Why Does My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want to Talk About Problems? (+Tips)

We like to hear out, support, and care for one another in a relationship. However, if your girlfriend is hesitant to discuss her problems with you, will you consider it as a red flag? Does it mean that she doesn’t trust you? 

In this blog post, I will help you figure out why your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems with you, and how can you behave this by setting up a better example before her. Keep reading below to know more. 

Reasons why your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems 

Perhaps there is nothing to say about these problems. She knows that she stands helpless and you won’t be able to do anything about it. In such cases, you should be patient with her and explain to her the importance of having an emotional support system. 

To know more, continue reading below.

#1 You increase the problems 

If you panic more than your girlfriend and rather than helping her solve the problem, you talk about the various tragical outcomes of the current problem, she might get too pissed off or feel low in spirits to deal with it. Hence, the only approach when you find a person caught up in a mess should be to help them unravel it. 

If she doesn’t feel like talking and is more comfortable staying alone, merely mentioning that you are there for her whenever she needs you, perhaps stating that you are only a call away can be a sweet gesture. Remember, in times of distress, people need more time to process the situation before they jump on to face and beat the problem. 

#2 You have just started dating 

She might be taking her time before investing her absolute trust in you. This will be more prominent if you have just started training. She won’t make privy to you to all her problems. It is the right thing to do. 

You should take your time to open up about your domestic or financial troubles. Talking about corporate challenges in an unspecified manner is understandable. What you can do here is give her the time that she needs before she trusts you completely. Earn her trust by respecting her space. 

#3 You give ill-solutions 

If your solutions are either not realistic or cause a chain reaction, your girlfriend might be strongly holding herself back from sharing her problems with you. In such cases, using introspection can prove to be a handy tool for you. 

Recollect all the previous times when your girlfriend shared her problems with you. How did you help the narrative? Did you try to seize an opportunity and act heroic rather than helping her fix it by being a companion? Has your way of handling the situations been too aggressive and noncooperative? Have you given enough reasons to your girlfriend to share it with you or do you abash her shamelessly for putting herself in such a pickle? 

Remember, problem-solving should be taken as a wonderful opportunity to understand and develop a compatibility in between. You should not make fun of a person’s problem or stop and judge their character based on their problem. It reflects poorly on you.

#4 You make her feel lost 

If you abandon your girlfriend in between her problems, you make her feel lost, it might be too much to bear. After all, she is the one who is already in trouble. Why would you do anything to make it worse? 

Hence, if your girlfriend trusts you enough to share her problems with you, don’t treat it lightly. Try your best to help her solve it. Brainstorm with solutions. If it is something that you might have to do for her by going out of the way and walking the extra mile, don’t hesitate. 

#5 You are harsh 

If you cuss your girlfriend for causing such a problem and if you are more concerned about your reputation and the damage that it can cost you, she will not only not share her problems with you but also apply the best available strategies to hide them from you. 

This happens when you are self-boastful or too full of yourself. If you use these opportunities to talk about how you manage such problems or how you had managed such problems in the past and dismiss them as trifles without considering how your girlfriend's situation and resources might be tangibly different from yours or without giving her the due consideration, acknowledgment, and support, she might try her best to not talk to you when she is in a fix. She might consider you to be an antagonist force.

#6 You are already in a mess 

If you are already facing many challenges and are down in a mess, your girlfriend will not want to poke you with her troubles. She would instead want you to untangle your problems first. You can request her to share the things with you if she feels like it just like you do with her. 

It doesn’t imply that you will have to solve it, just as she doesn’t. It would mean that you can be each others’ support systems. That is unconditional. It is a sign of permanence and a seal of maturity from both ends. 

#7 She blames you for her problems 

If your girlfriend feels that she is in a fix because of you, that is, if you have caused the situation by forcing her to say or do something that she wasn’t wanting to do voluntarily, she will be strongly pissed off at you. 

She might feel that since you have caused the trouble, you are botherless about the consequences. If you have a casual attitude towards other people’s concerns, she will not like to discuss her problems with you. 

