to unknot a few things about him from past experiences.

Befriending your partner’s ex is an unjustified taboo. When you come to look at it from a broad perspective, there is no harm in doing so. It becomes a necessity when you see that they are influencing your boyfriend’s life or a strong grip on your boyfriend. Moreover, you will be in constant touch with them and there will be fewer chances of making a mess.

You will understand why your boyfriend loved him and why she is his ex. You could take inspiration from the way she keeps herself. It is all about recognizing the zones of insecurities and seeking help from his ex to overcome them. I have seen such pairs hitting the gym together, and if the ex is better than you, she might help you to stay worked up and conquer those extra carbs. To know more, click on the link below. 

Related Read: My Boyfriend Still Helps His Ex-Girlfriend (Here's Why & Tips) (mingleship.com)

#11 He made a mistake

Finally, it's possible that your boyfriend simply made a mistake and didn't realize how his comment would make you feel. It is okay to set boundaries and reiterate them as and when needed. The situation need not be too awkward or tense. There is a possible lighter approach to it.

You can laugh it off. You can even use bitter humor to make sarcastic remarks such as, 

• “And that explains why she was out of your league,”
• “But not hot enough I am assuming ”.

These are smart ways to handle the situation rather than allowing the situation to get the better of you. Remember, you are the victim here. But with a mindful exchange of words, you can have better control of the situation. Besides, some mistakes are not pardonable. You get to pick and set your vibe.

What to do when your boyfriend calls his ex beautiful 

Express your feelings when you are alone with him. He must have a clear idea of the impact of his words on you. Had it been a random guy and a random girl, the case would have been different. But this guy is in a relationship with you. He is not allowed to betray you even in words.

To know more, read below.

#1 Don’t give an immediate reaction 

Don’t give an immediate reaction when your boyfriend compliments his ex, or be too shaken by his behavior because that way you might be divorcing the words from the context and looking at it without a subject matter. 

A word can have multiple implications and meanings. For all you know, he might have been sarcastic but the essence didn’t come out right. Hence, analyze the words through the context. If someone told you that your boyfriend called his ex-beautiful, getting all heated up and breaking into a fight with your boyfriend would be uncalled for.

Be reasonable, and find a way to come around it by seeing if the behavior is emerging as a pattern and is permanent. Take into consideration the situation and circumstance within which you met your boyfriend for the first time. 

If both of you were trying to move on from a spoilt equation and were too damaged to face the world, you found a strong affinity in each other, remember that. This is what strengthens your equation because when there was no one to back you up, you gave strength to each other, and motivated each other. 

#2 Talk to him 

It is okay to ask him bluntly if he still has feelings for his ex. You are dating him and you have the right to know it. Try to understand the dynamics of his words, their implications, and their target audience. Merely getting offended by taking the words at face value will only piss him off into thinking that you don’t trust him enough. 

If he is calling his ex beautiful directly on her face, he is complimenting her. Now why would he be interested in giving a compliment to someone he had been inside out in a relationship with for a long time? 

If he tells it to you in her absence when a vague mention of hers is made or because you are stressed into wanting to know her more, he might have been trying to be honest with you because he feels that you can share that level of transparency with each other. 

If he never shuts up about her and keeps praising her, this is a serious concern. It means he is fixated on her. Talking to him and addressing the concern will enable you to come to an understanding. Either you will be able to tell him directly what is bothering you and how you want to go about it. You will be in a position to ask him for suggestions. 

It might also happen that in the attempt of explaining to you how he feels about his ex, he might make certain confessions. Sometimes in life, we are not conscious of our choices and we don’t very readily understand our needs or what is it that we truly desire. So while it might be heartbreaking for you and it might hurt him to realize he is causing harm to you, accept it because it will help you in moving on. Whereas, if the situation is such that his ex has already happily moved on in life but is still stuck in the loop, you will have to split apart from him because you cannot become his mechanism to move on in life. It cannot happen at the cost of your emotional stability. He will become a predator, in that case, feeding mercilessly on your happiness.

#3 Help him understand your insecurity 

If you are feeling insecure and you don’t see any point why your boyfriend keeps talking about his ex, tell him that in the process, you have started obsessing over his ex now and it has made you very distracted in all your endeavors. Let him come up with a solution. 

This is as honest and blunt as it can get. It is more in terms of an appeal to help you overcome this anxiety and unhappiness. The motive to be with someone is to make life happen and easy, not the other way around. However, if things are happening the wrong way, you are doing it wrong.

Your boyfriend might ask you why you are feeling so insecure when your relationship with him is official, he is loyal to you, and his ex is not a part of his life anymore. Your answer could be that it bothers you why a thought of his ex would cross his mind. You begin to imagine what is it about her that he liked so much. Why is he addicted to her?

