My Boyfriend Always Looks at Himself in the Mirror (Here's Why)

We often tend to secure the attention of our partners in a relationship. We like when they notice subtle changes in us and use the opportunity to compliment us. However, when either of them is way more focused on themselves, they might not notice the changes until you reveal them verbally.

Some such people might not engage in a thread and musing of compliments. They would instead make themselves the center of attention. While you might long for their input about your looks or style, they will keep doing their hair till you tell them that their spikes are perfect.

If you are undergoing such an emotional crisis with your partner, this article is for you. In this blog post, I will discuss why your boyfriend keeps looking at himself in the mirror and what should you do about it. Continue reading below and shed no more tears, we will fix this together!

Reasons why your boyfriend always looks at himself in the mirror 

The easiest reason why your boyfriend might keep looking at himself in the mirror is because he likes what he sees. He thinks very highly of himself and admires his looks. While it could be the jawline specifically because he is focusing more on his face rather than his body, there can be more than one aspect to it. 

Continue reading below to know more. 

#1 He is too self-conscious 

Perhaps you are dating a guy who is always too self-conscious and alert about how he presents himself before people. This might have to do with the way he was brought up. When you have parents who always want you to pose as their jewel, someone who is so perfect and ideal in all the ways, such a mishappening takes place.

He might be doing it for seeking validation. He needs continuous approval that you are totally into him. He wants to know what you think about him. Such a something happens when a person suffers from low self-esteem.  

Rather than giving him your approval every time, tell him boldly that you love him as you have never loved another. Have an open-hearted conversation and explain to him that you are here to stay. He can get comfortable with you. 

If you try and share your domestic space, he might get comfortable with you. When a person gets used to another’s gaze, they become less conscious about what they are doing and how they do it.

#2 He is a stud 

Think to yourself how does a stud behave? 

Think again.

Now let’s see if your boyfriend can be called a stud. 

The typical stud way of behaviors are:

• They like to make everything about themselves.
• They are often sought out in a crowd and they feel that they are adored.
• They have always been called the Chocolate Boys.
• They only have a set of fixed regulatory behavior to their credit without which they might be an empty vessel.
• They think that they are very adventurous and have a tendency to look over smart and overconfident.
• They easily fall for sweet talks and lack understanding of the genuineness of a person from its absence.

All being said, if you feel you are attracted to such a person, it is not your fault. Don’t go too harsh on yourself. Most women are attracted to such men and hence the hype. You will see that they are very conscious about their shoes. They will wear funky Converse every time you go out with them.

The guy might have seen some celebrities doing this over youtube and now he likes to mimic the gesture. For them “such a behavior is so coooool!” 

They are too immature are full of themselves at this point in their life to realize otherwise. 

Does that mean that you should break up with them?

No. 

They might come across as a little overbearing but they will always love you with their best intentions. Try to understand that all that they are doing here is to impress you and to make you feel proud of yourself for dating them.

#3 He is a narcissist 

The very story of Narcissus says that he was a handsome hunter who kept looking at his reflection in the water and was so moved and pleased by it, that he ultimately fell into the well by taking his life. 

People who claim to possess a strong sense of self-love are primarily narcissus. What you need to understand here is why they find such a deep need for self-love. Isn’t love something that looks better when you are giving and receiving it rather than keeping it as a reserve for yourself?

This might be so because they never had someone who had their back. Finally, they had to make the call and decide what they wanted in their life. They decided that they would not give up but work extra hours for themselves and their career.

If they have earned a name to their reputation, they would indulge in self-boasting but you should show kindness here. Don’t get annoyed yet. There are more parts and aspects to them. Don’t take it all at heart at once. 

#4 He is unconsciously doing it (out of habit) 

Sometimes we develop certain habits that we are not so conscious of. Whereas some habits like nose picking are nasty, others habits like looking at oneself in the mirror are not so nasty. While you can be tolerant about some, some are disgusting. 

Hence, the best thing to do when you come across a habit of your boyfriend that is overbearing is to tell them about it. When you make the right choice of words, your boyfriend might tell you that he has been trying to get rid of that habit for a long time now. 