Such situations arise when you ask your girlfriend to lie to her parents or her boss. Now, if they have discovered the truth, they will be disappointed in her. While there might not be a concrete problem, she knows that they don’t trust her the same way, and in reciprocation, she will not be able to trust you the same way. It is more of a resentment caused by passive displacement. 

#8 She is embarrassed of her problems 

Her problem might be one of those girls’ issues or something with an awkward personal touch that she is not comfortable sharing with anyone at all. In such cases, there is little that you can do. The best strategy here is to make your girlfriend comfortable with you. 

This can be done by showing your awkward side to her. Don’t try to be the perfect gentleman all the time. She might be romantic but doesn’t want to go back in the era and date a knight. Hence, when you expose your funny or hysterical side to her, she will feel more safe and comfortable with you. 

If you want to make this a long shot, you need to be as real with her as possible. Your behavior should be sustainable rather than being able to change with the flow as per convenience. Women by nature are romantic, she needs that reality cushion and a gentle shock treatment from time to time.

#9 She talks about it with her counselor 

If your girlfriend’s problems have more to do with her mind and how she handles the problem rather than anything physical or immediate, she might be unwilling to hand over her mind’s peace to you at any given instant. This is because our mind is a reservoir of all kinds of thoughts that are good and bad. 

Your girlfriend would rather visit her counselor and tell him or her about the new challenges or weird thoughts or fantasies that she might be having. Rather than forcing her to share these with you, it would be a healthy habit to encourage her to make such visits. 

Remember, mental stimulation can be an expensive and draining process. It is absolutely fine to not have to repair your girlfriend’s mindset or take the trouble of channeling your girlfriend’s thoughts into something productive because it will expose how very human or less than a human she might be as a person. This in turn can have a disastrous impact on your estimate of her even though you know that you share many such flaws.

#10 She is low-key (and has serious trust issues) 

If you have a low-key girlfriend who never understood the importance of communication or of making a big fuss out of small problems, you might find it challenging to talk to her regularly. 

You will feel that she is secretive or likes to keep a secret air about her. This will put you in a difficult position to estimate your importance in her life. You might feel that she is treating you in the same way in which she treats others. 

When you find yourself in such a threshold where you find it difficult to go this way or that and feel that even your judgment might stand compromised as lovers tend to overlook the flaws and shortcomings of their beloved, the easiest way to pull the threads together and kick yourself out of the problem is by talking about it. You need to explain to your girlfriend what you feel and why you feel it that way. She has put you in that situation hence she is the one who needs to help you in getting out of it. If she wrongly labels you as a narcissist, you will know what importance you hold in her life.

#11 You are the problem 

If your girlfriend feels that you are the problem, she will not share it with you. This happens when she is no more in love with you. She doesn’t understand how to tell you so because it will break your heart. 

In such cases, being caught up in a problem is a mere excuse. She is trying to buy time to make up her mind and gather courage before dumping you. She might even be trying to ignore you so that you take the hint and understand it yourself to not bother her. 

A word of caution is to not force yourself on someone or beg for their company. Learn it the hard way if needed but when you allow people to disrespect you by taking you for granted, you lose your self-esteem in your eyes. When your call goes unanswered twice, wait for the other person to return it. If they don’t return it, understand that they are not interested in maintaining the relationship.

Is it a red flag if your girlfriend isn’t talking about problems 

No, it is not a red flag if your girl is not sharing her problems with you unless you see some additional changes in her too. If on the other fronts, she behaves her usual self, there is nothing to fear. Perhaps all she needs is a little time to settle things. Once the situation is better, you will be amazed at how nicely she will open up to you and take you through with her. 

Until then, be your best self and act naturally. How to do it, read below.

What to do when your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems?

Have patience and observe her actions rather than jumping to conclusions. She might be having a lot on her plate right now. She will get back to you once her immediate deadlines are met. 