Your mind will come up with a weird hypothesis which will only make things difficult. In the process, you forget to feel comfortable in your skin. No matter how much your boyfriend ensures you, such thoughts and doubts will keep returning even if you share the same roof with him. 

Hence, the problem might be with your self-worth. You don’t feel that you are good enough. Why do you feel this way? Remember, each of us is unique. There might be something too striking about your boyfriend’s ex that you might not be able to replace. Similarly, there might be something too attractive about your ex that your boyfriend might not be able to replace.

However, at the same time, such striking attributes are found in both of you too, at an individual as well as at a pairing level. The combination that you make together will not be easily altered either. Do you even realize how many people out there, most of them being your friends are jealous of you and your relationship?

Some people have never experienced affection. The tender emotion that joins two hearts is unknown to them. So many of those would do anything to trade their positions with you. Now think again. Are your problems not too trivial to be slighted away rather than letting them get the better of you? Can you think of an equation that is perfect and well-balanced? You are now in the right state of mind to make your decision.

#4 Set boundaries 

There are certain things that either of you must not be allowed to do, and one such thing, if you find it befitting, would be to talk about your exes in such a way that your partner might feel that you are trying to draw a comparison between them. 

Remember, you cannot measure or compare love. Your relationship goals should not be set by someone other than you. You must have a concise idea as to why you are dating this person. It should not be merely an option or because they were available to date.

Promise yourselves that with every passing day, you will work on improving yourselves. Make yourself better for your partner. Be the positivity that they need in their life, you should be their booster. There are many things and ways in which one can drain the energy out of another. If you intent on draining the energy, do it by performing a cardiovascular exercise that makes you happy.

Setting boundaries should not be disregarded as a negative force. It is a healthy sign of being in a mature relationship. It means that you are in earnest to live with each other. Otherwise, why would you take the extra pains to go up and down to figure out a way to exist co-dependently in the most efficient manner?

#5 Visit a counselor

If you are not being able to put things in an upfront manner before your boyfriend and have been silently submitting into resignation, it is very unhealthy and can have a disastrous impact on your stability. Talking to a counselor or going for relationship therapy will help you figure out ways to overcome the hurdles and talk frankly about your insecurities. 

In the company of a therapist, your boyfriend will be encouraged to talk too. The things that he might be keeping to himself for lack of motivation or in the fear of certain apprehension of things going downhill, might come up before a therapist. 

A therapy might not ensure that your relatiosnhip will be safe from disaster. It can cause troubles, and reveal bitter truths that could cause complete annihilation. You might even feel that you have been living a lie so far. Consequently, whatever happens, it will ultimately lead to your good. You will also be able to see new light. It will help you find better ways to handle your current situation.

#6 Talk to a friend 

If you feel that visiting a counselor would be your second last resource or if you are not convinced that it is the call of the hour, you want to sleep on the idea, try talking to a friend. It is better if this is a mutual friend.

A mutual friend will be in a better disposition to comprehend your situation, give their feedback while listening to you out, and comfort you. This is to be done when you are trying to buy time before taking it over to a counselor. Getting feedback and advice from such people is always useful and free. No harm is done so as well you can take it. 

#7 Take a break 

If the relationship is too overwhelming or if you haven’t been able to wrap your head around it, you find it disrespectful of your boyfriend to behave in this manner, perhaps take a break. Detachment will help you to figure out your true feelings for the guy. Plus, if he goes back to his ex while you are on a temporary break, you will have your answer. 

Taking a break is not as scary as it sounds. It can have positive effects as well. You will get to know yourself better. Use it as an opportunity. Go on solo trips, make new friends, stay close to nature, and develop healthy habits that would stay longer than such temporary links. 

Tips 

• It is okay to slow things down in life, and it is never too late to mend your ways. If you feel you have made a poor judgement, life will bring you opportunities to undo it. All you need to do is to not lose hope. As long as you have your back, the world will not be able to harm or hurt you.

• Abandoning all spots of jealousy can be the more empowering experience you will ever have in life. Juxtapose this in the context of love and think to yourself, what is the truest nature of love? When you love a person, you do it despite of all their shortcomings. There is no perfect person in the world. But you can very much be perfect in love. 

• Believe in the redeeming quality of love. It will uplift you. This is where you bring black and white at play. Be a strong proponent of the virtues. People might mistake you to be naive but they will also acknowledge that no one can ever love them the way you do. This is the element which will make them stay. Be a keeper, and you won’t have to spend much stressing about how to hold back a person in life.