You would be glad that he is truly the man you had fallen in love with and not a facade of supposition. It will calm your nerves and you will be able to develop certain code languages between yourselves to indicate that he is indulging in the overbearing habit again. This will make him conscious of it and eventually, he will stop doing it completely. 

Some templates of how to open up to your boyfriend while discussing something difficult are –

• Hey baby! I’ve been noticing that you spend a great deal of time looking at yourself in the mirror. Don’t you feel that you can utilize the time better? 

In this case, if your boyfriend is facing difficulty, he will be encouraged to open up about it with you. Some other options are – 

• Hey baby! Since we had decided that we will have difficult conversations and find our way out of it, here’s something that I’d like to tell you. I’ve been facing this challenge with you. You spend a lot of time looking at yourself in the mirror. While you might feel that it is cute, sometimes when we are in the middle of a conversation (like we are right now and I still see you doing it) or in a hurry to reach somewhere, it occurs to you that you should take a one-minute long look at yourself in the mirror (but do nothing about it) gets a little overwhelming. Do you think we can do something about this?

• Baby, I love you, and I am a very patient woman too. But sometimes when I see you getting so self-engrossed in yourself, I wonder if you love me as much as I do. 

The last one will deliver your point across to your boyfriend boldly. He will understand that you are not pleased and if he truly cares for you, he will quickly try to make amends.

#5 He is checking for imperfections  

Perhaps your guy has a certain skin condition or there is something about his face that makes him feel insecure about himself. It could be his nose hair, ear hair, something about his lips, or mucus at the corner of his eyes. 

You can assure him that his face is totally fine and if anything, it is natural. Tell him that you don’t mind taking him the way he is. Remind him of all the reasons you love him for. Perhaps hold his hands and look him in the eyes when you express your feelings and desire for him.

Insecurity is a major issue. People with insecurity have low self-esteem. They need constant approval. Hence, you need to be delicate with them. Criticizing them will break their heart. Instead, try to be supportive and have positive talks. Taking selfies with your boyfriend whenever you meet him will boost his confidence and avoid his need to look at himself in the mirror. 

#6 Body image issue 

Your boyfriend might be suffering from body dysmorphia disorbed or obsessive-compulsive disorder that enables him to scan for flaws and fix them repeatedly by looking at himself in the mirror.

You might also find your boyfriend asking you for pressed powder or sunscreen. He never forgets to use fragrance. He likes to dress smartly and gets too fussy when he sees stains. He is always fixing his hair and perhaps visits the salon frequently. 

You can have an open conversation with him to make him aware of this tendency. There are medications available to control such urges and symptoms and fix the behavior but before that, your boyfriend should seek help from a counselor.

#7 Comparison to others  

Perhaps your boyfriend is constantly battling the urge to compare himself with others. It could be a sign of jealousy that might be rooted in your preference for certain body types, or your desire for a particular skin tone. 

He might even have certain fetishes which make him obsessed over a particular aspect of his body image. He might fear that he will lose you, perhaps to your best friend who is very close to you besides being very handsome. 

It is not a healthy sign and you should start spending more time with your boyfriend and neglect your best friend for the time being to boost your boyfriend’s confidence. You don’t need to confront him here. Make him feel at home with you. Once he feels rooted, he won’t shake easily.

#8 He lacks other hobbies or interest 

What your boyfriend needs is a hobby. There has to be something other than yourself or himself that fascinates him. This fascination should not be caused by a person. The source should be a thing or an activity. 

You can take him to play sports. It could be tennis or golf. Spending time swimming can be relaxing for both of you. Even going out to travel or take a hike can be mesmerizing. Anything that you both enjoy doing. You can go old school and play board games, it is always loaded with fun. 

What you need to provide him is a source of distraction. Once he is unconscious of how he looks, he will be able to spend more quality time with you. This will bring you closer and emotionally more attached than before. You will enjoy the process of falling in love. 