However, if it has been days but she still hasn’t opened up to you, you can try one of the following ways to get across to her. 

#1 Work on gaining her trust 

Building trust is a prolog activity. It takes time. It is operational at the back of the mind. Whether you do things consciously or unconsciously, regardless, your actions and words are recorded and scrutinized by your girlfriend. 

The importance of trusting and gaining the trust of your girlfriend cannot be undermined. Just like she is the one who you like to reach out to when in trouble, or simply to vent out; you should be the one who she wants to reach out to when she is in a fixation. Dilemmas are often sought with the help of making a fruitful conversation. It also helps to clear the clouds and have a proper understanding of the situation. 

There are many ways to gain the trust of your girlfriend but let’s start with the very basics. 

• Firstly, don’t hide things from her. It could be about an insecure past, or something that you don’t like or appreciate about her; be it a nasty habit or an unconscious one. Say, she has this habit of interrupting you when you are talking or of stealing the thunder by not revealing things until the time hits such that she will gain more attention if she discloses it now. 
  
  Show her that you are there for her and she has all your attention. There is no need for her to go the extra way or subterfuge the truth or actions. You can give her reassurance by answering her phone calls, checking on her, wishing her well, giving surprises, remembering her likes and dislikes, maintaining good friendships with her friends, and giving her priority. 
  
  You will be amazed to see how she too will adapt to this equation and would want to go the extra length for your sake. However, the source of your behavior should not be selfish. When you do it, make it wholesome. She should not sense a blink in your eye while you are at it. 

• Don’t break your promises if you want to secure the trust of your girlfriend. Breaking trust or forgetting promises shows your negligent behavior and spoils your reputation. If she doesn’t find you a reliable person, she won’t come to talk about her problems with you. 
  
  This does not mean that you will take the burden of making all her dreams come true. If she is throwing unnecessary tantrums or making wishes that are not realistically relevant, make her see that politely. The gesture shouldn’t mean that you aren’t eager to take the initiative, it should suggest that you doubt if you will be successful at it. 

• Try not to come across as a mysterious person who has spied on his girlfriend’s tail just to tell all about her even when she hasn’t shared it with you. It is okay to allow your girlfriend the time and space till the point she is convenient to share it with you. 
  
  Your girlfriend might feel embarrassed when you don’t make her participate in the problem-solving process. Rather than taking it on you to shoulder the responsibility of solving the problem, show your girlfriend the path of doing it. It will be a great learning experience for her and she will appreciate it doubtless. 

#2 Be patient 

You might think that because she is dating you, she should choose you to be the first person to talk about her problems. However, that isn’t always the case. You are the new element in her life. Some people have been with her through her ups and downs. You need to allow them the privilege and rather than getting upset about such things, use the opportunity to get on good terms with them as well. You should be able to work as a family rather than getting singular about such deals. 

The beginning of handling things with patience is with a rectification of your attitude. Don’t judge others with narrow eyes. Looking inward will help you see things broadly. Your girlfriend shouldn’t have the impression that she is dating a mean-minded person. The solutions you offer her should not be the ones to her advantage. It should be the right step that takes things forward for the common good. You will gain respect and she will be able to see the macro picture of her situation. 

Remember that your girlfriend is scrutinizing your behavior and conduct with others too. If you are hot-headed with the people you deal with or have very low patience with people who fail to meet your deadlines, your girlfriend might be in a situation where she has failed to meet a deadline too and she doesn’t want to disappoint you. 

Make your nature predictable. When your girlfriend thinks about sharing her stuff with you, she should be able to predict that your reaction will be one in her favor. It shouldn’t be one opposing it or blaming her. Don’t try to have a condescending attitude with your girlfriend that says, “I told you so,” it doesn’t suit you as a favorable boyfriend. Learn to win her heart in such a way that all her friends would want to have a boyfriend like you too. 

However, everything being said, don’t lose your self-respect by being extra careful and too patient with her if she is impatient with you. Voice modulation, being soft-spoken, and being tender-hearted are some more ways to be patient with your girlfriend.