A word of caution here is don’t try to change him or make him feel that you are trying to change him. Because if you do, when he gets back to his previous stalk of habit, neither of you will like it. Hence, forcing a change will not work out. The switch has to be natural so that it is permanent.

#9 He is a spoiled brat

Think of Dan Levy in this context. The character role that he played in Schitt’s Creek was from a background of very rich people who suddenly find themself bankrupt and grounded. However, he hustles hard, tries to secure a job to get himself the beauty products shipped from Paris, works to enhance people’s fashion statements, and takes his job very seriously.

Try to trace such evidence in your boyfriend’s past. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What is his family background?
• How much does he make for a living?
• Does he hesitate to talk about figures?
• Does he keep boosting about his past experiences and travelogues?
• Is he obsessed with certain brands and artists?
• Why does he like you?

You will be surprised to see that he likes you because you are radically opposite from him.

This is more than like a person. You see the person’s intrinsic quality here. Both of you know you complete each other when you come together. It makes you strong. 

This can be the pretext of a beautiful relationship.

Moreover, he might be dating you because it wasn’t easy to secure your attention in the first place, and we all can tell that your boyfriend has never faced such a crisis where he needs to hold longer before a person looks at them in awe!

What to do when your boyfriend keeps looking at himself in the mirror?

Ask your boyfriend what does he see. Let him define himself. You will understand how he perceives himself, it will help you to understand what is it about his face that he loves the most. 

If there are insecurities, you will get many ways to address them and talk him out of them. 

Continue reading below to know more. 

#1 Talk it out 

The best way to resolve any doubts and address your confusion is by having a profound, candid, open-hearted conversation. This enables you to avoid unnecessary confusion and take things forward one step at a time in mutual agreement. 

The starting point to begin this conversation would be when your boyfriend stares at himself in the mirror when he is with you. The extension of such behavior would be staring at himself rather than looking at you during video calls. This can get very annoying for a very patient human.

How will you take the conversation forward has to be pre-planned. You cannot engage in turmoil of verbose and think that everything will be in place after that. His pride might get shattered and he might be left heartbroken after that. Remember, you are trying to make a conversation here. 

It should show effort and polite work. Perhaps an act of drawing your boyfriend closer or blocking his image by getting between him and the mirror will give him passive hints. You can further tease by telling him to look at you rather than the mirror, or how jealous you are of the mirror. 

If you want to give it a humorous turn to keep it light-hearted, you can also sing him the rhyme, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall,  who is the most handsome of them all?” and then say in another voice, “Your boyfriend of course!” This will peal laughter and you will understand that he has embarrassed himself before you. 

#2 Encourage self-confidence  

You can encourage your boyfriend to focus on his positive qualities and remind him that he doesn't need to constantly check his appearance to be attractive. You can list the things that you like about him and the reasons why you are dating him. 

The remainder of his positive attributes that makes him gentle and greater than other men around you will boost his confidence. Hold his hands and be close to him when you are together. If you are on a video call, tell him these words so sincerely that he is moved to look at you rather than staring at himself.

This is where you reiterate your love for him and you try to refrain from revealing to him what damage this habit of his makes in your mind. If the guy is too dumb to understand why you have selected that particular time to say all these, perhaps you should date someone who doesn’t come across as a buffoon.

#3 Do something obvious  

You can suggest to your boyfriend some alternative activities that you can do together. This could be going for a walk, watching a movie, or trying a new hobby. It should be something preferably outdoors for it would make the environment mirror-free. 

It will keep both of you engaged in doing something which will make you feel better and alleviate you from your present situation. Anything that might have been holding you back or pulling you down will be superimposed by this new activity. You will feel at ease of heart as both of you will be doing something productive in behavior. 

When you make your environment free of the component which irks you much, you will obtain peace of mind. It will help you to work efficiently. After completing the task, on your way back home, you can ask him to sum up his feeling. 

If he says that he liked it and never thought that it would make him feel so exhilarated, suggest he do it again, at least thrice a week. This way, you are helping him in building new and better habits and shunning the old and bad ones.