#3 Don’t freak out 

Stop thinking of extremes when dealing with any situation in your life. When a difficulty arises in the job, you think of resigning it. When a fight breaks out over a call you think of disconnecting it. These are fight-or-fly attitudes. However, in life, many times, just playing along helps you to solve the problem without even doing anything at all in that regard to solve it. 

Your girlfriend should not feel threatened that you will abandon her when she confronts you with her problems and challenges. Remember, your behavior and attitude could be a part of the challenge that she might be facing. Hence, it is all the more important to understand the source of her problems. 

You could be a direct or indirect source of her problems. She might either be having difficulty in opening up with you or that her parents don’t like you as much and she doesn’t know how to wrap her head around it. She knows that if she conveys it to you, you might try to do things to please her parents. However, those would be an affected reaction. She wants them to love you for who you are. She wanted her choice to be admired. 

There are various ways to control your jumping-to-fly and fight instincts in any situation. Some of these are:

Take a cool shower before meeting your girlfriend. You will feel fresh and calm. It will help you to allow your girlfriend to speak for a greater amount of time. You will be able to read between the lines to understand if your girlfriend is trying to say more than is apparent. 

Don’t allow silence to rule the conversation. Offer her something hearty and happening that can allow her to change her mood. Your approach should be something that is not stressful. Your motive is to ease the situation and curb the tension, remember that; the easiest way of doing this is by balancing the serious and silly. 

#4 Ask her if there is anything you can do 

Not everything is happy and delightful under the sun. expect things to go wrong now and then. A moment of respite and true romance is not as frequent as you would like them to be just as worries and cares of the world aren’t as seldom as you would have liked. 

Hence, extending your hand forward and asking your girlfriend what is it that you can do to help her in a situation is the simplest approach to your problem. Be it meeting her deadlines, planning something special for her parents or friends, or accompanying her by staying up when she is working the extra hour, can help a great deal. 

Besides, offer your help and advice as something optional by saying: “Had I been in your place and facing such difficulties, I would have tried to …” This makes her position respectful. It shows that you applaud her for handling the situation single-handedly while offering her a readymade solution. 

Sending her food or ordering her favorite delights can add the cherry to the cake. Sometimes even showing your readiness and availability can encourage your girlfriend and help her in tackling the situation. Open the conversation politely in the following manner,

“Babe, I’ve been noticing that you seem a little off for a few days. Please know that I’m concerned and always available for you. If there is anything that you want to talk about or any way in which I can come to your use, please do not hesitate to tell me so.” 

Make a habit of becoming a powerful listener and an empathetic partner. When your girlfriend shares something with you, create a habit of nodding at her. Your facial expression should sync along with the tone and shifts in the narrative. Express yourself through your body language without verbally interrupting her. Use interjections to express your thought alignment. 

#5 Work on making her smile 

There are two broad ways to make your girlfriend smile and ease her load. One is by singing songs to her, praising her beauty, complimenting her efforts, treating her like a queen, loving and kissing her passionately; the other is by doing something special for her. 

Rather than saying you love her, shower your love on her with effort. Do something DIY for her. Send her flowers. Take her to amusement parks. Plan a staycation to rejuvenate with her. Tag her in romantic memes. Enact her favorite scene and send videos of the same. Always support her in front of her critics and help them to focus on her positive outlook and strengths. 

Learn to add a bit of humor to the conversations to make it light-hearted. Learn to make witty jokes. Be the Chandler to your Monica. She will never get tired of your company that way and would instead long for it. 

#6 Talk about your problems (to encourage her) 

When you break the ice by talking about your problems or even fabricating them to help your girlfriend open up and share her problems with you, it can be motivating enough. Talking about the problem in reciprocation or calling her up to share it immediately will show that you trust her and find a comforting partner in her. 

It is also important that neither of you are dismissive about each other’s problem. You regard it highly, however, at the same time, don’t overwhelm her with your problems so much that she restricts herself from sharing her problem with you on that account.  

Educate each other that situations and the face of a problem will keep on changing even when they are recurring. However, you get to decide what you want as the constant in your life. Hence, when dating, procure that transparency and understanding in between. It will help you to avoid miscommunication and any mischance happenings. 

#7 Make her feel protected 

By asking your girlfriend simple questions and taking an interest in small things in her life such as how was her day, and what are her plans, and sending music notes, and song dedications, you can win her heart. Ask your girlfriend to share her location with you every time she travels. Gift her a power bank as a protective gesture if she likes to travel a lot. Install safety applications on her device that can send you alerts when she is away from home and not in motion. These might appear to be very small things but have very deep significance. 

Keeping your girlfriend’s immediate neighbor’s number so that they can physically check on her when you are not around or when her phone is unreachable can add to the assurance. Show her that you value and prize her. Your love should be all-encompassing. She should feel good with you. 

Asking questions can help you to ensure safety. 

• “Are you home yet baby?”
• “What does your day look like tomorrow?”
• “When are your dates due? Want some chocolates?”
• “Do I rent a movie for you? Your favorite star is available on this show that is streaming tonight.” 

All these can take you a long way in building a successful relationship. Take this as an investment of your time, energy, gusto, and love. You should fortify it in every way possible.

#8 Help her forget her problems 

Perhaps all that your girlfriend truly needs is an escapade, try to give her so. Spend quality time together, play board games, watch documentaries, and do something that makes you both feel alive and worth all the pain and suffering. 

The idea here is to give a strong sense of hope. There is reason, retribution, justice, and reclamation. Make sure that your girlfriend and you champion these words. Read the right kind of books. Be a reader. Whatever you do or discuss, make it stimulating. 

Taking your girlfriend out for a movie date or a karaoke jam session can be full of fun and distraction. Taking her to a music concert can be entertaining as well. The flow and rhythm will calm her nerves and make her forget all her worries. She might even get fuelled enough to talk about her problems openly with you. 

#9 Give her a soothing massage 

Gift her spa tickets or give her a soothing massage to calm her nerves. It is therapeutic and caring. Gift her aromatic candles to help her enhance her focus. It will also show her that you are selfless in her regard when you want her to feel better. A couple spa therapy can be an exciting proposal. It will help you to get fonder of each other. 

#10 Play games that can bring her the opportunity to open up

Something such as truth and dare while old school can prove to be resourceful when you want to push your girlfriend to open up to you. Sometimes risking by asking important questions can prove beneficial. The point is to make your girlfriend see that you care. Some games that can help you foster a better sense of understanding and develop a more intimate relationship with your girlfriend are: 

• Would you Rather: Put each other in a challenging situation with two very difficult choices to choose from? The choice that your girlfriend or you make will help you to understand the preferences, fly or fight the system, past experiences, and beliefs. 
  
  However, don’t push her to play this if she is not ready or comfortable. She must be willing to give you the privilege to invade the dark and secret corners of her life. 

• Truth or Dare: It is a game that we all have played at some point in time. Why not use it now to master your girlfriend’s problems? Make it spicy by adding a proper blend of both the choices at play here. Be sporty to lead your girlfriend on with the appropriate example. If at any instant you feel that she is zoning out or showing a lack of interest, withdraw the question and switch to something more fun instead. 

• Never Have I Ever: It is important to understand if your girlfriend is prudent or prejudiced about anything at all. If she has not done something already and she can anticipate that her first time has arrived sooner than she would have wanted, this game can be a strong tool to help her motivate in opening up by providing a good platform. 

Tips 

• Give your girl some space if she doesn’t want to talk about problems. Consider the possibility that she might be coming to you looking for an escapade rather than to talk about problems. 
• Be the source of light-heartedness and playfulness in the life of your girlfriend. Not everything needs to be heavy and weary. You are not her counselor. You are there to be happy and have a great time together. Stop trying to parent her or switching to the sugar daddy mode.