#4 Address any underlined body image issue 

If there is something about your boyfriend’s body image that is making him conscious of his image, perhaps address it. You need to have a heart-to-heart conversation here and tell him that you take him to be the way he is. 

Make the facts obvious here. It is not that you were not aware of his body image before dating him or if anything has changed. One cannot be forced into a relationship. Hence, reiterate the point before him by adding that it pains you when he doubts your love for him.

If your boyfriend makes a rude remark such as his world doesn’t merely revolves around you, he is sick. You can suggest that you can be a friend to him if he needs that and the last thing you would want to do to him is bug him. Tell him things in a positive and stern tone. He should not feel guilty of any charges and you should be able to establish your point simultaneously.

#5 Be Rachel 

When life puts you in an awkward situation, try to behave like your favorite rom-com character. For instance, if you take the example of Rachel Green played by Jennifer Aniston in Friends, and think about what would she have done had she been in your case, you would realize that she would have been full of self-confidence, lightheartedness while being loveable and creating space for others. She is as obsessed with herself as she is with the guys she dates.

It will make the entire process very delightful for you. You will be able to make your calls and act in a way that will help you to work more on solutions and most importantly, enjoy the entire process rather than doing anything otherwise. If your boyfriend feels that you are not you, and finds that your behavior is erratic and strange, you can tell him that that is so because he is too much of himself and that you are not getting enough space to work together as a team.

#6 Compliment his other good qualities

Perhaps try to give your boyfriend a dose of compliment on his personality, humor, talent, skills, etc. This can shift his focus to being valued for more than just his physical appearance. If this fails, try negative reinforcement. 

Rather than telling him about what you like about him, give him some points on what you don’t like about him. Don’t talk about this habit. Instead, let this habit become null and void in the background as you engage him in more fun play activities. Say, if he is not good at basketball but you ace at it, tell him to improve his skills so that you can play a match together. That way, you will not be bothered about what’s happening and what is coming to an end.

#7 Refocus the detailing on the right input  

Ask yourself does it matter how many times he looks in the mirror? What are the core values of a relationship? Why, in the truest sense of the term, are you dating him? When you focus on the bigger picture, such gaps get easily filled. 

Remember the purpose and the brighter and larger side of things. It will help you to do better in life. Rather than holding a grudge against every small and petty thing that your boyfriend does or does not do, focus on things that are worthy enough of your attention. 

The right input will lead the way and take you to the right place. Anything other than that is so futile and vain. When you brim with positivity and focus on long-term things, you won’t go astray in your purpose and deeds. It will help you to stay committed for much longer than you would have assumed.

#8 Seek professional help

When nothing comes to your aid and you have been in the relationship for a very long time you have invested yourself at many levels and this behavior of your boyfriend is very new and incomprehensible to you, there is no harm in taking relationship counseling. 

If you feel that rather than going to the relationship experts, your boyfriend is in dire need to seek medical counseling or personality enhancement courses, enroll him in those. It would take him to new heights and make him realize that there are things in life that are more worthy of his attention.

Some tips and life hacks curated for you 

• Your boyfriend is a part of your life, not your life. Don't confuse the two. Overestimating or underestimating your relationship and feelings for him would make things difficult. Learn to pull yourself back and set him a bit loose as and when needed. 
• Giving space in a relationship can be empowering. Focus on yourself more. Practice self-affirmation religiously. You know your heart and your mind. Therefore, nobody but you know what is best for you. 
• Life is a complete circle. What you give returns to you. Hence, when facing challenges with your boyfriend, take it slow. Understand the science behind that behavior first rather than discarding or ridiculing him for that. 
• Make your happiness your priority and whatever you do, keep yourself close to your happiness. When you are happy, you will easily find a fix to all problems. Life isn't as big a deal and as fussy as we tend to make it. 
• No matter what you decide to do, don't hurt the sentiments of a person. Remember that your boyfriend might not be aware of the battles you are fighting in your mind. A polite approach to the problem can bring better solutions.